Alright Mr. TheReno, I would like for you to give me feedback on my story (anyone else, feel free to do so aswell).

FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10. It's obscene when reviewers do this, and there is no rational behind this other than if it's a big number it's good, if it's a small number it's bad, if it's neither it's okay. It's also gratuitously obscene when you give ratings with a decimals. It's sickening. Look, when you do that you're not rating the numbers out of ten, in reality you're rating them on a possible 100.

That's just vulgar. All I want you to do is give me a review; analyze the problems you've had with it and what you either liked or disliked about it.

That's all, thank you.

At 11/2/09 09:39 PM, Kisuke wrote:

At 10/30/09 12:53 AM, Mendou wrote:

Again, like you said, Uso is fairly young whereas Kamille was around 15 I think

15? What? I think you suffered a case of did not do the research. Go back, watch Zeta and wread the articles on wikipedia.

Hey, could you guys read my story and tell me that it's not a complete failure?

Yeah, I need some criticism and some positive reassurence because I miht be a bit ciritical and I can't wait a good 2 weeks for this.

PM me and tell me watcha think.

At 11/1/09 10:08 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: All right guys, you have till tonight!

Oops jew. I could ve had it proof read by someone else after all.

Story Title: Scent of Iron, Part 5

------------------------

The room was pitch dark, Jonathon could only see himself with the lantern he had. Jonathon heard a whimper and walked towards it. He saw a person in a chair, who was tied up he knew it could only be one person.

'Natalie... I'm glad you're alive.' Jonathon said.

He walked towards Natalie, but at that moment Jonathon was approached from behind and had both of his knee caps crushed by the black haired man. Jonathon screamed in agony.

'So this is it... you're going to kill me then kill her?' Jonathon said, 'Why? What for?'

The man with black hair shook his head. He walked towards Natalie and started to make cuts in her flesh.

Natalie spoke: 'Jonathon... you've come to save me. Thank you.'
'Natalie, do you have any idea what's going on?' Jonathon asked.
Natalie answered: 'A bit. You remember the story you told me? You said you found the victims right?'
'I did...' Jonathon said, 'But they were dead. I kept promising their families that I would save them. 'But I couldn't keep it. I had underestimated the suspect. I didn't think he would kill all those people.
'But why does that have to do with all this?'
'I think' Natalie said. 'I think that this man overheard you tell the story... but how would he know that you lied to me?'

Jonathon answered: 'Maybe he figured it out. Maybe he noticed something that seemed fishy to him. But the point is, he knows and he wants me to suffer... I figured it out.
'He has no motive, he's just sick and wants me to become as sick and torment as him. He knows I am self-righteous and that I blame myself for letting those people die.'

The black haired man cackled at this.

'He knows I'm right.' Jonathon said. 'Natalie... I can't save you. My knees are broken and if they weren't I would still die. This monster wants me to watch you die... for me to know that there are no heroes.'

At almost divine timing, one of the walls of the room was smashed in. Light came flooding in to sweep away the darkness as Jonathon noticed what looked to be a vast ship. It was the Highwind, Pratchett had come.

Pratchett rushed from the broken airship to the aide of Jonathon.
'Jonathon. We were terrified.' Pratchett said.
Jonathon asked: 'How did you find us?'
'It doesn't matter right now.' Pratchett said, 'I have to uphold my duty as a member of Her Majesty's Royal Armored Guard.'

The black haired man rushed towards Pratchett with an insane look on his eyes. Pratchett just stood still, unshaken by the mad man rushing to kill him. Pratchett, at the right moment grabbed the black haired man and threw him to the ground. Pratchett pinned the black haired man down and began to beat him senseless, all the while the man man laughs and laughs.

'Alright you monster' Pratchett said, 'time to get these gauntlets off.'
Pratchett pulled but couldn't remove them. He pulled harder and harder and the black haired man started to scream in agony. Pratchett pull hard enough that one of the gauntlets came off. The black haired man was bleeding from a stump from his right arm.
'Those aren't gauntlets.' Jonathon said, 'They're mechanized arms... he's a cyborg.'

Pratchett was caught off guard by this, and the black haired man raised his remaining arm, raised it against Pratchett's face and scolded him with a direct burst of pressurized steam. Pratchett was in agony.

The black haired man walked towards Natalie and Jonathon.
'He tired his best' said Jonathon 'But, we're still dead.'

