Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
«¥» Mainers Love Lobster «¥»
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
I have no desire to eat shrimp or lobster EVER again. Thanks
WJ
I lived in Southern Maine all my life and I never heard that story before, so I can't say whether it's true or not, but it's fucking sick either way!
Wow Syth, where do you get this shit? Great bed time reading, by the way.
*coughs*bullshit*coughs*
Sorry, I had something in my throat...I meant to say: "BULLSHIT". ^_~
I live not too far from Key West, and I've heared it many many times before. My favorite U.L. is about the time there was a forest fire in the everglades...it pops up every time there's a brush fire, which is just about always. They were flying in helocoptors over the gulf to pick up water to drop onto the fire. But they accidentally picked up a swimmer/scuba diver and carried him into the everglades. They found his body, burnt from the brushfire, two days later.
At 5/14/01 12:43 AM, Opus wrote:
I lived in Southern Maine all my life and I never heard that story before, so I can't say whether it's true or not, but it's fucking sick either way!
Well, I wouldn't know, but then, I'm not about to travel up to Agusta to get the medical records and death records on the person. Mana and I did think about dropping by the cemetary to leave her a lobster on top of her grave site though.
At 5/14/01 12:44 AM, Sherbert- wrote:
Wow Syth, where do you get this shit? Great bed time reading, by the way.
Mana found this while looking for something else. I am sure that you can find a lot of things like this at http://www.darwinawards.com as well as a few other sites. Only a child such as Mana could bring to me so much twisted enjoyment.
At 5/14/01 12:48 AM, LordKyu wrote:
:Only a child such as Mana could bring to me so much twisted enjoyment.
Too bad it's not true...hey...I got an idear...
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
this story is old news. i heard it years ago.
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
I'm going to Red Lobster tonight!
At 5/14/01 12:53 AM, LurkerX wrote:
Too bad it's not true...hey...I got an idear...
You chose an interesting line to quote. One would think that you meant that the existence of Mana was not truth. True or not (referring to the writing, not Mana), the idea alone is enough for you to get the mental image, and toss your stomach a little.
At 5/14/01 12:57 AM, NOFX wrote:
this story is old news. i heard it years ago.
You need to learn some quoting etiquette. Also, I find little point in making the comment you made. A lot of things are old news, but there are a lot of people who have not gone back to read the old news. It may be of interest to them. We wouldn't have so many historians and archeologists if old news were not facinating to some.
At 5/14/01 01:03 AM, LordKyu wrote:At 5/14/01 12:53 AM, LurkerX wrote:You chose an interesting line to quote. One would think that you meant that the existence of Mana was not truth. True or not (referring to the writing, not Mana), the idea alone is enough for you to get the mental image, and toss your stomach a little.
Too bad it's not true...hey...I got an idear...
You know what I meant. =oP
At 5/14/01 01:03 AM, LordKyu wrote: You need to learn some quoting etiquette. Also, I find little point in making the comment you made. A lot of things are old news, but there are a lot of people who have not gone back to read the old news. It may be of interest to them. We wouldn't have so many historians and archeologists if old news were not facinating to some.
what the fuck? it was facinating to me. i'm just saying that this article isn't recent. why do you have to go anal on me about that? lol.
Found this on the web, better telling than my version.
Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask.
A post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast -- some 20 MILES away from the forest.
The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it! One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!!
At 5/14/01 01:15 AM, NOFX wrote:
what the fuck? it was facinating to me. i'm just saying that this article isn't recent. why do you have to go anal on me about that? lol.
Heard you liked it anal. Actually, I figured you were just another one of the bandwagon that has been following the fashion of posting one line responses to anything I posted, merely because someone who is higher up on the band wagon doesn't think I am cool.
That, and people who don't know how to quote properly really annoy me. The art of net etiquette seems to have been lost when the C-Net BBS systems died out. It's plain laziness and ignorant to quote three pages of text to add a one line reply to the bottom of it.
And you weren't the only one who did it to this thread, obviously, you just happened to have been the last to do it when I got around to responding to this thread. Nothing personal against you. Just venting frustrations about humans that might be better off dead.
