Unholy Seer - Omneity
Unholy Seer - Despair
At 4/11/12 02:43 PM, UnholySeer wrote: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/480542
Unholy Seer - Mist
Unholy Seer - Cosmos
At 13 hours ago, laughatyourfuneral wrote: very... mischievous
How so?
Unholy Seer - Sunset
At 1 hour ago, Sharu wrote: Very nice.
Good use of the ABAB rhyme scheme in the first four lines, and I like the ending repetition of 's' in the following four. It gives the poem a nice ring to it and helps order the poem so that the reader doesn't get lost.
One thing I'd suggest is to add more punctuation. While going without it is a perfectly valid choice, and certainly has its advantages and uses, it also tends to make the poem seem as though it's simply running on, making it harder for the reader to keep up with or remember different ideas and images which are presented- they all start to mush together.
As I said above, your rhyming does help with the continuity of the piece, but it's still an aspect of that style of writing you should keep in mind.
I also hope that you meant 'latest' instead of 'last' because I like what you've written and hope you put up more.
I initially kept a punctuation-free scheme typical of songs lyrics, because I wanted this composition to be recorded live or voice acted. Instead, I dropped that idea and I left it as you now know it. I understand all of your points and I humbly think they are valid in favor of what is the musicality and the sound of a well written poem. I am sorry for that childish mistake in the opener post, but I do not see any edit button whatsoever.
Thank you for your feedback.
At 1 hour ago, MaartenC wrote: I see it like humans see what they want to see, even if that turns out to be an illusion, thus a hunger for illusions.
Interesting, indeed. Thank you for your feedback and... time.
At 18 minutes ago, MaartenC wrote: *whistles* impressive, especially he 5th line.
Hmm. I am curious about your impression, what can you tell me about it?
At 1 hour ago, a21 wrote: Recently I have been hearing music while sleeping, it sounds so real like I have headphones on or the radio is playing, I never hear vocals though, its always instrumental.
Has anyone had similar experiences?
I once dreamed of a beautiful symphony, which sounded so distant but incredibly familiar and uplifting. I do not quite remember the circumstances, but I know I was in a blank world where I could hear this music, echoing in my ears. I tried to reproduce it once awakened, but I failed. It was a meaningful experience, however, I was blind back then and could not see the message behind it all.
I do not consider myself as a poet, writer nor an artist in general, but I do enjoy expressing my views and dreams through words and sounds. Here is one of my last efforts. Enjoy
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Time is but a mask
Merciless, deceptive
Why, you may ask
Knowledge is imperative
Thy hunger for illusions
Feeding obsessions
Never-ending nightmares
For the weak and the powerless
Hi. I am not a musician nor an artist, but what you will hear is my personal interpretation of the dreams I regularly have and remember. It is the realm of sound and imagination, boundless and free from categorizations. It can be abstract, multi-faceted and deep. I humbly ask you for some feedback, whenever you feel like, and to enjoy my creations.
Thank you.
http://unholyseer.newgrounds.com/audio/
___
Unholy Seer - Beauty
Select between 5 monster racers, upgrade your monster skill and win the competition!
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Build most powerful forces, unleash hordes of monster and control your soldiers!
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