Still titless on the honeymoon?
This will help!

At 5/23/09 12:18 AM, PsychoGoldfish wrote: my gift is better... it is delicious AND educational

I disagree.
Mine is like a tasty biology lesson.

Did he drop any good loot?

I've always wanted to say that.

At 4/2/09 08:52 AM, Lorkas wrote: Thanks bro! So, uhh...You err, hope you're not mad at me? Y-yeah?

I'm going to fucking eat you.

After numerous amounts of mail from my last guide - losing weight, I decided to make a second guide for all you pathetic geeks with penises shrivelled like Wades social life.

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

Lorkas - this one is for you.

"Hey thanks for the advice, CAPTAIN FUCKING OBVIOUS!

Why don't you make a guide on how to GET A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND where you'd say "LOLOL U NOOBS HAVE NO LIEFS SO I MAEK GUID HEER IT IZ:...""

LOLOL U NOOBS HAVE NO LIEFS SO I MAEK GUID HEER IT IZ

step one: become sexy (refer to losing weight)
step two: become a total douchebag (refer to twilight movie)
step three: poon that shit

It's pretty simple if you're not a fucking lame fat geek, which I gather you are... so... it's not going to be easy but just man the fuck up and talk as if you're shiny vampire douchebag freak. Maybe you'll even get a chance to see a vertical smily face for the first time in your life.
Remember: If all else fails, there are call girls.
Refer to: Rave music, steroids, spikey hair, tight pink polo shirts with flipped up collars (more than one if possible), aviators, tanned skin and any line that lets you flex your muscles.

You may have a small penis, but your ego can make up for it.
Now YAH, go poon shooting you horny twats!

April fools - all you fatties will never lose weight.

Put down the chocolate cake you fat piece of shit, I'm going to teach you how to lose weight.

All I hear all day from fat people (yes, I'm friends with some fat people, and yes, I have my anti fat cape on) is "whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy am I soooooooooooooo faaaaaaatttt?? *nom nom nom*"
"whyyyyyyyy have I got faaaaaaat genes?"

Well I've got news for you, you hoggle washing snake bitch. The only type of gene's that are fat are the ones you get custom made at the local wallmart. So fuck you and listen up.

1) exercise
2) stop whining and being pathetic
3) Stop eating shitty food
4) lose weight

Get it? Got it? Good.

Maybe after you lose weight you can stop smashing the keyboard and deleting the keys with your pudgy hands, and actually type something. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to lose see your penis and have tits smaller than Dolly Parton.

NOW GET ON THE TREADMILL YOU FAT WRECK!

This is the second Friday the 13th this year, and it's the only year for two Friday the 13ths to ever happen.

Another bigotted 12 year old with another generic opinion.

Listen, they'll never prohibit smoking.

1)The smoking industry is one of the biggest in the world.
2) The smoking industry is taxed VERY heavily - therefore the Gov. gets a buttload of money. Money = happiness for a corporation, especially a corporation which makes laws (the gov.). The Gov. will be a sad panda if it stops getting money because smoking is prohibited. You dig?
3) There'll be a public outcry if smoking is prohibited. "If smoking isn't prohibited, why isn't drinking?"

It'll fuck things up if smoking is prohibited, and as much as you finger your ass thinking about ways to save the world, chances are you won't do anything. You're a teen with an opinion and no power. Welcome to stereotypes!

Now shut up and go protest about global warming.

Atleast it's not a penis you're looking at.

Forms are made to keep people like you out of places.

At 2/9/09 12:13 AM, RacistBassist wrote:

At 2/9/09 12:10 AM, milktoast wrote:

At 2/9/09 12:08 AM, RacistBassist wrote:

No, because people on Newgrounds have shitty humour that would not appeal to anyone with half a brain.

So what's wrong with it being on MTV?

Surprisingly, even Newgrounds has standards.

