2009 was an unimportant year for me, at least right now.
The first half was awful. I had the worst day of my life, the worst grades I've ever had, and became estranged from a lot of people, a terrible relationship. I also practically stopped drawing, which I regret intensely since it seems that's going to have to be my ticket into college, and life.
The second half was great. I had the best day of my life, best grades since freshman year, switched schools, have a lot more friends and consider suicide less often. Still not drawing but I plan to get that around very soon.
I probably got the least sleep that I've ever had before due to countless sleepless nights not doing homework and watching movies. Still, the year didn't really mean anything to me. Next year I plan to get back into drawing or find a new enterprise. I'm also out of a job, so here's to that. I also intend to seek help for my social phobia.

For breakfast i had a bowl full of nails, with motor oil as milk.
For lunch I hunted game in nearby forest naked, and at the animal alive.
I have yet to have dinner, but my intentions were to eat a shit ton of pussy
An easy 150.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I understood the Earth to be roughly 16 billion years old.

Also, I was under the impression that primates and humans merely shared similar ancestry. We don't quite know what it is or how long ago we broke off, hence the mystery of a 'missing link.'

End it. You're young kid-o. I know you think she's the end-all-be-all but believe me you'll recover. What's more, you'll recover while going to a college you want to, pursuing your career. Once you've got your shit figured out, like what you want to do/be, you'll be ready to get back into relationships. And in case you didn't know, high school relationships are supposed to end. You're supposed to break up and learn about yourself.
It's time to shoot Old Yeller. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I'd also discourage holding onto it until the day you go to college.

Considering I don't know your girlfriend allow me to tell you what you should get OH WAIT
Something I've done before is get CD's with paper on the covers and draw the album art on. That's probably a tall order for Lady Gaga though, since instead of art she has pictures of herself. I've also gotten stuff from H&M.

Hahahaha I am in tears from laughing
hahaha I'm going to have to do this.

If I'm having sex I don't really care. It can be shaved or maintained. For oral, either serious trimming or shaven.

Freshman year I was cracking some joke to one of my friends and some girl yelled across the room, "You don't even know anybody" so I asked her if she wanted a dick in her mouth. She gave a grimace so told her to shut her god damn mouth. I'm generally passive aggressive and that's about as bad I've let out at someone.

Super vision I guess. I wouldn't need to wear contacts, I could see in the dark, see for like fucking miles with crystal clarity, and I'm assuming see through objects.

I have occasionally drawn intricate, detailed Frowning Faces...I have used Godzilla to answer questions I don't know the most often, but it's by no means a common practice of mine.
You're just an unfunny fuck. I hope you get the shit beaten out of you.

If I really need to drop some shit at school I use teacher bathrooms. At my school they are never locked. Also at my work if you go beyond the 'fire exit' there is a secret bathroom, to which I have a key. I try not to use public bathrooms for my shitting, I even try not to use friends' because of their toilet paper. Urinating, however..
Unfortunately for the public at large, I am the guy who makes you never want to use public bathrooms in fear you'll get the one I fucked up. I'm the dude who pees on the seats, on the handles of the toilets, the stall handles, on the floors, the walls, on the toilet paper rolls. One more than one occasion I have deliberately shat on the floor and on the toilets seat instead of the bowl.

You may have heard of my father before.

You're right, they don't. That billion dollar industry didn't save any lives; mere coincidences.

I get an unusual amount of pussy.
Somebody stop me.

You have either a very distorted view of the world or no understanding as to how the human mind works. Every scenario you laid out pointed out your shortcomings.
She's not engaging your conversation? She hasn't had a bad day, she's not worried about 'over talking'. She's fucking bored of your lame conversation. She's texting in a date? Yeah, for all you know she isn't even texting; she's just trying to get away from you, one fake text at a time. This is a common behavior that all people seem to do, male or female, in our out of dates. Oh man, why would she not come back after going to the bathroom? You're right in that she's creeped the fuck out but rather than it being your stale jokes, it's more likely your entire demeanor. She brought a friend to a date you asked her on? Yeah she doesn't actually want to be with you and she brought a safety. She ain't nervous kid, she doesn't want it to be super awkward. Why would a girl attach to a friend of yours at a concert, after you've knocked it out of the park the date before? Maybe you didn't hit such a grand slam, slugger. Come to realize she's not a slut. Women aren't as impulsive as you paint them to be. If she wants to be around you, she will be. Even if she sees a guy more attractive than yourself, and they all do, she'll stay if she's into you.
For whatever reason you don't interpret yourself as the problem. Instead, the 'type' of girl is at fault and you've begun drafting delusional/inept conclusions to instruct women on how to date. More than that, you're telling them how to date you. You're delusional. It is painfully obvious you don't have good relationships with people at large, warping how you interpret things most kids figure out as kids. All this escapism and ruminating, getting up in your head, letting your imagination run your interpersonal relations, is fucking you up more.

