So I Pissed On My Car. . .

[Gooch]

. . .but for a purpose.

Right now it's anywhere between -10-15 degrees below zero here in my part of Illinois. With that, shit tends to freeze pretty hardcore.

Anyways, as the story goes, I was finally leaving from a friend's house around one this morning. I go out to open up the door to my car, and the damn think is frozen! So I make the walk back to the front door of my friend's house to get some hot water, but the door was locked and I couldn't get an answer after repeatedly knocking on their front door. And no, there was no doorbell to ring, or else I would have rang it. I also tried calling my friend's cell phone, which he apparently turned off right after I left his house.

Well now what the hell was I going to do? I had no way of getting any hot water or any sort of de-icer that I could have used to unthaw my door so I could get in my car and drive home so I didn't stand out in the cold and freeze my ass off.

Or did I???

After thinking about what to do for a minute, I realized that I really had to take a piss. I was about to go by the nearest tree and release my urine all over the poor thing. Then I realized something. Maybe if I ended up using my urine as a de-icer, I may be able to melt the ice off of my sonofabitchin' car door and be able to get in it.

So what do I proceed to do? I jump on the hood of my car, and take a piss on the icy spots around the edge of my car door. After I ran out of urine, I get down off my car and try and open it. And faster than you can say "ShamWow", my car door was open. I hopped right in, started the damn thing and drove off for home. Thank god the drive was only a minute away from my house, because it was freezing cold in my car, too.

So yeah, it was the last act of a desperate man for what I did, but I wasn't just going to stand around and let my body become a popsicle.

Let the record show for myself this may be the weirdest and most dumbest story I've ever told in one of my posted threads on Newgrounds.

[void123]

well from the question in your sig i think you are fucking mental....and yet an amazing genius

[Proottalfain]

Well, I wasn't gonna piss in the tank...
Also it is currently -23°C in Montreal. It will also be -21°C tomorrow during the day. So enjoy your weak -10's and -15's. This morning when I took my shower I accidentally (read: just for the heck of it) pissed on my hand and it was warmer than the shower's water.

What are you looking at? There's nothing dirty about it, I washed my hands after that!

[Piss]

That was a good story, I think many of us would've done the same thing.

[Timmy]

Actually, that was pretty brilliant. I've heard of truckers up north lighting fires under their car to warm up their engines, which also might have worked, but your idea killed two birds with one stone, and didn't result in accidentally melting your tires.

I just hope you took your car to get washed the next day.

[Malachy]

Haha!

I have always considered pissing a chick's name into the snow of a stranger's yard.

you know like "Sarah" or "Lucy" just to mess with them thinking some chick named Lucy or Sarah (or both!) pissed their name(s) in the snow...and how they did it!

[g0t]

Were you pissed?

[Jamoke]

Budweiser presents, Real Men of Genius.

<bluesy harmony singing> REAL MEN OF GENIUS

Today, we salute you Gooch, Mr. "Guy who pissed on his car to defrost the door."

MR. GUY-WHO-PISSED-ON-HIS-CAR-TO-DEFROST-THE -DOOR

When mother nature had you bent over a stool and was giving it to you and your travel plans hard and fast, you refused to acquiesce to defeat.

I AIN'T TAKIN' NO FOR AN ANSWER

When the chips were down and things were looking their bleakest, you threw caution to the wind, as well as a pound of beef. Risking life and limb in the face of frostbitten adversity, you went with a Hail Mary play and hanged brain in subzero temperatures, all in the name of de-icing the whip.

IT'D BE BIGGER IF IT WEREN'T SO COLD OUT HERE....

Where other men would have used an ice scraper, you took the initiative and poured on a thick stream of God's anti-freeze. Never before has a golden shower done so much for one cause, on or off the realm of internet smut.

ONLY $9.95 A MONTH SUBSCRIPTION FEE

Take the time to revel in your victory over the elements, and may all men everywhere take heed in your example, Mr. "Guy who pissed on his car to defrost the door."

MR. GUY-WHO-PISSED-ON-HIS-CAR-TO-DEFROST-THE -DOOOOOOOR

[nymphoid]

i hope you're planning to visit a car wash soon

[Haoie]

Well good for you, for slumming it up.