At 2/9/09 12:08 AM, RacistBassist wrote:

At 2/9/09 12:02 AM, Proottalfain wrote:

At 2/8/09 11:57 PM, knightsofthecircle wrote: MTV's next objective: The Newgrounds Show.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! God I hope this never happens.

Why? because you think some artists don't deserve exposure since MTV is what all the "popular fags who have social lifes" watch?

No, because people on Newgrounds have shitty humour that would not appeal to anyone with half a brain.

At 9/16/08 01:34 AM, TJ wrote:

At 9/16/08 01:30 AM, Lotus wrote: I've been with a girl for nearly two months now, and it was doing great at the beginning.. it really was..

Two fucking months.

Stop crying about how you sabotaged your own relationship when it barely had time to be anything.

Two months in 15 year old is the equivalent to 2 years in pubescence.

Sob silently and press F5 on the NG forum till my fingers break.

oh wait, most of you guys already do that.

It seems some people are taking what I'm saying out of context.
Obviously sometimes people need to live in society, be a part of society, be one of these robots to get around life and to live, although, like MasarapProductions wisely said: (Something like this) There's so much to experience in life, and people aren't taking advantage of these situations!
He says he wants to travel, to go to college. Then fuck yeah man. Go do it! Experience the world.

I totally agree with you. I want to have a happy family, live life: maybe I'll have to go be part of this system, but whatever happens, I want to do what I WANT to do, not what society EXPECTS me to do. I'm not going to become a repetitive drone for my existence. I don't want to work he same old job for wenty years, see the same old people, be the same old boring person: because (now this may vary from your ideals, but personally I take this as my personal vow) I want to experience life, and I personally think that there's more there than this machine everyones following. I want to reap the fruits of the world, taste a bit of everything.
I don't care if im going to be fucking poor. Affluenza is an occurance in our society that is far too common. If i'm poor and happy, then hell yeah. If i'm rich and sad, then i've become part of this MACHINE!

Whatever makes you happy: Do it. If it's working in a desk job, having kids, being part of that machine then do it. If it's travelling the world: DO IT. Don't just keep living the same old shitty life thinking that you don't have any chance for change. THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE FOR CHANGE! Who the fuck said you can't do what you want to do, be what you want to be, go where you want to go. Just fucking do it.
Fuck money, fuck expectations, fuck this consumerist negativity that is making happiness less important than your new shoes, fuck these beliefs that try to persuade you: "oh I couldn't do that".

Hahaa you showed that dude!

The cops here in Brisbane, Australia are mainly assholes too, so, *salutes*

Top Gear did that!

But that show is so awesome, it gets an exception. :D

At 9/5/08 07:53 PM, putzpie wrote:

At 9/5/08 07:46 PM, Haynesyb0y wrote: Does anyone here refuse to drink alcohol until they are of the legal drinking age? If you do what are your reasons for it?

It tastes like hooker piss.

yes, I'd know.
Dr. Pepper 4 lyfe yoooo

Then mix your drinks. Orange juice + gin is great for a person who doesn't want to taste alcohol.
You could also buy those premixed drinks, but then you'd be a little girly, and you'd have to wear these, wouldn't you?

At 9/5/08 12:07 PM, goldenmoon wrote: That has the MOST contradictions in it...ever

That line doesn't even make sense, and how?

At 9/5/08 12:12 PM, NEVR wrote: What would you rather society was?

I understand your point here.. I mean it makes sense that we need people like this to function and make the world run, although to me it seems that there must be something MORE than just a "9-5 working life", then dying. This is all obviously personal opinion,but I just see these people who have the same repetitive, boring life. And they complain about their same, repetitive , boring life. They're obviously wasting something that they can be experiencing so much, because they have to follow the rules of society. They can't miss their schedules.

For me, whether I'm significant or not isn't a concern, so long as I'm happy.

And that's really good. I suppose you're right, no matter what type of life you live, as long as you're happy counts..

At 9/5/08 10:28 AM, Peaceblossom wrote: ...

