My bad! Here is the flash I wrote my story on! Sorry about the mistake!
Click to view.
Tom hated this phone and his life now almost as much as he hated run on jokes that aren't funny. "CURSE YOU RUN ON JOKES THAT ARE-"
Suddenly he heard a noise from his bedroom, something like a rustle of bed covers which surely was caused by the stupid conclusions he was jumping to. This made him laugh- like somebody who laughs at really inappropriate times!
His laughter turned into thoughts! Soon, April would quake into the room with full blown beauty sleep attire still on, all over her face! He envisioned the cucumbers in her eyes and the green beauty make up she wore covering her face while she was lumbering into the room with a rolling pin (good for rolling dough, which oddly enough she kept at her side just in case Tom was so fullish as to wake her: SHE WOULD THEN COMMENCE ROLLING HIS FACE and all for not answering the God forsaken phone, which woke her! HE COULD SEE ALL THIS! HE HAD A VERY ACTIVE IMAGINATION! AND HE LOVED TO THINK!
Tom knew that his demise from the salad face of a wife he had in bed was worse than running gags, his thoughts, and phone he had to answer- THEN HE LOVED WHAT HE THOUGHT! He thought, to him, this whole night sounded like a Bob Dylan song! Answer that phone or your gonna be killed! Tom thought of this and wished he had more musical talent to write the song and sing it just like Justin Timberlake. That thought of his was probably as bad as his next one. Tom then thought of giving out Wacom Tablets for free and not giving one to user Omegared!! He then realized he had done that. Dang he thought I bet that guy is pretty funny and deserving, but then he thought I was gay! Then he thought about cars! The phone still rang.
Death Approached. Kitty Krew still made flash. Omegared had no Wacom, Tom missed that days episode of friends, Stamper was probably partying and having a good time while he should be at work earning the salary Tom gave him! LIFE WAS NOTHING TO TOM NOW BECAUSE HE HAD BAD THOUGHTS!
Why shouldn't he just kill himself he said- I MEAN thought! But, sadly, he could not bring himself to do it because he loved the corny jokes on his site to much and knew that if he died somebody would take over for him and probably remove all that garbage and just make a bunch of running gags about stuff other than wee wees.
Another sound of discomfort from his room came! He took in a deep breath and ended the madness! It was easy for him to do because he simply pretended he was John Wayne about to tear up some bad guys (Tom Fulp loves John Wayne.)
Into the phone he shouted! "HELLO! I WAS JUST HAING NICE THOUGHTS AND MY WIFE FEELS MORE AMAZING TONIGHT THAN EVER! WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU SICK FU**!!!!" I DON"T CARE ABOUT BOMBS OR USED MCDONALDS WRAPPERS! YOUR GONNA WAKE MY FU***** WIFE UP AND REALLY GET ME KILLED!
Then on the other line was a voice Tom did not expect. "Tom!!! What is wrong with you!?" April said as if he was some lousy drunk who had answered the phone, but Tom was only drunk with Thoughts.
"Rachael? DAH I mean April?" Tom said
"Did you just call me Rachael from friends again Tom?" April replied She knew how much he fantasized about her! ... Thought.
"Oh sorry babe! You know me. heh" Tom giggled
"Why did you answer the phone like a mad man just now?" April questioned
Like nothing happened, he replied "Oh baby I am so sorry. I just thought you were gonna be that guy from the 973rd voicemail threatening to kill me, and I thought you were in the other room getting ready to wake up and kill me for not answering the phone because I was to much of a pussy to deal with that loser again! And you felt amazing tonight when I just felt you! You know normal stuff."
After much thought April spoke "Tom... You need to stop watching all those flash movies from your site! Your going insane!"
"I guess your right baby. I'm sorry April." Tom said like a suave beast of a man. (Tom was always hitting on his wife when he made her mad because he thought she was just so sexy when she was angry), but then he realized that his wife was on the phone with him... And yet he could not hear her in the other room. "Hey April where are you anyway?" he asked.
