Reckon it's only a matter of time before the two of them come out and perform multiple homo-erotic, incestual acts on each other. There's something vaguely arousing about their demeanour, a sexual overtone that gives me a raging hardon that can only be dismissed by vigorously wanking; testing myself to see if I can finish before the song ends.

I haven't failed yet.

Victoria decides to go for a swim

Don't bother. Just crawl into a corner and proceed to contemplate your slow and inevitable decline towards suicide.

Also, on the website the OP provided, the link 'Bound Gods' has absolutely nothing to do with trapped deities in mythology and/or religion.

Nothing at all.

What's more concerning to me is whether or not she understands the rhythmic variation present in iambic pentameter, or how to properly construct an independant clause.

Would hate seeing an education go to waste, tbh.

That solution isn't final at all.

We should track them down and find their IP addresses using various legal loopholes and such. Once we find them, we whisk them off to 'concentration camps' (So they can concentrate on following the rules) and stash them in bunkers together. After a while we realise they are never going to change, and are always going to be je...spammers, we then trick them into a shower (Thus symbolically 'cleaning' them) like building and filter gas in through the ventilation system.

This plan is well original, and a lot more final imo.

I'm not sure how the law in Scotland differs from England and Wales, in that there are often wide discrepancies between the two, but on the whole it matters little. I get obscenely angry reading shit like this wherever it may be taking place, let alone on my own damned doorstep. What makes it worse is the deliberate vagueness, and often extremely ambiguous wording that they give these things so that they can basically make an example out of anyone. Terms like 'offence' and 'degradation' even though entirely subjective are thrown in, just to make sure they can manufacture whatever daft reasons they like for getting it pulled.

If this guy gets his ass handed to him then it opens an enormous can of worms. I mean, where do you begin to draw the line? Do you then, knowing full well that a prosecution is possible, begin to arrest people for using certain undesirable words or terms in a blog or forum post? For saying something that might 'corrupt' someone (Surely this term is in itself a legal minefield. You would have to know how 'pure' someone was at first to know if they were being corrupted. Is there a threshold over which things become 'corruptive'? A gauge or measure of how much so?). After all, incitement to violence is a crime if you shout it in the street, how long before they're cracking down on people for making inane, throw-away posts on forums such as this? Yes, this case only applies to the Obscene Publications Act for now, but if successful it's only a matter of time before they start applying further 'public order' legislation to the internet. Public (The public can access this website, can't they?) Indecency charges for posting a picture of your balls, anyone? Incitement to Racial Hatred for writing a blog on how much you hate those damn n.... well, you know?

Getting carried away? Yes, I am. But the fact remains that this is a maddeningly deep rabbit hole that none of us want to go down. Not even Alice, when she's not too busy corrupting your children.

Fuck it.

Shoot, Tex.

Newgrounds is somewhat like that festering sore on your bum that never seems to go away I find. I mean, sure, you'll forget about it every now and again, maybe even get on with your life and enjoy yourself in spite of it. Only, one day you'll need to go for a shit and remember its still there, oozing and bubbling away at the back of your metaphorical arse. In the end you realise that, deep down, you'll never actually be rid of it properly.

I mean, welcome back.

At 9/6/08 09:00 PM, Evark wrote: Yea, bizzare.

Cheers, Evark, that's the sort of review I've been hoping to garner from the wisened banks of the NG community. Much appreciated.

I'm still decidedly spilt on the issue, but slowly closing in on an ever elusive decision. Your story and many others I've heard are slowly edging me towards just shutting the hell up and actually doing the damn thing for myself; woe betide my mind if horrific visions of the apocolypse accost it.

At 9/6/08 08:49 PM, BananaBreadMuffin wrote: I did consider it, but in the end I went down the pub, and probably spent a lot more overall tbh, but the point is, I didn't pay to watch the fight specifically.

I'd consider that a moral victory if ever there was one. Sure, you might have lost some monetary earnings, but you've subverted the system in cruel and ordinary ways. And got pissed.

If anything, you knocked out Amir Khan. At least in principle.

I got drunk off an illicit mixture of Jack Daniels and Southern Comfort whilst watching various football matches today. By myself. Alone. Without any manner of supervisor or au pair.

How glad am I that I didn't pay money to watch Amir Khan get knocked on his arse?

That story is a fucking liar. It keeps saying the ungrateful little cunt never comes back, only for him to pop up a few lines later looking for something else.

I really couldn't trust its artistic integrity after that. I mean, really.

At 9/6/08 08:27 PM, Earfetish wrote: who the fuck cares man it's so good to see you posting omg i'm really fucking happy on this side of the internet, this place is SHIT without you

That's true. At least it probably is. I think it's safer to assume so.

