And I'll tell you why.
Actually, let me start from the beginning, so if you came here and expected a short paragraph with a picture of a devil, then sorry to disappoint you.
I have always tried to fit in with people; trying to get friends so I can actually have something to do and not just play games or read books/watch movies. Not only just to do something, but to find girls that are looking for someone to date. Well, I've never got to that point before because whenever I tried to make friends, those people that I wanted to hang out with would totally shut me down the next day. Perhaps it's something I do that I am not aware of, or it's them and they just don't like me. Whatever the reason, I have never spoken more than a couple of words to anyone outside my family.
Now, because of that, no one would find me interesting, perhaps. Whatever the case, I gavce up trying and decided to live with it; live with the fact that I will be alone, die alone and will never have people that will love me. I felt good, telling myself the fact over and over again. For a while it actually kept me stable, but then it really kicked in and depression settled in. What a fun moment in my life that was. I lost one year because of depression and the doctors that I saw did shit all. I crawlled (LOL CRAWLLING IN MY SKIIN) my way out of depression without any medication and it was like a terrible hangover that would never go away.
Finally, just recently, I realized that if I can never be happy and always be sad, I should replace the sadness with anger. It felt really good. I mean REALLY good. Letting all of that emotion out... being angry.. it was like tasting something that had the best flavour in the world and never stopping. I clenched my fists and punched the walls, pillows, ground and even myself for kicks. It felt really good, feeling physical pain and not mental pain.
But then, it escalated to the point where I wanted to take it out on others and it was around this time that I realized that I really enjoyed other people feeling pain.
Now, why am I stating myself as an evil person? Sure there are other people that do way more bad things than me, but why bother giving myself such a title? Because I've developed a monster inside of me. Everytime I see myself in the mirror, I try to hide it, but it always shows. To me anyways. Newgrounds, I have lost all sense of morality, but not my self-control. I have fantasized myself killing people. People you woulnd't, couldn't imagine. Like my parents, my neighbours and anyone that I get annoyed with.
I've wrecked things that other people treasured and admitted it. I loved the look on their faces when they lost something. Sometimes, I dream about violently beating up people. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not into gore, but the thought of ME doing that is what pleasures me. If someone else does that I wouldn't like it.
Oh, and you might wonder when I say, "I don't like it." It means you have 3 seconds until you apologize before I shove my hand deep into your throat and pull out whatever is at the bottom.
Now, if you've read this far, I applaud you. Don't confuse me with some mad, insane person or some kid that seeks attention. What I mean is true, but at a funny meaning. If you do good things, right things that you should do, I don't exactly hate it, but if I see things that I don't like, I will most likely get angry.
Heh. Why bother saying shit all? Of course I wouldn't do any of the above unless if I was absolutely sure that I would not get caught. Even then, I wouldn't risk getting myself in trouble with the law. Prison time sucks. I'd rather get executed instead.
Feel free to say/do whatever. I know none of you give a shit, I just wanted to say something.
