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being cells headed

Correction, I meant to put cel-shaded

So I was on YouTube when I found gameplay for a game called "Night of the Sacrifice" for the wii. In general the game looked good, it was a Japanese horror game which in itself is always a fun ordeal, but also supported a feature I thought the wii would never pull off; using the balance board amazingly by having the player simulate walking/running on it by lifting one foot at a time at different speeds. The story also looked very interesting as well as the art direction, being cells headed with the important characters being faceless (if you look at my page the title picture is the characters, all named off of their color originally though the names can be changed.) the game is also rather lengthy and gameplay elements are somewhat similar to amnesia, being defenseless and avoiding fighting (more of touching, you avoid ghosts, each having different reactions whether that be to walk aimlessly, stand still, patrol, chase the player for a short distance, or chase the player till death or escape.)
Sadly the game was Japanese release only. I honestly think if marketed correctly and if released internationally, this game could have easily saved the wii and especially the balance board.

I've never heard of it but it seems interesting.
Maybe you should write something kinda like RWBY, with the whole monster hunting academy setting.

Thanks ^_^
I appreciate the feed back

I enjoyed it and actually like the way it was I written, it almost gives the narrator a monotonous feel and just gives me a feeling of wrongness, which I think is pretty close to creepiness

Really good, I kinda felt the need to read something along these lines... I'm in the middle of writing something that's reminding me of a rougher time I had last year and it's been making me get into a depressed mood, and stories like these usually help, your also very descriptive and use your language very well. I vastly enjoyed your writing.

Now, I did see a few people comment that they would like to see a part two of my last post, and I did promise that I would make it, and it would prequel part 1 to flesh out the characters more. This isn't that part two but something new. And shorter... It's actually a slightly more dramatic version of how my girlfriend and I started dating, we've helped each other through very hard times, and as we got more serious, the problems we helped each other with escalated as well.

TO THE STORY

A young man sat on the steps of a high-school, he looked to be 16, but he could've been 17. His hair was dark and mid length, it hung down over his left eye. His other eye showed an iris of hazel, the browns and greens intricately woven could not be seen from afar, but up close they appeared to resemble a tortoise shell. His dark glasses weren't exactly thick like those ones you see wanna-be's and hipsters wear, but they weren't wire-rims either. The bottom of the frame was small, and thickened as it reached the top, then the bows were two thin separated bars, they reached the fold and then went into a thick, hard, and black plastic covering. They had darkened somewhat, even in the overcast the transitions would still effect. He hadn't shaven in a while, clearly shown by the scraggly hair covering his face, thin with a small pointed chin, though not very tall. His build appeared to be slim, but a bit bigger, though not big enough to be average. He seemed to be short but not dreadfully short, 5'8", maybe 5'9". He wore black converses on his feet, a pair of worn jeans, obviously self worn, riddled with holes. His shirt was plain and black, and he wore what appeared to be an old military jacket, covered in patches. His chin rested on his hand, which rested on his knee, he was bored and cold. He looked up and fixed his hair as the cold October winds blew it from his face, and then he watched the leaves dance across the concrete, a smile crossed his face. Such an underrated time... October definitely has more than just Halloween. Another person walked up to him,
"you'll catch a cold in just that," the girl had said.
"I'll be fine, I like the cold," he replied, "He-hey! What are you doing!?" He blushed and exclaimed as she started wrapping something around his face.
