At 11/23/09 06:36 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: I don't really know how to explain this, but ever since I've been alone, I've been moody. I can be loving and content and happy one moment, depressed and in desperation the next, and most of the time I'm in a rut that only she could break me out of. I still don't see her as much as I should, and it kills me, but I don't say anything because all I do is depress her.

You are in a very common situation right now. What often happens to a lot of people is that they forgot they have another life besides being with a girl. This leads to them feeling like they have no life when the relationship ends (usually because guys get clingy when the girls means the world to them).
What you need to do to feel better is realize that you need to make more of your life. You need to find other interests, focus on you, focus on a job or school, focus on your friends. When you broaden your life like that, a loss in one part of it won't hurt as much. It also allows you to have better relationships simply because you care for her without being scared to lose her, thus not being clingy.

Now, I'm in love with two other girls. Nobody knows. They are both my best friends. One is my ex girlfriend, and another is my best friend's current girlfriend. I don't really know why though. Each girl is different and unique in her own way, and I have random moments where I wish I was with one of them or something. I've also had some awkward dreams. I'm afraid any girl I get close to I fall in love with. I don't think it's normal.

This is normal too. You're simply trying to lessen the pain of losing this other girl. But if you do what I said and make more out of life then you'll find your feelings for these girls might have been misplaced. If not, you actually gained the lifestyle you need to support a healthy relationship, so it's a win-win.

At 11/22/09 03:24 PM, milinko959 wrote: I've decided that I'm not going to pursue a relationship at this point with her. Not sure what would happen if she ever changed her mind, though I'm not going to think about that at this point.

That's good, though I think it's important to remember that it's not your fault here. I think (as far as I can tell) that you made the right moves and really showed you are great relationship material. It's simply that she isn't willing to act upon that and move further so don't let it get in the way of going after a relationship with someone else.

At 11/22/09 01:54 PM, milinko959 wrote: Needless to say, I'm pretty shocked and upset right now. Not sure that I'm really looking for advice here, though if you've got any, feel free to throw it out there. Guess I'm really just looking for an e-shoulder to cry on.

Thanks.

That sucks man. It sounds to me like she simply wanted someone to have fun with without the actual commitment of a relationship. The reason she doesn't want to keep it going anymore is simply because you want it to be more and going on with it would only make that grew.

You already said you used to hang out with her and friends casually and maybe that's where you can change things. It would take some time to show her there is more to like about you than being sexual but my guess is that it would be very difficult. Your best bet would be to move on and see wether she'll come to you when she's ready for more.

At 11/20/09 01:29 AM, Chymeraxe wrote: How the fuck do you get girls to stop the "Let's just be friends" bullshit, when they're the one that came to you with the attraction in the first place?

By not coming off as a friend.

The biggest mistake guys make is not showing their sexuality and their interest to a girl. If you act like everything is cool and you are not into her than she won't see any reason to try to get you there. You have to actually make a move and show you have balls.

Second mistake is not making any moves. There is no magic that will make it move to being intimate or romantic. You are the one who will have to make it happen by progressing the relationship. You can't just sit around all day and wait or hope for anything to happen.

At 11/7/09 01:01 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: Well Vincoid, I went to class Thursday morning nervous about what would happened. Wednesday he only texted me twice and they weren't about what was happening but I didn't reply to either. We didn't talk about this whole week about what's going on Thursday so I wasn't sure he'd come or not.

When I got home, I waited around to see if he'd text me or show up and when the time came around when he usually would show up, I turned back to this to read your post. I have to admit, I started crying because I felt like it was over although you last words gave me hope. I texted him, "Are you at least going to get your stuff?" to see what was going on and he said, "I'm on my way." When he showed up I was quiet and then I just hugged him and felt like crying. I don't want to lose him.

We had a really good day and a half together. But I don't know what you mean by the 'open your heart' advice. Can you give me examples?

I figured I needed to explain a bit more on that one :P

What it basicly comes down to is being open to the feelings the other is trying to communicate. It's most commonly so in relationships that when someone feels like they're not being loved, that they're actually the one not loving. Because of this they close their hearts and don't recognize it when loving feelings are being shown to them.
A couple of ways of opening up your heart is to stop blaming your partner and the other one is to stop expecting.
When you blame your partner for not giving you any love, guess what you are doing yourself? Hate, jealousy, blame, guilt or any other negative emotion block the ability to feel loved. So in order to actually be able to feel loved you have to be open to it by showing the energy that you want to get from your partner. Be what you want him to be.

Stopping expectations follows the same line. Way too often do we communicate way too few and we somehow expect our partners to know everything we want. We expect them to say the perfect things to us, make us feel loved all the time and know when we want what.
The simple truth is that they can't read minds. Because of this communication is vital, better yet, communication WITHOUT blame is vital. Whenever you expect something from your partner but he isn't showing signs of doing so, make sure he knows. But don't tell him in a hurtful or mean way, simply tell him about your preferences and what you would like him to do.
It's then up to him to either do the thing you told or do something else. Whatever he does doesn't matter though. Now it's just about you being the best you can, so you stick to telling what you want in a healthy way so you'll have done your best. Then the result simply becomes an added bonus.

The result of changing these two things is simple:

- You keep your power to yourself. Instead of creating friction whenever one of you doesn't get what you want, you let each other know what you'd like without feelings of hate. Because of this love can run free and be accepted wether you get what you want or not.

- You'll know where you're at. If you repeatedly let your partner know what you want and he constantly refuses to give in to anything you say, you'll know he isn't for you. Relationships are primarily about giving love but we all deserve to have our basic needs met and if that isn't being done than there's no reason to stay.
This one also shows pretty clear wether you are the one with the closed heart or your partner is. That way you know if you need to work on opening up or trying to get your partner to do so.

I'm still confused right now and I feel like I'm in limbo although my boyfriend says he would never break up with me and he doesn't want to lose me. I think he put more in the relationship than I. I don't know how to explain it but I still need you and the clubs help and what to do.

I understand, but I can also very well understand that your boyfriend is thinking from the same place as you do. Being together this long can very easily make us work less hard for a relationship and create a lot of fears of being alone again.
But like I said before, find out first what the problem is for you. Maybe when you discuss his reasons for living further away you'll find out exactly why it is he did that? Or maybe when you tell him why you want him to live closer, you'll find that he is more flexeable than he thought and changes his mind?
A common made error is that we expect our partners to give up their lifes for us but are rarely willing to make sacrifices ourselves. So try to find out where you have been doing so and attend him to parts of his life where he has. That way you might still work towards a stronger love.

At 11/6/09 06:06 PM, sumguy720 wrote: Hey, sorry for double post, but I've got some shit going down over here.
What should I do?

You know, I'd love to help you out but I feel like you'd gain more from me quoting someone who thinks he knows stuff about relationships, so here you go:

"Really if you want to hook a girl you have to get to know her really well. A relationship starts off slowly, usually, unless you get along really really well with a person all the time. You've got to let it evolve naturally and let your relationship grow-- kinda like a tree... if you try to climb it the second it sprouts out of the ground you'll crush it. Let it grow, become stronger, make sure it's the right one for you.

