Posts by TheInnerScience

Response to: Writer's Guild of Newgrounds (New!) Posted November 12th, 2014 in Writing

1) TheInnerScience
2)Short Stories, Novellas, and Poetry
3) http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/852560>Twist of Sensation (finished), http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/849979>Parricide (finished), http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/844241>Death of a Poet (finished), http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/833090>The Library (finished), http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/866942>Lonely Ramets (unfinished).
4)A strength: I have an open mind, and I always welcome criticism of any kind. A weakness: I am prone to over analyzing my work and procrastinating.

Response to: Need an opinion on my writing Posted November 12th, 2014 in Writing

My advice:
I suggest splitting the text into paragraphs so that it is easier to read, but I completely understand if your formatting got changed when you copy/pasted it. There are some sentences that could be shortened and others that could be combined.

Example: "He closes his eyes, heart racing, while trying to compose the adrenalin, he listens carefully."

This could be shortened to something like this: "With adrenalin coursing through his throbbing veins, he took a moment to compose himself. Then, with eyes screwed shut, he listened carefully."

My example is still kind of long winded, but I hope it at least displayed a way of breaking a down long and drawn out sentence into something easier to read. Also, you change 'tenses' every now and then with some of the words.

As far as the story? In it's current draft, I honestly can't find it very engaging. There isn't enough substance yet. However, this is just a prologue. But don't let that discourage you!

I not only hope you keep writing, but I also hope you post it as well. Also, I advice every writer to have an editor. That DOESN'T include yourself.

Anyway, have a good one.

~Stay beautiful

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted December 18th, 2013 in Writing

http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/857803

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted November 25th, 2013 in Writing

Anesthesia is Fun

November 25, 2013

A short and slightly sloppy telling of a recent medical situation I was in that I thought I would share (don't judge me, I was high).

Link here: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/875964

Feel free to check out my collection of written works and to leave some feed back:
http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/857803

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted November 3rd, 2013 in Writing

Lonely Ramets: Dealings and MisDealings

November 3, 2013

The first story arch in the quirky tail about four friends trying to find fame and fortune in the surreal city of Paradise. All updates with be sent to the story's news post and to this forum thread. Please read and grace me with your feed back.

Story here: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/873609

Stay Beautiful..

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted October 29th, 2013 in Writing

It is always nice to read kind words about my work, and I thank you for taking the time to comment. I can sympathies with what you say. Sometimes writers forget that their work can bring out emotions within themselves and not just from the readers. I wish you luck and hope to read some of your work in the future.

Stay beautiful..

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted October 28th, 2013 in Writing

News Update

October 29, 2013

Just catching anyone who cares up on upcoming uploads of mine.

http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/872604

Stay beautiful..

Response to: Killing Hitler With Praise And Fire Posted September 17th, 2013 in Writing

Choose your own adventure novels is a rare odity now a days. I certainly look forward to reading it!

Response to: Mountain Mist Posted September 17th, 2013 in Writing

You got a really good rhythm going.
It seems though that line 8:

"Now honed, and honest had hauled an hour"

Could maybe be shortened so that it matches the rhythmical flow of line 7.

Maybe like:

"The sky shows red with blazing fire
Honed and Honest, but hauled an hour
Now we wait while volcano tire."

or

"The sky shows red with blazing fire
Honed, Honest, and hauled an hour
Now we wait while volcano fire."

I apologize if my suggestions mess with the idea you were going for. Hope I was able to give useful advice, and I hope to see you work again on the Forum!

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted September 17th, 2013 in Writing

Lonely Rament

September 17, 2013

This short story is my experimentation with new writing styles. It will be edited, it is not complete, it may never be complete, there is more completed that I have not uploaded. With all these in mind, it is still something I have put my heart into and am hoping to get feedback on.

A rather quirky tale, following four friends as they search for fame and fortune in the ruthless and surrealistic city of Paradise.
LINK HERE: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/866942

Check out my other works HERE: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/857803

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted July 29th, 2013 in Writing

Got my library set up and ready for business. Easy to view, easy to update. Come take a look and browse through the work I have uploaded! It isn't a whole lot, but I will be adding more soon!

TheInnerScience Library: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/857803

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- Discussion ::. Posted July 6th, 2013 in Writing

Not a bad number of entries.

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted July 5th, 2013 in Writing

Twist of Sensation

July 3rd, 2013

This is my entry for the latest Monthly Writing Contest. I put a lot of effort into it and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The theme was You are Blind. The author had to write a story from the perspective of a blind character. Their were some really crazy entries this month. Hit up the link to start reading! Maybe even follow me if you like it or any of my other uploads.