"Don't you remember?" She jolted him with her voice " I was staying the night at my moms house tonight?" (bow chicka wow wow)
She continued to talk and as she did Tom started to drop the phone from his ear and look over at his bedroom door "I only was calling you because I got a funny voicemail from you saying that you were give me used Mcdonald's wrappers and leave me a bomb when I get back home tomorrow! hehehehehe I didn't hink you cared for me so much honey. That must be why I married you." It was the last thing he heard her say as he dropped the phone.
He walked slowly back to his room.
"Tom? Tom? What did you mean when you felt me tonight?" The phone was on the floor. Tom approached the door like a sick man approached a doctor with a scalpel, with no thoughts.
"Tom? You did leave me that voicemail right?" The phone was out of hearing distance for Tom.
Tom reached the door and peered inside the room. There was still everything in there like he remembered including the odd shape in the bed of a person who had covered them self completely.
"TOM!? CAN YOU HEAR ME? TOM!!!" It was to late.
Tom ripped the covers from his extra king sized bed! HE GASPED!!! "AAAAAAAAAA!!!
"HELLLO TOM FULP!!!! PFFT! CREATOR OF NEW GROUNDS!!PFFFT! MAKE LOVE TO ME YOU GAY FA****"
-The End
A sequel to this gem was the least I could do for this contest! ( I doubt it will win, but hey its all in good fun).
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
436786
Tom Fulp was at home late one night almost ready to go to bed and spend the night with his lovely wife April. It was just like he did last night after an unpleasant phone call. (BOW CHICKAWOW WOW WOW- sexy music)
After Tom finished cleaning him self up in the shower- his huge YOU KNOW WHAT being more than enough to last him over three hours (BOW CHICKAWOW WOW WOW- sexy music)- he returned to his bedroom. On his bed there was an indent from under the covers. Clearly, his loving wife, and soon to be mother of his child, April was already asleep and making the indent shape because she was under the covers. (BOW CHICKAWOW WOW WOW- sexy music) (Okay I promise I won't write that again plase read on). Tom couldn't wait feel her smooth silky skin next to his. He reminisced thoughts of her body and many nights next to her because he was a real thinker, that Tom. He loved to think because he had quite an imagination. Yes, many nights he fell fast asleep embraced her close and had dreams of her and him taking over the internet and finally paying off there car. Tom couldn't wait! He closed his eyes and crawled into bed with her and felt her smooth body. She felt ore amazing tonight than usual... (I know you think I'm gonna write sexy music here, BUT I'M NOT!)
Then Tom got out of bed and did a tiny little heel click. He smiled in the delight of his thoughts, that he thought and he loved to thought them. He put on his jammy jams. He calls them that because his MOTHER always used to call them that (BOW CHICKAWOW WOW WOW) (HAHA I'm sorry I couldn't resist!) then he approached the bed. He had almost lifted the covers when he heard an irritating, familiar sound. A sound that he feared like never before! BECAUSE HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT!
This same sound he had heard yesterday but neglected to acknowledge it which later resulted in the horrors he was forced to listen to. In a voicemail. And now, here the noise was again! At his house phone. He drew sweat at the now ear ringing, awful, irritating sound!
To him, steps toward his ringin phone were like running gags. He hated running gags! (BOW CHICKAWOW WOW WOW- he danced)
Urgently he scanned his memory banks for any sensible callers. He thought and thought! He thought and he didn't like what he thought as the phone rang on and on! He only wanted to return to his wife's wonderful body which felt more aazing tonight than ever. But unspeakable thoughts came to him and crept into his mind while looking at the endless ringing phone.
His nerves went on edge, his senses started tingling, and the helpless phone just on rang loudly next to him. Sadly, his house phone just was going to ring until one end of the line did what they had to do. Tom thought why must I answer? The phones noise rang in his head and also did a very odd voice, which now clouded his thoughts. On and on, over and over! Curse my thoughts he thought. Sweat drew on Tom's head! Tom hated the mans voice he thought was calling him! And the phone still rang! Who on earth could hate me Tom Thought!! He thought this because he thought the man calling hated him. Thought, thought, thought.