If you can see a hard line between "we were friends" and "we're going out" you're not going to have a secure or strong relationship (of course, there are always exceptions, but most generally this is absolutely true) with the girl. Try staying friends with them. Get to know them better, hang out with them, but don't make sudden moves to romance. Find someone you absolutely like."

I hope you get the point I'm making here. I really do since otherwise I would need to explain and I really don't want to do that since it'd be a waste of my time. It might also be funny though...

At 11/5/09 01:58 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: I told him how I feel and he's upset about it and thinks it's financially and blah blah blah. I thought about breaking up with him and for the first half of the day, I felt empowered and that I was starting anew. Then this feeling sets in of emptiness. That I'm scared I'm going to be single and that I'll have to find someone new and get to know them. Then I also realize how much I'll miss him.

I don't know if it's addiction, love, or just fear because of how long we've been together. I am scared that maybe he'll call it quits and agree with me yet at the same time, I'm sick and tired of the same routine every week that never changes. I'm having an extreme influx of mixed feelings and I would love for you guys to give me opinions.

Leaving someone is almost never easy, especially when you have such a long history together and there are still feelings left. Then again, making relationships work isn't that easy either.
What I think is the most important reason to stay in a relationship is love or the possibility of love. A lot of people who are in a crappy relationship start to blame their partner for not being who they want them to be. This causes them to shut their own hearts for the feelings they expect from the other. So what's most important to remember before leaving any relationship is to see how much you can do about it.
For instance, opening your heart to your partner invites him to do the same to you. It might not get him to do so but at least you've tried and you'll know what you're up against. All you basicly can do is become the most loving person you can be and hope to other will be too. If not, it's time to move on and find someone who is.

Now, as for leaving, it's important to understand why you want to leave (or stay). If there is no (returned) love in the relationship and it's making you unhappy then that's all the reason you need to leave. But if you decide to stay it's best to know why. If it is because you think there is a way to work things out, then try to do so. Become as loving as you can, discuss things with your partner and try to work it all out. But if it still doesn't work out after that, don't force yourself to get it to work. It takes two to make a great relationship and not every relationship is meant to work out.

The worst reason to stay in a relationship is fear. Fear of being alone, fear of having to find someone new, fear of having to learn new things that your partner used to do. Whichever fear it is, it all comes down to you not trusting yourself to be able to handle whatever comes your way.
The empowering feeling you felt is true because being on your own does create power. It forces you to take action and take responsibility for your life. There simply is no one else to help you out with everything so you are forced to grow as a person. I think that's a pretty good reason to leave a crappy relationship.

And yes, I'm sure you will miss him. There is no doubt in my mind that you will because, after all, you've been with him for 5 years! There must've been a reason for that. However, that's no reason to stay. When relationships end, two things happen depending on how we are. Loving people tend to remember the good things about their ex and unloving people tend to constantly whine about all of the negative traits of their ex. Sometimes it's a mix of these two, but this is generally how it plays out.
Whichever one applies to you (I guess the loving one), it doesn't take away that you aren't happy in the relationship. So you might remember good things about him later, it won't change the way you feel now.

Finally, meeting someone new. A lot of people think of this as a good reason to stay in a relationship. I think it's one of the worst. Not only does it also mean you don't trust your own ability to handle things coming your way, it also clearly communicates you really don't want to be with this person. You're pretty much saying "I don't know how anyone could love me" while being in a relationship.
The truth is that meeting other people isn't that hard. Like I said before, all you really need to be is be open to it and trust that you will be able to handle it. You might not meet the right person the very first time but you never will if you don't try.

So, in conclusion, I advice you to find out in whatever ways you can improve this relationship. Don't blame your partner but instead look for how you are responsible (without blaming yourself) and be as much of a loving person as you can. If that still doesn't get him to be a loving person as well, it's time to choose for your own happiness, leave the relationship, conquer your fears of being alone and become a stronger person in general.

As far as I'm concerned it isn't. In a few weeks I should have plenty of time and energy to work on it.

At 10/12/09 11:37 AM, Conspiracy3 wrote: All pop-psychological bullshit.

What do you think I should do if I really want a chance with her?

Why would I tell you something I don't believe in? The whole deal is that it won't work if you don't believe in it. I could go ahead and tell you a bunch of different things that will make her like you but it won't work since you as a person simply can't execute it in the right way because of your believes. If you aren't open to what other people tell you, you'll never be able to hear them say the solution.

At 10/12/09 01:05 PM, Hell-Frog wrote: Doesnt help much. I try to be cute a lot of the time when im with her, if that makes any sense.

Yeah, but does it make sense to you that she doesn't take you seriously sexually when you try to be cute the entire time?
Girls simply aren't looking for guys who are cute. At first they might seem great but guys like that get boring very fast. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if your gf doesn't want to have sex with you simply because she isn't into this 'cute' nonsense.
Let me put it this way; if you want to be taken seriously, then be serious. Don't act cute and act surprised when you are seen as that.

We see each other most days of the week, most of the time we just chill and talk for a good hour or so, sometimes eat together or occasionally see a movie, usually with other friends.

This is one of those other things most guys think girls are looking for. The more time you spend with girls and the more routine your relationship gets, the more likely it is your gf starts disliking you more and more. Being with someone that long and that frequent makes it boring and takes away all the unpredictability.

At 10/12/09 03:41 PM, TheWolfe wrote: Idk, it's just kind of creepy to me. I guess its this reminder that even though I'm 99% over my ex, there's always that 1% that will remain forever because we never had proper closure.

Sure, but only if you're a man whore is it unlikely that you'll be with girls who look alike. It's a simple effect of taste that you are attracted to the same kinds of traits in girls.

No idea...unless I find some girl whose willing to get sexual with me, and that doesnt seem very likely any time soon.

Sure, but that only causes you to ignore the problem, not solve it. The true solution is to stop doing it when you find out you're doing it. Awereness is the key to changing your behaviour, the second key is acting upon it.

Well a part of me wants to try, but another part doesn't know how/doesnt want to for various reasons. Rejection, going off to college next year, etc etc.

And why are you feeling sorry for yourself when you clearly are the one choosing not to go after what you want? It is hard work and you have to have the courage to conquer your fears. That's what it's all about. Only by getting past the difficult will you get a reward. People who sit on their asses all their lifes will never get anywhere and neither will people who complain about not getting off their asses.

The truth about these things is that you are in control of all of them. Only you can change your life into what you want it to be. You have to actually works towards it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you there, learning how to get there will. All you have to do is take the first step and things will start rolling.
And yes, you will encounter difficulty. You will get rejected and you will be hurt. By accepting this and working on getting past it, you will get stronger and learn how to get what you want. So go out there and get rejected, learn how to get what you want and stop making excuses for yourself. Life is yours to control so start making it what you want.

Well it wasn't just texting. We would hang out for several hours afterschool making this float and talk and build shit etc. The texting was just the dead conversation aftermath. Not sure what to do now, now that she doesn't see me every day and she sees him more often then she does me.

