For all you assholes out there, here's my proof.
Recently I was married to a beautiful girl named Jessica. I was very in love with her and we were both profoundly christian. Our wedding was an amazing ceremony, all our best friends and family were there, and it was truely a magnificant day. The next day it was our honeymoon, we travelled up the country to stay in a villa we had planned out, with a very romantic bedroom and a perfect beach. We walked up and down it, talking and holding hands. I found a rock shaped slightly like a heart, and were drew our names onto it. As the sun set we made our way back to the restaurant for dinner. The food was delicious, and the day was coming to an end. It was time to seal our love with intercourse. I was excited, we had both not had sex before and we had waited a long time for it. That night we got naked and slipped under the covers. I inserted my member into her, hearing her gasp slightly. It was so exciting, right up until I was completley in. It wasn't tight, and I could feel nothing that could be described as a hymen. I paused a little and looked into her eyes, she knew what I knew.
I held my breathe, trying to muster the question, and finally.
"Are you a virgin?" I asked, trying to mask my anger. She looked at me dead in the eye, there was fear.
"I'm so sorry... When I was younger I was abused. There wasn't anything I could do and no-one would believe me." She said.
I pulled out of her and sat up on the side of the bed, in deep thought. I could feel rage in me, rising like a volcano. I had sacrificed everything, and she lied. She tried to comfort me with words.
"It wasn't my choice, I wish I could have stopped it." She said. I spun around quickly and back-handed her. She staggered to the other side of the bed fearfully.
"Shut up, your filthy tales mean nothing to me." I stood up and marched over to the other side of the room. I picked up my holy bible and the stone we found on the beach.
"By the power of god and the holy bible I am commanded to stone you to death, and that is what I shall do." I said, holding the rock up. She looked at me, as though I were a madman, but I was only following god. She stumbled out of bed, and I launched over and caught her by the ankle. She collapsed into the ground and started screaming for mercy.
"We're all alone, god is with me!" I shouted, raising the stone over my head. I brung it down with as much force as I could, her head bounced slightly as it hit the carpet. She squirmed slightly and pleaded with a crying moan. I felt tears flow down my cheeks, tickling my nerves as I raised the stone again, bringing it down on her filthy head. Blood was drawn by the forth hit. She raised her head with the last of her strength, and muttered her final words.
"I...love...y-" She groaned, but I could not bear to hear it, I burst into tears and wept as I hit her head one final time, collapsing into a heap of misery and dropping the bloodied stone. My work of god's word was done. But there was one more task to perform.
I opened the car boot and tossed her lifeless body in. I slumped into the driver's seat and started the engine. The night was cold and dark, and I could only think about how betrayed I felt as I drove down the countryside. 4 hours later I arrived at the house of her father. It was 3:50am when I pulled the body out, and carried it to the doorstep. I jumped in the car and sped off. By the end of the night I had arrived at the villa once more. There were no witnesses. I cleaned the carpet up and the police arrived to talk to me. I put on an act, saying she was abducted and wept truely when they said they had found her body. Fortunatly these were not proper cops, and did not know the way of good, so they didn't see any relevance. I got away from it all and god's work was done.
So there you have it, real proof that god exists. He let me carry out his word and in return, allowed me to live life after it.
If you can't tell I'm taking the piss, unplug your computer.