The phone had become more like some kind of parrot that made ringing sounds and would not shut up, it rang so much! Tom knew that he was manly enough to wait for seven or eight more rings to think things over but clearly this caller was out for blood! Blood in the form of strange threats, used McDonald's wrappers, and naughty words that didn't apply to him because he was just to cool, and thoughtlessness.
The phone had rung constantly now for almost fifteen minutes because Tom loved to think. At the first ring a very tiny thought, almost as small as the life of a spammer on Newgrounds, (At least what life Tom could imagine they had) had been on his mind, and now the ringing had made this thought full blown; it was taking over Tom's mind like Ding Dong jokes (and shape jokes) had once taken his precious website!
In short, or to say it in one sentence and avoid setting up a whole story, some running gags, and some seven or more paragraphs prior. Tom Fulp knew that this ring was from somebody he never wanted to hear from again; it was from nobody other than THE CULPRIT OF NG VOICEMAIL #973!!! (The Flash Stamper had made was now in Tom's thoughts! And honestly who wants a Stamper flash stuck their ever?!)
Tom was now bawling like a little women at his thoughts. If somebody, anybody, ever saw his massive, Guile like, muscles would deny him of being a women until now! Unless, they had been blind and unable to feel them and unable to take his word for it!
The voice rang in Tom's thoughts, like the phone! ("PHFFT HELLO TOM FULP! CREATOR OF NEW GROUNDS!") His eyes were frozen on the phone, but he couldn't see it because his mind was clouding him with the vision of the stick figure portrayal of this man from Stamper's flash! And Tom could see the stick man talking clear as the thoughts in front of him! ("I SENT YOU USED MCDONLD'S WRAPPERS!! TO YOUR P.O. BOX AND GUESS WHAT!?... I PUT A BOMB IN IT!")
Tom shook his head violently to remove these thoughts. But the thoughts stayed, no matter how hard he tried to remove them, just like Kitty Krew or some other STUPID crew- which caused people to hate his precious, amazing site! These crews were the only reason why anyone would think to hate Newgrounds! "CURSE YOU KITTY KR-" He started to shout but caught himself in his madness, surely because he was not willing to do the only thing worse than answering the phone, which was waking April from her beauty sleep!
The thoughts of Tom had now mutated, like most thoughts do, into new thoughts....
They became thoughts of the conversation he was going to have with the horrible man whom he could only imagine in stick figure form like his good friend Stamper depicted! Which annoyed him to say the least! "CURSE YOU STAMP-" He started to shout but caught himself in his madness again, and now he thought of Madness flashes and not waking April from her beauty sleep!
The phone still rang! It had been almost hours now.
Now Tom had visions of April waking from her slumber VERY UPSET for she was pregnant! He had not yet answered the phone and WHY did he not? WHY he did let it wake her- she would want to know as she woke with unrest! "CURSE YOU PHO-" He started to shout but caught himself in his madness, and then he checked to see if April was still asleep and sure enough there the indent was still, in his bed. He wished to be feeling her amazing body again, which tonight felt AMAZING! REALLY REALLY AMAZING he thought.
DOGG! I was gonna where one of those shirts and post a pic up!!! But my life is SHIT!
:) and I have a shitty time dealing with mail at my address. :((
Okay I'M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT!
I think the winners should be:
1 Fallen Angel
2 House of 1,000 Cats
3 Story of Kahle
But I'm a virgin!!! 8O
RB
ps There I said it.
At 7/17/07 06:01 PM, Akuma wrote: I DONT NEED AN ICON I AM AKUMA I ONCE DESTROYED A SUBMARINE
BWAH HAHAHA !HA H AH!H AH AH! HA! H!H!!A AHAHHA! HAAAAAAAAA!
I guess that I pretty much like all the picks... But I don't! UGH! Why did The Greatest Idea Ever make it?!?!?!?!? And stupid Pancakes are tiny!
