Shotgun to the face

[AbortedFetus]

Shotgun to the face, or swallow a nade?

[radioheadrule]

At 12/21/03 12:43 AM, AbortedFetus wrote: Shotgun to the face, or swallow a nade?

Its up to you. Get sum1 to take a photo of you afterwards tho :p

[Darklilangel23]

I think Santa Claus is a woman.... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating, musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men.... Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. However, as long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is

[CodeRedClock]

woah.....thats scary....but very true...so mrs claus is a man?? im f*kin scarred for life...

[BurstStudio]

If I was to definitely die from either, I'd have to go with the shotgun. With this, death would be instantaneous. You'd probably fell pain for a fraction of a second.

You know there is a chance that you could live in both cases, so here's the next one:

Live a life with a horribly disfigured face from a shotgun blast -OR- deal with the pain of shitting out a dud nade.

[Mojimbo]

At 12/21/03 12:51 AM, BurstFilmsDotCom wrote: If I was to definitely die from either, I'd have to go with the shotgun. With this, death would be instantaneous. You'd probably fell pain for a fraction of a second.

actually there have people who lived from a shotgun blast, but i guess it depends, if you shot yourself in the heart there would be a slim chance of winning, but i remember my mom told me about this guy who shot himself in the face and he lived but now he has no face.

[GreatAnimatorOnizuka]

id go with shot gun to the ball sac. then chop my pen0r off, and fuck my empty sac.

[the2nd187]

this is a hard choice because of know either way your gonna have a closed casket funeral.. or ashed up in an urn.

eh.... I say shotgun. because at least my other body parts will be there.

[GreatAnimatorOnizuka]

your prof says youre a guy
so that means youre ghey

p.s santa isnt real

Hycran my son, you seem to be a troubled little boy, please allow jesus to slooge all over yoo to cleanse your mind.

[MMT]

At 12/21/03 02:43 AM, Hycran wrote:

At 12/21/03 12:47 AM, Darklilangel23 wrote:

but my husband tells me...

your prof says youre a guy
so that means youre ghey

Darklilangel23 obviously didn't come up with that. Have you seen his normal posts? All violent and incoherent and overconformative to the gothic persona.

[Doctor-Alvis]

At 12/21/03 12:51 AM, BurstFilmsDotCom wrote: You know there is a chance that you could live in both cases

Not if you do the job right.

[vibes]

I'd actually do the grenade.. but what if it doesn't explode properly.. then you're in trouble.

[bumcheekcity]

At 12/21/03 05:00 AM, vibes wrote: I'd actually do the grenade.. but what if it doesn't explode properly.. then you're in trouble.

Nah. The grenade would be more interesting.

[macdeth]

The granade, because it's actually physicaly impossible to swallow a full size nade. So you can then throw it at a school bus...

...more fun.

[Livecorpse]

At 12/21/03 12:43 AM, AbortedFetus wrote: Shotgun to the face, or swallow a nade?

Swallowing a grenade would be uncomfortable. Im gonna have to go with the shotgun on this one.

Hey AbortedFetus, "Sasami's Pretty Adventure" was totally incredible. I see that it has been marked by review by some dickless maggot. EMail wade and i'm sure he'd be happy to help fix you up.

[Rextex]

Nope, no shotgun for me. Too risky. Definately the nade. Pull the pin, swallow the nade. What are the chances of suviving a blast in your stomach capapble of blowing a 15 foot crater in the ground?

[BrownCow]

i would rather be shot in the face, you would ie quicker

[StarCleaver]

I think i'd go with the grenade. Since i doubt its possible to actually swallow one, you would just have it in your mouth and it when then just blow your head off in an instant. Shotgun blast might not kill you instantly but rather you might just die from loss of blood.