14 Forum Posts by "vampiretodd"
I'm posting the narrative now. It is also a rough draft for something I hope to make in the future. All other details about it will not be disclosed. Hope you like it.
Well I posted a prologue for a book idea. The ideas for the book are somewhere on the writing form. Enjoy! I expect nothing but honest criticism.
At 3/4/14 02:18 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote:At 3/3/14 10:29 PM, vampiretodd wrote:Looked at it. Has the same problems as before. I think you should try some exercises to get the mental juices flowing and maybe learn a thing or two about literature.
P.S. the news post I wanted you to look at was titled "come to me, friend." It's on my page if you'd like to check it out.
Then, I'd like to see a narrative. That's right: a story. Fiction, non-fiction--whatever. As long as it follows the criteria listed in my original post.
:A narrative you say. I can definitely go for that. I actually came prepared for that sort of thing. I'll check in my treasure trove of goodies and see what I can pull out. :D
At 3/3/14 07:51 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote:At 3/3/14 06:33 PM, vampiretodd wrote: I responded to your reply then afterwards deleted the news post. Sorry i didn't really see much potential in that piece. Just a little bit of free hand writing I wanted to do to ease my mind. Your criticism was very helpful! But it wasn't on the news post I wanted you to critique on. Yeah as you said it was tacky. I don't like being tacky or sought out to be a pleader. Because pleading is not my thing. But seriously though, thank you!Yeah, well, I thought that post was rather rough and insubstantial. I have gotten a feel for your style and ability though, from that piece and some others that I've read. I actually ran out of space when writing in the reply box. Seeing as it's only you and me pretty much, I would be happy to look at something you've written that is more ... substantial.
:Oh thank god! Whoa that took a load off my mind. I thought you was gonna respond with something vulgar and aggressive such as "FUCK YOU, YOU SUCKED ANYWAY" or something even more along the lines of "Good, I didn't like your writing anyway." You know something a typical douchebag on here (I.e Newgrouns) would say. But....since your not a typical lame brained Newgrounds user then I can better subject myself into the pristine essence such as writing.
:P.S. the news post I wanted you to look at was titled "come to me, friend." It's on my page if you'd like to check it out.
I responded to your reply then afterwards deleted the news post. Sorry i didn't really see much potential in that piece. Just a little bit of free hand writing I wanted to do to ease my mind. Your criticism was very helpful! But it wasn't on the news post I wanted you to critique on. Yeah as you said it was tacky. I don't like being tacky or sought out to be a pleader. Because pleading is not my thing. But seriously though, thank you!
At 3/3/14 01:01 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote:At 3/3/14 10:37 AM, vampiretodd wrote: Deal! I'll await your reply.Well, go ahead and post a link to whatever you feel needs the most attention at the moment.
:http://vampiretodd.newgrounds.com is this what you meant?
And I am not in the dark......I am in the middle of it all.
Me...evil? I doubt that much. But I do agree on the last part. Carry on.
I have no idea what you mean....... :/
I noticed that your looking for someone to show you that their serious about writing, no poems, no fan fiction, keep it on newgrounds, and create a news post or pm. So I emphasis that perhaps you could critique on my writings. In due time I could write a few stories for you to get a grasp on my talents. If you can give me advice and honest criticism then I think we can work something out. Deal! I'll await your reply.
*grow* error spotted where it says "gr". There, fixed.
And heres the last of it.
More Campaign Of The Damned Ones ideas
The shadows- They are an unknown species that fell from the sky one day, they came in the form of debris and then quickly assumed the shape of a variety of different objects, humans, animals, and other objects. The shadows did not seem to want to kill anything or anyone until Jake came into the fortress. At that point, The shadows went into a violent frenzy, killing and eating humans as if it were a sport. The creatures now remain frequent in their attacks on the humans.
Attributes: Can assume the form of anything or anyone, keen eyesight, dexterous, invulnerable to sharp objects, immune to spells (black or white magic), immune to poisons, acids, or ailments, can change it's weight or height at any time, can send a negative charge throughout a 5 mile radius, and they can stretch.
Weaknesses: Light, water, anything blunt or heavy objects, and totems.
Pros: Able to walk through fire, does not need to breath, and does not eat for substance.