LINK HERE: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/852560

Read some of the other contest entries here: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1341286

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted July 5th, 2013 in Writing

Parricide

June 19, 2013

This one I have done very recently. I have been revamping my work with poetry lately and it is turning out very interesting results. I feel bad that haven't done it sooner, but with my devote dedication to the novel I am working on time feels like a fickle creature. Hope you enjoy, and tell me what you think. Been trying out a lot of new styles lately.

LINK HERE: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/849979

Response to: Personal Lit Portal Posted July 5th, 2013 in Writing

Death of a Poet

May 21 2013

I wrote this one about a year ago and never uploaded it.

http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/844241

Personal Lit Portal Posted July 5th, 2013 in Writing

This is basically the same as my "New Submission Thread", except this is more self explaining and it sounds more professional. In case you have not seen the other thread, let me explain. I am using the news post on the user blog of my profile as a type of writing portal were I can post, show case my work, and still edit it if there are some typos. Plus those pesky format bugs that lurk on the forum don't really effect the blog.

Now that I have explained this, I invite you now to read and review my works if you are indeed looking for some literature. I put a lot of work into each submission and to creating links on each submission so that you can access my other works without having to search through my news posts.

Thank you.

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- Discussion ::. Posted July 5th, 2013 in Writing

Seriously, this contest was just what I needed.

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- Discussion ::. Posted July 4th, 2013 in Writing

Thanks for taking the time to review, bro.

Response to: New Submission Thread Posted July 3rd, 2013 in Writing

Twist of Sensation

July 3rd, 2013

This is my entry for the latest Monthly Writing Contest. I put a lot of effort into it and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The theme was You are Blind. The author had to write a story from the perspective of a blind character. Their were some really crazy entries this month. Hit up the link to start reading! Maybe even follow me if you like it or any of my other uploads.

LINK HERE: http://theinnerscience.newgrounds.com/news/post/852560

Read some of the other entries here: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1341286

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- Discussion ::. Posted July 2nd, 2013 in Writing

Well, I made the corrections to my entry. Now just waiting for the older one to be deleted.

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- You Are Blind ::. Posted July 2nd, 2013 in Writing

My hands quickly released her so that my arms could wrap around her and bring her closer to me. As her body pressed to mine, she returned my embrace with arms like steel traps. Her hair tickled the flesh revealed from an undone button of my shirt as she buried her face into an open shoulder of mine.

She wept lightly as fresh tears soaked through the thin material of my shirt. Each time a sob shook her body, I found myself holding her that much tighter. What else could I do? I knew of nothing comforting that I could say.

After a minute or so, I felt her head rise slowly.

``You do not think my selfish for shedding these tears, do you?`` She asked in a low and hoarse voice.

``Or course not`` I answered almost immediately. She laughed, almost forcedly, and tightened her embrace around me. How could she think I would hold such a thing against her?

``Just know,`` She said laying her head back down against me. ``I have felt nothing but pride and delight when I stand beside you. Because I know that not only do we have each other, but we have love. And we do not need vision for the sort of love we make together.`` The last of her words echoed in the recesses of my mind as I felt the darkness around me grow warm and damp. As I was laid back down, my clothes seemed to liquefy and dissolve into beads of sweat that I felt rolling across my bare skin.

Then as precise fingernails traced circles around the middle of my chest, my fists clenched as I felt goose bumps prickle along the hair of my forearms. After the third cycle, her hand paused for a moment before slowly making its way up to the base of my neck. As the hand of Ember reached the soft flesh of my throat, her hand began to caress and lightly massage that side of my neck.

The gravity of the bed shifted as one leg slid across my waist and the rest of her body followed as she straddled my centerline. I felt her posture shift forward right before her soft lips pressed to mine and her vicious tongue danced vicariously between my teeth. The flavor of strawberries and wine spread across my palate as her intoxicating and heated breath permeated down my airway.

The longer we laid like this, the more the fabric of our beings intertwined as we tossed and turned together in my perfect darkness. The only sensations I felt was that of every inch of her body that was wrapped and contorted around mine. With ecstasy writhing in our veins and spasms of relief shuddering through our muscles, sighs of pleasure became long and drawn out songs of agonizing passion.

As this spiraling ride of love reached the peak of its ascension, it paused only for moment. Then it fell into a thunderous descent of cries and whimpers of almost rapturous pleasure. I felt her nails digging into the nape my neck as we spun and twirled, each gasp of her breathe felt almost as hot as flames against my exposed flesh. We continued in this state, with bodies clenched close, for what felt like forever.