Natalie said noticed and kept her eyes closed, streams of tears ran down her cheeks.
The black haired man creped closer and closer.... Then collapsed. The loss of blood from his right arm had made the black haired man faint with out warning.

Jonathon was shocked... then relieved. Natalie and himself were still alive, and were sure that they were safe. The blood of the black haired man had rushed past Jonathon. But he was fine, there was no queasy sensation. Jonathon knew what happened.

Jonathon was glad to see the blood.

--------------

End, I hope you guys will enjoy my story this time around.

Story Title: Scent of Iron, Part 4

-----------------------------

A loud blast woke Jonathon from his sleep. Jonathon wondered what was happening and begun to investigate the situation, though he was in a bit of a haze having just being woken up. The first thing Jonathon immediately noticed that it was night meaning that he was asleep for atleast 4 hours. The second thing he noticed was that his door cracked a jar and that a sort of mist flooded his entire room. And finally, as he made his way to the hallway outside his room he saw blood splatter on the walls. Jonathon looked away, and pretended that is wasn't there, the mist started to clear and Jonathon noticed 3 dead bodies of Royal Armored Guards.

'Jesus Christ!' he yelled. 'What in gods name is going on?'
In the distance , Jonathon heard a familiar voice say: 'Jonathon, you're alive!'
It was Pratchett, and Jonathon was relieved to see his mustached face again. Only Pratchett was wearing more armored this time.

'Pratchett, good to see your face but what the hell happened?' asked Jonathon
Pratchett replied: 'Someone attacked us, using weaponry similar to ours and just started laying waste to us as soon as our meeting ended. The Commander is seriously injured. Many civilians here have been torn to shreds. We have to get you out of here.'
Jonathon was awestruck by this and the thought of one man attacking the Royal Armored Guard all by himself was ridiculous to him.

'I can't go.' said Jonathon, 'We have to catch this man and prevent more harm from coming.'
Pratchett asked: 'Why do you need to do such a thing?'
'I have a good reason' Jonathon answered 'I think this man maybe the same person who massacred those people on the train. I can think of no one else but that monster who could take on the Royal Armored Guard.'

A loud shriek was uttered as Pratchett and Jonathon were talking. Jonathon recognized whose voice it was.

'Pratchett, did you hear that?' He asked 'I think that was Natalie. Princess Natalie is in danger.'
Pratchett responded: ' No time to waste, if that is the princess, we must protect her. Let's split up to find her. And for God's sake don't get yourself killed.'

Jonathon and Pratchett rushed in opposite directions looking for the Princess. Jonathon followed the cries of Natalie that echoed throughout the Floating Castle. He could hear the distinct cries of 'help me!' and Jonathon yelled back: 'I'm coming Natalie.'

Jonathon turned a corner and saw Natalie in the arms of a skinny man with pitch black hair wearing gauntlets. Who was wearing a small chainsaw on his right hand instead of two gauntlets. Jonathon had recognized this man from earlier. Jonathon was starting in the eyes of a mad man who killed a dozen people on a train and killed even more in the floating castle.
'Pratchett isn't here, this isn't good' Jonathon thought, and he knew he stood no chance against the psychotic man he saw before him.
A cry of 'Natalie!' was spoken from behind the black haired by Petty Officer Johns.
'By order of the Royal Armored Guard, you are under arrest. You shall unhand the princess right now.'

Johns pressed a button on his armor and a mighty burst of steam erupted and sent his right gauntlet towards the black haired man. However, his attempt proved futile as the black haired man deflected it using the chainsaw. Johns ran towards this man which caused Jonathon to yell: 'Johns don't!' But Johns didn't get the warning in time and his life was ended gruesomely by a sick man and his chainsaw. His armor was useless against this kind of monster and was torn to shreds trying to save a person he cared for. Natalie's eyes were fully shut, she looked terrified and wanted to scream her heart out.
'You... monster.' Jonathon stuttered out, noticing the sick smile on that black haired man's face.

Jonathon noticed something warm on his face and he went to touch it and saw that it was red. The smell of iron flooded his nostrils and a terrible sensation filled his stomach. Jonathon realized was it was and what it wasn't.
It wasn't his blood.

He grew woozy and the last words he uttered were: 'That's right... keep those eyes shut.. Princess' as he fell to the ground noticing the smile of the black haired man and the cries of 'Jonathon' from Pratchett last.