Cons: Hates water, hates light, they can't carry anything that's heavier then them, and totems or any other religious or spiritual idle can kill them easily.
Pet peeve: humans.
The Falcon squadron- Named after the high ranking officer of the imperial guard brigade, the team is composed of the most fearsome fighters of fortress 17, Falco; the leader, is best known for being the pride of the squad. He is good at organizing supplies, giving speeches, driving enemies out, and is able to kill a monster with a single blow. Falco isn't very vivid when it comes to remembering something, but he can fight endlessly without getting tired. There's also Pierre Swanson, the vigilant tactical right hand man of Falco. He earned this position when saving Falco's life from a crazed maniac wielding a butcher knife. The terrorist was easily subdued by Pierre's rapier, Pierre is a prodigy of finding weak spots and delivering swift blows. The last person on the team is Heather. The caring, loving healer of the group. She worked her way up from being a medic to being a white mage. She has learned and memorized all ways to heal a person. Shes even learned some remedies that can revive a person.
Attributes (as a whole): They can route enemies, stealthy and quiet at night, good teamwork, and the team has a long lasting friendship.
Attributes (separately)-
Falco: Strong, athletic, clear and loud voice, does not fall easily, never gives up, and a faithful leader who is respected by his team.
Heather: Strong and understanding, caring, motherly, and keeps the team in line when things get ugly.
Pierre: Strong, multiple talents, always planning out strategies (even during the midst of battle), stays calm when under pressure, very flirtatious, and has an outstanding outlook on life.
Weaknesses (as a whole): accepts anyone into their team out of spite of their friendliness.
Weaknesses (separately)-
Falco: Faint of heart upon seeing blood, hates being unheard, hates getting the cold shoulder, doesn't like to be told what to do (especially if he knows more then that person), and is very vulgar when things don't work out as intended to.
Heather: Does not like being ignored, does not like shy people, and does not like the mistreatment of animals or poor people (or defenseless people).
Pierre: likes a fair fight, easily distracted, and is easily angered.
Cons- stated in weaknesses
Pros-stated in attributes
Falco's background- Born within the 11th fortress of King Darren (The fortresses get torn down a lot by traveling ruffians) he was birthed into the right of a leader. Since his days as a boy he has learned how to rally people and get them to do what he wants. However, when his plans don't work out he tends to become very angry and display great physical power, demolishing whatever he finds to be in his way. Falco's full name is Falco Hart. Falco learning to coop with his anger (which he's not quick to anger) he decides to travel with a band of travelers known as the frontier men. Jake and Kyle being apart of the band wagon of men they soon grow to realize that he is not to be trifled with.
Preferred choice of weapon: Lance, Falcon Sword.
Heather's background: Born and raised in James's fortress she was molded into a civil, modest, and motherly girl who would nurture any broken spirit or animal. She never sought to pick a fight and she would never lie to anyone. She grew up to be a nurse, treating wounds and healing patients that arrived in the hospital she worked in. Soon she was gifted with a book of remedies and a staff, becoming a white mage.
Pierre's background: Nothing stands in the way of him and a girl. Born and raised in James's fortress he learned from his elderly father to treat women with the utmost respect, he also learned how to take a girl out on a date. Pierre instantly at the age of 12 became the most flirtatious guy in all of the fortress. Pierre then at the age of 14 took up practicing how to defend himself with a rapier, he defeated countless foes with his quick timing and perfect accuracy, he could spot a weak spot from a mile away. Not only that but his clear, calm judgment helps him to decipher what to do. At age 15, he led an army to the outside to the west of the fortress so they could clear the area of the ruffians. Pierre's talent of making plans came through on that faithful day that changed his life forever. Before any of this he knew he was on the path to greatness.
Preferred weapon of choice: Daggers, rapier, Garry's blade (Garry is a priest who secretly forged and fought with weapons).
Note: their time with the frontier men was cut short when they lost one of their men. After many more travesties The falcon squadron decided to go about their own business of killing off some of The Shadows.
Enjoy! :D
Yeah I guess before I can get anyone to even reply to this post I need to submit my ideas. Well fingers crossed.