Oh well... I'm just a basterd.
Congratz everyone! Good luck! And may the best one win.
Gosh I'm such a loser I HATE MYSELF!
RB
PS I got a fucking hilarious PM from Akuma today that just made my day!! Thanks NG Staff for hiring that dude!
I just wanted to say that Edmund CD is really fun~ word!
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XD
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XDDDD
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Nobody likes a winner anyway!!!! HAHAHA!
I'm so happy to be me I guess... ;)
This winter flash off was really good. I liked Christmas Pill and Frost'D the best. But I seriously should watch them all.
I also liked
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and I thought this was not about christmas at all
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this could have been better, I liked it overall though.
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Happy new year!
MEET N FUCK was in the top five??? WHAY!
;)
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The first time i watch a Catoblebas' flash it was Bad Baby, I rated it 5/10 and called him strange and twisted. Like everyone else I new he was talented and just was kinda freaked out by his work.
I guess I was raised to think anything bloody and violent is bad. Bad Baby makes me laugh now.
I'm glad I watched shit by Cato, I feel less lame.
I'm gonna try really hard to submit to this! I know my art/animation won't be the best, since it will be only my second technical submission to NG (and my first one was blammed). I guess I am gonna have to go for Homur!!!
LoL wasn't it funny that I misspelled humor? ... heh
Also Kuos to TOm Fulp for using the slang AMAZING SHIT! And Kudos to Luis for being funny as always.
Look at how many people are resolving to make better flashes! Or FLASH at all!!
09 will = win!
BTW I think I remember the first NG Chat, or forum NG had! Wasn't it full of spammers that kept leaving messages like, FDA FUCKED ME AND GAVE ME AIDS, or stupid shit like that? I mean back then there weren't any mods or nothing so it makes sense now, cause I remember something crazy like that! like in 01ish...
??
At 1/1/09 02:50 PM, Esn wrote: Despite all of its flaws, Newgrounds is still the best place to submit animation
Case in point: I recently submitted my first film both to Newgrounds and to DeviantArt. I was just as unknown on NG as on DA, yet it got over 8000 views on NG and 18 on DA.
Esn your very right! I think most people who love NG come on and vote for new submissions and for the most part try to rate fairly. Then there are noobs that just come when they aren't jacking off to Rick Roles to say shit like: TO MUCH SWEARING! I DON'T GET IT! LMAO 10..
BTW Nice work on your flash Esn!!
NG 09 is gonna be steller!!! I'm super excited!
I want to:
Get a mic and do voice acting and Singing. I seriously will not dissapoint.
Submit a flash every month. ( a good one!)
Win at least one award (and not TOW.)
Meet some people from NG in person.
Do my best to afford the UK meet. (Then I could meet everyone! Even people I don't want too! >:-)
BBs post even less ;)-
The Portal history 2008 looks a lot like my favorites section which makes me wish I would have just posted all my favorites from 2008, cause seriously yeah. I'm glad Funnies is there, no matter how many people are Butt Hurt! >:-)
Tom you are so cool, you really made me happy when you said your gonna be THE BOSS MAN! And not just cause it sounds super silly, lol BOSS MAN! You really will accomplish all your goals this year! I have no doubts! And I know you will love Fatherhood! And seriously NG is the best and always wll be. NG will never die, You have to many die hard fans and more importantly $$$.
Happy New Year NG!
<3 and >:-((((
RB
PS ... :))))) 09 YAY!
I am real impressed with Osakus work!
As for NG history 2008. I guess it wouldn't hurt to throw in my two cents.
This one is by far the most CLASSIC of 08.
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I didn't even like Chucks new Tux, but it was one of those flases that everyone had as a favorite. It really is well done.
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Same as Chucks Tux, I thought this was great eye candy, even though I didn't think it was funny. (lol MAN, I was wrong about two NG milestones in one year! :P )
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This flash had it all! It was funny, thrilling, silly, crude, and beautiful. -sniff
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I feel like this baby is self explainitory.