Jonathon regained consciousness to the sound of rusty gears. It wasn't a pleasant sound or a feeling. He did not recognize the environment he was in or how long he'd been out for. There was a small lantern near him and it was lit. It was the only noticeable light he saw and he took advantage of it. Jonathon was in a room and couldn't make out why. Jonathon checked the room and noticed something scribbled on the walls.

'Come and find me.' Jonathon said aloud, 'what does that mean? Does that monster want me to chase him? I'm surprised I'm not dead.'

Jonathon looked for a way out and saw a door at the end of the room and opened the door. Jonathon noticed more words scribbled on the walls: "Can you save her? I bet you can't"

'Natalie is still alive?' Jonathon spoke and began to look for the correct route. He went right and he ran and kept running. The sound of rusted gears grew louder and bursts of steam were coming out broken pipes. Jonathon kept running and was unexpectedly scolded by one of these bursts of steam.

'God dammit!' he yelled angrily. Jonathon was on the floor from this shock and was badly injured, he noticed some more writing on the walls that read: "Failing again? Some detective you are. Ha ha ha."

Jonathon, despite suffering from first degree burns got up and persisted.

'I'm gonna get this bastard no matter what.' Jonathon said. 'I will not make let more people die.'

Jonathon followed the words on the walls, hoping they would lead to the man with long black hair, the murderer he was chasing. Jonathon was arrogant, his pride tarnished and an unsettling fear set in. Tears flowed from his eyes relentlessly and he felt the atmosphere around him close in. the sound of rusted gears was torture to him. He wanted to give up, his mind was caving in. Jonathon was sweating profusely, the steam had made the environment he was in humid. Jonathon turned left at a corner he notice more writing, but this time it was red. It said:
"This is her blood. When will you learn to stop pretending to be a hero? You're no good at it."

Jonathon cried, and wondered why he was being tormented.

'Maybe I am failing again.' He had thought to himself and pressed on. Jonathon noticed a door at the end of the hallway that was cracked ajar. Above the door it read:
"Abandon all hope, you're entering Hell."

Story Title: Scent of Iron, Part 3

------------------------------

'Hi' said the voice of a girl. 'I am bored, what are you gentleman up to? Can I tag along?'
The girl was wearing a beautiful outfit, adorned with a crown.

Petty Officer Johns bowed before this girl and said: 'Ahh, Princess Natalie I was just showing this gentleman around the castle; he's a detective.'
Natalie responded: 'Oh cool, can I follow him around I just love mysteries.'
'Sorry, but I am not a baby sitter; besides you don't want to get involved. There have been enough casualties already.' said Jonathon sorrowfully.
'Jonathon, I think you should lighten up, what's the harm with spending time with her? After all, she is royalty.' Johns said.
'That's correct, I am indeed royalty.' explained Natalie 'Plus, I can handle a mystery. I'm 17, after all.'

Jonathon didn't like this at all, he was still too concerned with the case. He wanted to know when Pratchett would finish his meeting and get him back investigating. All Jonathon wanted to know was what was going with his case. Petty Officer Johns brought Jonathon to a room.

'What's this place?' asked Jonathon.
Petty Officer Johns replied: 'Your room, you need rest.'
'No I don't!' exclaimed Jonathon stubbornly, 'I just need to focus and wait for Pratchett. As far as I know, he's the only one who can get me off this floating castle.'
'Then do whatever you have to do then.' Johns said, 'There are plenty of books to read here and you are free to roam around the castle of course but I think you could benefit from a good meal and some rest.'
Jonathon replied: 'I guess you're right.
'By the way were did the kid run off to?'
'Behind you!' exclaimed an exuberant Natalie who appeared seemingly from nowhere. This startled Jonathon and Petty Officer Johns laughed at this sight.
'Ha ha, scared of a little girl Detective?' he said still laughing
Jonathon answered: 'I am not, I just want to know how the hell this brat appeared behind me?'
'Hehe, wouldn't be much of a castle if it didn't have secret corridors.' Said Natalie. 'Plus it's unwise to call me a brat, I could have your head.
'So Detective, still not interested in "baby-sitting" me?'
Jonathon responded: 'Fine, I'll entertain you. Just don't annoy me.'
'Well then, I have a lot of work to do right now; we should be receiving news from the Guards at the train stations shortly.' Johns said, 'Enjoy your time. And Princess... Um... I... hope you and our guest get along.' Johns left with a red face, and Jonathon knew why and thought: 'Cute, a crush on the Princess.'

