Forum Topic: Things to Ponder

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sumidiotdude

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:45 PM

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Can you add any to this list?

For the record, I found this on another website, I did not make it.

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why call it a building if it's already been built?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Is there another word for thesaurus?

Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

What do they pack Styrofoam in?

Why did God give men nipples?

Is grass really greener on the other side?

Do boxer shorts box?

Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something?

When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?

Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?

If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?

If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?

If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?

Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?

Why is there an 's' in lisp?

If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?

If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?

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Proottalfain

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:48 PM

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If Newgrounds is full with lazy bastards not willing to read too much, why do people keep posting walls of text?


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cHunter

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:50 PM

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Do I smell copy pasta?


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Biscuit-head

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:50 PM

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Cops don't arrest mimes.
This isn't France.

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tankmenfucker

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:51 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?

So what? This post is so fuckin' funny. You guys are lame. He copy/pasted, so what?


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NimbleElephant

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:51 PM

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I originally intended to go through and post a smart-ass answer to some of these until I saw how many there were. No thanks.

Sig by fahrenheit.

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NewGrounds-Bot

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:52 PM

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What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

Good find and good post. These are hysterical. BTW, don't listen to the haters, they are all fags.


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TheSilverGuitar

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:52 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:45 PM, sumidiotdude wrote:
For the record, I found this on another website, I did not make it.

I stopped here.


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monkeymadeline

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:53 PM

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You guys are so stupid for trying to come up with snappy remarks. Yeah, he copy pasted, but you guys are too harsh.


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cHunter

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:55 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:53 PM, monkeymadeline wrote: You guys are so stupid for trying to come up with snappy remarks. Yeah, he copy pasted, but you guys are too harsh.

Who was harsh about it?

And for the record, OP's post was not funny.

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pointydagger

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:55 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?

He said he didnt write that....

Ive had sex with grandma, apple pie, and baseball. That means that i have had sex with america.
I N V U 4 U R A Q T < You really are. ;)


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NewGrounds-Bot

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Posted at: 12/17/08 07:56 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:55 PM, pointydagger wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?
He said he didnt write that....

Exactly, you guys are dumber than most members on NG. Can't even read, my god...


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cHunter

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:00 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:56 PM, NewGrounds-Bot wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:55 PM, pointydagger wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?
He said he didnt write that....
Exactly, you guys are dumber than most members on NG. Can't even read, my god...

I saw a huge fucking post that I didn't feel like reading.

By the way, is tankmenfucker, monkeymadeline, and NewGrounds-Bot someone's alts?


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antigenalvin

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:05 PM

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This thread is going nowhere.

/thread
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Craigie

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:09 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:51 PM, NimbleElephant wrote: I originally intended to go through and post a smart-ass answer to some of these until I saw how many there were. No thanks.

That's exactly what i was gunna do.
Then the wall of blinding text hit me.. Never again shall we speak of this moment.

---Seek Out The Chalky Dust Of The Love Salmon.---
Beware When Walking Through The Woods 5 Hunny Badgers Feeding On A Tree May Fall Into Your Eyes.


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Wonderful

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:10 PM

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Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Because you don't necessarily have to be in a car to use a drive-up ATM.

Posted from Linux. Distro may vary.


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Elder

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:16 PM

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How do you accidentally an ENTIRE bottle?

PM me if you love me. People who love me: 2 <-----ITS ALREADY THERE! *SMOOCH*
The Computer Gaming Club/NGPD/I'm un-bannable. Sweet.

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Wonderful

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:26 PM

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Posts: 854

At 12/17/08 08:16 PM, Elder500 wrote: How do you accidentally an ENTIRE bottle?

Don't go there.

Please.

Posted from Linux. Distro may vary.


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Phobotech

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:32 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:45 PM, sumidiotdude wrote:
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Because they're cheaper, and they want to create the illusion of security.

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

One-stop shop. If you smoke, chances are you're going to a gas-station to pick them up. And obviously they don't want you to smoke there because you might accidentally destroy that entire corner of the street.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Because people who say "fat chance" when referring to the improbability of the situation are morons.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Driver's License is a picture ID just about everyone has, but it's not the only one you can use to buy liquor, and you go to a bar for a couple of beers, not to get hammered...

...Plus the police department's gotta bust people on DUI's SOMEHOW. lol

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

No.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

No.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Carefully.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

I used to work the night-shift at 7-11. When you're alone and you gotta go to the bathroom, you lock the front doors, go to the bathroom quickly, and come back to unlock. Plus I'm sure there are other reasons, like if the station caught on fire and you locked it up until repairs are done, or riots, or some shit.

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Cow's don't laugh. They shed a single tear each night when they look up at the night sky.

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Heat?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

You'd have a pissed off cat with crumbs on it's back.

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

It wouldn't matter because the slightest solid particle in your path would obliterate you and the car before you could muster the strength to even reach the switch.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Company does what they can to avoid any and all lawsuits. Because the justice system is retarded.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Because it checks to see if you're paying attention.