... because he is her boyfriend... seriously, go for a girl that isn't taken! You're having enough difficulty going for a girl in the first place, why go for one that is more difficult due to already liking someone else?

At 10/9/09 07:47 PM, Oyajitchi-sama wrote: So my question is... what should she do if she will not move on from him?

Why should she do anything? She's clearly strongly attracted to him otherwise she would've been gone for a long time. I get the feeling you're not asking this just for her but for yourself.

At 10/10/09 09:33 AM, UltimateAxl wrote: My first true girlfriend...

Yes, Vincoid it happened...

I feel great!

That's awesome man! I'm glad you kept going for what you wanted ;)

At 10/10/09 04:19 PM, TheWolfe wrote: Hey guys, I have just a couple things to say/ask.

First of all, I once heard that we are only attracted to people that remind us of other people we love/loved. Is this true? I sometimes catch myself looking at someone, and then realize that they look a lot like my ex, but I only realize this after, so in a way I'm instinctually attracted to this people. It kind of creeps me out. This week I've been looking at/decided I think is super cute a girl at my school, and I just realized she looks like this girl who once rejected me. I'm kind of worried that I'm only into girls because of who they look like, not who they are...and I don't even know I'm doing it.

If you put it like that, then yes. It only makes sense that girls you are interested in look like other girls you are or have been interested in. After all they all look attractive to you because of the principles of your attraction.
There is no reason to freak though. You were with your ex for a reason so why would it be freaky to want a girl that looks a bit like her? You just have to realize that it's not just looks either. All girls have different personalities and it's VERY unlikely that these girls are all the same besides looks.

Secondly, it seems that the only reason I masterbate anymore is to get high. I use to do it (years ago) just because it was fun. But now that I'm a senior in highschool, a virgin, and haven't been with a girl in over a year, I feel like it's all I can do from going crazy from being deprived of being with someone. I'm afraid this is "devaluing" orgasms, making them tools to cope and not expressions of love...

You're right and you should definitely stop doing it for these reasons. But how do you think you can stop doing it?

I kind of realize this is going no where, but it pisses me off because this is the 3rd or 4th time ive liked a girl and it just went no where. It's been a freakin year since I've been in a relationship, im sick of it.

And what are you doing about it? Making small talk with a girl (who has a boyfriend) via text while expecting movies to suddenly be realistic won't get you anything. You have to actually work in order to get what you want/expect. So what have you done to make her feel attracted to you?

At 10/10/09 09:45 PM, Conspiracy3 wrote: I have always been of the firm belief that love doesn't exist, yet there is a girl that I think I might want for something more than sex.

There is a part of the brain that produces the chemicals that make you feel in love. There is no need to believe it doesn't exist seeing as it's scientifically proven that it does.
However, something that is able to block out the emotion of love (untill a certain level) is egotism. The only reason you're interested in sex is being able to feel good about yourself and showing others you've accomplished something. With this attitude, you're never truly having sex with anyone but yourself. You're basicly fucking your own ego.

What sex really is about is pleasure. More specifically; getting pleasure from giving pleasure. If you're doing anything but that you're never going to be able to truly enjoy sex and will always feel like you're missing out on something.
Before you do anything else I think you should focus more on these two things. In order to get something external, you first have to work on the internal. I highly you and this girl will get anywhere when you still have these ideas in your head.

At 10/12/09 02:10 AM, Hell-Frog wrote: So ive been going out with this girl for a few months now. I really like her and she likes me, but the other day she told me that she didn't want to have any sex because im "too cute to be taken seriously in bed". I like her a lot, but with no sex I feel like im just going to eventually cheat on her, shed find out and hate me forever. Advice?

Yeah, don't accept bullshit like that. That's the most idiotic excuse I've heard in my whole life.

But tell me, why could she possibly think that? In what way do you behave with her? How much time do you spend together and what are some of the things you do together?

At 10/12/09 04:13 AM, Tykwa wrote: I'm feeling lonely as hell.

Locked up in my room ( almost-literally btw I havn't been anywhere other than school in 2 months almost), Is it my fault I can't hang out with anyone that's my friend? My parents don't realize that anyone around here is a trouble-making hilbilly. ( It's actually true : / ).

So what do I do? I know this hasalmost nothing to do with relationships ( bah ).

What CAN you do? If you already believe that there's no one to hang out with, what is there to change? You can't just suddenly create some people you like or change the ones you don't. All you really can do is either find people who are nice or to accept that there are no people like them. Trying to change somthing you can't will only hurt you.

At 10/8/09 10:52 PM, Elfer wrote:

At 9/4/09 07:17 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: This chick and I started dating in the summer last year, and even though I didn't like her at first, I quickly fell in love with her.
So this summer she starts getting more distant.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend,

Bro just curious but do you have a time machine??? Because if so that is pretty awesome and I would not worry about this girl.

He isn't THE boyfriend, get it?

Also, Capn, how is her moving back and seeing you more often going to help? She'll still be distant and act the way she does now.

At 10/2/09 06:17 AM, Peacekid wrote: I'm wondering if this is normal:

It is normal but here's some things you need to think about:

If people actually think you're great when you're entertaining them, why not want to be like that with people you see often? The other ones obviously like you and you like who you are so why not?
If you look at it logically the only thing you should do is be like you are in the first example. That way you'd entertain everyone, be happy with who you are AND people would like you anyway.

Is there a way I could fix this? I just came to realize this and its kinda awkward and annoying.

Sure, but the most powerful way to do so is through awereness and commitment. What you've shown is that it's not the people's fault but simply how you think about it. You don't actually have to impress those people you see often, you just think you do.
Now that you know you don't have to do so and that they will like you regardless, you can make use of that awereness and change your believes. By commiting to that change you will be able to actually change. So anytime you notice that you are not being yourself in order to impress, correct your behaviour and start doing what you want to do. Only by doing this will you actually be able to change in what you actually are.

Just remember this: As long as you are happy with who you are, other people will too. Whenever you change who you are in order to impress other people, you are deceiving them. You might be able to keep that up and make them happy, but you might not last long enough and it will most certainly not make you happy. So be who you are and make being yourself the most important thing there is.

At 10/5/09 10:15 PM, DarkSytze wrote: my girlfriend doesn't bring it up. i don't really feel like bringing it up either. school is pretty wild about it, some of my friends say i should beat him up. but i really don't know. i never been in this situation like this. but if he like, attacks me, i kick his ass around.

And why exactly are you telling this?

Seeing as there really isn't a question in your post I'll just give my thoughts on it. I think that violence is weak. The only real reason it should ever be used is as a defense mechanism when being attacked (and not when thinking you're about to be attacked). Therefor I also think you shouldn't fight him. After all, what does it really get you and what does it mean? In the end it only means you're not enough in control of yourself to work things out without fighting.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend, and they fucked. We never had sex once. I didn't think she ever wanted to, but I wanted to really badly. I held it in for her. Now she says that she was waiting for me. She doesn't tell me anything anymore. I hear from other people that she went to the movie when we could have seen each other and such. It sucks. I'm depressed pretty much all the time now, just thinking about it..

