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Why do women get periods?

Because they deserve them.

So, like, there was this stick on a wall, right? And there was a hole in a wall parallel to that wall, right? ANDTHESTICKLOOKEDLIKEAPENISANDTHEHOLELOO KEDLIKEAVAGINAOMGOMGOMG.

The Aristocrats.

Yo momma's so stupid, she's like a vacuum; she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet. What now, pathetico?

At 12/21/08 02:38 PM, EclecticEnnui wrote: The Aristocrats.

It's the sickest story I ever heard. But I never got the joke in it, other than that it's an excuse to tell really disgusting stuff. (as far as I know, that's the only excuse for it to be called a joke...)

What's the worst part of being a black Jew?

You have to sit in the back of the oven.

How many babies does it take to paint the fence?

Depends on how hard you can throw them.

Everyone's probably heard it by now but...

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

At 12/21/08 03:08 PM, Tahnok wrote:

Translated from Finnish

I lol'd

It's the simplest, raunchiest, most notorious joke in the world. A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office. Agent says, I don't book family acts. Man says, Just let us show you. Wearily, the agent accedes. The man and his wife undress and perform every form of bizarre, outrageous sex act. The kids join in, possibly also Gramps and the dog. They finish in a literal pyramid of filth. Aghast and astonished, the agent asks, What do you call your act? The man, with a bright flourish, shouts out, "The Aristocrats!"

As Bart Simpson would say, that joke is funny for so many reasons. It's also all in the telling, so it plays on comics' need to earn approval through lurid pirouettes of a lunatic imagination. And having spent all its shock value in the setup, it offers a punch line of cheerful poignancy. This family will do anything to be in show biz.

But would you want to hear the joke told over and over, for 90 minutes, by scores of comics? The surprise is: yes. The Aristocrats smartly varies its pace, with iterations by the old (George Carlin), the female (Whoopi Goldberg), the pranksters (Penn and Teller) and the deeply weird (Andy Dick). Also wordlessly (by Billy the Mime), as a card trick (by Eric Mead) and as a cartoon (by the South Park guys). The result is a master class in comedy, in all its cruel, larkish, obsessive creativity.

At 12/21/08 12:48 PM, Afromaster wrote: Not the dirtiest joke, but racial

A black, asian, and a mexican are in a car, whos driving?
The cop

I've heard that before. The Asiain part shouldn't be there, though

At 12/21/08 01:40 PM, Lizzardis wrote:

At 12/21/08 01:31 PM, jhol1007 wrote:

At 12/21/08 01:20 PM, Catoblepas wrote: What's the highlight of raping a baby?

THE SOUND OF CRACKING PELVIS

holy fuck dude... you should see a doctor or someone. That's fucked up!

Says the guy with a hamster in this sig????

its a wombat!!!!!!!

wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND A HORE?

Nothing

At 12/21/08 01:20 PM, Catoblepas wrote: What's the highlight of raping a baby?

THE SOUND OF CRACKING PELVIS

best one^^

Q: whats the best part about fucking thirty two year olds?
A: there is thirty of them.

At 12/21/08 03:39 PM, City-Rail wrote: wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND A HORE?

Nothing

You must be over the age of 11 to post in this forum.

I've always wanted to tell an Aristocrats joke. Well, here goes...

A family of 5 walks into the circus tent. There is a mother and father, their younger old, and older daughter, and grandma Jennings. They approach the circus talent agent, and ask them if he would hire them to do their family act. The agent says "No, i'm sorry, we don't show family acts". The father approaches him and pleads "Sir! We are very talented! Please just let us show you, and maybe it'll change your mind!". The agent agrees, and sits at his desk, watching the family being their act.

The father starts by tearing off his daughters clothes with his teeth, while the mother lifts up her son, and balances him in the air on her hands. The father stands the girl on her head, and spreads her legs. The son then jumps off his mothers hands, and dives head first into his sisters vagina.

The mother and father start ripping off each others clothes, while the son still buried neck deep in the vagina, spins his sister around in circles. The mother is seen bent over, sucking the fathers cock. The grandma takes several dildos out front under her dress, and proceeds to throw them, knife style, into the mothers ass and vagina. The father blows his load, and all of the dildos shoot out like a fireworks display.

The son then takes his sister off of his head, and he has a swirly hair style. The sister then goes to her father, and starts jerking him off violently, while the son goes over to his grandma, and drags her across the floor by her sagging tits. A few seconds go by, and the father ejaculates again, shooting his load 20 feet across the stage, and lands on the grandmas old tits.

Suddenly the whole family gathers around in a circle, and they start pissing in each others mouths, while farting the song "New York New York" by Frank Sinatra. When they are finished the pose for the talent agent and say "TADA!"

The agent starts clapping, and says "My god! That was the most amazing thing i've ever seen! What do you call this act!", and the family says "The Aristocrats!"

No, i didn't copy paste this, i just kept going with it...

i thought this joke into world in 5th year of education when was just a small child here we going

the man was done take young woman to date and was ejaculate into pant and th woman sayin my my sen0r that was quite a blast heh heh

thank u that was all my joke

At 12/21/08 03:21 PM, jhol1007 wrote:

At 12/21/08 01:40 PM, Lizzardis wrote:

At 12/21/08 01:31 PM, jhol1007 wrote:

At 12/21/08 01:20 PM, Catoblepas wrote: What's the highlight of raping a baby?

THE SOUND OF CRACKING PELVIS

holy fuck dude... you should see a doctor or someone. That's fucked up!

Says the guy with a hamster in this sig????

its a wombat!!!!!!!

WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT!
It's furry and really annoying!
It runs around, really wierdly!

At 12/21/08 01:20 PM, Catoblepas wrote: What's the highlight of raping a baby?

THE SOUND OF CRACKING PELVIS

You just made my day.

At 12/21/08 02:26 PM, RubberTrucky wrote: Sickest joke?

God that's fucked up.

I LOVE IT

three guy go over to there friends house. There friend says "gentleman you have 2 chooses foo foo or death. the 1st guy say i have children so foo foo and big ass hair man comes out rapes him. the second one says I have children so foo foo. so the last guy says fuck this death. So the friend says death by foo foo.

Two Nuns in a bath. One says "Wheres the soap?" the other says "Yes it does doesn't it."

Anyone get this one?

At 12/21/08 12:48 PM, platypuspwn wrote: The aristocrats

Office reference ftw.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

At 12/21/08 04:29 PM, pinkfuzzyman wrote:

At 12/21/08 12:48 PM, platypuspwn wrote: The aristocrats

Office reference ftw.

I see of no office reference. Just one to a gay ass movie that a bunch of 12 year olds thought was funny.

At 12/21/08 05:13 PM, VeinDigger wrote: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Why did the other side cross the chicken?

To get to the road!

I don't know about sick, but I have two racial ones:

How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?

Nine months

How did you get a black man down from a tree?

Cut the rope.

Oh, I'm terrible!

So a seal walks into a club....

I don't know if this one's been said, but:

Two horses fall in a mud pit..... And three come out