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The first thing I think of when I see that sign is "drove my chevy to the levee."

Is my neck red yet?

I used to just laugh at people like myself. You know, outrageously hot girl under his arm, but she's too stupid to walk and chew gum at the same time. Oh hipocrisy, thy name is MANMAN.

I've known the girl for some time, and we were off/on again for a while last year. She just came back into town at the start of the school year, and we hooked back up again. Only this time, I know what I've gotten into.

Ahem.
Her: "What time is it?"
Me: "Right after seven."
Her: "Could you tell me the time now please?"

And again.
Me: "Have you ever seen the movie 'Evil Dead?'"
Her: "How can something be evil AND dead?"
Me: "It's just a movie."
Her: "Sounds stupid." (Goes back to listening to B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

If she wasn't as good looking as she is, I wouldn't come within twenty feet of her, for fear she might mistake me for a rapist and kick me in the sack then do a 360 and ask me where the nearest bank is. I'll lose her soon enough. Probably tomorrow. Or the next day. Nah, next week sounds good. But she's off work the week after, so the week after that. Next month for sure...

Yum, math. One of my least-favorite but most useful classes. Algebra is just shit though. You think it's hard enough with just numbers, then they throw in all the letters of the alphabet too. What the fuck.

At 9/24/05 08:05 PM, HilariousGenocide wrote: I get what your saying, but this leads back to the whole Do-i-have-a-choice-in-my-sexuality thing.

I don't think so. It's a tough call because I don't believe that being gay is a fetish. It a lifestyle choice. You can be gay and still never have same-sex relations, simply because you never thought that you could. People might be born gay, but only after they are informed about a gay lifestyle can they make the choice to be homosexual.

HOORAY manman is back

Not as often as I'd like.

But why? Because someone exposed you to it. The way I see it, the only way to develop a fetish is to have someone either have you engage in that fetish, or be exposed to it through some kind of media (a very umbrella statement I know, but bear with me). I don't just mean chinese baskets and being slapped on the ass with a ping-pong paddle. Those are only the base types of fetishes that nearly everyone has thought about trying. The rest is where you start getting into (in my eyes) degeneracy, immorality, and some just plain fucked up shit.

(I'm aware I used the word "immorality." That word has such clout and debatability(sp?) that I had to use it. Plus I don't have a thesaurus handy. Otherwise I might have used something else.)

When you start travelling beyond S&M and get into...just about anything else sexual I guess, you find yourself wading nipple-clamp deep in a cesspool of filth and perversion. Watersports, people defecating on one another, ANIMALS! Anything goes with some people. But you have to wonder, "what takes their mind in that direction?" Do they just wake up one day and decide, "I really like it when people take a dump in my mouth?" I would hope not. That's just fucked up. And the same goes for just about any other sort of fetish. Furries, Yiffers, Scritchers, Poopers, Pissers. Anything. It's all put into our heads through the media, and more than half of it is through the Internet.

I'm not saying I'm going to start some crusade against all the bizarre fetishes out there, because God knows it can't be done. But before you start letting some blonde girl drop a log on your chest just so you can get a hard-on, try some more healthy and less disease-prone methods of sexual gratification.

So you have low self esteem and hate parties? I don't know if that makes you emo. You can't have a meal deal with just a burger and fries. You need to pick a large soda too.

...to my car. And they're like *crack mumblings.* Damn right *crack mumblings.* I can feed you, but you've all got SARS.

But really, hookers love the Tim Hortons day-olds. A friend and I got a garbage bag full from Liquidation World for two bucks. Drives the ladies wild. Nailed a kid on a bike in the junk with a stale apple fritter. He must've been hurtin' after that.

It was the most fun you could have fun for under five bucks without getting the herpes.

"MOOTO recognizes the need for prompt delivery and makes every effort to ready your order for shipment as quickly as possible. It takes usually 7 days to arrive in the US and Europe. It takes more days to arrive in other countries. Sometimes longer than normal shipping."