Break it off with her. As far as I'm concerned this is the number one rule in life: 'Create your own happiness. If you're not happy, get rid of what doesn't make you happy or create things that do.'

Being with this girl obviously isn't making you happy. Now you will probably have major objections against leaving her which is only natural. However, you need to understand why this is the best thing to do and why you don't want to.

So first, why you should:
- The way she lives her life and how she lives her life with you isn't the way you want to live your life. Trying to change this or trying to change yourself so you can deal with it won't make you happy. She simply doesn't fit with you in a way that'll make you happy.

- You're depending on her. A part of your life is not in your own control because you blame her for feeling the way you do. By doing so you also take away the option to change that behaviour simply by thinking she's responsible for it. By getting rid of her you're forcing yourself to take control of that part of your life again.

Why you don't want to:
- You don't trust yourself. You don't have enough faith in yourself to believe that you will be able to cope with breaking it off with her. You think you won't be able to find another girl or that it will hurt you too much. The truth is that you are very much capable and it will also make you happier. It will make you more independant which will give you more power. This will create a sense of strenght and self-confidence.

- Related to this are hope and fear of change. You hope that everything will work out great. The reason you do is because you don't want things to change. Doing so might mean that you need to do things you aren't used to and are uncomfortable with. Learning new skills can be hard but it's also very rewarding. It'll make you less dependant of others, more confident about yourself and much more happy.

It certainly won't be easy to break it off and it will definitely hurt, but it won't hurt as much as feeling helpessly stuck inside a bad relationship.

At 10/1/09 11:15 PM, MichaelHurst wrote: Help?

I don't think she's actually that much into you. Probably the only reason she told you to wait a month was to make it more natural for her to break it off with you.

At 10/2/09 12:39 AM, TheWolfe wrote: For some reason, every time a chick has told me she is always busy, it never works out.
At first it's like "oh, I guess you just do a lot of shit and I'm just not as social or whatever"
But really I think it's an excuse. I mean, think about it. Even if you played all the sports in the world and studied for hours and hours, you'd have SOME time to hang out.

Unless you truly realize how many sports there are in the world ;P

So rule of thumb, if a chick even MENTIONS she's busy a lot of the time, it probably means she's not interested.

Or maybe that's just me.

It isn't, but it's pretty useless to base a rule on a probability, isn't it? Especially since you don't include a way to deal with it, which would be to actually make her interested in you and want to be with you. Because you can either see it as a rejection or a simply speed bumb that you need to overcome.

At 9/29/09 07:19 PM, UltimateAxl wrote: Vincoid, is there a possibilty she'll change her mind about it? Like not going with her ex and stay with me? What we just did was very close... Well that's what I think?

Of course man. It'll most likely won't be a conscious choice but a battle between whom she feels more attraction for. If you keep building attraction and comfort with her and make her feel good then there's a pretty good chance that she'll come to you.

Congrats on the kiss btw. Not so much for the kiss itself (though it is awesome) but because of what it took to get there. I'm glad you worked up the courage to take that step. All you have to do now is keep doing it and keep getting what you want ;)

At 9/29/09 04:55 PM, Thegluestickman wrote: Holy shit, this exactly what I needed to hear. You hit the nail on the head.

Good to hear that ;)

I don't think I've truly asked myself that question. I have no idea why I feel this way around girls. I honestly don't know, for a strange reason I think that girls will make snide comments and tell people, when in reality both genders would do that.

That's true, men more than women even due to a feeling of competition. Since I've began learning how to communicate with women I'v become a threat to a lot of men. They see me as competition in their 'hunt' for women. To justify their own lack of skills with women they will thrash talk you untill there's nothing left to say.

I tell myself it doesn't matter what people say or think it's about how I want to live my life, but when it comes down to that I can't happen to erase what people think about me. My confidence and self esteem are too low I guess.

Would you say that people are perfect in seeing what someone else is like? I myself believe that nobody on earth can truly understand another person completely, even if they have known that person their whole life.
If you keep that in the back of your mind, what is it that other people judge when they talk about you? It most certainly isn't what you are actually like. What's really going on is that they are not only judging your behaviour, they're also combining it with their own opinion about such behaviour and their assumptions on what you must be like.
For instance, you could become enraged due to some small thing happening to you that is really of no importance. Someone seeing this and not knowing you could think that you are very aggressive and easily upset. This could cause them to avoid you in the future. The truth could be that you were having a very bad day, you've been through a lot of bad stuff recently and this was the final straw or that this 'minor' thing was in fact of importance to you.
The truth however is not what matters to most people. What matters to them is what they think. So what they are truly judging is their view of you, which is of course entirely different from what you are really like. All of this means that you truly have never been judged before, meaning that you are in no way what other people think of you. In fact, the only person that has ever judged you is you.
Even I haven't judged you which is pretty amazing seeing as I did describe the problems you are dealing with. The reason I could is exactly like all people do, namely judging from experience and personal view. What I really did was give a solution to the problems my view of you is dealing with.

But how do I help my thinking pattern change? I can see it happening, I tell myself not to do it and I revert to old ways.

Correcting yourself and motivating yourself. If you look at the picture below you see 3 red vertical lines. That line shows our ideal path in life. The reason we call it ideal is because it is what we work to reach but never will achieve, not because we aren't good enough but because it's impossible. The ideal way of life is straight over that path.
The black line shows our true path of life. In situation 1 you see th epath of life of someone who isn't living the life he truly wants. You see that his path is way out from his ideal.
Situation 2 shows someone who is more or less the same way but with two major differences. First of all it's someone who is very unbalanced because he comes close to his ideal line but also spends a lot of time far out from it. The second difference is that this person never reaches his goal. The goal in life is to reach your goal in life.
Situation 3 shows someone who is in control of his path. This person stays close to his idea path and crosses it many time in his life.
The horizontal line shows what your life could somewhat look like. At first you are way out because right now you are not happy with who you are. As you learn how to correct yourself and work towards the ideal line, you'll start being able to stay close to it. You'll hit some objects on the way but nothing to stop you in your tracks.

So, correcting yourself is of great importance. Anytime you notice that you are not doing what you're supposed to do, feeling the way you want to feel or thinking what you want to think, correct yourself. Tell yourself what you want to think, what you want to feel and do what you really want to do.
The way the brain works is that your unconscious brain creates conscious thoughts based on your personality. Your unconscious brain believes anything your conscious brain tells it. If you tell it something long enough it'll make it its own and make it a part of who you are. Then you'll start to unconsciously act this way. This process can take weeks to show its first signs, months to change big parts of your personality and years to become completely natural. But what it truly takes is persistance. You have to constantly push yourself to get what you want out of life.

I try and take responsibility for my actions. I don't think I blame the world for any issues I have, I understand that world is fate and everything happens for a reason and anything that world has to offer I have to get it.

Try to think of the world as opportunity. Thinking of it as fate can bring about the feeling that whatever happens happens and that you only have to sit around and wait for it to come to you. If you think of life as handing over opportunities you'll be motivated more to act upon it.

