How video games cheat

[poxpower]

I'm a huge complainer when I lose to the computer ( and anyone else ) because I know CHEATING WAS INVOLVED.

AND YOU KNOW IT TOO.

I have classified a few of the cheats I've encountered in my years of gaming. Add more!

Priority theft
When you and the computer do an action at the same time, but the computer gives himself priority over you.

Impossible moves
When the computer does a move when there's no way in hell a human player could have had the time to input it. This takes places mostly in fighting games when the computer reacts to your actions instantly with a complicated super-move that takes 5 buttons to input.

Luck changing
Found primarily in RPG type games. When the computer CLEARLY gets too fucking lucky. Events that are described as having 1/20 chances seem to happen every 4 seconds? Welcome to bitch ville, population: you.

Game bugs
This is pretty rare. I'll give you an example. In Mortal Kombat: Trilogy, you can freeze an opponent with sub-zero but if you try to throw them afterwards, THEY WILL THROW YOU INSTEAD! This only happens on the "very hard' difficulty. That's OUTRIGHT CHEATING. You can't possibly explain that by any other factor. Fuck you.

Ridiculous odds
This is mostly due to bad game design. This happens when a monster/boss has so much of an advantage on you that it feels like cheating. This can go for anything. Example: to get Tidus's final weapon in FFX, you have to win the Chocobo race in 0 seconds. Getting this is so dependent on luck that it borders on stupidity.

Bad-timed lag
Caused by shitty internet or just a laggy comp. It lags just at the crucial moment and kills you.

Bad collisions
When something is CLEARLY not supposed to hit you, but due to the bad relation between the collisions and the graphics, it still does. Example: soulcalibur has many times when, if you replay the match, you can see that you weren't hit by the opponent in any way, shape or form but you still take damage. Bullshit.

Bad map graphics
Related to the previous. This happens when the environment is shitty and you keep falling through platforms or getting stuck on corners or whatever shit. The NES and the SNES platformers were a haven for this kind of shit

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That's all I feel like thinking about for now. Add some of your own even though I know they'll be worthless because you guys can't ever do anything right.

<3

[Fleshlight]

I've got nothing to complain about. The developers just want to give you a challenge

[LTmatt]

God created aimbot for a reason.

[Skygee]

Hey it happens, Ain't shit we can do sadly :(

[desert116]

In RTS games computer can move all of it's units at the same time, even across the huge maps, that would take player 10 seconds to scroll to other end.

[arcansi]

I am disappointed that this list lacked the most common form of AI cheating, allow me to elaborate...

A.I. Teaming
When you are playing a game with more than two factions, regardless if the player has nearby allies or mutual enemies, all the AI bots will focus their attacks on you regardless of distance.

[Tebone7]

Lol, there is actually an achievement for MASS EFFECT for the XBOX 360 that states in order to get it you have to use charm or intimidation to win an IMPOSSIBLE conversation or something.

[N1N-JA]

I agree.

[Fuckle]

At 12/24/08 03:43 AM, Tebone7 wrote: Lol, there is actually an achievement for MASS EFFECT for the XBOX 360 that states in order to get it you have to use charm or intimidation to win an IMPOSSIBLE conversation or something.

What the hell does that have to do with anything? Its a simple achievement really, all you need is full charm/intimidation and resolve a tricky situation. Such as *SPOILERS* Wrex rebelling on Virmire or Saren on the citadel *SPOILERS*

[The777Demon]

At 12/24/08 02:57 AM, poxpower wrote:
Ridiculous odds
Example: to get Tidus's final weapon in FFX, you have to win the Chocobo race in 0 seconds. Getting this is so dependent on luck that it borders on stupidity.

I remember that nightmare of a race. I kept on getting .003 seconds or something else to that effect off. There was one stressful run in which i was hit by only one bird and i got so angry i threw my ps2 into the wall. I did get a friend's copy of the game and do it after wards no problems at all. It was reaaly just a bad mostly my wallet was stolen with my car and house keys and around 250 bucks in it.

[poxpower]

At 12/24/08 03:57 AM, N1N-JA wrote: I agree.

You are worthless.
I loathe you.

[stan4321]

At 12/24/08 03:22 AM, desert116 wrote: In RTS games computer can move all of it's units at the same time, even across the huge maps, that would take player 10 seconds to scroll to other end.

thats called using the minimap

[VenomKing666]

Oh Poxxy, you forgot the most important part, in RTS games that involves using magic skills and shit, like Warcraft3, the computer is able to make all the unit cast the spells at the right moment that would have been impossible for a human to do because you got to select shit and stuff.

[BananaBreadMuffin]

How about when the computer knows exactly where you are on an RTS? I sometimes suspect they get no fog of war.

[VenomKing666]

At 12/24/08 07:23 PM, BananaBreadMuffin wrote: How about when the computer knows exactly where you are on an RTS? I sometimes suspect they get no fog of war.

They don't, and something similar happens to games where the player gets it's view blocked or something, like in brawl, there is that fucking puppy in the screen sometimes, and it wont affect computers.

[MexicanGun]

I hate when playing games like Age of Empires, Starcraft, and the like, that when you create 10 units nonstop, the AI enemy already created 50 units in that time. It's impossible for a human to create that amount of units in that time.

That's fucking bullshit.

[xscoot]

In one of the Friday the 13th knockoff games, the back of the box said that Freddy would cheat to win. They basically advertised the fact that the did all the things that piss you off. I don't suggest you play it.

