Daddy Said
"Don't cry. I'll be back soon. I love you. I know that the thought of daddy going far away is scary, sweetheart, but you know your daddy is always with you, right? Please, Lucy, don't cry. Keep the candle lit until I get back, ok?" These were the last words Lucy ever heard her father speak.
Thomas took his daughter into his arms and held her as she sobbed, shaking. Each warm tear that slid down her cheek and onto his neck caused him to fight the trembling of his own body. The thought of leaving his daughter at this crucial time in her life crushed him, but he knew that his duty to protect his country was what, in turn, would protect her. Or, maybe that was an excuse he embraced to deal with the loss of his wife. Maybe this was how he could get away from the misery. Maybe, if he were the same man he was before his first call of duty, these cowardly thoughts would have been truth.
Thomas developed a new sense of pride and self-worth during his two years being stationed in Iraq. Being in one life-threatening situation after another, every day, during most of those two years, really makes one appreciate life. War itself, however, is no respecter of life. Lives are lost everyday and one must deal with the loss of a brother more often than not.
War, however, was not all heartache and danger for Thomas. He began to see it as a sort of a blessing, not only for the new sense of self, but for ultimately giving him the mindset to deal with the war that was in his own heart. He had never forgiven himself for his wife's death, even though it was no fault of his. It was another case of an all too common occurrence according to the newspaper, "Drunk Driver Fails to Stop at Red Light: 1 Fatality." Thomas escaped the accident with only a cut on his cheek, just deep enough to leave a slight scar. His daughter, who recently turned six years old, had been left with her grandmother. Babysitting was her gift to them as they celebrated their 3rd anniversary. The pain of dealing with the loss is what led Thomas to enlist. He was sent to Iraq within two months.
It had been nearly two years since Lucy had last seen her father. Her father had been away on "missions", as he called them, once before. But, this time she felt something changing inside of her. Sadly, she did not share in her father's realization of self that war had created in him. She had begun to resent her father for leaving her. She would never blame him for killing her mother, but the thought sometimes lingered in the back of her mind. This was mainly due to the fact that he left shortly after her mother died, leaving her with her sickly grandmother. Her grandmother had purchased Lucy an entire box of candles the day after her father left so that she could keep the promise of keeping the candle lit, just as she did the last time he left. However, nearly a year later, she let a candle burn out and never replaced it. She had one candle remaining in the box and decided to put it in a small wooden chest where she kept her father's letters and a few of her mother's belongings.
Lucy turned to her attention to the doorway as she heard a muffled cry. She assumed that it was her grandmother coming to give her this week's letter from her father. He had sent her letters every week since he left. And as predicted, her grandmother was there and held a letter in her hand. Her grandmother stood there for merely a moment before dropping to her knees, motioning for Lucy to come to her. Lucy went to her grandmother slowly, confused as to what was happening. The letter fell from her grandmother's hand as she reached out to embrace Lucy. As Lucy watched the combination of the letter slowly falling, and her grandmother's tears falling quickly, she realized what must have happened. Each warm tear that fell down her grandmother's face and landed on Lucy's neck, caused her to fight the trembling of her own body. The two sat on the cold floor, sobbing, for what seemed like an eternity.
Lucy, now nearly sixty years old, lays in bed, too tired to sleep. She slowly crawls out from under her cozy blankets and walks wearily toward the closet. As she reaches up to the top shelf she lets out a slight groan and massages her wrists. She sighs through the pain and grabs hold of a small wooden chest, turns, and brings it back with her to the bed. As she opens the chest the room suddenly fades to darkness. Lucy sits silently for a moment, confused as to what just occurred. Out of the darkness came a quiet sob. Lucy turned her attention to the doorway, where she thought she hear the cry. There, she saw a little girl with tears in her eyes. The girl stared at her for only a moment before turning to enter the living room. Lucy reached for the handle of the desk drawer that was beside her bed. Her hand stumbled through its contents, and eventually found the box of matches they were searching for. Without thinking, she reached for the candle, struck a match, and lit the wick. For the second time that night she slowly crawled out from under her cozy blankets and made her way to the living room.
The little girl sat on a piano bench in the room, crying, with her hands over her eyes. Lucy stood for a moment and examined the girl. There was something very familiar about this girl. She slowly approached and put a hand on the girl's shoulder. The girl sniffed, wiped her eyes, and then looked up at Lucy.
"Why are you crying, little girl?" Lucy asked.
"Because you broke your promise. You forgot daddy. You left me alone in the dark," the girl responded through sobs.
"I don't understand," Lucy said. "Who...who are you?"
"My name is Lucy," the girl replied.
Lucy was stunned. Of course this is why the girl looked familiar. This child was Lucy, and from the looks of it she was only about seven years old. As Lucy was collecting her thoughts, the girl stood and pointed to the bench.
"There's something in there that you need to see. Grandma forgot to give it to you before she...well, you know."
Lucy opened the top of the bench. Inside she saw an old letter that was addressed to her. She reached for it and slowly managed the letter open. As she read, tears began to well in her eyes.
Lucy,
I am coming home very soon. Just one more mission and daddy will be coming home. I can't wait to give you a big hug and bunches of kisses. Grandma tells me that you've grown up so big! She sent me a picture of you a while back and I see you've let your beautiful blonde hair grow out. You look so much like your mother. I know you miss her, Lucy. Me too. She would be so proud of the young lady you are becoming. She is always with you, sweetheart, remember that. Just like I am with you when you look at the candle. Keep it lit, remember? Daddy said. I'm afraid this letter is going to have to be a short one, sweetie, but I will see you very soon. Oh, and Lucy? Grandma also tells me that you have been kind of sad, and a little distant lately. That's probably my fault. I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for forgetting who I am. I'm sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most. I'm going to be a much better daddy when I get home. I promise.
P.S. I hear its getting cold there. You had better stay bundled up! Keep that coat on, young lady. I don't want you getting sick.
Hugs and Kisses,
Daddy
As Lucy finished the letter, she noticed an old-fashioned candle holder sitting on top of a stand in front of the piano bench. She walked slowly to it and saw that it had a white candle sitting inside of it, which was similar to the one she currently carried with her. She turned to face the girl, tears now streaming.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot who you are. Who I was."
The girl walked up to Lucy and hugged her tightly, then backed away and smiled. She reached for Lucy's hand that held the lit candle and guided it towards the candle inside the holder. They both nodded to each other in agreement.