It would be 100000x more effective to change my thinking it's just that when it comes time to put my actions in place I revert to old thinking. Do you have any advice on how to help this?

Of course. Like I previously said, constantly correct yourself. Becoming conscious of everything you want to change is hard so it takes a long time to achieve. What's important is that you correct yourself anytime something comes up. If you tell yourself that you'll work on it later, you won't do it.

Secondly, set preferences and boundaries. In order to act upon things in the way that you want you first have to know what you want. You can set boundaries and preferences for anything life so there's a lot of work to do.

I thank you, this is amazing advice and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I hope you use yout talent to help more people.

I most certainly will, thank you.

Just let me know if you need more info on any of this or a new subject. I wanted type some more but I really don't have a lot of characters left so I'll let you decide if you need more info ;)

At 9/27/09 06:16 PM, Thegluestickman wrote: So I have a dilemma. Maybe someone can help me, hopefully this is the right place.

Anyway, I have a severe shyness when talking to anyone of the opposite sex. I'm fine around guy's but when girls come around I don't talk or anything. I just notice more flaws in me and I'm afraid I will make a fool of myself. Is there any advice on how I can improve my social inept? Or at least to cope with it better?

Have you ever asked yourself why it is you feel this way around girls? What is the important difference between the guys and girls that gets you to become aware of yourself? Why does it matter what girls think about you but not what guys think?

Also, now that we're on the subject anyway, have you ever asked yourself why you care about anything anyone ever thinks about you? Have you ever asked yourself why you feel bad not only about someone's thoughts about you, but also their supposed thoughts?

The truth is that all of these other people are simply a mirror showing you what you dislike about yourself. Their opinions and their prejudice is truly your own insecurity reflected upon yourself. Whenever you think someone is thinking something bad about you, it really isn't the case. What's actually happening is that you're doubting your own behaviour and acting as if it's their thoughts so you don't have to take responsibility for your own. This is also your biggest problem.

Right now you are avoiding. You are avoiding responsibility, you are avoiding being hurt, you are avoiding risk and you are avoiding basicly everything you truly want out of life. The reason you do this is because you lack certain knowledge about how to deal with life, something that is quite imaginable seeing as you're only 14 years old.
The truth is that no matter what happens, we always have a choice. We choose how to respond to external events and we choose how to behave. We choose how we feel about things and there are basicly two things people do, namely avoiding responsibility or taking it. What this means is that those that avoid responsibility choose to live like victims. They blame the world for how they feel because the world isn't bringing them more joy. They feel that the things that happen to them are out of their control, including how they feel. The biggest advantage of this behaviour (which is a choice) is that these people feel safe in their own misery. They don't risk being hurt, they don't risk being happy and in the progress avoid everything that makes them feel bad. Or so they think.
The greatest disadvantage of this behaviour is that these people will never be happy with their life. They might feel comfort when not being hurt but they will also forever feel that they are missing out on life. Besides that, avoiding responsibility also brings with it that you stop being conscious of your own destructive behaviour. People soon forget that they chose to be victims and start blaming everyone else for how their life turned out to be. The only person ever capable of changing their life is them, but avoiding responsibility keeps them from taking control over their lifes.

The other group of people do take responsibility for their life, their actions, their feelings, etc. Instead of blaming others or themselves, they look at the things in their life and see them as opportunities. Opportunities to gain what they want, opportunties to grow, opportunities to learn, opportunities to correct themselves.
While this group is not free from feeling hurt, they are free to live life like they want to. They are free to take control over anything they can and do with it what they want. These are the people that stand up after they have fallen down, and instead of complaining about having fallen down they learn how they stood up so they can stand back up faster the next time they fall. Falling down, or feeling hurt, is inevitable. There is no way to live life and never feel hurt. You have however always the ability to choose what to do with what is given to you.

So, when applying this to your life, can you see how you have been doing this very thing? Instead of seeing a flaw in yourself, becoming aware and then trying to avoid being hurt (which you do by not talking to them), wouldn't it be way more effective if you'd change what you think is flawed so you won't get aware of it anymore and stop being hurt by it?

Just remember this; It's your life and you have to live it for yourself. So are you going to think of yourself as a victim and pretend that the world is responsible for your life, or are you going to take action and deal with your own life constructively, create your own happiness and become satisfied with who you are?

At 9/24/09 09:21 PM, Tykwa wrote: I don't know what this shit is all about it pisses me off, I know this has nothing to do with relationships, but what's going on? I notice when I tell people " I'm Agnostic " they seem to instantly be repelled by me as if I'm a fucking aids infested rat, Why the fuck does this happen?

It's in people's nature. It seems like you met the side of Christianity that seems to believe that anyone not thinking like them is an enemy. They feel safe around each other for they all believe the same thing, but you're different so you're a possible threat.
Not only that, they're also ignorant to human nature and are prejudiced in a very unhealthy way.

This is seriously pissing me off, being targeted by a church...

Why? Why would you want to connect with people who are dismissing you for not thinking alike? Why would you want to be accepted by those that are single-minded?

What you need to know here is that trying to connect with these people is futile. What you're basicly doing is not trying to be more sociable, but to put you inbetween these people and try to see if they'll change themselves for you because you somehow made some great gesture by showing up there. Trying to change other people, no matter on what scale, will always fail and make you unhappy when you let your own emotions depend upon it. Creating goals that require any sort of control outside of yourself are setting you up for failure.
So, instead of trying to change these people, accept that they will not come to like you unless you turn to Christianity. I highly doubt that's worth the trouble because it would require you to change in something you don't to be.
Just go out and find those people that are like you or, unlike these people, do not judge you because of your believes.

At 9/24/09 10:13 PM, jake-thesnake wrote: So there is this really hot girl who has been my friend for 2 years.

We have never been out but she let me feel all up on her boob.

Are you saying she's only got one boob?

(yes, it was a game we were playing)
Also she's stroked my dick. (also part of the game)
So I want to know how to get our friendship into a relationship. Also I forgot to mention we've kissed before.

I guess I feel like I'm not good enough for her, because she has the body of a goddess, and I'm just a kid on NG constantly.

Few questions for you:

1: How does her having a good body make you unworthy?
2: How is her being hot even relevant to that?
3: Why would being on NG make you unworthy?

Any advice?

Yeah, stop thinking that you're unworthy because that's the only reason why you feel like you are. The truth is that you are in no way unworthy unless you believe you are.

At 9/23/09 02:13 AM, Spaghetti14 wrote: So yeah, none of you probably care about all this, but I've liked her since like April, so I'm pretty much SUPER HAPPY.
I feel like telling every single person in the world how much I adore her right now.

Congrats man, enjoy ;)

At 9/22/09 04:30 AM, jimmythehedgehog wrote: At the moment I don't really care about her after she has done, but I don't really want people hating me.
What should I do? apologize?

No, because the only reason you want to apologize to her is to redeem yourself. You should only apologize if you truly feel sorry about what you said to her because of the effect it had on her.