Well this goes back to an age old dispute, I suppose. I believe that there's more than just flesh and bones in people, and that we can have an individual purpose (btw, im not religious). And you believe that there is no individual purpose, only a purpose for creating the progression of the world (well, I think this is what you mean).
We can't dispute our points to each other, as this is an intractable dispute with no defined answer.
You are right in some sense though, without these "drones" humanity couldn't function.

At 9/5/08 10:05 AM, Peaceblossom wrote: The individual doesn't matter in the world. The human race evolved as a unit. We depend on these clones to get everything done in the world. These clones support the economy, and help continue the trend of life through the centuries.

Like any other species, humans are just a singular collective unit, and for some reason we happened to be blessed with coherent thought and communication. For whatever reason, people like you think you're special and that your life will mean something. IT WON'T. We live, we die, and we are supposed to reproduce to further progress the human unit. That is all.

We were blessed with coherent thought and communication. We were also blessed with endorphins and free thought. Should we not put these to use?
By your theory, "people like me" are part of the evolving society, as you're saying that everyone has a place to help the world in its revolution and evolution.
So why are you on Newgrounds forum replying to my post right now? HOW is that helping the society at all? It isn't. You are just a unit, right? So why should you be part of this thing we call entertainment. You should be studying or sleeping right now, and helping this world further progress by not thinking outside the box. Go be a drone, it's what you are, right? It's what you should be, because you should only be thinking of the human race as a whole, as a number. Why should we individually be happy anyway? Go put on your suit, grow to a middle aged man, get bald, get your degree, have some kids and DONT think outside the box, whatever you do. The only purpose in life is to have no purpose after all, right?

At 9/5/08 09:46 AM, life wrote:

dont care if im remembered, or known... I just want to be someone, something that has some form of significance in this world

Contradiction? You don't want to be remember, but you want to be significant? You can't. You're just a spec. No one will remember you after you die and no one will ever know you even existed. It's a scary thought to some people, but then think about why is it a scary thought? I'm more concerned about why it scares people than being scared of it. What makes the feeling of scared?

No that's not what I mean... I mean I want to have significance in this world, I want to contribute and add something, not just be one of those repetitive drones like I saw on the train.
I don't care about being known, just as long as I feel like I'm adding something that will help contribute to the world.

Which leads to the next argument. What makes happiness? Chemicals reacting in your brain? The true meaning? You're right, most people live blind everyday and would rather go to their job and come home and watch Family Guy clips on youtube. It;s human advancement. You have to be a part of society to live in it. Unless you want to live in the woods and be a hermit then you have to get some kind of job.

Heh, you should watch a movie called "into the wild". I think you'll like it.
No one really knows what happiness is, but it makes the world a better place. Hell it can prevent death, and it can create beauty. If that's not something that helps with the worlds advancement, then I don't know what is.
Finding happiness can help people take off their blindfold.

It's growing a cancer. A malignant manifestation that's taking over...
Call me absurd, but I've been thinking a lot lately.. (quite a revolutionary thing, nowadays)...
I was on a 9:15 train going into the city, and I saw these people. these CLONES in suits with their balding heads and briefcases... going into the city to work their boring desk job, living the same day as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.

And it made me think. I had an epiphany.

You know, we get caught up in these schedules... these habits and these programs doing the same old SHIT every day...
Maybe one day I turn up to an event late, or early, and what happens? I get shunned upon because I'm 3 minutes and 32.455232 seconds too late. Why? I'm not doing the "morally correct thing". I'm not following the machines orders. I'm not following the code.
im not in the habitual system like every other drone in this society.
You know what?
well FUCK that.
I dont, honestly I dont give a fucking shit about time, and order, and what's right and wrong... and as long as people know the true meaning of beauty and happiness, then that's what counts in this world. Forget your fucking schedules, forget your diaries and your beloved notepad for one second! Drop your iPhones and Starbucks latte with 90% fat free malted milk with calorie free herpes infested penis juice.
People are transforming into the machine that we call regularity, people are getting stuck into these vicious cycles of repetitive life. Living the same old shit, being the same old people. Shunning anyone who lives a scrap differently to them and their clone friends. It sickens the shit out of me.
People are taking "the orders" and they're sticking these switches into their brains: on, off, on, off, on, off... they're just becoming these artificial pieces of plastic, with brains and souls in a jail... confining themselves to a restricted world. MADE IN CHINA.