At 5/14/01 01:29 AM, LordKyu wrote: Heard you liked it anal. Actually, I figured you were just another one of the bandwagon that has been following the fashion of posting one line responses to anything I posted, merely because someone who is higher up on the band wagon doesn't think I am cool.
That, and people who don't know how to quote properly really annoy me. The art of net etiquette seems to have been lost when the C-Net BBS systems died out. It's plain laziness and ignorant to quote three pages of text to add a one line reply to the bottom of it.
And you weren't the only one who did it to this thread, obviously, you just happened to have been the last to do it when I got around to responding to this thread. Nothing personal against you. Just venting frustrations about humans that might be better off dead.
get your facts straight. i have nothing against you. i was talking with you in chat a while ago and i agree with some of your opinions. who is it you think i follow? just cuz i said i've heard this story before gives you the right to yell at me? wow.
and what does length have to do here? if i can condense my thoughts into a few sentences, it's better than babbling the length of a page and losing people's attention (so they don't read my whole post).
i was quoting it to show people what i was responding to, or else it would have read "old news.. etc." and it would be out of context. people wouldn't know what i was referencing? sorry i didn't read the handbook on internet quoting etiquette on BBS's like you did...
At 5/14/01 01:44 AM, NOFX wrote: people wouldn't know what i was referencing?
dunno how that damn "?" got there. excuse it.
At 5/14/01 01:44 AM, NOFX wrote:
get your facts straight. i have nothing against you. i was talking with you in chat a while ago and i agree with some of your opinions. who is it you think i follow? just cuz i said i've heard this story before gives you the right to yell at me? wow.
Actually, I haven't yelled at you at all. I merely expressed that I thought you quoted poorly, and that I didn't understand your point of stating something was old news.
and what does length have to do here? if i can condense my thoughts into a few sentences, it's better than babbling the length of a page and losing people's attention (so they don't read my whole post).
Most people have read the topic, and most of the posts going down through. Many people just hit the reply button and add their text to the bottom, which makes for a lot of excess scrolling without reason.
i was quoting it to show people what i was responding to, or else it would have read "old news.. etc." and it would be out of context. people wouldn't know what i was referencing? sorry i didn't read the handbook on internet quoting etiquette on BBS's like you did...
Okay, let me give you an example of something that may have worked a little bit better that would have gotten the same thing accomplished. This is normally how we are forced to quote things when I was on certain mailing lists, as well as the C-Net BBS systems.
>At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote:
>
> Subject: True Story
>
> Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> [Long Story Snipped]
And then you add your reply here. Just a few lines is all they need to be able to know where you are making your reference from. It's a pet peeve with me, but it must have annoyed someone else as well, because right under the box where you write your message is this:
Note: do not quote an entire message. Only quote the parts to which you are responding.
It wasn't meant to be a personal attack on you. You just nailed a couple of pet peeves all in one post, and you got my opinion and thoughts about it. Time for me to step outside and stare at the sky, the moon, and anywhere that I won't see people that I wish did not exist. That wasn't directed at you either. I'm having a racist issue with humans.
At 5/14/01 02:04 AM, LurkerX wrote:
Go away.
And here is an example of taking my request for quoting to an extreme, not making any reference to him this was directed at. I'm going away shortly. I am heading to bed because I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. If you would like me to go away for a longer duration, maybe you could provide me with some ideas on where I should be off to.
"If I had arms, I could kill myself... If I had legs, I could run away... If I had a voice, I could talk, and be some kind of company for myself... I could yell for help, but nobody would help me..."
At 5/14/01 02:11 AM, LordKyu wrote: And here is an example of taking my request for quoting to an extreme, not making any reference to him this was directed at. I'm going away shortly. I am heading to bed because I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. If you would like me to go away for a longer duration, maybe you could provide me with some ideas on where I should be off to.
"If I had arms, I could kill myself... If I had legs, I could run away... If I had a voice, I could talk, and be some kind of company for myself... I could yell for help, but nobody would help me..."
Go away.
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
Eeeww
That is the most disturbing and discusting thing I have ever heard.
Cool
At 5/14/01 01:27 AM, LurkerX wrote: Found this on the web, better telling than my version.
Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask...
