Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

You want to get laid? After only a week? Dude, she isn't even your girlfriend yet. Even if she does start putting out, she will always be just a cheap score until you only see her exclusively for about a month.

And to get her to put out that first time? It really isn't your choice, unless you're all about the rape. You can speed it up a bit by being nice, and doing things she likes. But in the end, she's the one who has to make the decision.

You might get better responses if you specified what you are looking for. An animator? A writer? Both? Or are you just looking for some yes men?

Making an animal "suffer" would either have to be direct physical damage (ouch), or if the animal clearly has mental suffering, which can be identifed by a sudden negative change in it's behaviour.

This are both good reasons to send someone to jail. Because fucking animals is wrong damn you.

NOT QUITE!

Because this time, you can own the physical manifestation of a ten-year old boy's hopes, dreams, and future. All of which are now dead.

OWN IT!

If you even think about clicking this link, you are going to Hell. For sure this time.

I use both. I've got 24 hour clocks in my house and my car, and all my watches have faces. So it really doesn't matter to me.

At 4/28/05 03:55 PM, -Buddhist- wrote: Actually, I've never heard a Kevin Federline joke.

He's so greasy you can fry potatos in his armpits. Now you've heard a Federline joke.

Anyway, it's probably because he divorced his wife and took her kid away from her just so he could marry Britney Spears.

There are stupider things going on in the world besides someone divorcing their wife for someone more attractive. Seems pretty standard to me.

Why does everyone rag on Kevin Federline so hard? So he might smell bad. Big deal. So he married Britney Spears. So what? All you hear lately is Federline jokes, and the poor bastard didn't even do anything.

If only he wore glasses. IF ONLY!

This might be the only movie worth watching to come out in a long fucking time. Everything I've seen in the theatre for the past year has been a huge disappointment.

At 4/27/05 02:10 PM, BlueFlameSkulls wrote: i just mis-spell cos its an informal forum not an important essay

That's a valid reason, and I would probably riddle my post with hasty spelling mistakes too. But the reason some people try and avoid them is because mistakes, especially those made on purpose display more than their fare share of ignorance. This is of course ignoring the actual content of the post which, if the spelling foreshadows anything, probably isn't worth reading anyway.

It's true. Any game you can possibly play, be it video or real, fucking blows filthy rancid old man balls. They suck so bad, thinking about them makes me want to puke up my intestines, and force them back into my body through my rectum. Your stupid games quiver like the bastard children in my basement when they hear mention of MY game. Now you might say, "You are a fucking douche. What game could be better than [INSERT LAME VIDEOGAME HERE] or hide-and-seek?"

I'm glad you asked.

I had a hard time coming up with a name for it, and finally settled on Ninja, Gunslinger, Bear. Fucking brilliant, I know. Think of it as extreme rock-paper-scissors. Two people stand back-to-back, duel style, and shout "Ninja, Gunslinger, Bear!" On "Bear" the two players quickly turn around, and assume the pose of one of the three professions (Bear not being an actual profession, but that would be fucking cool). Ninja breaks Gunslinger's neck, Gunslinger shoots the crap out of Bear, and Bear ruins Ninja's day. If you forget the appropriate sound effect, you automatically lose the match, and are forced to resign in shame after being paddled with cast iron pans.

This game has settled many an argument at work, and should be employed at other workplaces across the country. We have slight variations, including the "mexican knife-fight," the "rubber band bonanza," and "hope I don't burn out your eyes." The latter of course, nearly costing me my vision.

Have fun fuckers.

At 4/27/05 05:46 PM, -repent- wrote: Can someone figure out my score I don't want to?

You wind up being Bumblebee. Just because I don't like you.

Thinking biologically, only one single sperm is responsible for the creation of the lady friend in question. The rest died off somewhere in her mother's reproductive system. As for that one sperm, it's simply a vessel for half of your lady's genetic code, and gets broken down into just that and nothing else. So the girl your after should have no semen reside on her at all, anywhere. Really, unless you or someone else she was with put it there recently.

Stop giving yourself erectile malfunctions.

It's just another simulation game. I heard about it, but wasn't sure when they were going to release it. It looks really difficult, as you not only need to manage finances, produce, direct, and release your own blockbuster, you must keep all your staff, and especially your stars happy.

An excellent challenge if that's your thing.

Beef jerky is fucking great. I wish it was cheaper though. I can never get enough.

For those of us with nothing better to do, we salute you. Find out which Autobot or Decepticon you most closely relate with.

1. Moon Base 1 is experiencing energy fluxes that could cause tsunamis on earth. You: a) run to the core to locate the problem. b) call for help and monitor the situation from your post in the Control Room. c) do nothing. The humans can contribute nothing to your plans.