Jonathon looked at the bookshelf in his room. He had not heard word about his case since he left the train station. He was getting impatient and was trying to find a way to distract himself, however the books he saw were incredibly boring to him.
'Tell me a story Jonathon.' said Natalie, 'I want to hear about your work as a detective.'
Jonathon replied: 'You don't want to hear my stories, they're rather anticlimactic. Just sit quietly as I find a book to read.'
'All those books are boring.' Natalie said, 'I highly doubt that any story of yours will be more boring than any of THOSE stories.'

Jonathon thought about it, looked back at the bookshelf and saw that Natalie was correct there was very little reading material that interested him at first glance. He decided that if it entertains Natalie and helps to kill time telling one of his stories couldn't hurt.

'Alright Your Highness.' Jonathon said sarcastically. 'I've got a story and I expect you to listen attentively.'
'With pleasure' spoke Natalie who attentively followed Jonathon as he started to tell his story.
Jonathon told his story, and told it well to the delight of Princess Natalie. He did get distracted because he often heard the door squeak. But nonetheless he kept Natalie interested. The story was rather short and Jonathon ended it by saying: 'And that was my first case.'
'Amazing how you solved it.' Natalie said. She looked poised to ask a question, but the door swung open and Petty Officer Johns was there.

'Jonathon, word about your current case has just came.' Johns said, 'The Royal Armored Guard has found foot prints outside the Park Station.
'Though they don't lead us to the location of the menace, we can say for certain he is in that vicinity.'
Jonathon responded and asked: 'Excellent! Is the Royal Armored Guard examining the area? I would myself but I am stuck here.'
'For now you are.' replied Johns, 'and yes they are doing the investigating for you. Captain Pratchett instructed them to do so. So, you can relax and get some rest.'
'Thank you very much' said Jonathon, 'I think I shall do that now.'
Johns said: 'Well, I hope that the Princess had a good time.'
'I did!' exclaimed Natalie, 'Detective Jonathon is a very good story teller.'
'Is that so?' asked Johns, 'Well Jonathon thank you for looking after the Princess. It wont be until dark before we're able to take you back to the surface. So, might aswell rest up now.'
Jonathon replied: 'You're doing your best. I owe you my thanks.
'Natalie I enjoyed your company, but it's best that I do get some rest.'
'You're welcome.' Johns and Natalie both said as they left Jonathon alone in his room.

The door closed and Jonathon crawled into his bed to slip into slumber. His eyes grew heavy and afterwards... Jonathon feel asleep.

71 cans of Full Throttle and I am dead. Neat.

I love science.

Story Title: Scent of Iron, part 2

-------------------------------------

Jonathon and Pratchett made their way to the airship, finding it docked in the harbour near the train station. They both rushed to the ship and were met by a young man outside.

'Who are you?' asked Jonathon
'Sir, Petty Officer Johns of Her Majesty's Royal Armored Guard.' Answered the young man, 'You and Captain Pratchett may board the airship of the Royal Armored Guard known as the Highwind.'
'Well, I can't run this airship by myself now can I Jonathon.' said Pratchett.
Pratchett boarded the airship Highwind, followed by Petty Officer Johns. Jonathon looked at the airship, and couldn't believe the size of it.
'May this airship be the key to finding the murderer.' said Jonathon to himself as he made his way on the Highwind.

The Highwind was as massive inside as it was outside. Many Royal Guards stationed to their respected posts as Pratchett made his way up a flight of stairs. Jonathon followed him, but was blocked by Petty Officer Johns.

'Sorry, only the official crew are allowed on the bridge.' he said to Jonathon.
Jonathon pushed him aside and replied: ' Sorry, but this is business I need to know where we're going.'
'You can't do that!' said Johns, 'Please wait, the Captain will inform you when we land.'
'I don't have time for that!' yelled Jonathon as the Highwind began moving. Jonathon went up stairs and arrived on the bridge; Pratchett was steering the Highwind.
'Ah, Jonathon welcome to the bridge, I figured you'd be too stubborn to wait below. Hope you didn't upset Petty Officer Johns.' Pratchett said.
Jonathon replied: 'He's fine, just get this airship to the previous stations. I want this guy caught.'
'You're pushing yourself too hard? Are you always like this?' Pratchett asked
'Is there a problem with me wanting to catch this sicko quick?' replied Jonathon, acting rather guarded and insecure. Pratchett said nothing else, he was concentrating on steering the Highwind when something on the corner of his eye caught his attention.

'Hmm a carrier pigeon. It's heading toward the Highwind.' Pratchett said.

