Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

So, I just finished up the last two waffles in the box. After I'd eaten one, I refilled on syrup. Either in the syrup, in the cup I'd used to hold the syrup (old habit), or on the waffle, there were two flies. I almost ate them. I slowly walked upstairs and barfed to make sure I didn't eat any that I didn't notice (I also learned I can make myself barf with muscle control). Help me keep my mind off them and you win the Internets.

You, sir, are a walking bank of stereotypes

1. A woman lacks the musclemass and thus the strength of a man.

They make up for it in flexibility and agility

2. Women tend to lack the endurance and cardiovascular health found in men.

On what grounds, Einstein?

3. Women are less likely to learn a combative form of self defense, thus increasing the likelyhood of attack by men.

That's their own fault

4. Women experience less pleasure in sexual intercourse than a man.

Women can get it easier

5. Women have more social expectations placed upon them than men do.

Bullcrap.

6. Every month a woman menstruates, resulting in bad moods, physical pain and a host of other conditions.

Men can get kicked in the nuts

7. A woman can only get pregnant, not get someone pregnant, meaning that they must bear the responsibility of a child.

Most women say childbirth is a magical experience

8. Men get to choose whether their woman gets an abortion, not the woman.

Are you a moron?

9. Women get to stay in the kitchen while men get to party and get wasted, then punch their wife in the face for not having dinner by six.

Answered the previous question. You're just talking about gender stereotypes

10. Women tend to be less intelligent then men.

Bullcrap. Stupidity isn't gender exclusive

11. When a woman gets fat it's a bad thing, when a man gets fat it's a sign of wealth.

More bullcrap. It's bad for either sex

12. Men tend to get easier and better paying jobs than women.

You've got me there

13. If a woman has children she has to look after them constantly, meanwhile the man gets to go to work and drink at happy hour with his friends.

You're talking about asshole fathers here. Few people are them

14. If a man becomes an adulterer it's because his wife is missing something in the relationship.

Even more bullcrap. It's because the man is an ass

15. Most weapons are designed for the hands of a man, not the thin, long finger-nailed hands of a woman.

W

16. Women get to wear impractical and revealing outfits meant only for sex appeal, men can wear anything.

Women don't have to do that

17. If a woman gets attacked she's not supposed to do anything about it, her man is.

That's a gender stereotype

18. Finally, a vagina looks like a Sarlaac Pit, and a penis looks like a Sandworm from Dune, and Sandworms beat Sarlaac Pits hands down.

Your opinion hands down. And breasts beat men's chests hands down.

Did you hear about the fish put on trial for murder? He was found GILL-TY

What's the most popular sales technique in the aquatic community? The Bait and Switch!

Every she-dolphin is looking for a porpoise.

Where to porpoises keep their money? In a dolphin safe!

Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucechee sepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun

Whomp John and Kate, every Celebutard, Stephanie Meyer, the DD, Rush Limbaugh, Fox News' team, Michael Moore, and the designer of those "I'm a Mac! And I'm a PC!" commercials.

At 7/24/09 03:07 PM, Kwing wrote:

At 7/24/09 03:05 PM, Shinzura wrote: And how are you online?

He said his Windows computer... I'm assuming he's on a Mac.

Or another computer, or a laptop, or an iPhone. Could make a big difference if it's spread throughout the household or something. I'm no tech wiz, though. Just need to give more information

True Happiness

And a staircase onto my roof

And how are you online?

I live in between a Russian family who operates an illegal used car dealership out of their garage and a racist old man glaring at my family and threatening to hit our pets... I could stand some new neighbors

At 7/24/09 02:59 PM, MaraquanWocky wrote:

At 7/24/09 11:12 AM, Torkelson wrote: Slightlyusedgrounds

Horriblyusedgrounds. Hey, Newgrounds is like...11 years old? =(

Just like 3/4 of the people on the site

BAH DUM TSSSSH!