But once the high had passed, our muscles relaxed as our breathing became shallow and calm. It felt as if we were rag dolls, drained of energy and only able to lay tangle together. With her chin resting on my chest and the rest of her body limp upon mine, the rise and fall of her breasts against me became slow and steady. It seems that sleep has slipped upon her like a heavy veil.

I must confess that I was not far off myself from joining her in sweet slumber myself, but once I started to drift something wafted in front of my nose. It was a new smell that could finally be noticed by slowed and tired senses. It was the adrenaline induced stench of sweat and strong body odor. With our old scents long faded, these new ones ate at the very air I breathed and choked my lungs. I had to force back the realization and try to just ignore it. To just go to sleep so that this tender moment would remembered and cherished between us for years to come.

However, I could not just fall asleep. I had lain as long as I could, and finally found myself suffocating. Carefully and gently, I pried myself free from the unconscious grasp of my sweet Ember. Whether or not it had awoken her, I had yet to find out. I sat on the corner of the bed and reached out to find my trusted cane, but stopped as soon as my index finger had touched the cold polished wood. Only six steps straight ahead of me, I can handle that just fine without my old friend.

Handling the doorknob as if it was fine china and entering as silent as the Red Death, I took three more steps and found the sink. A shaking hound turned the knob and twisted slightly. The pipes released the stream and the sound of a crashing waterfall rang in my ears. Damn, I had opened it too far. The noise lessened as the knob turned back in the opposite direction. It seems that the damage was done, however. I had heard a stirring from behind as a sleep stricken Ember spoke in a slurred voice, which at any other time I would have found adorable.

``Jake?`` She called out. ``You alright?``

Shame and guilt tugged and pulled at the strings of my heart, for I could not bare to face her now. This is part of the curse that has plagued my senses and twisted my life into an almost humiliating process of learning and training; not much unlike a very young child being taught how to walk and speak. And what is the cause, you ask? A simple drop of poison to the family gene pool is all. It may be my pride and youth speaking, but I learned early that life can truly be cruel and heartless.

But then again, can I really think such a cold thing about life and not count the blessings it has bestowed upon me? I have a blessing in honest friends that treat me no different because of my condition, I have a blessing in a job that I have been more than prosperous in, and I have a blessing in the form of a loving guardian angel that is slowly rising from bed to see if something is wrong with me.

I guess life is too short to remain angry at every unfairness. So all in all, I have come to the realization that it is best to enjoy what we have while we have it.

Response to: .:: Mwc13 -june- You Are Blind ::. Posted July 2nd, 2013 in Writing

Twist of Sensation 2634 words

Cool sheets of silk pressed gently to my back as I lay upon them, gazing serenely into the personal void that surrounded me. With long strokes I smoothed a crease that had formed, much to my annoyance, on the tight surface of the fitted sheet. Even after the irritating wrinkle had disappeared, I found myself still massaging that one spot lovingly. It was something that could not be helped. The silk felt like water sliding against my warm palm, leaving behind tiny fracture like crinkles instead of moist droplets.

From deep inside my darkness I heard the loud banging of cabinet doors, or at least it sounded loud to me. Instinctively, I raised my head slightly to hear better and indeed I did. I heard the soft and quiet rhythm of bare feet treading lightly across hardwood flooring. Then there was a high pitch clink as glasses were being lifted and shifted.

As I was listening to the stirring of the vivacious vixen that shared my company and my utter darkness, I began to notice a number of scents and odors that had somehow found their way to clinging to my body. The first and most pronounce was, of course, that of my favorite cologne which I had lightly rubbed onto my neck hours before.

There were very few fragrances I could stand to have on me, and of course, the one I enjoyed the most would be a gift from my Ember. It was our first Christmas together when she gave it to me. With most of the cologne I have tried on before, either the power of their musk was too strong or there would be an overpowering flowery scent that would leave my eyes watering. But this, it was the perfect mixture of masculinity and subtleness. And out of preservation for such a precious thing, I wear it only on the finest of occasions.

The second belonged to her. It was rather faint, but it still seemed to touch my senses strongly. The scent was sweet strawberries, and my, how it made my mouth salivate. More than likely the perfume found its way onto me as we hugged tightly together in the back of the taxicab that brought us home. Speaking of the taxi, that is where the third odor came from.

