Date cancelled and I'm the bad guy

[Shadow-XII]

So.
I've saved up, and I've planned a night out for my friend for her birthday.
She messaged me a few weeks ago saying "Nobody wants to do anything for my birthday." so I planned a night out for her and me to make her a feel a little more special.
I bought her a present for $200, dinner for pre-paid $70, hotel room with single beds (her request) for $150, along with transport for $40

All of which I've paid, none of which I can refund.

She's known for a week I've had this planned, and tonight she comes to me saying "Can we do something else? It seems like such a hassle, and the traffic in the city is bad that time of day."

Apparently spending $460 on her isn't good enough, and when I informed her about how upset I am over her cancellation, she went on about how inconsiderate and selfish I am.

I mean, it's Auckland. If someone set all of this up for me, I'd take a cab across NYC in the morning.

Just for a perspective, who's the selfish one here?

[Shadow-XII]

Oh.

After cancelling the night out, she reminded me "You can still send me the necklace, right?"

I replied "No, I'll sell it and cover some of the deposits I've lost." to which she got even madder.

And this isn't some two-bit whore I've known for a week, this girl has been my best friend for five years.

[DeadWorld777]

enough about you, more about her.
damn you are selfish...

[rasfire]

damn dude that is bad i would be so mad that it is not even funny and what she just did then is well you know damn i feel sorry for you if you want me to talk more with you send me a pm with about this topic ok cool but damn

[Cheese-on-toast]

Do you genuinely want our input? Or are you just venting?

[Craven-Dick]

What a chump.

[StuffyOne]

Maybe you need to stop hanging out with this person.

[Ynek]

At 12/8/08 04:34 AM, Cheese-on-toast wrote: Do you genuinely want our input? Or are you just venting?

I think he just came in to vent, which is quite alright, but I'm gonna give some input due to the fairly likely chances of me being completely wrong on that.

I think you might have handled this badly, and that's what she's more angry about. When she suggested cancelling the night out, what exactly did you say in return? If you said anything about all the money, planning, and effort that you put into it, you've gone the wrong way. This would make it sound as if you're less interested in making her happy, and more interested in showing off your wealth. Altogether, making you appear selfish. If you raised your voice at any point, you've gone about it the wrong way. This just makes you look like a whiner/moaner/angry git... And none of those are desirable traits.
You should have told her that you want to do something special for her, and that you want to show her how much it means to you to have such a good friend for such a long time.

However, since the situation has already escalated, I suggest the age-old solution of: apologise, call yourself an idiot, and do whatever she wanted to do for the evening. This will make her happy, and preserve what's left of your friendship.

[HungarianSupermarket]

Maybe she thought you wanted to fuck her at the hotel?

[Phobotech]

Dude, a gift's a gift; you shouldn't have kept and sold the necklace.

On top of that, dude, it's her fucking birthday, she should get to decide what she does. What's more, this should teach you a lesson on blowing money on shit that can't be refunded like that. It's her bloody birthday for Christsake's, not a wedding. Take her to a restaurant without the pretentious reservations and shit.

You just threw away a good friend of five years. I don't think she'll ever act the same around you again.

[Kuro]

Wow, that sounds pretty bitchy.

Asking for the present after rejecting all the effort you went for her? Pfft.

I'd never do something like that to you, Shadow.

Never.

[HungarianSupermarket]

At 12/8/08 04:47 AM, HungarianSupermarket wrote: Maybe she thought you wanted to fuck her at the hotel?

In retrospect, I think I worded that badly and came across as a +1 post douche. What i mean is, perhaps it was all just a little too much, and she may have been suspicious of your motives; ie. wanting something in return. But if you are as close with this girl as you say you are, just apologise and do what she wants to do on her birthday, even if you think she is being selfish etc.

A question for you to think about: Is your friendship with her worth more than the $460?

[mikePWNu]

For the most part most people will say that you are the selfish one here, but im one your side, because I went through that same thing just a little different. But you have to be the bigger person here girls don't understand anything really "LMAO". So just apologize to her move along with your life.

[Advent-Sinner]

Stop becoming attracted to your friends, bitch.

[Cityblues]

Ok, so even though you might have made this post just to let off some steam (and I fully understand why) I'll just slip in my thoughts: Give it some time. From what you say, she seems like a selfish ungrateful bitch, but I have a hard time believing that when she has been your best friend for so long. Perhaps there is some underling issue here? Perhaps she is having a rough time at the moment and that spilled on you?
Anyways, from what you tell you did the right thing. I mean, the fact that she has the nerve to ask you to SEND her the necklace just qualifies for a big time of slapping around (not literally, of course). I have tried a similair situation, not nearly as bad by any means, and what I did was this. Get pissed off and cut contact to her. Eventually she came forward to apologize, and we are cool about it now. She is as well one of my best friends and has some issues, amongst other things a depression, so sometimes she makes stupid descisions.
I'd say you should do the same. Cut contact and make her come to you. If she is too proud or whatever to do that, then maybe your friendship wasn't as strong as you thought. It's a tough one, I know, but this just seems so out of proportion. Fuck the money, the thought and consideration you put into this is far more important. If it was me I think it'd take the world's biggest apology to undo this.
Please update on the situation when it evolves no matter what you end up doing.

[elace]

can u say pimp slapped ??

[Vincoid]

Never should've spent that much money on a girl... oh well, you learn something new every day, right?

[AlbinoHippo]

That'd really piss me off. If you just spent $460 on the bitch and she cancels, then asks for you to still send her a necklace? Fuck off bitch, you can buy your own fucking necklace while I earn back my $460.

[SoulPiker]

Well you should not have told her how unhappy you were when she cancelled it, after all it was her birthday. She felt that you were selfish only because you seemed to care more about the money then her.

[Cityblues]

At 12/8/08 04:45 AM, Ynek wrote:

At 12/8/08 04:34 AM, Cheese-on-toast wrote:

You should have told her that you want to do something special for her, and that you want to show her how much it means to you to have such a good friend for such a long time.

You know, this is probably the best advice in here.

[AlacritySoundz]

After spending a bunch of money on her, and her telling you "Do not want"
You've been screwed over.

/Picture very related

[Vincoid]

At 12/8/08 06:13 AM, Cityblues wrote:

At 12/8/08 04:45 AM, Ynek wrote:

At 12/8/08 04:34 AM, Cheese-on-toast wrote:

You should have told her that you want to do something special for her, and that you want to show her how much it means to you to have such a good friend for such a long time.

You know, this is probably the best advice in here.

Definitely not. He already fucked himself when he spent that much money on her, and abandoning his own feelings for her after screwing him would only make him do the same thing again.

Seriously, don't spend that much on a girl, especially when you apparently can't miss it.

[Skulsta]

Holy crap another New Zealander on NG!

I'm in Wellington.

[Spectacle]

Wow that's pretty bitchy of her. If she knows the amount of money you spent on all this then she should go or atleast not get angry at you about it.

[BirthofaNova]

I imagine she suspected that you want to bang her, which it definitely seems like you do after planning all of that shit. Seriously. That is far beyond the call of duty. Should have just plannet on going to the mall or something. Something for "Friend-like."

[Gendo]

Generosity is a bitch.

[Doom-Fan]

I can understand your anger, but I don't think you should spend so much money on someone's birthday...

[gibleto]

Is she playing you for the sex?

[CanadianSnowman]

I understand your anger, what she did is wrong.

[curtisford16]

What a BITCH.