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At 6/13/09 01:29 PM, WritersBlock wrote: themanthelegend
I feel that the plot was executed quite well, but the characters seemed quite rigid and two-dimensional, in that they are who they are, and they are seemingly young and innocent. The way they expressed themselves was good, but what was the driving factor? I feel like I'm repeating myself here, but what caused this couple to break up in such a way. I knew the characters felt what was going on, but I couldn't fully relate to their situation, it couldn't JUST be from Sarah being fed up with Jack's boredom. Give them something real and conflicting to relate to, alcohol or drug abuse, I don't know, something that will make the reader click with the characters, rather than witnessing the characters out of context.

It doesn't look like you loved my story, but it doesn't appear you hated it either. I see your point with the driving factor, but I had actually purposely discluded the reason for the character's falling out. Thanks for taking the time to do such personal reviews, we all appreciate it!

At 5/28/09 11:05 AM, Doriol wrote: Not much point in watching big hollywood movies. It's all the same recycled junk.

Well what else is out there then? Make some suggestions. I need some, I have no idea what I'm going to see.

I used to hear that one. I would always ask if the cliff stretched out over the water and how far of a drop it was. When my mom got mad, I explained to her that the answer to my questions could drastically change my answer to her. Ultimately she would call me a son of a bitch, which is the funniest possible thing she could say. Oh.... the memories.

Yeah. I'm not sure if I've seen it but I think I know the one. It's a typical stuation honestly. Married life sucks.

At 5/27/09 02:22 PM, Puzzled wrote:

At 5/27/09 02:20 PM, iateamexican wrote: Depens exactly why. If it turns out it was something that A. didnt have to done exactly then B. She changed her mind and couldnt be arsed, fuck her. If she had no choice, obviously its nobodies fault.

ill never know because she never admits to anything unless shes caught red handed

Sounds about right. Are you mad because she couldn't go, or because you don't know what she's REALLY doing when she says she's at work?

I like the new layout quite a bit. My only major problem is how out of the way reviews will become, not nearly as many people will take the time to scroll down and read some. I suppose the same people that were interested before will still bother to look, but the casual review read and vote will occur much less often. I hope this doesn't become a lost aspect of newgrounds!

Just finished and posted my story. It's titled "Bitter". I hope someone out there enjoys it.

Bitter

by themanthelegend

"You're fucking killing me!" Jack cried out in the sheer frustration of not being able to control the situation. He needed to control this moment, to change it, somehow morph it to his will.

"Stop it... you're making me feel so bad." Sarah whispered at a squeak as tears rolled down her face; a face that seemed so different now that it had been said. Now that he knew she really wanted to leave. They had broken up before, but always on a hollow threat sort of basis, and this time was no threat, Jack could feel it.

"Good! You should feel bad. How can you do this? I.... fucking love you." Jack heard his voice tremble and felt he was really beginning to lose it," I love you so much." The words let out the way an exhausted breath leaves a marathon runner as he decides to quit before finishing. Drawn and defeated.

"I know." Sarah was barely coherent through her sobbing, "I'm sorry, but I have to do what's best for me." Best for her? Best for her? The words pounded in Jack's head. What does that mean? Had he truly been that horrible to be with? He realized at that moment he agreed with her but couldn't admit it. He forced the thought out like an uninvited intruder. He needed to be what was best for her, even though he wasn't, and possibly never had been. She wasn't even the best thing for him anymore, but being with her was better than being alone... sometimes.

Jack's tone was raised to almost a scream, "Don't do this. Don't leave. Please don't reject me!" He knew his pleas were pathetic, but he was so Goddamn desperate. The panic throttled him as he begged for this all to go away and for Sarah to love and adore him again.

"Stop. Please stop..." Sarah's voice was choked out by her own emotion, which Jack began to realize was as wild as his, and it angered him. He needed to be the more passionate one, even if he had to go over the top to prove it. Jack now clumsily stumbled into full freak out. He would say anything, any awful thought that came to mind: something extreme. It all seemed so unreal. Jack recalled his reoccurring nightmares that had played out the same way, mixed with images of their early time together. It had all been so sweet: warm summer nights, followed by stolen early morning kisses. An image that never left his mind too long was her hair in the fall they had met. How it was the same red as the changing leaves on the trees in Island Park, and how he had asked that random guy fishing there to take a picture of him with her. He was so proud of himself to be with someone so beautiful, and now he had turned it to shit.

"I hate my job. I have nothing. If you leave - I'll have no reason to live. "The odd calm that washed over his face visibly scared Sarah. It scared him too. His words hung as an awkward silence followed their release, and he found himself hoping they hadn't reached a point where Sarah might somewhere deep inside want him gone. After all, a dead man would never bother her again.

"Don't say that! " Sarah finally gasped out.

You know I can't handle this." Jack could no longer recognize his own voice. God, he had never felt like this, and it was true, he couldn't handle it. At this point in time it was the end of his world. The idea of living without Sarah was anguishing, it made his mind unravel. The same phrase bounced around in his head, in between every grim thought. "This can't be real." His mind screamed it, demanded for it to be true. This was the closest he would ever come to actually living out one of his nightmares, he was sure of it. The pain was so intense, and the idea of living without her had not even really settled. Somehow he had to fix this.

But Jack could not fix it, it was broken forever. The remainder of the night was similar to a black out, as he begged through a wet face full of tears, groveling. Sarah was mostly quiet, an open eyed as she watched Jack further destroy himself. Apparently her breakup tactic was cold silence and occasional crying. Jack figured that this was better than his tactic, the shameless demeaning of himself as he quickly lost his mind, topped off with screaming and wailing.