Please just don't forget what the true meaning of life is. What life is ABOUT.
The machine. The system.
it fucking sickens me
I don't want to become that
never ever

I want to know the meaning of life, of beauty, of love and happiness... i just want to know what it's like to disregard time, and think out of the machines wrath.
I want to escape and make my mark onto this world... I dont care if im remembered, or known... I just want to be someone, something that has some form of significance in this world, and can say that I've lived, that im NOT part of this vague schedualed piece of shit system formed by the degrading morals and ethical standards of our society.
I just want to live.

go to school, get a job, have a kid, retire, die.
Fuck that. Take off your fucking blindfold, world.
Live life.

ps. /rant

People who cheat don't deserve a relationship. But if you've got a good girl (and it sounds like you do) then you just have to trust her. Pretentious partners who don't trust their girl/boyfriend, check what they do and put themin a "relationship prison" are just as bad as people who cheat.
So you just have to trust your partner I guess, it's a fundemental part of any relationship.

But yep I agree with you: people who cheat are horrible.

"I TOLD YOU THE BOOGEYMAN IS REAL, FUCKER!"

At 8/27/08 09:24 PM, MortifiedPenguins wrote:

At 8/27/08 05:13 PM, Jezuz wrote: Two words, and one acronym: C.I.A. assassination plot.

He shows his face in public far too frequently. He would be an easy target for a trained sniper.

CIA hasn't had a really succesfull track record of assassination attempts.

Simple answer: nothing.

Let the country run it's course, we all know there's going to be a uprising, cou, revolution whatever. Eventually, in a week, month, year or decade there's going to be a changing of government and that is when America goes in.

We go in an a humanitarian mission, with the international community, help establish a democratic country and leave.

And especcially let the people of Zimbabwe choice thier own futures.

Are you kidding? haha
It's past the point of a revolution, mate. The Zimbabwean (sp?) people are all moving to South Africa, and THAT in itself is creating international problems. It's been reported that the Zimbabwean people have started to take the South Africans jobs, as they are more qualified - and this has lead to mass murders of Zimbabwean people.
And you say that the US will go on a humanitarian mission?
You're fucking kidding, the only form of humanity that the US gets involved in are ones that are beneficial for them. The only thing that this will help the US in is to save their face (which Bush needs to do), but they don't even have enough troops left to send there.

Where is the humanity at all in this situation? How can letting nature take its course bring humanity? How will the US make this a more humane situation?

The UN needs to do something. Not the US.

And if nothing happens, the situation will decrease and get worse and worse. There might be a revolution, but HOW? People who speak out are murdered by Mugabi. The opposition leader is getting buttfucked by Mugabi.

All I can see in this situation for a while is death and unfortune.

At 8/19/08 05:03 AM, Samurai wrote: First of all, I don't know why I'm still fighting with you. You can always click back if you don't like a topic, and hit the next one.

Second of all, I've noticed how you've stooped down to calling me a dumb as shit 14-15 year old.

I want you to know that I am 14, but dumb as shit? That I am not.

First of all, I'm in the best education program in the world. It's called International Baccalaureate. You can't even spell Baccalaureate. Your high school doesn't have IB, I'm sure.

You're going to take your shitty AP classes, and do you shitty little assignments, while I'll be earning college credit taking the hardest classes public school can give you for 4 years.

I'm far from a stupid kid. I think you're going to reconsider your predictions as to comedy and stupidity.

You're telling me to not make judgements about you, then you go ahead and make a judgement about me? Hypocrisy isn't helping me understand your intelligence. It's about as null as your argument.

