I'm not getting Miserable; I'm growing apathetic. For the past year my ex-girlfriend who I loved dearly has led me on, time after time, and I of course asked her out numerously. She accepted thrice, of those two she didn't get back to me on a date, the remaining time she forgot about our scheduled date and attended something else with a group of friends.
She apologized prior to the event, but the damage was done, was I that insignificant to her that it was forgotten, or was it that she valued her friends far more than I? Surely she could skip a single event for me, the one she had been flirting with all this time? She's taken up smoking; one of the most detested things in my large circle of hate in which I express with disdain. While I have stayed faithful and waited for her diligently, she has not.
Initially I was on the verge of doing things highly irrational, once I attempted to leave a scar as a reminder, but laughed as I found the blade I had chosen was too blunt to cut my squidgy flesh. Now, I hardly feel a thing, and it can be concerning at times. As I watched her kiss my friend so passionately in my drunken haze, I felt regret, I felt sad, but I know it wasn't anything to be upset about. It may be the equivalent of what you feel if you went without lunch.
In my drunken haze my friend announced to her that he did not wish to continue with her. A few of my friends talked to her and to what I suspect, told her about my feelings for her, which shifted her attention to me. Drunk out of perception, I swore at her in annoyance. Overloaded with rejection, she left, sat in the corner of the night and cried. Seeing her walk away made me laugh uncontrollably. Something came over me. I was no longer the nice guy, I was a mental sadist.
Knowing that would cause future problems for me, I attempted to apologise and set her back up with my own friend. It didn't work.
It's my birthday today.