My friends, today I will be addressing an oh-so-crucial issue. The cruciality of this issue is big. Why is that? Because it affects every one of our children, and our children are the adults of the future. Our children need so much protection, it's sickening. We all need to do our bit for our children's protection, from smashing our computer modems up with hammers, to purchasing portable voice recorders for them to wear at all times.
But why do I specifically bring you here today? Think about it, what do your children see every day? What makes them fly around in school, yelling "I'm Spiderman!"? What is it that persuades your daughter to sell her virginity for minimum wage behind the sports shed at school? In case your negligence has you dumbfounded, I am referring to television. Some parents will laugh at that, but have they ever watched any of our children's favourite shows? I have personally investigated many shows our children watch, for the truth.
- Some of you remember Mark Speight, presenter on British show SMart, who recently died. Some may forget him well, but what you're not looking at is the bigger picture. Mr. Speight was involved with recreational drugs. This subconsciously introduces children to "wild" arts-based subcultures, like SMart portrayed, instead of a respectable lifetime in the service industry like we wish for.
- American series The Busy World of Richard Scarry let children believe its okay for non-human beings to hold positions of employment. In the show's case, we are referring to friendly cats, dogs, etc. In reality, we are referring to immigrants.
- British production Bodger and Badger supported Communism. Badger, a mash potato loving badger, always worked towards making life havoc for those above him. Children watching this will be more likely to overthrow those above them in turn, such as the family unit. Ironically, Simon Bodger, the human character, was portrayed as having very little cash, probably because he's pouring so much out to support his pet Badger, or underclass in the case of real life. That one backfired, didn't it, you pinko scum?
- "Islam is great" was once written in the "gunge tank" on Get Your Own Back.
- Canadian series Polka Dot Shorts made out it is okay to talk about gratuitous topics, such as underwear, and also involved a sexual metaphor of finding the eponymous shorts everywhere.
- Although Australian children's programming Bananas in Pyjamas occasionally showed the titular bananas in employment, it was always a low-grade job, such as litter picking. Otherwise, the bananas were clear substitutes for welfare thieves, lounging around all day, and "playing with the Teddies" next door all night.
- Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Digimon, Naruto, Yu-Gi-Oh and Gundam Wing were not originally English productions.
- An episode of the popular children's television show Barney had a section of John Waters' 1972 film/abomination Pink Flamingos tacked onto the end of it. Why was this not reported in the media? Because the media is run by liberal bastards!
- The imaging of Teletubbies has obvious connotations of LSD abuse, including the greenery (to distract children from a hard-working urban life, and instead hallucinate), the many rabbits (mating like rabbits) and staring at the sun to hear stories, from the Lizard King no doubt. You might as well let your children listen to Woodstock on CD if you let them watch this.
- Finally, any show that shows children helping others out in a charitable effort is advocating Communism. With this content, our beloved children will not buy domestically built cars, betray friends to earn valuable corporate promotions or be able to host important networking parties.
And so you have it. I hope you think hard as you drive home about what you're going to do next. I hope I am an acceptable role model to you. Look at what I've done to help the community: I started a petition to have multiculturalism, television and videos banned in the schools and nurseries in my town, and succeeded. I cannot describe the happiness when my son came out of nursery and told me instead of watching Sesame Street, they had made various guns out of Lego.
I hope you'll be as proud as me.