Hidden lightly underneath the other two seductive aromas was the repulsive smell of cigar smoke. Even though Ember said he did not actually light one up, the whole vehicle reeked with that god-awful stench. Once the car came to a stop at our destination and the doors opened, fresh air poured in and washed over my senses like a fresh shower of rain. It was cleansing and pure, or least as pure as city air could be.

My head slowly rested back down on a feathery pillow, and my thoughts drifted farther and farther away until I was surely on the brink of sleep. As I teetered on that brink, I was suddenly pulled as those footsteps changed directions and came nearer until they were surely at the foot of the bed. A few more steps and the balance of the bed shifted as she sat carefully at my side, the backside of her dress touching my hand lightly. With the sound of bedsprings groaning in protest, I heard her sit something on the night table which sounded just like a couple of glasses.

The texture of the dress was soft and smooth, almost like the bed sheets. But I think was something close to cotton. Suddenly her gently grasp took hold of my wrist and raised it until I felt her hand slid into mine, each finger interlocking like a thread of lace.

``Have you already winked off, my dear?``

I smiled, and for a moment, I thought I could feel her smile back to me. Long ago, there was a sorrow that would plague my heart whenever I thought about never being able to look upon the smiling face of my beloved. Such a sadness sank into my heart like black tar that corrosively ate me. But it was moments like these when I could feel her love and happiness, not through words or sensations, but a silent bond that bound us together in our journey through life.

``Not at all, I was simply deep in thought.``

I felt her fingers squeeze lightly against mine until I could feel the steady pulse that lay hidden under her pleasant flesh. I am not the only one with keen senses. She knows when something is bothering me. It is amazing how only after three years she knows my mind almost better than I do.

``Something is troubling you.``

``No,`` I tried to sound as reassuring as I possible could. ``I honestly was just thinking.`` She remained silent for moment or so, as if contemplating my response. I felt her skepticism as the gears of her mind turned, but she asked nothing more of it.

``The glasses?`` I asked. Her fingers curled slightly in my hand and began to tickle my palm.

``I thought a nightcap would be a nice way to end the day. Hard to believe it was only three years ago when we first had lunch in the park, do you remember.``

``Yes, we had finished semester finals early that day and the park was full of the buzzing voices of an obnoxious family reunion.``

``Is that all you remember?``

``No, I remember that it was your tender voice and intellectual words that kept me sane. It was a tonic for pained ears. I remember that was the day that I knew I could not go a single day without hearing at least three words from you.``

She was silent again. It weighed my heart down dearly that I could not see what expression was upon her face. Her hand slowly slipped from mine, leaving it hanging frozen in air, and I heard a very light scrape of glass on wood as the glasses were lifted. I placed my hands on either side of my waist to push myself upward. Now sitting, I knew I was eyelevel with Ember because I could feel her warm breath light blowing against me.

My hand lifted up again and it was a cold glass cup that my fingers wrapped around. I could tell that from the strong aroma that it was rum, which she knew had been my alcohol of choice ever since I stole a sip from the bottle my father kept hidden so many years ago. And from the glass she held, I smelt strawberry wine. My Ember had a curious love for strawberries that I found rather delicious.

I held my glass high and she met me halfway in the toast. The ring that permeated from our glasses as they collided hung in the air for almost thirty seconds. It was not till the ringing had died that I raised the rim of the glass to my lips. The strong alcohol was already running down my throat before I could even taste it. A small blaze started mid esophagus and continued down till my entire core was heated with warm intoxicated pleasure.

As Ember slowly sighed, the scent of strawberries told me she had finished her glass too. She took my glass from me and I heard her set both on the night stand once more. I would have done it myself, but I knew I sat out of reach.

We sat motionless and as quiet death itself, but I knew that the cold space between us was begging to be filled with the coming together of two young bodies. I raised a longing hand, hoping to find something of her to feel. But it was her who found me. Her hand, cupping the outside of mine, guided my hand through the darkness till finally it found her warm and tender cheeks. Now knowing, my other hand was capable followed suit without any assistance.

The longer we sat together, the more my hands felt and studied the delicate features of her face. It was something I have done many times but never tire off. My palms pressed against the corners of her lips while careful fingers touched the edges of her eyes.

As details flowed through my hands like Braille on a piece of paper, there was something else I noticed. Makeup smeared and rubbed off onto the skin of my palms. I guess I never could sense it over her perfume and other invading odors.

``You went through all the trouble putting makeup on,`` I started. ``Just for tonight's occasion? Just for me?``

She did not answer, but her silence said everything. Suddenly my palms were moist and the blush she had on was smearing horrible as my palms moved back and forth. It was tears.