The pigeon landed by Pratchett, and it had a note attached to it's leg. Pratchett took the note from the carrier pigeon and read it.

'What does it say?' Asked Jonathon.
Pratchett answered: 'I am sorry Jonathon, but we can't go chasing the killer. We're going to the Floating Castle.'

'The Floating Castle?' said Jonathon, 'We're going there? For what reason could going there be more important then finding the person who killed 12 people?'
Pratchett replied: 'Orders of the Queen herself. Don't worry, the train stations will still be investigated, I'll send word to one of the other Royal Guards to look around. it's the best I could do, this is urgent.'

Jonathon fell quiet, his expression was one of disappointment and deep down he felt like a failure.

'Look, Jonathon, I can tell you want justice for that son of a bitch.' Pratchett said. 'But there is no reason to act so apathetic; the Royal Armored Guard will tie up the loose ends, catching this guy is still yours.'
Jonathon smiled and said: 'Thanks. I really appreciate the confidence boost.'

The Highwind was in direct sight of the Floating Castle, heading gracefully towards it.

'Almost there Jonathon, why don't you go down stairs and relax?' Pratchett said.
'I'm fine up here.' replied Jonathon and asked: 'So, what makes the castle "float" exactly?'
'Same reason this airship "flies" Jonathon.' answered Pratchett, 'Anyway we're getting ready to dock so sit tight.

The Highwind entered the docking station of the enormous castle; slowing down and proceeding to stop and sit itself in place. The docking station was essentially a large corridor: airships enter from one end and exit the other. Once the airship was fully at rest Jonathon and Pratchett and the crew of the Highwind departed from the airship hold and made their way to the throne room. There was a large door, and Jonathon and Pratchett were greeted by a older gentleman with a large beard.

'Pratchett, how are you this evening?' he said
Pratchett replied: 'I am fine Commander Moore, Detective Jonathon Martin and I have been pursuing murderous scum.'
'Is that so?' said Commander Moore, 'Well Detective Martin, thank you for your cooperation with the Royal Armored Guard. Pratchett and I have important business to discuss with Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth Tycoon.'

Commander Moore and Pratchett entered the large doors behind them.

Petty Officer Johns approached Jonathon and told him: ' Captain Pratchett and Commander Moore will be in there for a while, how about I show you around the floating castle?'

Jonathon followed the young petty officer around the castle, seeing a bunch of random faces throughout the tour. This bored Jonathon, he was more concerned with solving his mystery and kept asking Johns whether the Royal Armored Guard was checking the train stations throughout London. Johns assured him that the investigation is still being carried out and that he'd be the first to know of anything.

As they explored the castle, Jonathon noticed a lot of faces running around and performing menial tasks around the floating castle.

'Who are all these people Johns?' asked Jonathon
Johns replied: 'Heh, you're either slow or very curious. They're workers, they perform whatever duties they need to on this castle.'

Jonathon said nothing else and kept examining the environment he was in as well as the people around him. He notice men carrying equipment, swords and armor things of that nature. Jonathon noticed a man with long black hair wearing gauntlets who smiled at him; but he barely paid any attention to this man because an exuberant young face appeared before him.

At 10/31/09 03:18 PM, HibiscusKazeneko wrote:

At 10/31/09 01:39 AM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: So, I started watching Futari wa Pretty Cure. it looked incredibly bad and silly so I assumed it would be a good series to MST... problem is I actually started enjoying it. So yeah, a magical girl anime beat me.

It's decent, if you ask me.
Did you watch the simulcast or the Canadian dub?

I am not watching the dub. Not that the voice actors or bad, but it seems poorly directed and badly written. Also, taking away the catchy Japanese theme was a bad idea.

Story Title: Scent of Iron (couldn't think of a better name), Part 1

Style: Steampunk
Words: 4845
Authors Note: This is a Steampunk-Horror story... though not strictly speaking there are fantasy elements and it starts off as a mystery. I just finished it and I was planning on getting some one to proof read my story but I don't have a lot of time for that so I did it myself. Hope that doesn't cost me.
---------------------------

On a train, a massacre occurred. A horrible sight that is beyond imagination as Jonathon, a young investigator boards the passenger car of the steam powered train. Jonathon couldn't believe what he saw when he boarded the train, an endless thought ran through his head 'Dear God, what a bloody mess.' The brutal sight that Jonathon saw before him was more than a bloody mess, it was an atrocity. Blood, guts and various ligaments scattered all over the passenger car; several dead bodies, which have yet to be cleared of the crime scene lay on the ground and the gut wrenching sight of a melted face on the walls of the car.