At 7/24/09 01:35 PM, LBRocker wrote:

At 7/24/09 11:57 AM, Shinzura wrote: TerraNova

(wonders if anyone speaks Latin here)

New Earth? That... doesn't make sense.

"Ground" is an ambiguous term. I'm assuming that Newgrounds means something similar to "new/unexplored planet"

I'm afraid of party balloons... Long story

At 7/24/09 02:41 PM, SupraAddict wrote: When you see it...

It's too small and therefore has no effect (I swear to God, I'll kill anyone who says "that's what she said"). Use a pre-existing one of those

You are not gay. Uninformed about the nature of homsexuality? Totally. Metro? Not even that. Gay? No...

At 7/24/09 12:08 PM, LastMeasure wrote: Novus Hortus

(Latin for NewGrounds)

That's Latin for new garden

At 7/24/09 12:01 PM, FlashtooREV wrote:

At 7/24/09 11:57 AM, Shinzura wrote: TerraNova

Hehe. You should change the name, not just the language it's written in.

I DID! I changed it to NewGROUND... We only need one ground

TerraNova

(wonders if anyone speaks Latin here)

At 7/24/09 12:13 AM, igott wrote:

At 7/24/09 12:11 AM, Shinzura wrote: Please don't advertise your stolen flashes

You are my favorite non-reg.

If your serious, thank you

It's midnight here EST and I can't sleep. I log onto NG and see some of the worst stuff on the site. I'm talking racist flashes, stolen flashes, creepy, mind numbing stuff. Is this normal for midnight stuff? Is that how some of the stuff passes judgment, or am I just unlucky that the first time I try to surf Newgrounds at night is turning out freaky?

Please don't advertise your stolen flashes

At 7/23/09 11:42 PM, LTmatt wrote:

At 7/23/09 10:55 PM, Shinzura wrote:

At 7/23/09 10:52 PM, LTmatt wrote: rectal cancer like that dued in that other thread

Not funny. That guy's Step-Aunt had under a month to live.

i ind it tragically hilarious that you can get cancer in yout rectum
no offense do that dudes' step aunt or whatever but its kinda like funny

You didn't know? That's how Farrah Fawcet died. You can also get cancer in your penis. And in the breasts. BFD, it doesn't make insensitivity okay

At 7/23/09 10:52 PM, LTmatt wrote: rectal cancer like that dued in that other thread

Not funny. That guy's Step-Aunt had under a month to live.

At 7/23/09 10:43 PM, quanmandetil wrote: He has an alt account?

Main, technically. NoodleCreme, I believe. He was arguing with Wade and later me for a while

At 7/23/09 10:47 PM, Imaku wrote: They should make it so that when an award winning Flash is deleted the second place one gets it. If that's deleted, then the third, then the fourth...

I agree. That, and there should at least be screening when file-swapping

At 7/23/09 10:42 PM, Shinzura wrote: Name one Mastermind, one Neighneigh (-rimshot-)

I'm insanely proud of that Neighneigh pun... How sad is that?

Name one Mastermind, one Neighneigh (-rimshot-)

He was banned for stealing art. Now his alt's walking around ignoring the rules and complaining because he failed to recognize the intrinsic value of a less-than-stellar piece of art

It was a DD flash entitled "[DD] Wade RAPES his kids"

Probably passed judgement the minute the award came out (probably around Midnight) and the DD must've massvoted it up. But that's just a guess

At 7/23/09 09:49 PM, cast wrote:

At 7/23/09 09:46 PM, STEM wrote: Yea I met a girl with a tongue that long once

Yeah, me too. She was a total bitch!

-rimshot-

I actually laughed at that

At 7/23/09 09:47 PM, michelinman wrote:

At 7/23/09 09:46 PM, Shinzura wrote: Creepy. And stolen from Ebaumsworld

actually break. i don't think ebaumsworld has anything that it didn't steal from somebody else first. haha. and i'm pretty sure they won't mind.

Fair enough. But it certainly lends to the creep factor that the photographer didn't fix the red eyes