Later, the weeks that followed this night were only remembered through a foggy haze of pain. For months, Jack relived the same conversation over and over again, wishing he could go back and change it..... change everything. The embarrassment of the breakup was overwhelming. He wished that he would have let it end with some dignity. More so, he wished he had been better to Sarah. Been more patient, and shown her what kind of a man he could truly be. He was who he was, but Jack was at his worst when he was bored, and life got stale. He supposed she had experienced the brunt of that.

Jack and Sarah grew very far apart over the years and lived very different lives. Both full of twists and turns, ups and downs. Sadness and loss, mixed with moments of laughter and happiness. Life kept happening while they made other plans. They never spoke again and thought of each other less as time rolled on.

One thing was for sure though, that Sarah... was a real bitch.

At 5/25/09 05:48 PM, Conspiracy3 wrote:

At 5/25/09 05:46 PM, Digital-Terror wrote: You should slip it in her.

I haven't even seen her nude

Well, that makes you about ready, doesn't it?

I would disapear for ever if I came into that money. Screw the bank, they'll get along just fine without it.
I hope they never catch those people.

At 5/23/09 10:51 AM, Auz wrote: Try pressing ctrl + f5.

Currently I am seeing a river as your profile pic and a portal defenders medal als your personal icon.

Thanks guys! problem solved.. now i feel like an ass for opening up this thread for something so quick.. sorry everyone!

I'm trying to change my profile and review pics. I load them, and it appears fine. I click the save changes button, and when I go back to my page nothing has changed. I even tried logging out then logging back in. Can anyone shed some light as to what's happening here?

Sir Edward Drabbelburough the 17th

At 5/23/09 06:55 AM, ZenOfAnger wrote: Oh wow.

It's called canned laughter, look it up on wiki.

I thought this was common knowledge. I guess common to some is foreign to others, go fig. I heard somewhere that most of those shows use the same laugh track and that most of the people laughing in it are dead. Not like cursed or anything, it was just made a long time ago. Still sends a chill down my spine when I hear it...

At 5/23/09 08:28 AM, MethHeadJovan wrote: Hey, I was wondering if it would be a bad idea to use tin foil to smoke cannabis/ice. I don't want that shit getting into my lungs but I'm all out of anything else. One time really wouldn't hurt much would it?

You'll be fine. just don't burn that it.. then we're talking toxic fumes. Also... cut the shit.

At 5/23/09 08:26 AM, JoeMorrisNG wrote:

At 5/23/09 08:24 AM, Diein60s wrote: They finished it, and it would be wrong to bring it back.

Yeah, but...I know it sounds crazy, but, what if they made...Friends: The Movie?!

Yay - my 100th post!

that's the only way it ever could come back... the majority of them would need a huge pay day for such a reunion. Maybe we'll see something like this when they start to get really old and forgotten. It's a terrifically pathetic image.

At 5/23/09 05:36 AM, Jimp wrote: Well you guys are just useless. Any help?

Go to a comic book store. They usuallu have all kinds of statues and figurines. Plenty of comic book characters (especially villains, my buddy has thanos and dr. doom) look really cool and complement a computr desk setting.

At 5/21/09 03:27 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 5/21/09 03:16 PM, PinkShoes wrote: ...that was hung up on the washing line....

Everything was believable up until this part...I mean, who does that anymore.

Yeah seriously. I have to go to the laundry mat to lick other peoples clothes. I prefer wool gloves and winter hats though... gawd, I hate this time of year.

At 5/21/09 11:51 AM, TomFulp wrote: That... Is awesome.

now you know it's true. they are pretty badass.

Ooh, how cute. That white family looks so happy. Their smiles really mask the seething hate underneath.

At 5/21/09 09:06 AM, Ocean wrote: This thread is extremely awkward, so I'm going to go ahead and leave.

I'm with this guy... oh wait.. I meant I agree with him. Not like I want to rip his shirt off like a pack of homosexual school boys.

At 5/21/09 09:04 AM, JoeMorrisNG wrote: What's an acoustic?

that is awesome. and for your information it is a rare disease, or a new kind of plumbing wrench... I'm not sure which.

At 5/21/09 04:29 AM, JackPhantasm wrote: Damn that Edison.

I hate people not for their acts but because they died in their prime. Jimi Hendrix, Joplin, all those musicians, etc.

I'm trying but I really can't think of anyone I hate.

Hitler I guess.

Yup. That's a pretty good pick. Genocide really puts me off.

Give him pot brownies. He will be fine, but at least he'll think he's dying. (check my userpage for reference)

There is a section of every user's site dedicated to their favorite bands. If you are truly interested in what kind of music Newgrounders are listening to, check it out for yourself. I think the point of this thread was to showcase your musical taste (bleh) not have a conversation about everyone's favorite bands.

It's not totally fucked up, but you should order something else every once in a while.... like a calzone.

Lots of negative space. It seems like a waste to me. No sir, I am not down.

I'm thinking it's a mohawk. For proof of this I turn to Earth most intelligent man, Mr. T.

At 5/19/09 06:39 AM, Haoie wrote: Try it and see.

I'm going to go ahead and assume the asker of the Question "What happens if you don't pay bills?" doesn't have any bills himself. Get with it dude.

themanthelegend. seriously, I'm a badass.