If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it?

Aerodynamics would prevent it's flight capabilities.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

You want to concentrate. Plus, not everyone does that.

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

Because that's not exactly in every-day conversation.

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

How do you know it would be a mix?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

It comes with cables and components. It's not just one plastic box of awesome.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Alternate ways of saying leak and stink.

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Because it releases at a time. Release=off

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Yes.

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

One uses an object, the other doesn't?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Sitting up could be an adjust in posture, or from a reclined position. It's not.

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Just so you have a general idea when it was made.

Why call it a building if it's already been built?

Because "Built" or "Builded" sounds retarded.

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Dignity.

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

When it's damaged.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

No.

Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

No.

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?

Yes.

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

Ways they can escape from the flock.

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Dead.

Nil Illigitimus Carborundum - Click my sig for advanced Photoshop techniques! - <-

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ZiggyZack99

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:41 PM

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At 12/17/08 07:45 PM, sumidiotdude wrote: Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

It is.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

It's a term used nationally.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

There are both.

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Because it takes in money.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Because the first once is being sarcastic.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Age identification, and because most people drive.

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Yes, the gun makes a noise.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Totally. Because it's possible.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Drives a car there.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Because it's always open.

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

No, study a cow's digestive system.

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Melting and solidifying them together.

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

There would be a splat.

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

They'd break, you'd be going too fast.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Because some blind people have special cars.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Same reason Iceland is green land and Greenland is ice land.

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?

Because it is, but we're too lazy to say palindromemordnilap.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Shipment is the actual shipping, cargo is the actual item.

If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it?

The material costs too much.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Helps to concentrate.

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

They wanna confuse you.

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Air.

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

It consists of many parts.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Because both do both.

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Going off means turning on when used correctly.

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Hell yeah.

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

It doesn't.

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

It's not.

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Sour cream is called sour cream because it's sour, not because it's rotten.

Why call it a building if it's already been built?

Good question.

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Because they want to.

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

When they sound like crap.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

No.

Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

I would assume so.

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?

Dodge is a brand, dodge is a verb.

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

Nothing. Counting sleep actually stimulates the mind.

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Purple.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Yes.

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

No.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Because they're wrong.

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

No, they're dead.

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

Taking a dump, taking a test. Same thing.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Bread.

Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?

Because it makes it scalding.

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

Technically yes.

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Babies.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

You, by pulling on the one above it.

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

They don't.

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Tourist season is when tourism is busy, not when you hunt them.

Is there another word for thesaurus?

Probably not.

Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?

The fruit.

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

No.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

To help you adjust to self help.

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

Yes.

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

No.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Yes.

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Yes.

Is there another word for synonym?

Yes.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

No.

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

No.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Lol.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Because she's a whore.

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

Because pear is not equal to pair.

What do they pack Styrofoam in?

Boxes.

Why did God give men nipples?

Transvestites.

Is grass really greener on the other side?

Sometimes.

Do boxer shorts box?

Occasionally.

Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

I don't wear panties or a bra.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

They wear wool.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Idk.

Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something?

Because it was near.

When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?

No.

Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?

Lamps.

If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?

Yes.

If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?

No. Vegetables can't go into comas.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Failed.

Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?

Because mono = 1 and syllabic = relating to syllables.

If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?

Nope.

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

So you can abbrv. it.

If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?

Invisible.

Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?

I do.

Why is there an 's' in lisp?

To confuse lispists.

If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?

.75 dead.

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Yes.

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

No.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?

No.

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Kill it.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

'Course.

NO


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ZiggyZack99

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:43 PM

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Posts: 2,781

If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?

If I was a librarian, I would snicker and direct them to the book.

If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?

I don't, only idiots do that.

NO


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TheZach

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:45 PM

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Posts: 2,344

Why do fags like dick so much?

I'm going to fucking rape this guy.

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Headshot777

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:46 PM

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Sensationalism

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:47 PM

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This shit is lame and old and I hate it. Way to be boring,

Sig by Maximus :D
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pointydagger

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Posted at: 12/17/08 08:54 PM

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At 12/17/08 08:00 PM, cHunter wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:56 PM, NewGrounds-Bot wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:55 PM, pointydagger wrote:
At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?
He said he didnt write that....
Exactly, you guys are dumber than most members on NG. Can't even read, my god...
I saw a huge fucking post that I didn't feel like reading.

It was in the second sentence and looked different from all the rest of it. If you arent willing to read 2 lines into the thing then you shouldnt feel the need to say anything about it.

Ive had sex with grandma, apple pie, and baseball. That means that i have had sex with america.
I N V U 4 U R A Q T < You really are. ;)


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Hellian00

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Posted at: 12/17/08 09:12 PM

Hellian00 FAB LEVEL 13

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At 12/17/08 07:50 PM, cHunter wrote: Do I smell copy pasta?

I sure do.

Ive seen most of those before...

Things to Ponder


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