Jonathon was about to leave the train to vomit at the sight, when he was approached by a large mustachioed man wearing some sort of armor.

'Ah, you must be the detective in charge of this gruesome affair? I'd recognize a detective anywhere, what with that long coat and fancy hat.' said the man proudly.
Jonathon shook hands with this man and said to him: 'Nice to meet you, I am Jonathon Martin and by the looks of it, you're one of the Queen's men. What's your name sir?'
'Oh where are my manners, I am Captain Pratchett of Her Majesty's Royal Armored Guard.' he answered 'I have been instructed by my commanding officer; by orders of the Queen to assist the detective of this case. That detective being you ofcourse Mr. Martin.'
'No reason to be so formal' Jonathon said, 'please, call me Jonathon, Captain Pratchett.
'And if I may ask, what makes this investigation so important that her majesty has sent one of her men to assist me?'
Pratchett answered: 'You mean you don't know? All these victims have connections to the royal family; the Queen has the entire Royal Armored Guard patrolling London searching for this man.
'Ofcourse, if you saw the sight in that car, you wouldn't be able to tell that they were aristocrats.'

Jonathon was suddenly reminded of the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach.

'Excuse me Pratchett' he said with a pale look on his face, 'I need to go vomit.'

Once Jonathon was finished expelling all of his vomit he returned to the passenger car of the train.

'You alright Jonathon?' said Pratchett with a worrisome tone of voice.
Jonathon answered: 'Yes I am, I am just not a fan of dead bodies and massive amounts of blood and guts.
'I am ready to start my investigation, so do you have more information for me Pratchett?'
Pratchett answered: 'Unfortunately, the only information I know is the fact that there were 12 passengers on this car and somehow, they were all brutally massacred and that they are all connected to the Queen.'
'Are there still bodies in that passenger car?' asked Jonathon
Pratchett answered: 'As far as I know, the coroner moved the last bodies off the train.'

Jonathon walked towards the passenger car, looked into it and saw that Pratchett was correct, the bodies were no longer in the vicinity, though he still felt queasy from the massive amounts of blood; he tried to ignore it.

'Damn' Jonathon said aloud, 'I forgot my forensic equipment at the office. I suppose I have to do this the old fashioned way.'

Jonathon pulled out his magnifying glass from his coat and began to look for clues. As Jonathon looked around for the smallest details; a finger print, a hair fiber or anything that could lead to him finding the person who massacred 12 people. But the sight and the smell of blood was making him feel ill and he couldn't find any sort of clue or decisive evidence whatsoever.

'Is there a problem Jonathon?' asked Pratchett from afar.
Jonathon answered: 'Yes Pratchett, I could use some help finding clues. Damn me for forgetting my forensic tools.'
'Tools?' said Pratchett
'Yeah tools' replied Jonathon, 'Specifically the one I use to check for hidden marks, the cloud generator. I'd have to go to the office to get it.'
'No need' said Pratchett 'I think I know what you need.'

Pratchett turned a couple of knobs on his armor as Jonathon, still unsuccessfully tries to search for clues. A cloud of steam floods the passenger car of the train; Jonathon is confused by this.

'Where the hell did this steam come from?' he said and turned towards Pratchett and noticed that his massive gauntlets are on the floor. Jonathon was incredibly confused by all this.

'Pratchett, what is the reason that those enormous gauntlets of your are on the floor? This is a crime scene.' Jonathon said angrily as the steam started to clear.

'Hmm, you needed a "cloud" and I provided you with one; look at the floor, for heavens sake.' Said Pratchett.

Jonathon looked at the floor and was aghast; footprints appeared before him, bloody footprints hat lead out of the passenger car. Jonathon followed those prints as Pratchett began to ramble.

'You see, my armor is powered by steam, and is built with a system of gears. Your cloud generator is the same way, just more convenient and it only releases steam.
'Hey were are you going, this is important.'
'Don't care' quipped Jonathon.
'Don't care? You're the one who wanted to know why my gauntlets were on the floor?' Pratchett replied.
'And right now I want to know who the murder is. Let's go, where ever the murderer got off it wasn't at this station.' Jonathon said as he stormed off, Pratchett following behind.

Jonathon was at the ticket counter, demanding that they reopen the station immediately.