"Keeping you warm since you obviously aren't going to," she said wrapping the scarf around his neck, "why are you even here? It's Saturday Nick..."
"I know... I just... Like being here this time of year," Nick replied, then his head sunk, he supported it in his hands and a melancholy expression crossed his face.
"Are you okay?" The girl asked
"Chloe... I'm... I'm fine" he looked up into Chloe's green eyes, her hair was short for a girl, black with some white through the bang that hung just out of her right eye, and it hung out of the black beanie she wore. Her eyes were especially emphasized through her thick glasses. Her face was somewhat pudgy, but in a cute way, not like a pig. She was similar to how he was compared to other girls, not really thin, but not average. She wore a heavy coat lined with fleece, it was black, over a white t shirt, with dark skinny jeans and black converses were on her feet.
"No you're not. Stop lying," she replied, a snap to her voice.
"I... I broke up with Laura last night..." He said, "She wasn't who I thought she was... She felt nothing towards me," tears welled in his eyes, "I thought she at least cared!" He yelled, his emotions over coming him he fell to the ground. Chloe scrambled down and grabbed his shoulder, he tried to shake her off but they both ended up falling, they landed on their backs, the tops of their heads touching.
"Nick..."
"Hmm?" He looked up toward her,
"I care... I've always cared..." She said, a tint of red in her face that Nick couldn't quite tell if it was from the cold or from what she just said. They both sat up, and at that moment it began to rain.
"Perfect... Now we can get hypothermia," Nick said sarcastically, "No use staying here, come on..." He stood up and extended his hand, he wore black hobo gloves, stuffed down into the sleeves, "I'll walk you home." She took his hand, he helped her to her feet, and the two began to walk.
Nick began to let go of her hand.
"Can... Can you keep holding it?" She asked shyly, a now definite blush crossed both of their faces.
"Yea... I won't let go," he replied, continuing to hold her hand.
As they walked the rain came down harder, the sky began to flash with lightning and boom with thunder. Chloe gripped Nick's hand tighter.
"Scared?" He asked
"Y-yes... I've always hated-" a flash of lighting interrupted her, she screamed and jumped into Nick's arms.
"It's okay to be afraid... I have a fear of the ocean... Or more of, what's in it," he told her
The two walked quietly, or more of Nick carried her quietly, to a house.
"My grandparents aren't home yet... Come inside with me... I need someone with me while storms happen,"
"Okay..." He said as he carried her up the steps.
"Keys under the mat,"
"Yeah... But my hands are somewhat full," he laughed
"You could've put me down a while ago..."
"Oh," his face reddened again, he gently placed her back on her feet, he gathered the key up from the mat and opened the door. Chloe darted in as lightning flashed behind them. Nick followed her in calmly, Chloe sat on the couch and removed her coat, she motioned for Nick to sit next to her as she flicked the tv on.
"Now, you broke up with Laura?"
"Yeah," he replied, "Her and I got into a fight, I said, 'I doubt you even felt any actual emotion when we did it the first time!' And she said, 'you're right, I didn't, I should have never dated a child! We're done!' I told her I never wanted to see her bitch face again, and to delete my number, because I wouldn't answer anyway," he explained, "I kinda regret it, but... But I won't turn back on it!"
Another bolt of lighting sent Chloe into Nick's arms, she faced into his chest and he held onto her protectively. I...I don't want him to ever let go... ,"Nick?"
"Yea?"
"Don't let go..."
"I never planned on it," he smiled, the tears from crying still dripped down his face, "Did I tell you about the time I got trapped on a sand bar? It was pretty recently, I was in Florida at the beach with my cousins when we-"
"Idiot..." She had taken her face out of his chest, "this is when your supposed to kiss me... Isn't it?"
Nick blushed, "h-huh?"
She got closer to his face, she placed her finger on his lips to quiet him, "shut up and kiss me,"
He brought his own face in, they connected and shared a deep and passionate kiss.
The two stayed together, entwined on the couch until they drifted into sleep.
END