I'd like to say I intend to stick around, and as much as I really do at the moment, my interest will probably taper off when I flit away to wank over illicit images of street junkies instead. Or they can make me a mod again. That always gets me to fuck off for a few months.

Ps. omg hi

At 9/6/08 08:15 PM, RIPclock wrote: it only lasts for 10 minutes and you only really hallucinate on the 80x extract which is 50$ a gram

See, that's wherein my dilemna lies. I've heard it's only particularly useful at the higher potency levels, and was wondering if it gave you the bang-per-buck some claim it does. I mean, I don't want to splash out hard-earned money on something that's only going to tickle my mind-sage's balls for several minutes.

Still, the whole idea intrigues me. I'm still on the fence right now, as they say. It's legal and I'd have no trouble in acquiring the thing, but need to know if the cause is particularly worthwhile. Mental enlightment is a worthy crusade, after all.

Let's get this out of the way, first of all: I'm a hard ass. We're talking proper titanium here, none of this bullshit tungsten-carbon alloy that I keep hearing about.

Now that we've sorted that out, I'm looking for some advice. For far too long the philosophical nature of my spiritual being has been lacking; tucked away in some dingy corner of my festering mind, looking for ways rip through its shell and into the forefront of my conscious thought. Alcohol doesn't work, it only makes me want to wank over various cartoon dinosaurs, most of which aren't even carnivores. Pretty pointless in all.

So I've been hearing whispers of a drug that might set my inner sage free. It may just be rumours and pointless anecdotal nonsense, I don't know, that's why I've decided to turn myself to the wisdom purile internet websites such as Newgrounds provide. So here's the question I'm going to pose to you all, worthy people of pixel land:

Is this shit worth it?

I've heard various reports, some of which are entirely conflicting in nature, and thus thought I would turn my head to those more knowledgeable in such matter. Please note that I will consider anything written hereafter as solid and irrefutable fact, meaning you might be responsible for my imminent death or spiritual transcendence. Either way it'll be a laugh

I often do my shopping at Marks & Spencers, before promptly going outside and kicking a homeless man to death for being infinitely lower class than I am. It's all a good laugh.

If you listen carefully, and I mean really give it a decent ear-dropping - I think you can hear the lamentations of my lost sensitivity somewhere in the background.

At 10/24/07 08:44 AM, Xmanne wrote: am i right?

Pretty much.

At 10/18/07 09:32 AM, BlueFlameSkulls wrote: Shame you didn't die.

Quoted for great justice.

At 10/16/07 04:15 PM, MickTheChampion wrote: I personally believe that we should sterilise anyone who believes that IQ has anything to do with intelligence.

It's quite all right Mick, I'd give you some time to get a few kids off before anything was implemented. It's always nice to have someone to clean up after the more intellectually pronounced folk amongst us, after all

At 10/16/07 03:51 PM, Ejit wrote: Seeing as most of todays problems are people suffering/dying, and you're proposing to kill off a hell of a lot of people, I see your aim and method as being contradictory.

It isn't at all contradictory. You see, I would be doing these bumbling buffoons a kindness in ending their intellectually bankrupt existence. There is no more pain in death, and if I were to kill them off they would no longer have to suffer without being able to comprehend exactly why they were doing so. Think of it as euthanasia for morons.

Also, regardless of it being a hypothetical proposition, would cost a hell of a lot to supply the tests.

On the contrary. Think of the cost that these people have on medical services and police, constantly getting themselves into so much bother that they have to be rescued from their own inadequate thought processes. If there were only smarter people, the economy would generate so much more money via technological advances and such, too.

The millions we would save in the future from not having to deal with them, would more than make up for the cost of these tests.

I've been contemplating a matter in my head for some time now, musing and mulling over the social and ethical ramifications of it - until I finally came to a conclusion in my much maligned mind. This is a subject of hard-hitting proportions, and I assure you, dear reader, that I am entirely serious in this.

We should sterilise, at the age of 14, people who have an IQ below 120.

I honestly think this would solve a high degree of problems our world faces today. The scourge that has been pissing in my gene pool for far too long would be removed, washed away by the chlorine of righteous and divine justice - handed down to the slavering masses by their intellectual betters. It would clear this green and pure Earth from the unwashed peasants that pollute it via their foolish and contemptuous lives.

I mean, just think about it. Not only would it prevent future generations of morons being handed down by their parents through a stained genetic code, but it would also serve to increase the overall IQ over time as only the people with a high mental capacity would procreate. The world would become a utopia, a place free from the horrible foolishness that the inane bantering of idiots brings. Hell, this BBS might even be able to recover from its slump in overall respectability, if some of you morons were disallowed from passing on life.