'A murder has been committed!' exclaimed Jonathon profoundly to the ticket holder.
The ticket holder informed Jonathon that: 'The train stations are closed because of the ongoing investigation.'
'But I'm the investigator!' Jonathon exclaimed, 'you mean to tell me that not even the investigator of a major crime can not board a train?'
'Yes' said the ticket holder 'I couldn't even allow the Queen to board a train.'

Jonathon left the ticket counter as Pratchett approached him.

'Jonathon, it was worth a shot, but we don't need a train to find this bastard.' he said to him.
'Know of a better way to find him?' Jonathon asked.
Pratchett answered: 'Airship.
'As a Captain of the Royal Armored Guard, it is my duty to serve Her Majesty and the United Kingdom at all costs and by many, many ways.
'And one of these ways is by Airship.'
'Where is the Airship?' asked Jonathon.
Pratchett replied: 'Close by, follow me.'

So, I started watching Futari wa Pretty Cure. it looked incredibly bad and silly so I assumed it would be a good series to MST... problem is I actually started enjoying it. So yeah, a magical girl anime beat me.

I bet Robert Pattinson is looking at this and smacking his head against the keyboard. He actually hates Twilight and hates the character he plays. Pretty much he's doing this for the cash, but I am pretty fucking sure if he saw this poll he would be fucking outraged.

Fuck, women are stupid.

Oh, and Stephanie Meyer is a horrible writer who needs some serious fucking help. Look, writing shitty vampire fanfictions where your characters are Mary Sues is fine (well not really), it's when it becomes published is the problem.

Oh hello madame, didn't see you there and you should be glad I am here. You see I am a whore for the Final Fantasy series and know most of the history of the games.

Too me, the old games, specifically those from the SNES era (Final Fantasy 4, Final Fantasy 5 and Final Fantasy 6) are superior than the games after that era. Though 9 and 10 are awesome in my eyes they don't beat the old games.

My favourite game from the series and infact, my favourite game ever is Final Fantasy VI. There is so much to that game, every character, every song and every thing you do in the game just radiates brilliance. It needs to be played.

The ones I've played are Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy 3, Final Fantasy 4, Final Fantasy 5, Final Fantasy 6, Final Fantasy 7, Final Fantasy 9, Final Fantasy 10 and 10-2. If we include spinoffs you can add Final Fantasy Dissidia and the Kingdom Hearts series.

Oh, I suggest watching this: http://www.spoonyexperiment.com/category /final-fantasy-viii/

Oh boy. Does no one have a bullshit detector anymore? Before I state my point, I understnad that people believe and have faith that life exists on other planets. Now, while I do think it would be nice, I don't think there are. There is no substantial proof either way, no decisive evidence to prove aliens exist. But, I won't begrudge the possibilty, I just think it's unlikely that there is life outside this small blue planet.

Alien abductions, UFOs and visitors from another world are complete bullshit. The reason for this is that all of the so called stories are largely fabricated. Let's start with alien abductions. Firstly, every so called abductee was not awake when they were being abducted. Ofcourse, they were never abducted to begin with. They just thought they were. This all happens in dreams. Secondly, all of the so called aliens they "saw" are usually taken from popular culture. Having the generic alien appearance. Thirdly, these "memories" of their abductions are often forced later because they are convinced that they were abducted go see a therapist and that therapist implants false memories into their minds. Basically what any person who believes in moronic pseudo-sciences would do. UFO's and crop circles are easy to fake with easy special effects and are often illusions and other trickery. Finally, visitors from other worlds don't happen. Like I said, I don't believe that aliens exist at all but I'll let that slide. If they did exist, what's to say that they are more advanced then our own planet? It would take a LONG time to get to this planet if that were the case. Plus what makes this planet so special to warrant visitors? It doesn't make much sense if you ask me. I mean, why would aliens just come to fuck with us? We have titty bars there is plenty to do here, why fuck with us?

Really, turn on your bullshit detectors people. I understand people have beliefs and want meaning in their cold existence. But belief should not be the cost of the truth.

I suggest watching the Alien Abductions episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit. As well as read up on Carl Sagan. An Astronomer who believed in life on other planets but was very skeptical of alien abductions and mindless pseudo-sciences.

Here are my ideas:

1. A story about a girl obsessed with Twilight, she dies horribly.
2. Fantasy story revolving around chicks with massives tits wielding massive swords and all of them wearing very unprotective armour... though, this probably has been done before.
3. Horror story revolving around a broken heart.

That help? Because really, I am bored enough to give advice.

