I suppose I'll begin this thread by stating psychosis is distinguishable from psychopathy. I do not experience homicidal compulsions nor the desire to harm others. Which itself is somewhat a stereotype for that psychological illness.
It all began approximately 9-10 months ago when I abused my prescription of amphetamine salts. (One of the most common brand names is Adderall.) As I'm sure many of you are already aware of, amphetamine possesses a large amount of recreational value. It's most prominent effect is euphoria and increase in libido. Unfortunately, another common side-effect is "stimulant psychosis". As amphetamine effects dopamine transmission, and it is hypothesized that excessive levels of dopamine results in psychotic symptoms. Such as paranoia, delusions of all forms, hallucinations etc.
Typically "stimulant psychosis" subsides after the substance is excreted from the body. However in certain individuals that are susceptible to psychotic illness, psychostimulants that alter levels of dopamine significantly can reveal the underlying condition. Shortly after I began abusing the medication I fostered delusions. I believed I was physically and neurologically degenerating. I also believed with little skepticism that I were being pursued and persecuted by inter-dimensional/extraterrestrial beings. Who possessed malevolent intentions of harming me in some form. Then the visual hallucinations occurred. Faces, figures, insects etc. Even when no foreign substances were present in my body.
Eventually I was forced to discontinue my usage of amphetamine. My mom disposed of all the tablets one night when I was experiencing pronounced psychotic symptoms after ingesting merely 60 milligrams. I believed I was infested with parasites that were inserted by the "Grey aliens" through gnats. Which were derivative of the "Grey Aliens" as they resembled insects to a degree. Thankfully, after regaining a small amount of rationality, I convinced my parents not to call for ambulance. I then took a few milligrams of my recently prescribed Lorazepam (Benzodiazepine, similar to Xanax or Valium), Which relieved my paranoia and anxiety. This occurred roughly 7 months ago.
Although I gradually became dependent to the Lorazepam and was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital's detox unit for 7 days. I've recovered fine and that pertains little to my psychological condition. Although I refrained from describing any of my symptoms to the doctor in fear of being detained against my will.
I continue to hallucinate, become paranoid easily, and a portion of me seems to retain the irrationality. I'd be lying if I claimed my condition hasn't improved to an extent, I now partially acknowledge that these beliefs are absurd and implausible. Yet simultaneously I interact with "Shadow Beings" and find it difficult to question that the slightest alteration in cognition indicates neural-degeneration.
This leaves me perplexed, am I suffering from prolonged substance-induced psychosis? How could I be psychotic when I'm still somewhat rational?
I greatly appreciate the patience and attention-span of anybody who's read this entire post. If not:
TL;DR Essentially, I've abused amphetamine, developed what appear to be psychotic symptoms. (Hallucinations, paranoia, delusional thought process etc.) although am still partially rational . I'm inquisitive to what the source of all this is. It's debilitating.
Heh, allow the belittling, irritating and inflammatory responses to commence.