Opinions and discussions are welcomed, although do keep in mind that I won't even acknowledge any utterances an overtly low IQ user spews forth.

At 10/15/07 06:51 PM, TehChahlesh wrote: um..... obligatory if you don't like it, leave post?

I have, for the most part. I only come to Newgrounds now because of the portal, and was only aware of this topic's existence due to a PM.

And I could argue that the reason the forums are in the sorry state they are now is because any user with a modicum of intelligibility did leave due to the influx of faggotry - leaving newer users with aforementioned faggots to look up to and imitate. Which in turn makes other users leave, making it again worse in turn. Vicious circles and all that jazz.

In fact, the real thing to do if I didn't like it would be to stick around and try to change things for the better - but hey, I just don't give that much of a shit any more. I'm only here because someone made a topic I can respond to without vomiting at the crucified grammar in the opening sentence. I'll be on my way shortly.

There is little doubt that this forum has always been a proverbial cesspit of banality, a pool that suffered the constant deification of its waters via the unintelligible and inane rambling of fools. No doubt at all. But what has become all too readily apparent is that the bottom of this pool is no longer visible - the utter amount of shit that has flooded its waters has rendered it more or less unnavigable.

And don't give me all that rose-tinted glasses bollocks. I'm not some old crone that is so prone to nostalgia that he sees things as so much better "back in the day", I've been here the whole time - if not actively posting - and I've witnessed the barbaric onslaught of idiocy that has sent this forum to its ruination. If you folks still think there is more than a degree of amusement or humour left in this place its because you people are the the ones blinded by your own popularity and desire to be part of something "worthwhile". I have the objectivity that comes with being barely recognised, that comes with being separate and distinct from the entity in question, namely this rotting BBS.

And if you want to ask yourselves why its become so bad - if you want to query me on it - the answers are quite readily apparent. Nobody here is putting any time or consideration into their posts, nobody has the patients or tenacity to read through an intelligent set of paragraphs and respond accordingly. Just look at the topics you see on the front page and ask yourself how many of them have an opening post of over 200 words - and if they do, just how popular are they? Look at the amount of one-liners compared to this time 2 years ago; the amount of topics dealing with subject other than sex or masturbation - or the obligatory video games thread.

Nobody is saying these things didn't exist in the past, you'd be an idiot not to think so - but the sheer degree of crap that has flooded the front page overwhelms the same front page just a year or two ago. If you don't believe me, go take it look and despair- it isn't difficult.

And I don't even blame the new users, it isn't entirely their fault - they're just trying to fit in with the pre-ordained etiquette that they see day in and day out. Everybody wants to belong, after all, and when they see "respected" users acting like morons, they're inclined to follow suit - if only to fit in. I was once where they are now, a few years ago, but I learned to how to act and fit in from the then regulars - people who would have flamed your idiocy to death if you dared walk into a topic, not read it, and posted a moronic one-liner. The people being looked up to now are doing the exact thing they'd have been crucified for then. Hell, I don't know - maybe it's the "better" users fault for getting up and leaving, abandoning this place to the endless flurry of retardation that came abounding.

Newgrounds was never an intellectual bastion - no one ever wanted it to be - but it would be stupidity of the highest order to deny that it's declined to nigh-on the lowest depth of Internet respectability since.

Just thought I would share this with the cultured and sophisticated populace of Newgrounds. I call it:

A Posthumous Entanglement

A tale of woe and downfall true
Of beasts and burdens all;
A spectrum of hate and love's cold hue
Upon which any man can fall

I can not help my feelings of lust
Or the monster within this shell
I decided in my instincts to trust
And face the ravages of hell

I saw her first upon the eve
Of a midsummer nights-day fair
Hence my heart moved to my sleeve
At the sight of her dawn-touched hair

A problem though, immediately rose
As soon as this maiden was seen
For you see, from head to toes
She was nothing but age thirteen

So hence I hatched a devious plan
To have my most wicked way,
Into the back alleys I then surely ran
To the deepest darks of fading day

She passed by through my chamber of hate
And I spent no time with jest
I snapped her neck to seal her fate
And put her little body to rest

Amidst the garbage cans I had my fun
As I tore through her clothes and hair so light
And beneath the eyes of the setting sun
I had my soul's utmost delight

But I was not content with this mere thing
As I pulled out my pocket knife
I would open up her rear entry ring
And cut away her remaining life

So I sliced through flesh tender and soft
It parted like a blade through butter
And thence I held my knife aloft
As her final whimper she did utter

My virile member I then did pierce
Into the ruins of her bloody body
And I ravaged her stomach something fierce
My workmanship was none too shoddy

After 10 minutes of this sweet embrace
The malevolent release of gory bliss
I turned her over to see that sweet face
And on its form I took a piss

At 10/3/07 05:41 PM, TheRoyalEnglishman wrote: I'm so confused!