I think that's what the post is for. They even post their prices in US dollars.

But whatever will the rednecks do? Think of the inbred children!

Not really a funny story, unless you're sick. Like punching kittens sick. Or finding twenty bucks tucked into the crack of your hooker's ass sick.

In any case, me and a few of the guys decided to have a paintball tourney. Seems okay, but we can't figure out a good place to play. So one of us gets the bright idea of breaking into the waterslides at night and having it there. We scoped the place out a couple of days in advance, and it seemed perfect. If the moon was out the lighting wasn't half bad. There was lots of cover, and all the hidey-holes and dark corners added to the craziness. There we even an actual safe area for the players who were shot out. We meet up there the other night, and after picking teams and playing a few practice games of manhunt, get to it. Each player had to carry a glow-stick that signified their team, and we taped them to our guns. We played elimination for a couple of hours then tried a few rounds of center flag, with the flag up at the top of the slides, and both teams starting at opposite sides of the park. During the last game, my buddy Jeff flies up to the top of the slide and quickly runs down the slide towards the pools at the end. At the end of this particular slide is a large covered portion. Very dark, very dangerous, considering the pool that it empties out into is drained. A couple of us were still near the bottom of the slide, and you could hear something coming down real fast. Jeff came blazing out of the slide and fell about ten feet. We thought he was okay, but he limped over to us and said, "I need to go the hospital right now." We pretty much knew that he'd broken his leg, and he got a ride downtown. Getting him over the fence was a bitch.

Jeff's all patched up now, and we all learned an important lesson. Capture the flag games suck because they just wind up becoming elimination games anyway.

(Editor's note): The subject line contains "spoog'd," which was the name of my team. We were using white paint that, when dry, looked like cum stains. Upon hitting a member of the opposing team, we would all yell "spoog'd!" Pretty juvenille, but very funny when brought up at the bar later on.

Three words: Gym Class Heroes.

Jump on it.

One of my close friends started getting to into drugs (coke and shit), and she disappeared for about a year. The next time I saw her, she had just been in a near (and I mean really fucking near) fatal car crash. After physical and mental rehab, she was back to her old self.

We started talking about what had happened the last year, and as we were talking, I couldn't help but notice five evenly spaced cuts all the way up her forearm. I asked if they were from surgery. Without so much as missing a beat she told me that she had used to cut herself regularly.

I had to ask why, and she gave me an answer.

"Well, I was seeing this guy who was also my dealer. He had three kids, and I agreed to help him look after them. The relationship got abusive, and he would really beat on me, but I couldn't leave because the kids had started to get better and look healthier since I moved in with him. The drugs weren't enough to help cope with what was going on anymore, and I knew that if I started talking more I would just die of an overdose and the kids would go back to the start. So I started cutting my wrists just to see what it was all about, you know? I had nothing else to shoot for. And you know, it really helped. I almost didn't even need to take drugs anymore, as long as I kept cutting my wrists. It just was such a release. I couldn't look at the blood, so I would always turn my head away when I did it. But it just felt like it helped for some reason. I was still doing it when I got in the accident."

We talked a little bit more after that, but we both decided to get some sleep.

At 9/3/05 05:29 AM, b3nnic3 wrote: I need a job, man.

You should try looking into construction, or something of the like. Usually not too difficult, as long as you have some kind of idea as to what you're doing. If that isn't for you, you better just keep pounding pavement bud.

Well, maybe not so much because of drinking the beer. More like drinking so much beer (for a dollar a glass) that you decide it's a good idea to fight some random stranger, because you think he's stealing your woman. More beer and about a hundred people later, you have a mini-riot that lands 16 people in jail. Funny shit.

I'm sure it was mostly because of the damage done to the police cars that arrived. Who knew that cops don't like it when you throw bottles at their cruisers? I didn't.

Currently, there's an investigation going on as to the cause of the incident, as well as whether or not the bar was over capacity (and it was), and whether it's a good idea to sell so much beer for so cheap (which it is).