[hatakekakashi7]

I think I have experienced the most frustration with fighting games when it comes to cheating AI. I remember being furious when I could not beat a certain boss battle because the computer reacted to all of my moves so that I was left helpless. Infuriating, I know. And the worst part is sometimes you have to win by a lucky glitch or just an occurrence in the game that doesn't happen often.

[The-Omnipresence]

At 12/24/08 02:57 AM, poxpower wrote:

Impossible moves
When the computer does a move when there's no way in hell a human player could have had the time to input it. This takes places mostly in fighting games when the computer reacts to your actions instantly with a complicated super-move that takes 5 buttons to input.

I only know of something like that happening in Street Fighter II where if the computer is playing Blanka or Guile they can use there special moves without having to move forward or backwards, so Blanka can just walk forward towards you and all of a sudden use that somersault attack and catch you off guard.

Oh and Bison in Street Fighter Alpha 3 is cheap as shit with that stupid screen covering special.
And Gill in Street Fighter 3 with his stupid resurrection move.

[CyborgNinjaAssassin]

At 12/24/08 07:25 PM, VenomKing666 wrote:

At 12/24/08 07:23 PM, BananaBreadMuffin wrote: How about when the computer knows exactly where you are on an RTS? I sometimes suspect they get no fog of war.

They don't, and something similar happens to games where the player gets it's view blocked or something, like in brawl, there is that fucking puppy in the screen sometimes, and it wont affect computers.

And dont forget the big shiny GO!!!! that blocks your view at the start of the fight for a split secound.

[Jercurpac]

There's also the classic rubber band AI in racing games. When you're behind in a race you have to work your ass off to get back in the lead and as soon as you pull ahead the computer gets an artificial boost of speed to keep things competitive.

I guess ultimately it gives you the same result as having brilliant AI that plays at the same level you do, but there is something about the fact that it's cheap that makes it incredibly frustrating. When I still win by a hair it's a great feeling, but when I lose I'll string out a web of obscenities targeted at that "cheap fucking computer." Maybe it was all those "play fair" talks our parents and teachers used to give us when we were kids, maybe they took a little to well.

[SCUD14]

In RTS', they either build huge armies in seconds, or all team up on you.

In gears of war, enemies would crabwalk all over the place.

In any game with allied forces, every bullet is aimed at you.

[BlueFlameSkulls]

YOU ARE CONFUSED

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU SNAPPED OUT OF CONFUSION

YOU USED CONFUSE RAY

FOE IS CONFUSED

FOE SNAPPED OUT OF CONFUSION

FOE USED CONFUSION RAY

YOU ARE CONFUSED

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU FAINTED

THUNDERCUNTING TWATBAG.

[Zetvirus55]

Enemies have infinite ammo, the gun they drop has 3 bullets

The more damaged it is, the stronger it gets

If there is a gauntlet of doom in the level, there are no checkpoints

Running away is more dangerous than ingesting cyanide

[Jezuz]

At 12/24/08 08:39 PM, BlueFlameSkulls wrote: YOU ARE CONFUSED

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU SNAPPED OUT OF CONFUSION

YOU USED CONFUSE RAY

FOE IS CONFUSED

FOE SNAPPED OUT OF CONFUSION

FOE USED CONFUSION RAY

YOU ARE CONFUSED

YOU HURT YOURSELF IN CONFUSION

YOU FAINTED

THUNDERCUNTING TWATBAG.

That's how I broke my first gameboy. It did that to me on the dragon guy in the Elite Four, and and and and....and, I stepped on it :( I went screaming into the bathroom crying over my blind rage. I was 8 at the time.

[TheGimped]

I experienced a PERFECTLY-TIMED CHEATING ASS BUG recently while I was playing Shadow of the Collosus that I think is worthy of being posted here.

I was doing time-attack on the 14th colossus, and I was kicking the clocks ass.

I was at the final part of the map after having the pillar slam down the wall of the building, and I was on thet ledge waiting for the colossus to come in, bow at the ready, 5 minutes left, plenty of time to beat his ass...

And he wasn't there, he completely dissapeared out of fucking nowhere on my best damn run. 4th time that night, on my best run, ready to whoop ass, and he fucking dissapeared because of a glitch.

[Raguel]

At 12/24/08 08:39 PM, BlueFlameSkulls wrote: THUNDERCUNTING TWATBAG.

lolly olly oxenfree

I have to admit that making this thread has occurred to me in the past.

I know I'm not the only one who has been in a position where you're thinking 'fuck you computer, it does not benefit you to win, why must you be a bastard and why don't game companies include breaking the the damned game out of frustration in their game testing routine?'

I am looking directly at you Soul Calibur IV's Tower of Lost Souls.

Fuck!

Fuckety!

Fucking!

Fuck!

You!

[Kart-Man]

At 12/24/08 08:10 PM, Jercurpac wrote: There's also the classic rubber band AI in racing games. When you're behind in a race you have to work your ass off to get back in the lead and as soon as you pull ahead the computer gets an artificial boost of speed to keep things competitive.

Yeah, I was just going to say that. Mario Kart 64 employed it, and boy, was it a sight to see.

Words could not explain how after my five-year-old self cheated on the Wario Stadium level and shaved off an entire lap down to only FIVE SECONDS, the second-place guy would be back on my tail in half a minute. >:(

[Jezuz]

Oh, and the cops in Saints Row 2. I'M GOING TOP SPEED IN A COP CAR AND A COP CAR COMES FLYING UP ON MY ASS. Fuck duh police.

[Zetvirus55]

I am looking directly at you Soul Calibur IV's Tower of Lost Souls.

Ah yes the "I can hit you in ways that make Cervantes look like a hardcore pro character" Tower of Lost Souls