Stories like these are what we like to call Urban Legends. They are written to sound like news stories but lack a lot of specific details (fire authorities in California? Where in California? What is the name of the organization? What date did it happen? etc.) The same goes for the lobster story, only the person who made that one up at least made up a name for the victim.
My not-too-bright former roommate told me a similar story about two guys going into a hospital; one with burn marks and animal fur on his face, the other one with the same on his ass. The doctors asked what happened and the guys beat around the bush, but they eventually told the full story: They were lovers, and one night they were playing with a gerbil. The one guy took some PVC pipe and put it in the other guy's ass and they had the gerbil run into the pipe. Well, apparently the gerbil got lost in there, and so the one guy lit a match to look into the pipe. Right at the same time, the second guy farted, and, well I guess you can fill in the rest.
The thing is, my roommate actually beleived the story. I looked at him and said "Come on! I wouldn't beleive that if you told me it happened to Wile E. Coyote!"
At 5/14/01 12:20 PM, MisterSwill wrote:At 5/14/01 01:27 AM, LurkerX wrote: Found this on the web, better telling than my version.Stories like these are what we like to call Urban Legends. They are written to sound like news stories but lack a lot of specific details (fire authorities in California? Where in California? What is the name of the organization? What date did it happen? etc.) The same goes for the lobster story, only the person who made that one up at least made up a name for the victim.
Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask...
My not-too-bright former roommate told me a similar story about two guys going into a hospital; one with burn marks and animal fur on his face, the other one with the same on his ass. The doctors asked what happened and the guys beat around the bush, but they eventually told the full story: They were lovers, and one night they were playing with a gerbil. The one guy took some PVC pipe and put it in the other guy's ass and they had the gerbil run into the pipe. Well, apparently the gerbil got lost in there, and so the one guy lit a match to look into the pipe. Right at the same time, the second guy farted, and, well I guess you can fill in the rest.
The thing is, my roommate actually beleived the story. I looked at him and said "Come on! I wouldn't beleive that if you told me it happened to Wile E. Coyote!"
God, I love that story! I believe it was called "Rocky the Flying Gerbil" and the guy had third degree burns in his anus!
At 5/14/01 12:21 PM, Infinity303 wrote: God, I love that story! I believe it was called "Rocky the Flying Gerbil" and the guy had third degree burns in his anus!
I have to admit, the story is pretty amusing (even though it isn't credible in the least).
Thanks to having heard that story, I laught for five full minutes after the first time I saw the end of Taint of Love.
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
Oh my god, that was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever read. Where do you uncover such gems, Syth?
At 5/14/01 12:21 PM, Infinity303 wrote:
God, I love that story! I believe it was called "Rocky the Flying Gerbil" and the guy had third degree burns in his anus!
Actually, it was Raggot the Gerbil, and for those who have not read it, it goes as follows.
"In retrospect, lighting the match was the big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the severe burns unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Famum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboar tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers, which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Famum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and intestinal tract. (LA Times)
Top ten things that scared me the most in reading this story:
10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." OUCH!!!
9. "So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaahhhh. I’m sorry, but that’s like looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
8. That poor gerbil (who obviusly suffers from low self esteem) being shotout of the guy’s rear like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle.
7. Suffering from a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s butt. I’m just guessing, but I seriously doubt that said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s "Tunnel of Love."
6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5. People who do this sort of thing and then admit what they were doingwhen taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made upa story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can’t imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well, doc... It’s like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
4. "First and second degree burns to the anus..." Wouldn’t this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmorhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green Earth.
3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for "idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1. This happened in Salt Lake City. I’m starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond Family.
At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
Oh shut the fuck up.
At 5/14/01 10:47 PM, HornedReaper wrote:
Oh shut the fuck up.
And please, oh young commander who seems to know the big words starting with the letter F, tell to me, the being that has posted in a way to offend you so, why it is I should obey your commands.
I'll try not to think to hard on this response, to keep it at a level that you can understand. Don't like it, don't read it. Don't want to see it on the BBS, stop replying to it. Oh, and 14 year olds should not quote Hitler. There are a lot of people who would take that the wrong way and view you as a neo-nazi.