You don't have to stand, you don't have to recite it.
Since you're not however, you're deliberately bringing attention of yourself. Like a child, your demanding to be seen for not doing something.
As an atheist at a private catholic school I know what it's like to get up and recite things you don't particularly care about. But I get up and I sign the cross and I recite the prayer because it doesn't matter. More than that, I don't talk about how I get up and do it, making sure people know 'HEY LOOK YOU FUCK, I'LL DO IT BUT I WON'T LIKE IT.' I just do it; no big deal.
Why you're driven to deliberately sit down and make sure people see you not saying the anthem is also puzzling to me. What happened to you that you now need to be taken note of and kick up shit, I don't know.

Occasionally I'll sing bits of songs in the shower, although I do it quietly.
Outside the shower I sing a like a god damn choirmaster. Weird how that works out.

I don't care about news. If every news channel and news feed went dead for the next month we'd live in a fucking utopia.

Hollywood, furthermore that hack Spielberg, should never touch the Korean film, OldBoy.
Oh wait.

Uniforms don't do anything, positive or negative. They don't help or hinder people from being who they are, and they certainly make no difference in grades. There is no reason to, or to not, implement them into all schools.
Which is why the ones with uniforms are better off staying with them, and those without are better without. Don't change anything.

Huh. Well I would say she's been sexually abused, but the voice of 14 year old is too old. Sure she doesn't sound like 8? I mean if you just heard her voice, would you think an 8 year old was talking to you?

I don't know much about ibuprofen overdoses, but I do believe you undergo a lot of pain before you die. The amount you put in your stomach causes, I believe, a very powerful and painful reaction.
If you've got the huevos, fill a sink full of ice cubes. A shit ton of ice cubes and put your arms in it for like an hour if not longer. Then cut your wrists a couple of times longways; you shouldn't feel it because of the numbness.
Shit if you're old enough, go spend some money on a gun. You won't be needing the money. Should be able to find one in a pawn shop, although those places are hard to find now a days, so a regular gun shop would be easier. Make sure to angle it the right way in your mouth to destroy your cerebellum; that is, sort of diagnal. Friend of mine shot directly forward and lived; managed to cut off his life support in the hospital though.

I looked at a post I made on a forum about three or four years ago. I read one sentence and will never look back again.
It's unbearable to read some things I have written. Awkward, embarrassing, naive.

At 10/13/09 09:13 PM, EpicFail wrote: I was in detox for the past five fucking days.
I feel better than ever.
I plan on having my life away from drugs, I will always be surrounded by drugs, but I will not do drugs for a very long time...

Detox was terrible, but I think it may have been worth it.
I got arrested and sent there.

Generally people who are forced into 'detox' relapse, regardless of how they feel afterward. Just not doing drugs doesn't mean your sober. It just means your not on drugs.
If you want to be sober, get a sponsor, get on a program, and join a group, although programs generally are a group process. If you want to be sober, that's what you have to do, no questions. And keep in mind, you won't ever be the person you would have been without your addiction, you'll merely be 'better.'
Best of luck.

Google.

I hate bing. My school only lets us use Internet Explorer and Bing is internet explorers thing. It sucks.

Nah. Seventeen is too old for trick or treating, you know? My friends and I will most likely hang out, as if it were any other night.

You're an asshole.
I'm also skeptical about whether he's really an atheist now. Someone who fervently believes in god doesn't just think 'oh man, you're right. how silly of me; science is better' after a quick chat with one of his idiot friends.

Sure, first it's fellatio. Then its walking on hind legs. Then they're wearing business suits. Then the dogs are breaking into your house and raping your daughter and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Of course they're popular. I don't know anyone who would say otherwise.
I mean, while 'indie' bands are technically only indie because of their label, they also tend to have a certain sound. That is why they are a genre of music and we can generalize them as a group. They have well known patterns.

I'd be a bear. A horrifying, uncontrollable bear who is unpredictable except for his affinity for slaughter. Probably just a brown bear, or a kermode white bear.