1 Forum Post by "sheepbitter"
A poem I wrote recently and would like some feedback on:
The sweet nectar of ambition drips before me.
All other sources of sustenance have dried up.
I'm afraid of drinking, because I've seen the consequences of even a drop too much.
Ambition can be a poison, but we are nothing without it.
I've been nothing without it. A husk.
But once I drink this sap from the tree of forbidden fruit, it cannot be undone, regardless of whether there's too much.
I choose to take this leap through the void.
And so I raise this ancient cup.
I will not die a husk.
Since ambition is the title, I'm wondering if it's redundant to put the word ambition in the actual poem and whether it'd be better to simply refer to ambition as 'it.'
Also question to Christians, do you refer to the tree of genesis as the tree of forbidden fruit? or is it at least obvious that I'm talking about the tree of genesis? (Not Christian, so it's a bit difficult for me to determine.)