Thank you for the feedback, and sorry I didn't give you feedback, I would have but I couldn't really think of what to say.
I will probably do a part two, and seeing bibliochu's reply, I'll probably make it go back a few weeks from the start of the story.

I... Was kind of hoping for feed back
It would be greatly appreciated.

I too am pretty good at writing dialogue, and I'm actually going to be acting and writing a webseries soon so I can help with that.
An idea for you, following a Everyman protagonist through a mad max like apunkalypse. Not an action movie style Everyman either, a real everyman

I would totally love to help, I'm not really sure how funny I am, of course, I think I'm funny, everyone thinks they're funny. The core of that trick is to BE funny. I'm also a pretty good artist as well if you need help there. Just don't expect me to actually write words by hand, it would be insulting to chickens to call my scrawl chicken scratch.

I would love to help
I have plenty of experience in writing despite my age, see my post in this thread and you can see my writing.
I may not have a lot of time to help though.

It's really good. The story is very interesting, it would be better to give it some length. I would really like to see it conclude into something more.

The show is seriously overrated

So I'm gonna throw a bit of my writing up, to show case my abilities, and for some fun of course.

I looked out my window into the endless night, the dark scenery rushing past. I rested my head on my hand, with my elbow propped onto the door.
"Soooooo, we almost there or what?" my twin brother said, the boredom could be heard in his voice, as he also looked out the window on the other side of the car.
My family were going on a trip for Christmas Vacation, and of course, my parents being psychopaths, we had to go further north to experience the winter carnival in Quebec. My brother and I were less than enthusiastic about it, ever since... never mind, I can barely remember, I shouldn't talk about it, I was... too young to remember. At least, thats what they keep telling me, nevertheless, my brother and I always feel a deep dread during the time of winter.
"We get there when we get there, if you just shut up and relax, it'll be over before you know it," our dad said, in his usual words of "wisdom"
"Says you! I'm tired of hearing that shit!"
"Watch your mouth Rich," our dad said calmly from the front of the car.
"I'm 18 I can say what I want,"
"Can you both shut up, I'm sure we're almost there Rich," I said
"Since when have you been on his side, NIck,"
"Since your voice broke the silence I was so ever enjoying."
The silence returned to the car after that. The drive continued on. Then, it was over in a flash, an 18-wheeler crossed the medium, we collided head on. The car spun furiously and blood splattered out from the front of the car, it flipped to its side and stopped at the base of a tree. Rich and I were the only ones to crawl from the wreckage.
"Mom! Dad! Nick!" Rich yelled
"I'm Right here Rich!"
"Dammit!" HE yelled as tears fell from his eyes, and blood dripped from a wound in his abdomen. I looked over into the car to check if Mom and Dad were okay, what I saw made me topple over. My dead body sat in the seat, blood dripping from the mop of curly, dark hair. A gaping hole in the side of my head, with blood and buts of brain oozing out.
"I- I'm dead..." I was dumb founded, and suddenly, I was blinded by a white light, what's going on... am... am I passing. when I gained my vision back I was sitting in a well lit room, in front of me there appeared to be a panel of judges
"Nicholas Clayton McFatrick, welcome, to your Judgement." A booming voice said from the stand.
"What?" I replied.
"As you have figured out, you are dead. We are to judge you, and examine if you are fit to be one of four things,"
"Four? What are they?"
"One, you stay in a purgatory like state within a spirit form. Two, you are condemned to eternal torment. Three, reincarnation, which will bring a second trial as to what and who you will be reincarnated as. The last and fourth is, to become a "Guardian Angel," for terms you would understand."
"What is that last option?"
"You, as an ascended spirit, will serve this council to protect the living from attacks."
"Attacks? What would be attacking?"
"They're are those who exist beyond your old world, in this plane." He said, finishing his explanation, "Would you be interested in joining?'
"Huh? Isn't that your choice on whether I'm fit to join or not?"
"Of course it is! The trial is over, your life wasn't that long. You are fit to join, we in fact, request you join."
"Request? Why me?"
"We have never seen such a strong spiritual energy, you will certainly make a very powerful Gaurdian."
"How is that even possible?"
"You, really don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
"When you were four years old, you and your brother were the only survivors of rule breaking Reapers. You, being subject to such powerful beings so long..."
"wait, for so long?"
"Its worse than I thought, Nicholas, the people you believed to be your parents, they were Reapers. They watched over you as punishment, for killing your real parents."
"IMPOSSIBLE! They died in the crash with me-" then my parents stepped out from the group,
"Honey, were so sorry..."
"Mom? Dad?"
"They bound us to human forms, we were trying to get out, we didn't think you would be taken too."
"What are you talking about!?"
"We had to go back... somethings coming, something big. We need you now, and your brother too, you two are the only ones powerful enough to stop him."
"Him?"
"You father. Drakon the Hopeless."
"They just said my parents were dead! That you killed them!"
"Nicky, your half demon, half human. We broke our orders to kill your father, we managed to banish him, and your mother died when you were born, because of your father. He is coming back, this is the fourth time he escaped from The Box."
"The Box?"
"Pandora's box, your father was the final demon, the most evil of evils. Hopelessness." I stood completely baffled, so much information at once. Then I remembered We need you now, and your brother too
"Are you going to kill him too... Are you bastards going to kill my brother!?"
"Yes-"
"Over my dead body,"
"That could easily be arranged, due to the fact that he is currently leaning over your dead body,"
"You can't take a life for what you want!"
"A lot worse will happen if we don't,"
"Like what?"
"The downfall of Humanity." We stood on the boundaries of morals and ethics, many believe them to be the same thing, but they are different. Morals are the needs of us all, and for the greater good, ethics is the person, the individual, the needs of the few. I was back to the wreck, standing behind my brother, I moved toward him, and ripped his soul from his body.

END, Part 1

So I just started getting back into this show awhile ago and I am seriously enjoying it. I definitely recommend you to watch it if you haven't. If you have Talking about it is pretty fun ^_^

At 10/17/12 02:37 AM, Nick8akon wrote: I've payed the games quite a bit, how terrible they were annoyed me, especially when I see or hear people obsess over it.

I meant played

I'm probalbly gonna get threatened for this, but I hate the mass effect series.
I don't feel the story.
The gameplay is in between too slow (on foot) and too fast(vehicle handling was shit, rockets did nothing)
No badass moments of epic.
I've payed the games quite a bit, how terrible they were annoyed me, especially when I see or hear people obsess over it.
The game at best, is less than mediocre.

I third the rant, point is, some developers of these games (i mean ftp online ones), their source of income are the micro transactions, buying them is completely your choice, and the purchases help the producers make more cool shit. It's like what Tom is doing now, send some green, ads off for like a year, support the website for all of us. IT IS A DICK MOVE WHEN THE ITEM OR WHATEVER DISAPEARS AFTER A NUMBER OF DAYS!!!!!!!!! I'm looking at you Vindictus, the most time you can have stuff is like a month, >:0 why, would you do this to your fans T-T another is when you have to buy characters (Rusty hearts -_-#)