[Bloodman101]

At 1/15/09 03:34 AM, Piss wrote: That was a good story, I think many of us would've done the same thing.

I would've.

[AntiangelicAngel]

At 1/15/09 03:31 AM, Proottalfain wrote: Well, I wasn't gonna piss in the tank...
Also it is currently -23°C in Montreal. It will also be -21°C tomorrow during the day. So enjoy your weak -10's and -15's. This

-10 degrees Fahrenheit -23.3 degrees Celsius

In Minnesota, its -22 F (and according to Google, (-22) degrees Fahrenheit = -30 degrees Celsius). I'm excited for it to break 0 F on Friday.

My dorm heater doesn't put out heat well. It's about 45-50 F (7-10 C) in my room right now. But I like this weather. Thank god for jackets, gloves, hats, boots and blankets. Hopefully I won't have to pee on anything.

[Gooch]

At 1/15/09 03:30 AM, void123 wrote: well from the question in your sig i think you are fucking mental....and yet an amazing genius

Part of a famous quote by Kramer on Seinfeld. I'm beginning to question if I'm the crazy one for having the ability to do something like that. There's a lot of strange things that I'm capable of, I'm sure. I'm just waiting to realize everything I'm capable of.

1/15/09 03:31 AM, Proottalfain wrote:

Well, I wasn't gonna piss in the tank...
Also it is currently -23°C in Montreal. It will also be -21°C tomorrow during the day. So enjoy your weak -10's and -15's.

I'm not sure how to caculate Farenheit into Celsius. I may have forgotten to mention that I was talking into degrees Farenheit. I'm not sure how much of a difference that makes.

This morning when I took my shower I accidentally (read: just for the heck of it) pissed on my hand and it was warmer than the shower's water.

That's when you know you have a problem with your water heater. Either that or like you mentioned in your case, it's a cold fucking day.

1/15/09 03:34 AM, Piss wrote:

That was a good story, I think many of us would've done the same thing.

Well I'm glad that you liked it. I felt kind of dumb sharing it. But hey, I've shared a lot of random things here on Newgrounds. What's one more story about me pissing on my car? And I could almost say with 100% certainty that we wouldn't be the only ones to do that if we were stranded out in the cold with no way of getting into our cars.

At 1/15/09 03:42 AM, Timmy wrote: Actually, that was pretty brilliant. I've heard of truckers up north lighting fires under their car to warm up their engines, which also might have worked, but your idea killed two birds with one stone, and didn't result in accidentally melting your tires.

Thank god I didn't have to warm up the engine. Then I may have been up Shit Creek without a paddle. But yeah, I did kill two birds with one stone. I unfroze my door and I relieved my bladder. All-in-all, it was a huge success for me.

I just hope you took your car to get washed the next day.

Not much of a chance to. That just happened early this morning. So by the time I have a chance to go get my car washed, that piss might be frozen on my car.

I may have to get the pair of jeans I was wearing washed, though. When I walked inside my house I saw that I had a little bit of a wet spot on my jeans. I'm hoping it was from when I fell down in the driveway walking to my car the first time, but it's more than likely piss on them.

At 1/15/09 03:43 AM, Malachy wrote: I have always considered pissing a chick's name into the snow of a stranger's yard.

you know like "Sarah" or "Lucy" just to mess with them thinking some chick named Lucy or Sarah (or both!) pissed their name(s) in the snow...and how they did it!

Haha, that's very peculiar. Nothing better to do than piss another person's name in the snow. The best thing to do is find out the name of one of your guy friends' ex-girlfriends and piss their name in the snow. See what kind of conflict you can start there.

At 1/15/09 03:48 AM, g0t wrote: Were you pissed?

Ahhh. I see what you did there.

Can't say that I was to be honest with you. I don't partake in the consumption of alcohol anymore, unless it's for a good occasion. You know, a friend's birthday, a holiday, something like that.

At 1/15/09 03:49 AM, THEJamoke wrote: Budweiser presents, Real Men of Genius.

You sir are freaking brilliant. That's the most colossal epic win of the year so far. It's early in the year, but I don't think I've ever ROFLed so hard this year after reading what I did there. XD

At 1/15/09 03:49 AM, nymphoid wrote: i hope you're planning to visit a car wash soon

As soon as it warms up a little, yeah. It's going to be a little dumb of me to go get my car washed in subzero temperatures, which are expected in my neck of the woods for the next couple of days. I hope my car doesn't have that odd piss smell to it. I probably won't be that fortunate. Sure enough, if I go out there to get in my car, I'll smell piss as soon as I come within a couple feet of it.