Campaign of The Damned Ones
Plot: Mission 4, base camp off to the south of the fortress. None of the heroes of this tragic tale can foresee the danger that lies ahead. The road is scattered with traps and deceit, and betrayal isn't far behind. The road, littered with treachery and danger. But the heroes do not know it yet. They are too in-tuned with their pride, their glory. And on this adventure they will soon learn that their mission will become the epitome for disaster.
Characters: Kyle- A former democrat of a wealthy family . He is sent with a group of frontier men to stop an ongoing riot in which the rioters are upset because they have no food. Kyle strips them all of legal rights to bare or gr food. Upon seeing this the frontier men wish to hang him, but end up not doing so because of the arrival of Jake: the human boy with glass eyes.
Jake- A character of unknown origin. He has been put on the same team as Kyle, whom utterly makes himself look like an unmoral jerk. So Jake decides he has two choices, live or die. Kyle chooses to live but ironically he doesn't. No further spoilers after this.
Tabby- A business expert with a keen eye. She took Jake in when he was 14, now regretting such decision because the boy hardly talks to anyone besides himself, oddly enough Tabby was right to regret the decision. Because 2 months later her house was burned to a crisp and all signs pointed to Jake. After getting kicked out of the house Jake swore that next time it won't be just the house, it'll be her life.
Rick- Captain of the frontier men, he jokes openly with anyone that is within a 5 mile radius of him. Rick often boasts about how he's killed a bunch of sharks without even looking. He stopped joking the minute Jake and Kyle entered the fray. The trouble they caused only infuriated Rick, for he wanted to bash their skulls in. When they were threatened they immediately turned tail and ran to a nearby courtyard, avoiding capture.
Mort- A spastic and spontaneous person who is gullible to every trick one pulls from the book. His experiences are mostly with drawing maps and exploring new places. His true love however is food. He could eat a whole pound of cheese by himself. Then later sing songs whilst burping.
The Scarred Man (aka George)- A mysterious man that shows up one day in camp wearing a mask and flailing his arms about as if to warn them about something. He later reveals himself to be a leader of an underground society and proposes a deal to join their team if they can find 7 monkeys for him and the rest of his society he calls “The Scarred Party”(which is starting out small until they can get more people to come abroad). They reluctantly let them join for a much deeper priority (so they can use him as shark bait when venturing off to an island).
Hilda and Malory- The pious juggernauts of undersea exploration, being girls however they are discriminated beyond belief. They try to join the Frontier men but are easily discriminated against by Rick and the other class A explorers. Malory instinctively shoots a flare right at Rick's neck killing him instantly. Hilda and Malory being discriminated all their life they didn't take kindly to Rick's uncouth remarks.
Rick (2)- Now a zombie he seeks out Malory for revenge.
Setting- Consists of a luxurious future world of adventure and thrill rides. However that future is soon out of grasp for the poor. They sign a constitution for the frontier men to find them all a new home. The task however is quite difficult for them. For the team does not get along well.
Place: 17th fortress of King Darren
Conflict: A species of unknown origin has fallen from the sky, from further inspection scientists can conclude that they mean no harm to humans. This conclusion was soon tried to be false, for soon after Jake: the human boy with glass eyes came into the picture, the new species went into a frenzy eating anything and everything in sight, except for Jake.
Conflict (2)- While dealing with the struggle, the frontier men start to question if Jake is really on their side. Or if he is one of the unclassified species that has merely reduced the fortresses inside to rubble. Suspecting that he's bad news, they order a guard to keep a close eye on him. That plan didn't seem to work out well when they find the guard's corpse in a public bath house.
Hello all, whoever is reading this post may be interested in whatever I have to say. If your not, I guess just ignore this post. Since my time on Newgrounds I have found no luck in trying to make or start a project for a game. But since my talents don't contribute to coding, programming, animating, or anything else like that I figured "why not try writing?" Anyone interested can Pm me. Now you might be thinking "Okay is this guy gonna get to the point or what cause I'm starting to loose interest" well cool your jets cause I'm not writing this for nothing. I'm writing this because I have an idea I wish to implore. The subject "Campaign Of The Damned Ones" is that idea I just mentioned. Is it for a book, Yes! All I need is an artist, in the meantime I'm just gonna be busy writing and coming up with short stories. If this post has peeked your interest then check in maybe around Sunday so I can post my ideas. I hope this goes well.
P.s. no I don't have an image so don't bother asking.
