At 12/2/08 12:07 PM, gradenator wrote:
You have the why, but not the how. HOW do I keep cool? Anger isn't some faucet that can be turned on and off with the twist of the wrist.
It's possibly one of the most difficult to acquire and most useful skills you can ever practice; self discipline.
It can only be obtained through practice. You don't necessarily have to be in a situation that makes you angry and then forced yourself to act calm, although that's the best kind of practice, but just in general allowing the logical part of your brain to override the emotional side.
Emotions are generated in vestigial parts of the brain, like the tailbone is to the skeleton, or the appendix is to the digestive tract. Emotions make you animal; a dog feels anger in much the same way a human does.
When ever you start to get angry, ask yourself: "Am I a man, or am I a little bitch dog, that lets my anger control me?" Breathe deeply, in through the nose, out through the mouth. This will help slow your heart rate, increasing your calm.
Look at the effect of the anger inside your objectively. Take time to notice your heart rate and breathing increase. Question why, try to reason out the purpose of it. You can't conquer your objective if you first can't conquer yourself, so don't worry that you're not snapping back with witty, cutting remarks. Your silence will be MUCH more intimidating, because it makes you look comfortable and in control; it makes you look like an unassailable wall who cannot be forced to react, cannot be manipulated, and can only be worked AROUND.
Whoever or whatever you're angry at has lost some of it's power over you when you no longer allow it to manipulate your thinking. You stop being a reactor, who can be manipulated, and start being an original actor, who DOES the manipulating.
First and foremost, always remember that it's your ability to keep your head IN SPITE of being attacked that will assure your victory. If you fail to achieve your goal, ensure that it wasn't because of lack of self-control or because of stupidity, but because your best simply wasn't enough. That way if you DO fail, you can still be proud of the effort you put forth, instead of worrying about whether or not your lack of self control caused you to not live up to your potential.
Another side of being a real man is being able to take your ass whooping like a man. When you get hit in the face, spit on, insulted, or just otherwise attacked, you have to accept that as part of life. It happens to everyone, eventually, and this is just your time. You can't expect to go through life without getting hurt; in some ways, it's the willingness to get hurt, the willingness to take chances and sometimes fail through no fault of your own that's actually your advantage when you're in a confrontational situation where you're becoming angry. Your reaction needs to be timed to maximize it's effectiveness; you can't allow your opponent to taunt you into doing something stupid. You have to fight YOUR fight, you have to use the strategy that you know how to win with. When you fight on terms that aren't your own, you're automatically at a disadvantage. Pick your battles, and know that fighting when you have no chance of winning is the move of a bitch, and that taking your lumps and waiting for your opportunity is the move of a man.
I hope that answers your question, because that's a pretty important question to have the answer to.