You shouldn't be.

T'is hardly my fault if people are failing to write stories on Newgrounds and make use of resources.

Also, the ban on stories is referring entirely to stories which span multiple instalments and need to be updated regularly (Which wasn't being done, and the post in between were all spam and no commentary) - I recall nothing banning short stories and those contained entirely within the first few posts.

In other words, I'm right. And a wee bit drunk.

I'm merely giving advice to anyone who wishes to write good stories, folks. I am by no means stipulating that they should appear as a thread on this BBS - or any for that matter. Blogs and user profiles contain many stories - and there is a thread somewhere on this BBS for them to be promoted, as well as a writers club.

Also ,in all your haste to seem condescending and get one over on poor old me, you've missed the point entirely. This advise - in all its righteousness - can be applied to any story writing, anywhere. It's just that good.

Looking around, it is abundantly apparent that the Newgrounds populace has an avid interest in story writing, and as such will most likely benefit from a deluge of flawless and extremely helpful advice. I, being the recipient of several awards and various accolades for my writing ability - and having a few of my works published - have therefore decided it is time to pass on my veritable treasure-trove of advice to the less fortunate amongst you. So, dearest and most beloved reader, I humbly bequeath to you my nigh-on infinite knowledge.

----------------------------------------
---------------------------------

Spelling and Grammar:

Neither of the aforementioned is important at all; in fact, you can pretty much discard them off-hand, because chances are you won't need them whatsoever in your quest to become a successful BBS writer.

I mean, let's face it folks, ninety percent of computers these days have some manner of spell-checker installed, ensuring that you can just type away without any degree of worry at all. On the off-chance that a misspelt word or grammatical error does slip its way into your masterpiece, don't fret - the reader will probably know what you mean anyway.

Characters:

The character is the crux of your literary wonder. Without a character, your story will inevitably end up as nothing more than a bland and somewhat boring description of an object or setting - and nobody wants to read that kind of moronic fluff. Therefore, you'll want to make your characters as awesome and tremendously badass as possible. Here's how:

Go with what works. Clichés are just that for a reason - they're tried and tested methods that work so well that they've consequently been deployed countless times, each and every one ending with overt success. If people like something then there's absolutely no reason to change it, is there? No. There isn't. So if your crime-story's protagonist isn't a chain-smoking, gruff detective with a troubled past and a dead wife - you've probably failed already. Find a well and die in it.

Also, adding emotional depth and psychological reasoning for your characters actions is the utter and absolute height of faggotry. Don't do it.

The Story:

I cannot stress enough how much this goes in line with character - clichés work, so you should always be rolling with them.

That aside, you'll want to keep your reader gripped from the beginning to the inevitable, white-knuckle, roller-coaster ride of an ending. To do this, you're going to have to cut out the vast majority of setting descriptions and the depth of your dialogue. What this means at the basic, fundamental level is that you will be cutting all the pansy bullshit that nobody likes, and diving straight in to the action. I mean, who the fuck wants to know where they are or why your characters are shooting at their Mother; only that they are - and that they're damn good at it. This grabs the reader instantly in and makes them go with your story, foregoing all the tedious acrimony that comes with getting to know a character and their reasons for doing something. Immersion is for losers, after all.

Another thing you'll want included is a gratuitous amount of gore, a huge degree of violence and copious coitus. There is utterly no way that you can write a good story without having needless and irrelevant helpings of the aforementioned devices. In fact, you should probably fill the entirety of it up with only those; it's not as if silly little things like a plot matter, anyway.

Additionally, your story should almost always be set in the future or on a pirate ship. Not that it actually matters where it's set or why your characters would be in such a place, of course, but it's always nice to throw it a single mention for the subsequent baditude factor.

Dialogue:

Always make it short, snappy and abundant with witticisms - but only for your protagonists. Filler characters should never have any good lines, nor should they utter anything of any significant relevance.

Antagonists should only ever say evil, abhorrent things and never anything that is morally objective - otherwise, how would we know they were the bad guys?

Cock jokes, too.

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Well, I think that's all you need to get your stories started right now, kiddy-winks. Although looking around and reading some of your wondrous tales, it would seem the majority of you have taken on board these points already.

Bleach is entirely too kinky for my liking - especially when you use it to dye your pubic hair and role-play as a Super Saiyan.

....Oh.