What I do want to add this whole thing is simple; why bother anyway? Why would you even call her anything if you no longer have anything to do with her? What does it matter that she goes out with a bunch of guys? Why does it matter that she lives life the way she wants to? And most importantly, why do you have to share your meaning about it with anybody else?

What I'm trying to make clear to you here is that all of this stuff is not important. Life is about being happy and doing what you want. How does calling her a slut make you happy? What does it contribute to your life?
Calling other people on their behaviour is the best time to reflect upon yourself and see what you need to change about yourself. So what does calling her a slut say about you? And what does trying to redeem yourself say about you?

At 9/20/09 01:11 PM, Infuritaion wrote: Wow, you're good xD

Thanks for all the advice!

You're welcome ;)

At 9/20/09 09:09 PM, TheWolfe wrote: Hey guys, just wanting to ask your opinion on somethin'

So, im on facebook, i get a friend request from a junior, im a senior.
we start talking, at first its kind of weird, but now its much more laid back.
i think shes cute, etc etc
she did good on a test, and i said "high five" and so she said "you owe me a highfive"
which does 2 things
one, makes me feel awkward in that im kind of a shy person with people ive never talked to before, but after i get past that im really outgoing, so now im suppose to highfive someone ive never talked to in the hall way if i ever see them? and if i dont, is that rejecting them?

I don't think it's rejecting them but it can help you get past that shyness. By giving that high five you break that discomfort that you lack at the moment. Because you feel fear for doing so, you'll create confidence when you do it. Just look at it as simple as you can; it's two hands clapping together, that's it, nothing to worry about.

i know its just a stupid game flirt thing, but i dont want to mess things up
two, i kind of want to hang out with her, how do i transition from "hey, you added me on facebook" to "hey, want to hang out?"

Well, you do already talk to her so you can very easily ask her if she likes to hang out. You don't have to have a special reason or moment to do so, all you have to do is ask. I doubt she would say no anyway.

hope you can understand this all. im kind of short handing all of this, as its late. but if you need any extra details lemme know

No problem, the situation seems pretty clear to me ;)

At 9/19/09 07:30 PM, catman03 wrote: The only problem is that I am a paranoid fuck who refuses to believe that anyone could like me, so what I'm really asking is: do you think there's hope for us when she moves on or do you think that's just something she said to get me to go away? I'm obviously not going to pester her about it, but I'm not really certain how to feel right now.

I'm thinking you should apply the second line from your signature to this situation. The thing I do whenever I'm presented with a situation that is indecisive is to think about it positively. I really can't tell what the case is here as both possibilities are realistic. Expecting the most positive one makes sure you don't destroy yourself over something as small as this. Just give it some time and you'll find out soon enough what's going on ;)

Also, if you truly did believe nobody could ever like you, you wouldn't have asked this question here. The fact that you did shows that you don't believe it and I can tell from personal experience that basicly any kind of guy can get girls.

At 9/19/09 05:31 PM, Infuritaion wrote: Were we just freaking out over the situation? We thought he had found another girl and that he just didn't want to hurt my sis by breaking it off. Why would a guy not respond to a call and text for a whole week? We still try and figure it out, and the guy is still really quiet. They used to text constantly every single day.

Having concern is in this case certainly dignified. Such a sudden and extreme change in behaviour is far from normal and you can, or should be able to, expect from someone that close that he'd inform you on what's going on.
I take it that he hasn't told your sister anything about why he didn't call or text? Figuring out why he didn't respond is difficult. There are dozens of options and there's really no way of being sure which one it is. It could very well be that he has found another girl and is to scared to confront your sister with it. I highly doubt that he wouldn't say it so he wouldn't hurt your sister but that fear is his true motivation.
However, this is just one option. Maybe he got into a nasty situation which left him unable to respond at all, something he isn't willing to share with anyone else either. If this is the case it can take quite a while before he tells your sis why he didn't respond, if he even does at all.

Whatever it is, the most important thing is how you deal with it. If your sis wants clarification then I suggest she asks him what's going on. She has to make sure to let him know that it's important for her to know seeing as not responding for a week without telling why is something else compared to not responding to a single text.
It's also a good idea not to expect a very negative situation. This will only cause your sis to behave in a different way towards him and will eventually make it look like he's cheating (or something similar).

2. I met a very nice, ok looking guy in one of my classes. We hit off really well and had a nice chat. I have a class right after that one, so I took off, saying I'll see him next time. We waved and smiled and that was it. Next time he didn't even look at me. Guys, do you just say hi to a girl and then leave her hanging when you see her again? Or am I ok, and thinking too much about it?

I don't usually do something like that, though it does happen from time to time. Basicly the same thing applies as with your previous problem, namely that there are numerous different options. He could simply have had something on his mind, but he could also be deliberately ignoring you for the very reason you're here, which is making you think about it.
Whenever you have interest in someone, doubt about your connection creates attraction. You simply can't let it go, you create huge amounts of pressure inside of you and then the next time you see him and everything appears to be fine, the tension is released and you suddenly feel a whole let better about him and your connection. He might not be consciously doing this, he might be but he also might not be doign this at all. Like I said, there is no way of knowing for sure.
It also depends quite a bit on your first conversation. To really be able to say how he feels about you I would have had to be there to see his body language, but you said you guys hit it off well. Depending on how long the entire conversation was he also could have seen it as a very simple conversation, not thinking of it as anything more than that. That would also explain his current behaviour because he wouldn't feel much pressure to connect with you again immediately.

Same thing here, best thing to do is to keep from being negative. See how it works out in the future and if he still doesn't do anything you might want to try connecting with him again. You could simply start a conversation with him again and untill then try to make eye contact. If that doesn't motivate him to talk to you again then he probably isn't very interested in you, not even in a friendly manner.

At 9/18/09 03:45 AM, jimmythehedgehog wrote: Thanks, Vincoid
I phoned her today and broke-up. Easier than I thought it would be.
She said she will ring tomorrow to discuss anything further, because she was about to cry.
I value your suggestions.

You're welcome. I think you did good by breaking up. Eventually it would probably only cause a lot of negativity, plus it doesn't really sound to me like the whole relationship was that great anyway.

At 9/19/09 05:24 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: I'm curious and asking for maybe you guys to open up on how this happens or how I might stop it?
Tips? Stories from your own situations?

How this happens depends quite a bit on him, you and the way you converse. Seeing the things you post on your profile it seems to me like it could very well be the way you communicate with him. It should be very obvious to you if that is the case so I'll let you decide that one for yourself.

On the other hand it can also be that you aren't communicating anything to him sexually but that you're simply very open to him. This will make him feel no resistance in pursuing you even though you're his best friend's girlfriend.

Whichever way it is, the solution is simple. If you are being very sexual with him then you should simply stop doing that.
If it isn't, I suggest you start showing more boundaries to him. You have to show him that there are certain lines he can't cross.
If even that doesn't help, it's time to be extremely up front with him about him. Explicitly tell him that you don't like what he's doing so he will have to get the message. If it doesn't get to him right away another method is to start ignoring him bit by bit. Cutting away the contact between the two of you creates a boundary too.