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We all know this is NG history worthy. The whole series is. Remember when all three episodes were the top 3 of top 50. XD.. .. I do
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9.9 average score for reviews with about 3000+ says it all
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GUN CHEST! I'm just wowed by the whole series, even though I aint much for anime.
http://www.newgrounds.com/collection/gun chest.html
One of my favorites was Funnies!! It was amazing to me how much HATE this flash caused. Just look at how many zero reviews it got, and the best part is (to me) how dumb every zero reviewer looks. Everyone that said: "this has lame animation," "bad sound," or "dumb jokes" "cock jokes are lame," really didn't realize that they were only looking at the way the creators of this flash viewed the shitty parodies that the zero givers little pedestal favorites had to offer. If you don't enjoy the flash much read a review or two, either way I die laughing.
Lets be real though, the damn flash is funny.
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I love myself!
I also think that this collab was by far the biggest NG ever had and awesomeist.. (no pun intended; like MindChamber made once!! ;)
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(MMM NUMMA NUMS!)
Thanks for reading my thoughts on Portal History entries for 2008.
Happy New Year!
RB (sorry about my grammer and spelling errs
PS HONORABLE MENTIONS!
a simple pleasure piece
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I'm sorry, this was a funny series.
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I died laughing.
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What can I say. Mario + The Beatles = WIN
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I will never forget the first day I learned of Catoblepas. I really won't because I gave this flash a 5/10 right before it passed judgement and got FPed.
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Seriously I love NG!!!
please leave your friend codes!
Asswhippings will ensue on Online! Any takers???
Here's mine: 0946 3922 7404
I really want to one vs. one some peeps wo play brawl good!!!
Please brawl me! RAWR! YEAH! FUN! WOOT!
Come on!
0946 3922 7404
I accept your proposal for marriage now that your bored. let me know where and when. Then you won't be bored and you'll be a good wife to me cause I saved your ass from death of teh boredniss.
At 12/28/08 02:48 AM, StarCleaver wrote: Premise: I have a $350 dollar voucher from northwest airlines that I can use for a domestic (US) flight in the next 6 months.
Question: To where should I fly and why?
Tahoe is great for snowboarding right now. :)
At 12/23/08 06:14 PM, JOHNNY29 wrote: I do not have a XBox :( but I have a Wii.
I cannot get Castle Crashers.
Please bring it out for Wii.
If it was for Wii I'd buy it quicker than a free hooker that was not really a hooker but a beautiful virgin godess looking type slender freckled cute chick. ... I <3 gingers
Yeah, next year, just compile them all in a big flash and release it on Xmas, and be done with it, that way the users will watch the movie, and get to find out if they have a christmas present of winning a tablet.
This is a really good idea.
-closes eyes-
PLEASE LET OSUKAS TABLET ARRIVE AT MY HOUSE!!!
;)
Every pick so far for a Wacom has been good. I am so excited for next year! Osuka made boss flashes for the MGSC 1 and 2. He is very talented. I'm sad that the Wacom give away is almost done.
The Day Keanu Stood Still cool no matter what anyone says.
The collage by Artist-lost really is really cool.
Now to check out Quiet Winter Night.
:)
I have to read this tomorrow I'm dead tired.
At 12/21/08 12:24 PM, sumidiotdude wrote: You gotta give credit to the Duck Division. Spammers have united and have started to win portal awards. Times are changing. Kudos DD, I hope you keep up the great work!
Yeah but that spam flash is now Blammed.
I guess everyone's united hate against them was more powerful in the end
>:O
At 12/21/08 11:12 AM, Jonas wrote: Like ducks in a row.
LMAO or idiots.
Click to view.
This was more deserving though.
Wow his art is amazing! Good pick!
Select between 5 monster racers, upgrade your monster skill and win the competition!
4.18 / 5.00 3,534 Views
Build most powerful forces, unleash hordes of monster and control your soldiers!
3.80 / 5.00 4,200 Views
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