At 10/14/09 10:54 PM, BeyondBirthday wrote: I wanna join! Damn, for a my age(I'm 12), I can type a lot :D

Yes you can type a lot... The trouble is your grammar isn't up to par. Oh well, you'll learn. I must say you've got quite varying tastes. But most of them I approve of. I say you're okay.

PS, if anyone takes issue with his age deserves a soul punch... my god, it's rare that I see a user who doesn't automatically push my buttons.

At 10/14/09 04:25 PM, poxpower wrote: Wait I don't get where the challenge is.

Is there a time limit?
Some sort... of... challenge?
None of those games are particularly hard to finish anyway :O
Plus you've already finished them.

I don't get this. BUT HEY :D

The point is he never actually beat any of the Final Fantasy games... mostly because he gave up whenever he died. But I'm with you, none of them are hard.

Plus, he better use the Active Time Battle system.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

I'm listening to a variety of music, from Shiny Toy Guns to Beethoven to ragtime. Which is probably why the title of the story is called Major Tom.

It's weird, but it's easier (at least for me) to write something with something going on in the background to inspire.

Yeah, I listen to music alot while writing. However, I have to choose the music that is appropriate for the genre I am writing. Akira Yamaoka seems ideal for a Steampunk Horror based story.

At 10/11/09 08:44 PM, The-Omnipresence wrote:

At 10/11/09 05:14 PM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: You're in my way, Sir.

That is relevant by the way, and man is it funny.

You really like that Spoony guy don't you?

I can't help it, he's the funniest guy on the web. Funnier than anything I've found here.

You're in my way, Sir.

That is relevant by the way, and man is it funny.

At 10/10/09 04:06 AM, Some-Stupid-Idiot wrote: alot of stuff

If you're reading my mind please stop. I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but it seems you have alot of the same ideas I wanna put in my story.

Wow, nice, hope you make it. Plus, this is Final Fantasy, if you can't beat atleast one game stop calling yourself a man.

Watch this and get inspired.
Watch this for lulz
And read this because... I'm a whore :P

At 10/8/09 11:26 PM, Blaze-Heatnix wrote: Playing the original FF for no reason whatsoever. What should my party be?

Nothing stupid like 4 of the same party. Just go for White Mage, Black Mage, Black Belt and Fighter.

At 10/8/09 07:43 AM, Aigis wrote:

At 10/7/09 07:16 AM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: So, I finished watching Queen's Blade. What a horrible excuse of a series.

I can understand finishing a terrible movie.

But why would you watch 12 episodes of a show you hated?

Completionism. Plus, now that I have finished it, I can criticize and review it. Ofcourse, since no one knows I am a critic and the fact no one ever checks my profile I doubt people really care.

At 10/6/09 10:55 PM, SpiffyMasta wrote:

At 10/6/09 08:01 PM, chubbthehippo wrote: Someone explain to me what "I think therefore I am" means.

ROFL yea

Basically, it means exactly what it says. You think, you know that you are conscious, thus you know you exist. It's held by certain philosophers as being the only think that we can know. You see, everything around us is something that our brain processes, thus there is no way for us to know if our brain is lying to us or not, because we don't have that sort of capacity, nor can we.

Ofcourse, "I think therefore I am" isn't have it really works... from my standpoint as an Existentialist at least. It would be better if it said "I am, then I think WHO I am." Because that phrase really goes against existence before essence. Which, if everyone is familiar with is that we exist, we learn, and then we define ourselves later.

Alright, got the first paragraph of my story and I do feel alot more confident about this one. Plus, I feel less compelled to rip shit off from stories I like.

Oh, I love Dissidia. Heh, Kefka called Squall a poser. I need to do all the Shade Impulse stuff.

At 10/6/09 11:42 PM, flamingzachary wrote: im a huge fan of anime count me in please!

Sure, tell us a little bit abou the anime you watch.

So, I finished watching Queen's Blade. What a horrible excuse of a series. I felt dirty watching it (who wouldn't be as this anime is about tits, ass and swords and there is not a single male character). Oh, and the sub group I chose to watch this piece of shit was deliberately inconsistent and kept pissing me right the fuck off. And this is why I have a distaste for the modern anime community who believe that subs are better than dubs. Nothing against the preference, but I gotta say, when sub groups exist , yet they put awful as fuck subs on purpose as a joke no less, FUCK YOU! The show I was watching was basically porn, but No matter what I watch I want fucking adequate script writing.

Honestly, this is what you faggots would actually do.