At 9/19/09 09:51 AM, pwnasuarusrex4real1 wrote: HI! It's me again :/

First off, I still want to say thank you to Vincoid. secondly, it didn't go real well. We would text for a while, but I never see him on campus which is sucky. Over the week I text him a simple, "Hey! What's up?" And he didn't reply, along with what I said this past Thursday which was something like, "Do you want to hang out sometime soon?" So now I'm stuck. Should I still try, or give up?

You're welcome.

You can try again btw, I would just wait for a while before doing so. My guess here is that a very classic situation ensued, namely forgetting to progress on time. A very important aspect of relationships is progressing. If you don't see each other and only communicate via text or IM it's very important to move to face-to-face contact as soon as possible. This way the feelings keep flowing so the speak while they will slow down and be forgotten when you only text.

You see, words are only a very small part of communication. In fact, they're the least important of all when considering the effects of body language, facial expression, tone of voice, etc. Sure, words are a key part but they don't do very well in creating emotions on their own unless you really understand how they create feelings.
Especially via text you'll find that a lot of things can be misinterpreted. Something that would convey confidence and sensuality in person might sound extremely insecure and try-hard when send by text. Because of this it's essential that personal contact is made as soon as possible. Texts only work well enough when you understand the other person better.

So, all in all, I think it's fine if you try again later. Him ignoring you might be a sign of not being interested, but it's very likely that he simply isn't motivated enough due to a lack of personal contact (even though you invited him for that). Giving him some time can distract him from this lack of contact and make him wonder what happened when you text him again in a few weeks.

At 9/17/09 04:19 PM, jimmythehedgehog wrote: She has a mental condition (Depression) and I think a little too much thoughts on anorexia.
Could this be the reason that she is doing these kind of things? Could I help her and try to understand her? Because I think I love her.

You could, but it is extremely hard if you don't know how to do it and are inexperienced. Besides that, it can also cause your relationship to end because changing something like this means that she has to change who she is. Whenever you try to change a person they tend to defend themselves even if their behaviour isn't helping them. As a result she can become very hostile towards you and not feel comfortable with you as she thinks you don't like her how she is.

Depression in itself isn't so bad though. People usually think off it as something really terrible but if you keep living life then you'll grow out of it eventually. Not that I really recommend that. The only true solution for me is to learn how to deal with your emotions. You shouldn't be the one to teach her that though. If she wants to get rid of it herself she might want to find a good therapist to help her out with it.

At 9/15/09 10:42 PM, boloneyman wrote: So I'd like to hear what you guys think about the distance between us and if you think it could work. Also, how to come out and say such a large feeling I've been keeping a secret for a year now. Telling her just seems like such a large and frightening thing to do.

Well, the distance isn't too bad. An hour shouldn't be much of a problem, though I think it's best, especially in the very beginning, if you're really near to each other.

Besides that, I do not only agree on that telling her would be frightening, it's also really unnecessary. Just think about it first, why would you even tell her? What's the point? Do you think she'll suddenly like you because she knows you like her, or that she's been holding back out of fear for being rejected and actually likes you?

The truth is that this is all very unlikely. Most guys think that telling a girl you like her will make her like you. Wrong, it does the exact opposite in most cases which is creating a feeling of expectation and pressure. Suddenly she'll feel like she needs to reciprocate while nothing else tells her too. Because of this she'll distance herself from you instead of move toward you.

What you really should be doing is make her like you. Important to understand when doing this is that your feelings are in no way influential for this, so sharing them explicitly won't do you any good.
Instead you need to make her laugh and make her feel good. You need to show you're doing fine on your own, have a life of your own and thus won't be too clingy and/or needy with her. You have to show her you're confident, that you would appreciate having her in your life but that your life does not depend on it emotionally.

You also need to stop to try and impress her. Impressing a girl is the exact opposite of what you want to be doing since it conveys neediness. You're going out of your way, leading a life you truly don't want to, simply to be with this girl. While this might sound like it's flattering, it's actually really creepy. Women feel trapped whenever a guy tries to impress her and if you do end up in a relationship with her, she could even feel guilt for you leading a life different from what you truly want.

Hope this gives you some insights in what you might want to be doing in your situation. Just ask if you need anything else ;)

At 9/17/09 01:34 AM, jimmythehedgehog wrote: What should I do?

If it's a problem for you, which it obviously is, you might want to confront her with it. Technically it doesn't really say anything since you aren't together right now, but you might want to tell her that it's confusing to see her hanging out happily with another guy while telling you that she needs space.
Having said that, I must also add that that's a classic excuse for breaking up. The reason girls want to have some space is because they aren't happy with the relationship. She's either getting to much negative emotions from it or not getting enough good ones.
So, instead of sitting around wondering what's what, you might want to do a bit of analyzing on your relationship as it could very well be that that's the cause of the break. For instance, how do you guys usually act around each other? How do you spend your time together? In what way do you talk to her?
All of those things have direct influence on how she feels about you and the relationship so it's very important to look at it.

At 9/14/09 06:27 PM, Patton3 wrote: I frankly think he's a prick but they're still friends, and dated for a while, so I want to make sure he gets whats going on, in a way that won't have a lot of... collateral damage I believe is the turn of phrase I'm looking for.

Well, I don't think he's the biggest part of the problem. If you tell him that she's with you and they're over he'll see it as if you're jealous. Even if it's obvious that it's not the case, his mind simply won't accept for him that it's over.
What has to be done is that the girl needs to not only communicate directly to him that it's over, she also needs to stop seeing him. Only by creating a physical distance between them will he understand that it's truly over. If she doesn't do this then he will always ignore her words and see her actions as a signal of still liking him.

At 9/14/09 11:09 PM, HahaISuckMoreThanYou wrote: Unfortunately, for some magical reason, most girls I talk to are rather unattractive in my opinion.

You say that as if it's not your choice to talk to them :P

...on a date usually saying "Meh, I'm not into you" in a more friendlier tone than how I typed it.

Then why do you go out on a date with them? If you're not even into them you're not only giving them false hope, you're also making yourself less happy than you could be because you already realize it's not going to work.

The biggest problem about me is I'm overweight (I been wanting to go on a diet, but though I eat healthy, I haven't lost much)

Work out. A diet alone won't help much because in order to lose weight you'll have to underfeed yourself, thus activating the reserves you have. Your body then starts taking more nutrients out of your food. Then when you are on your desired weight and start eating normally again, the weight will come back again.
Instead, you should be burning your reserves. Working out in ways that use your whole body burn most.

No matter what I do I just can't be good enough I always feel like, so I always try improving myself. Though the real problem is that I'm finicky about the personality of the girl I wanna be around with (has nothing to do with looks, if that was the case I known some hot girls who asked me out).