2. Your favorite pastime:
a) living in the now
b) looking forward to the future
c) punching kittens
d) knife + back = fun

3. A heated battle arises. You can be found:
a) locked in combat with your equal.
b) taking on multiple foes, and winning.
c) being rescued by an ally, after having your ass beat.
d) picking off the already battle weakened.
e) crushing all who oppose you, including those in your own ranks.

4. Your relationship with the humans can be seen as:
a) trusting.
b) dominant.
c) malevolent.
d) nonexistant.

5. It is brought to your attention that one of your own has been spying. Your course of action is:
a) Immediate dismantle.
b) rehabilitation.
c) swift and painful.
d) promotion to head of intelligence.
e) ignorance.

6. A retreat is called. You:
a) make sure your allies are all accounted for.
b) trip and fall, nearly becoming cannon fodder.
c) attempt to stay and win the fight.
d) have already left.

7. Your superior tells you to polish his back. You:
a) do as you're told.
b) grudgingly accept.
c) do as requested, but only to gain his trust.
d) tell him to go suck a 220 line.
e) pull out his optics and give him a clear view of his exhaust.

8. You are entrusted with important proprietary intel. You:
a) immediately abuse the inormation to further your own agenda.
b) guard it with your life.
c) try your best but fuck up anyway, becoming a huge pain in the ass.
d) see an opportunity to overthrow someone.

9. You are called into a council to attest for your actions. You:
a) have no idea what is going on, but are sure it's an outrage.
b) threaten the council.
c) deny everything, spinning a smooth alibi and getting yourself off the hook.
d) confess to everything, accepting your punishment with honour.
e) forget to show up, and get yourself in even more hilarious trouble.

10. You are: (select all that apply)
a) a leader.
b) a wannabe.
c) a veteran.
d) a protagonist.
e) an antithesis.
f) a fighter.
g) a do-gooder.
h) an asshole.
i) someone with delusions of grandeur.
j) machiavellian.

SCORING Each answer has a number of points associated with it.

Q1.
a) 6
b) 4
c) 3

Q2. a) 6
b) 7
c) 1
d) 3

Q3.
a) 6
b) 7
c) 4
d) 3
e) 1

Q4.
a) 4
b) 2
c) 1
d) 3

Q5.
a) 1
b) 7
c) 2
d) 3
e) 4

Q6.
a) 7
b) 4
c) 6
d) 3

Q7.
a) 4
b) 6
c) 3
d) 2
e) 1

Q8.
a) 3
b) 7
c) 4
d) 2

Q9.
a) 6
b) 1
c) 3
d) 7
e) 4

Q10.
a) 7
b) 2
c) 1
d) 6
e) 1
f) 6
g) 4
h) 2
i) 3
j) 3

TALLY

70+ Points.
Ultra Magnus
You fucking rock as far a good guys go. You are so revered and respected, simply because you are such a good guy. Unfortunately, this goody-goody attitude doesn't make you the favorite to those who really matter. You aren't the type to look down on people, but you could if you wanted to.

50-69 Points.
Hot Rod
You are fucking IT man. You are the robot all the little kids want to be when they grow up. Cool, suave, and if you had genitals, you'd be getting robo-action all over the place. A balls-to-the-wall guy on the battlefield, you will take on just about anything, but you know your limits when you're calm. Too bad you are almost never calm, and get in some kind of trouble all the time.

40-49 Points.
Bumblebee
I don't know how a robot would commit suicide, but if I were you, I'd look into it. You are the cyber-pimple on the ass of the Autobots. No one likes you, and you simply get in the way. You are always having to be rescued, and ever being the comic relief can't make up for being a putz and almost getting everyone scrapped every fucking time. You suck.

30-39 Points.
Soundwave
A cutthroat in every sense of the word. Being tapped into just about every aspect of the Decepticon intel has it's advantages, and you use it. Watching and waiting for your chance to seize power, you know it will come quickly. How do you know? Because you know everything.

20-29 Points.
Starscream
Like Soundwave, you too are a usurper. The problem is, you let everyone know it. Your plans are obvious, and obviously thwarted. The only reason you haven't been dismantled yet is because you are valuable, and you know this. This allows you to be a total dick to everyone you know, including your superiors.

10-19 Points.
Megatron
If you picked "punching kittens" in question 2, you probably wound up here. Not that that's a bad thing. After all, you are the malicious leader of a force that is essentially on par with the Autobots. With your ruthless leadership, constantly scheming brain, and evil desire, your quest to rule will probably never come to a stop. You are bad, and you fucking love every second of it.

