We live to be enriched by experiences so that when the day comes to die, we will understand it is all necessary, it is inevitable and it is beautiful. Death is part of the journey, it is part of life.
For this same reason we have children, so that they may be enriched by the experiences of life, give them the opportunity to choose life for themselves, though, the decision of their living falls on us.
I can see that you are lost, and dont understand what to believe, don't question life, just... experience it.