If you really want to know, yes, we do have baccalaureate's in Australia. I'll most likely be taking one in the next 3 years, after I've travelled to Brazil. They take place in University, which I'll be going to after I finish my three months left of highschool.
Baccalaureate's aren't exactly shined upon, here, tbh.

At 8/19/08 04:39 AM, Samurai wrote:
Hey motherfucker!

You can't go around saying that topics like this are ruining the forum you're on. There will always be good topics and bad topics, and whining isn't going to change a fucking thing as far as the quality goes.

I'm just stating my point, and yes I KNOW there are good topics, hence why I have been here since early '06, and made 1700 odd posts. I wouldn't come back if it was ALL shit, it's just that things like THIS don't exactly HELP.

Now this topic right here.. It's been amusing, entertaining, and informative. Intelligent? No.

I can't argue that this topic has not been amusing, entertaining and informative (informative? seriously, call the presses! Man works out how to fuck a pillow!) as we both have different tastes in comedy, although I can make a judgement of your IQ and probably mental age.
Physically, maybe 15 or younger, mentally though I can assure that if you find this shit funny, you are 10 years old. And that's a compliment.

I think that hits 3 out of 4 of the areas you're looking for. It looks like it passes most everybody's mark but yours. Nobody else is complaining.

Nobody else is stating their point that this is an infected wound upon Newgrounds forum because they either 1) don't give a shit
2) have left this site - BBR, Crimson_Edge and countless others. And before you say "why don't you leave too, then", let me say again, "I KNOW there are good topics, hence why I have been here since early '06, and made 1700 odd posts."
or 3) don't want to have to face rabies infested , inept like you.

If you want to enjoy this shit, maybe you should lighten the fuck up, and try before you say this is stupid. If you're too mature for this shit, there are plenty of other things you could be doing besides whining about the cancer killing your newgrounds.

I would usually ignore these topics, but then again mods would hopefully usually delete shit like this.

I'm sorry, but I cannot commute any form of hilarity in that post

That just screams nerdy little niglet who thinks he's fucking mature, but he really just can't drop his little game thinking he's hot shit and have some MOTHERFUCKING FUN.

What the fuck is wrong with people like you? Why can't you lighten up, you little fuck?

So what, I'm a nerd because my vocabulary has more words than 'motherfucker, piece of shit' or any other phrase with fuck in it?
I'm proud that you probably have to google define half the words that I use. My vocab isn't that good, so it just accentuates (google) your utter supidity.

And yeah, it's a fucking good way of fucking filling some fucking space in a fucking post by overfuckingusing some badass motherfucking swearwords in the motherfucker of a fucking post. It also adds to your fucking badass ego, bitchtits mcgee.

Die please,
Sincerely,
Milkfuckingtoast.

At 8/19/08 04:20 AM, Samurai wrote:

At 8/19/08 04:13 AM, milktoast wrote: It's threads like this that make me hate you all.
Seriously, I hope you choke in your sleep.
You bring down the already declining quality of Newgrounds.

IT'S FUCKING POSTS LIKE THESE that ruin Newgrounds. While we can have fun and talk to each other, you infect each thread whining because the quality of a forum that you belong to (it does not belong to you) is not satisfactory.

May I suggest:
www.ebaumsworld.com
www.pbnation.com
www.fark.com

Have fun, and get the fuck off newgrounds.

Who said I owned newgrounds? I said that it's post like these that make the website shittier, not that "I AM THE OWNER, THEREFORE DO AS I SAY"

If you seriously find: "HOW DO U FUCK A PILLOW?" an entertaining, informing, intelligent and humorous post then you have problems, not only does it show your inept sense of a good topic, but it shows that you enjoy reading about 13 year old boys trying to get attention and writing about not knowing how to 'fuck a pillow" (seriously it wouldnt be hard, there's only one pillow hole you fuck.)

I'm sorry, but I cannot commute any form of hilarity in that post, apart from maybe the fact that the person who originally wrote it is a total and utter IGNORAMUS, like you.

Oh hey, www.gosuckafatcockyoupieceofshit.com