At 1/15/09 03:52 AM, Haoie wrote: Well good for you, for slumming it up.

Slumming it up is sometimes the best way of getting a task done.

At 1/15/09 03:55 AM, AntiangelicAngel wrote:

My dorm heater doesn't put out heat well. It's about 45-50 F (7-10 C) in my room right now. But I like this weather. Thank god for jackets, gloves, hats, boots and blankets. Hopefully I won't have to pee on anything.

Well for everyone's sake, I hope nobody has to piss on anything in order to keep warm or de-ice anything. But yeah, I don't mind this weather much either. I'm more built for this weather. Maybe not this cold, but I don't mind it when it's about twenty degrees or so. I would prefer it to be Spring or Fall right now, though.

[Cyberdevil]

At 1/15/09 03:26 AM, Gooch wrote: So yeah, it was the last act of a desperate man for what I did, but I wasn't just going to stand around and let my body become a popsicle.

It would have been so ironic freezing to death in a globally warming world. Entertaing story, seems like the most logical thing to do too, though I would probably have just walked back home for some water if it wasn't more than one or two km away . . .

Let the record show for myself this may be the weirdest and most dumbest story I've ever told in one of my posted threads on Newgrounds.

Congratulations!

[Shakyjake]

I pissed on my friend's car once... it stained.

[HeartbreakHoldout]

At 1/15/09 03:43 AM, Malachy wrote: Haha!

I have always considered pissing a chick's name into the snow of a stranger's yard.

you know like "Sarah" or "Lucy" just to mess with them thinking some chick named Lucy or Sarah (or both!) pissed their name(s) in the snow...and how they did it!

Women don't have the ability to write things with piss. Well, some do, but they're a special type of woman you find predominantly in Thailand.

[TacoFreak]

Were there people around you looking at what you were doing? Must've been pretty embarrassing.

[esko-man]

If it was a minute away from your house, why the fuck didn't you think to walk instead of pissing all over your car?

[ArtistJ]

At 1/15/09 03:26 AM, Gooch wrote: Right now it's anywhere between -10-15 degrees below zero here in my part of Illinois. With that, shit tends to freeze pretty hardcore.

I don't even know how you could even expose your penis to the wind in the temperatures we've been having.

You're a stronger man than I, Gooch

Regardless. that was a pretty ingenious technique.
When's your surviving the wild show going to air?

man vs wild, survivorman, ect.

[JackPhantasm]

Dammit I was hoping the pee would've frozen over. That would've been even funnier.

Good job not letting it do that.

Could you smell the pee the next day.

[pHuXxXB0xX]

it was -30 in toronto yesterday.

pussies.

therion - siren of the woods

[NISMOelite]

That's awesome. High fuckin five dude!

[STEM]

Urinate on your own car -
Achievement complete

[chainsawmurderer53]

At 1/15/09 03:26 AM, Gooch wrote:
Thank god the drive was only a minute away from my house, because it was freezing cold in my car, too.

Why did you have your car if it was only a minute away?

[seridon]

While having my daily chuckles i just thought of something weird. You know how dogs mark their territory. So i will put this way.

It's 11:15pm. The night after the "relieving"
A shifty looking man walks up to you car and goes to break in. He's sniffs the car ands smells urine. He Mutters "there's his scent on this car. I better leave it alone." Then wanders off.

I know that would never happen. But my mind snaps into "bad jokes" sometimes when i'm sleep deprived. Anyway, that was a cool story. Kudos, kudos.

[Nixot]

Nice.

If only I could add forum threads to my favourites...

[Asalraalaikum]

Oh life.... So many funny things... Oh I love life....
Lol car piss.

[EvilJesus]

At 1/15/09 12:23 PM, NISMOelite wrote: That's awesome. High fuckin five dude!

I piss on my hands to keep them warm.

[ZekePowerful]

You risked getting frostbite on your penis, just to open your car door...

I salute you.

[Britkid]

I did that once, but it wasn't in sub-zero temperatures. Oh and it was also someone else's car.