I have to be honest...yeah, technically I did.
I was dating a this girl, my first real girlfriend over last summer. Things got sexual, but the thing is, she had been sexually assaulted before, so she didn't feel comfortable (nor did I to expect) doing sexual things for me. Being the horndog that I am, I couldn't help but be horny all the time, and doing sexual things to her, almost everytime we hung out (how?fingering and oral). After 3 months, 3 long months, I couldn't take it. I tried to encourage her to do things, and It was obvious she was the submissive type, the kind of girl you'd only get laid with if you were forceful. I didn't feel up to that, and the relationship seemed to be falling apart. I had phone sex, twice, with two different girls. Girls I was friends with long before I met my gf. I felt guilty as soon as I had done it, but yes, I did it a second time, because it wasn't just the sex. It was the emotion, the feeling, that someone was there, someone loved me enough to be sexual with me. A couple weeks later I confessed to her, crying, half expecting to be dumped right then and there. She "forgave me" as in, she wasn't the kind of girl to get upset and actually DO anything. The relationship then got complicated and was ruined soon thereafter. To this day, I am the victim of the relationship, and she's now in college with another guy. I've heard she's started sleeping around, and her bf is 8 years older then her, into drugs, and unemployed.
I regret it, yes. But I don't think of myself as a horrible person for doing it. She couldn't provide a kind of love that I needed, a love that I gave her every single time I saw her, for months on end, and when the relationship began to fail (for reasons OTHER than sex) I had phone sex with 2 girls I had never met in my life. I confessed, and now am the heartbroken victim.
Strength through pain.