Not much for news to some people, but pretty unusual for Kamloops.

It's called nostalgia. You're fine, don't worry.

I'm almost scared for an unsuspecting world. But then I think of the massive fourtune to be made and my orgasms quietly rock me to sleep.

This site is not www.NewGrounds.com"

You spotted a fake methinks.

My girlfriend.

Take the most addictive things on earth, put them all together, and what do you get? Not Bacones. If you said Bacones, I want you to go hang yourself right now. You don't deserve to breathe anymore. But you'd be close. Just not close enough to keep on living, you shit.

I'm talking about putting sugar in bacon, then wrapping a cigarette inside. I don't know what I'd call it, except pure addiction. The slogan should be, "Once you puff...sell all your possessions because you're fuckin' hooked now bitch." Fuck yeah.

How do we get the sugar in the bacon? Grandma's secret formula of feeding pigs nothing but sugar for their entire life, which won't be very long. Once the pigs die, you harvest the syrupy bacon right off of them. Wrap it around any old cigarette you have laying around, then pack it up, ship it out, and watch as millions of people everywhere become horribly addicted to what you're peddling.

This business plan is airtight, bulletproof, and just fucking amazing. It appeals to the entire population of planet earth, because we all love bacon, sugar, or cigarettes. And some people love all of them at the same time!

You'd have to be a fucking moron to miss out on this. BACONETTES!

Jump on it.

OMG so great!

I'll name my next one CreamyJuiceClock, just for you.

Although Scoob's got some nostalgia value, I'm going with Scruff. He looks like what would happen if Dick Tracy fucked a beagle (and it was the fifties, anything went). He's a total badass, and you know he's packing heat under that trenchcoat. Don't fuck with the crime dog. You feel lucky, punk?

It's like comparing dog shit and human shit.

It's all just shit people.

Since AFI is all whiny crap, all the time, I can only think that The Offspring improved on it.

...I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.
And he's gotta be strong and he's got to be fast,
and he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

Come back to us Adrian. We miss you.

Metal is so over man. It's all about the Hip-Punk now. Damn son.

How many more seasons do they have in them!?

One that doesn't explode.

CAD is the weakest, most busted-ass excuse for a webcomic out there. Stupid fanboy bullshit over and over. I prefer the mysoginistic ramblings of Gabe and Tycho over at Penny Arcade

A few others I enjoy:
Questionable Content
Sam and Fuzzy
Girly (So hot)

I might remember more later. But for now, fuck Ctrl+Alt+Del.

At 8/1/05 10:07 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: I didn't request, but now that i know people request for you to review could you review my "The Void" story a few pages back.. at most i think it is three pages back and it is big and hard to miss.

I'll do it, although Subpar gave it a quick review. Just letting people know I'm not dead or anything.

Honestly, I didn't like it. It was a good story, and it had a lot of originality. The characters seemed legit, and the writing, for the most part (too, not to), was solid. But I'm sometimes a picky guy, and one of those times is now.

Blake sucked. I'm sorry, but he did. Worst bad guy I've ever heard of. It seems like he's got it all worked out, especially at the climax of the story. He shoots the guy running his case, and nails some other poor sap for the murders. Smart, right? Except he kills a woman on his lunch break, the shoots someone without a silencer, on the 30th floor of a busy law firm. A little hasty.

To be blunt, that is my main gripe about your story. The speed. The hastiness. The "night before my short-story is due for English class" feel it had. Murder mysteries should not be short stories. You just cannot get the right mood set up in less than 10,000 words. Everything just sprang up all at once, and before you even got into it, the story was over. Murder case. OMFG strange new guy. Weird burnette chick. OMFG where's the new guy. Burnette dies. OMFG strange new guy is the killer oh no he's gonna kill you holy shit BAM! The End. The summary is astoundingly short, but accurate.

It reminded me of my first driving test. I did everything perfectly, then I accidentally turned into a one-way street and failed right away. Very good story, but not enough of it. Keep it up though.