At 4/20/05 06:11 PM, Jacob_L_Reed wrote: Doc: *sighs* yes... *fires gun into Victim's forehead* but thats why i straped you down and had the gun loaded!

----- or something like that....

Not a chance. The victim would escape, par usual. You can't have a monster movie without some scientist who takes his work too far. He would completely believe he, and the rest of the world, was safe from what he wraught, and not strap down the zombie. Good call.

LOL skool is for skwares.

But really. Skipping school every once in a while is alright, as long as it's something stupid like shop or PE. But it can become really addicting. I almost failed a semester of college because I wasn't there for half of it.

At 4/20/05 02:33 PM, EcilaSrennah wrote: OK, rant thread coming on. Anyone who wants to bitch about me bitching about people bitching...

OMG paradox!
(Head explodes, producing "pshew" sound)

But seriously, people can leave short little remarks, but not scathing ones? They're all the same: not well thought out, and equally stupid. And if it isn't our place to tell people to "stfu," then who's is it? This just sounds like another case of "if you can't take the heat, stay the fuck out of our boards."

At 4/20/05 02:30 PM, SubKutz wrote:

At 4/20/05 02:29 PM, CaIumT wrote: Why can't you do that stuff any day of the week?

Because of getting up for work. I went out last thursday and had to take the day off friday because I was fucked.

Fair enough. I mean, you could still go out and chill with your friends, or "mates," or whatever. Just don't drink as much and get back home at a decent time.

Then just make up for it by FSU during the weekend/

Ha. Woodstock owns Tweety any day of the fucking week.

OBEY WOODSTOCK.

Why can't you do that stuff any day of the week?

At 4/18/05 07:03 PM, Squatting_Dog wrote: Here's last night:
Name: Fatty-fat McFatburger
Age: Old enough to be fat
Overview: Quite a good catch, if you're a chubby chaser.
(Followed by pictures of fat)

No, no, no, and more no. You could get better, and she could get herself on a fucking stairmaster.

Last Friday:
Name: Meghan
Age: 15

Better. But only in comparison to the first one. She looks like the other extreme, and probably pukes after every meal. At least she isn't going to make you drop a thousand dollars a week on food.

Clean that bacon from behind your ears buddy, because you are attracting DOGS.

At 4/19/05 05:49 PM, AngryToaster wrote: I'll go for anything really, like Jazz, Ska, Punk, Rock, Indie.

"Johnny Appleseed" - NOFX
"Honest Mistake" - The Bravery
"Everyone Else" - TISM
"Brad Logan" - Rancid
"e-pro" - Beck
"Feelgood inc." - Gorillaz
"Coin-operated boy" - (I'm not too sure really)
Anything by Tim Williams

I don't "know" any handicapped adults as people, but I know that I've seen them. I don't think they age like the rest of us. While we get older and our age shows, theirs doesn't, and they look younger longer. Some of the handicapped people you see on the bus or on the street with their caretakers might actually be 25 or 30.

At 4/19/05 05:40 PM, rocknrollanimal wrote: yeah, so does anybody know where I can find doom 1 roms and/or the emulator I'll need to play it?

You can still buy the original floppy at Future Shop or another large electronics store for like, three bucks. And it would just run off of DOS, wouldn't it?

They spoke to the generation that was the 90's. Nirvana wasn't just seen as a band, they were seen as a voice that actually said something. Most of their fanbase is either people who grew up listening to them, or people who listen to them and find that they actually were one of the greatest bands ever.

At 4/19/05 05:12 PM, Seizure_Dog wrote:

At 4/19/05 05:06 PM, Deathsaw_Lock wrote:

At 4/19/05 05:06 PM, bigbadron wrote: baking a cake for Hitler.

What kind?

The birthday kind of course :D

Indeed. I've never understood how we went from Hitler's birthday to National "get baked off your chair day."

At 4/19/05 02:50 PM, Jacob_L_Reed wrote: OoOo... I've got one... What if we were able to 'frankenstien' one zombie back to actual life... complete with thinking and everything... you know.. a big bolt of lighting or huge surge of power stright into the system of undead zombie body parts...

I think you'd just wind up with a lump of zombie jerky if you were to try and electrocute one back to life. But it might work. That would be some fucked up shit right there if you were to revive someone who used to be a zombie...

Victim: Hey, where am I?
Doc: The research labs.
Victim: What? I thought I died?
Doc: You did. Then you came back to "life" and started eating people. Then we brought you back to actual life.

Victim would proceed to vomit before their head finally exploded.

At 4/18/05 05:03 PM, Lilj wrote: I got one, stop complaining like a bitch every time someone does something you dont like.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing now?