That's not the problem. In fact, being very specific about what you like makes it more likely for you to actually be with someone opposed to being desperate and ending up with someone you'll never truly be happy with.
The only way that your specific taste could be a problem is when you don't know how to deal with it and when you start using it as an excuse. When I first learned how to deal with girls I often refused to go up to some simply because I told myself they weren't hot enough. The cold reality was that I was scared shitless and was using it as an excuse.
The problem of not knowing how to deal with it seems the most likely problem here. It sounds to me like you don't have a whole lot of control over your emotions. In your own way you are desperate for a girl (seeing as you get hopeless whenever one's with someone else) and you hit a guy for calling his girl a whore. The big deal with that is that it doesn't matter if he calls her that because it's in no way relevant. She's not a whore because he calls her a whore so what's the big deal? You're only hurting yourself if you make it a problem.

Not afraid of talking to girls/flirting, it's just most girls who I wanna date already has boyfriends and just feel the spiral of hopelessness coming into my life when it comes to this. (Though I much rather live a life by myself than be with a stupid bitch)

Stupid bitch? Sounds to me like you carry some hate inside. What you need to realize is that hate towards others is only compromising how good you feel about yourself. Whenever you think negatively about someone else it's simple a reflection of a flaw within yourself. You'll end up in a spiral of negativity, blaming everyone else for how bad your life is. Eventually you completely stop taking responsibility for your experience of life, including how you feel, and then you'll never get what you want.
What I suggest you do is stop hating. Instead of pointing out people's flaws, even if you point them out only to yourself, just stop it. This behaviour will only get back to yourself so if you shift to a way of positive thinking you'll feel better about yourself too.
The second advantage of this is that you'll start seeing more opportunities for getting what you want. The problem for most people is that negativity is clouding their minds. All of this negativity keeps them from going after what they want. You for instance focus on how much your life sucks because a hot girl is taken while another one could literally be walking past you.

What you also need to do is stop going out with girls you don't find attractive. The only thing you do with this is make you look desperate. Whenever you go for someone that you don't even want, you make people lose respect for you and, more importantly, you lose respect for yourself.

Am I wrong for thinking that?

Not at all, though it's better to make it a positive thought. Being happy with and by yourself is a huge advantage in actually finding a girl. Guys with a great personal life are very attractive to them.

Why am I attracted to so little people?

Because you have taste. I myself am extremely picky too, though I do realize that women are not perfect either so I accept that there are flaws. If the flaw is something I can't live with then I won't pursue being with them, but if it's something small then there's no problem.
In fact, my pickiness is more of a guideline than rules. I don't have any specifics like height, hair color, etc. Sure, she must have long hair, but that still leaves room for a whole lot of variety. Shit, I even saw this girl a while back that was smoking hot but who, due to an accident, has lost a part of one arm. I don't give a shit about that. Most people might instantly be turned off by it but it takes character to look past that and see the person behind the missing arm.

So, all in all there's nothing wrong with having taste. But what you need to do differently is to not focus on the unfortunate stuff and start focussing on opportunity. So whenever a hot girl is already taken, don't beat yourself up about it. It's not your fault in any way and neither is it the fault of you having taste. Just pick yourself up and move on.

(inb4 you say become gay, definitely know I don't want to be with another guy, that's just weird and disgusting.)

Being gay is not weird or disgusting. Why would it?

At 9/13/09 08:21 PM, EpicFail wrote: Do you guys have any ideas as to what I can do to be a better boyfriend or something?

Yeah, stop trying so hard. You're saying you're not clingy but everything you've said so far indicates that you're smothering her.
Sure, you're not trying to change her and give her room to be who she wants to be, but at the same time you're expressing your feelings for her in a clingy way.

For instance, giving her money, going out fo your way to be there for her and basicly doing everything you think she wants that'll make her stay, all of those things convey only one thing and that's insecurity.
If there's one thing that makes or breaks a relationship it's confidence. The key is to be confident, don't worry about the relationship (as there's a reason it exists) and to have fun with it.
You buying her things and going out of your way for her are signs of insecurity. Girls want guys who take care of themselves and put their own life in front of anything. Not in a sense that they become extremely selfish and say 'Fuck you!' to everyone that gets in their way, but guys who don't let others walk over them and who stick to their goals and ambitions. By going out of your way for her you make her more important than your goals which she might like at first but will hate after a while. If this is hard to believe for you I suggest you scan the previous two pages. Someone there had the same thing as he never focussed on himself.

Of course, I'm not saying that giving attention is a bad thing, but being materialistic isn't a way to show how you feel. Time is way more valuable than any gift you can give her. Just spending time with her shows her how much you care. All you need to add to it then is to have fun because right now your worries are keeping you from truly enjoying yourself around her, something that will eventually make her feel like she isn't appreciated or isn't trying hard enough to meet your expectations.

So all in all, chill out, live your own life, have fun with this girl and stop giving her stuff. When your relationship stops being about giving each other things to show you care, only then will you be able to truly care and show you do with your actions instead of your money.

At 9/13/09 10:19 PM, Dylawrence wrote: It's still going on?

well shit, you can count me back in, I got everything in my life back on track, and now it should be a cinch to get a part done!

It is, though very slowly. I myself am going through a very busy part of my life so I hardly ever find time to work on this. I'm definitely trying to get this done by the end of the year but I can't promise anything.

At 9/12/09 10:13 PM, CowGoMoo wrote: I haven't posted in a long time, i just feel like i should tell you guys what's happened.

So me and the girl i really like are going out now, we've been to the movies twice and we're going to an amusement park soon for her birthday. Thanks guys, you really helped.

That's great man, good to hear!

At 9/10/09 06:41 AM, Peacekid wrote: Hi, I have no idea how to talk to girls. Or people I am familiar with, for that matter. When it comes to people who are less talkative than me I can easily talk to them, but when it comes to girls and people who are more social than me, I kind of take a back seat and can't really initiate much convo.

I am genuinely in a 'what the fuck do I do' situation.

First you should think of some things to say. Just some basic things that will open up a wide variety of topics will do fine.
If you're going to open a conversation with a stranger for the sake of getting to know them, you can very easily achieve that by asking something about themselves. Something general is best, like asking them about things they like to do or asking their opinion on something. Think things like hobbies.
When they tell you, you suddenly have multiple ways to keep going. You can tell that person about things you like to do, make a comment about something they like, ask them something about the things they do (get them to explain how it works), etc.

So first you come up with a bunch of questions, start using those and see which work best for you and learn as you go. Over time as you get used to it you'll also start having more fun with it, come up with new ways to start conversations or keep them going.

What you can also do is observe other people talking. See how they start conversations, notice what they say, how they say it, their body language, etc. This'll show you some great insights on the way others communicate.

As for talking to girls, it's really not that different from talking to guys. All you need to remember is that they are people to just like the rest of us and thus do not deserve some kind of special treatment.
Some guys treat women as if they're porcelain cups that will break if you do not act extra nice to them. I go the other way and make fun of them. Not only does it work much better (as it shows confidence) it's also way more fun for me. Important here though is to realize that making fun of isn't the same as being insulting.

When you make a list of questions and other comments to start a conversation with, you can post it here and I'll comment on how you can take it further, add changes to make them more effective or steal the once that are brilliant :P