Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 5/6/05 10:33 AM, Hoaders wrote: its kinda of dieing....

And with that kind of attitude it will stay dead. This thread needs someone who can stick to it and keep it up. Overseeing the approval of new members and such.

At 5/6/05 04:30 PM, Kirkus wrote: Darkness And Sorrow

I feel my hatred building up inside
Because what you told me was a lie
I can't hold it in anymore
One can only feel so hurt for so long
Until one starts to break
Like the mirror on the wall
When you look at your corrupt soul
The darkness is coming again
To Claim it's next victim
Fresh meat for the spirits of the night
The sun will never look the same

Sounds like murder. Obviously shaping up to be a very dark piece, with some good imagery. The mirror on the wall being the best bit.

My heart is dead
My lungs collapsed
Life no longer feels the same
You are dead to me now
So slit my throat and tell me you love me
One last time

In all honesty, this poem is kind of hard to follow. At first one person is plannign murder, now they appear to be dead. Killed by teh person they were planing on getting to first. I'm sure that these are only emotional killings going on, and it's all figurative though.

Time to find the path that takes us to the end
This is the last evening that I die
After it finally hits you
What you have done to me
At least I know I'm a sinner

This stanza I kind of like, but it could have done just as well if you cut the third and fourth lines out of it. On second thought, leave them in. They just made sense to me.

Aren't you tired of being alone?
So cold and without love
Bitter and undecided

Now what is this? At first the poem is all angry and angsty, and now you're starting to feel compassion for this person? This whole stanza doesn't fit.

Live life without you
Love another, never again
Die a lonely, lost man

Again, this one almost doesn't need to be here. I think if you left the poem off with, "at least I know I'm a sinner" it would have been fine.

I like the way this one was going, but then it started jumping around. Switching moods and ideas. I woyuld try and stay on track with something like this, and not stray too far from the atmosphere you're trying to create.

At 5/5/05 04:37 PM, Lilj wrote: Great south park episode.

"They called him 'Lobster boy.' Turns out he was just a lobster."

At 5/5/05 04:14 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 5/5/05 03:53 PM, -Manman- wrote: I have no fucking clue what that was all about, but I had fun writing it.

I have no idea what the underlying message truly was, though the razorblades, stereotypically, gave me a strong sense of suicide, and then the riot and rebellion led my suicide thoughts to terrorism and their acts of self-proclamation to their gods or God, giving up their life for the 'greater good' they so strongly believe in.

I thought about the razorblade aspect of it, but stuck with it. I know they'be become a symbol of wrist-slashing teens everywhere. There isn't really much about suicide in the song (yeah, it's a song), but I guess you could say in the heat of rebellion we kill a little bit of ourselves, while a wilder, more animal side gets stronger. But that's as far as I would take the suicide thing. I just think razorblades are pretty cool actually. Especially the older ones. I'm sick of this "four-blades" shit. It's so stupid.

The trees in the arboretum simply because of the confusion. Imagine you walking through the park, and you see a whole bunch of razors strung up in the branches. Totally freaky. It would probably be enough to give anybody the willies. But to other people, it would be a sign that something has happened, and something must be done.

I am probably wrong, but sometimes a wide spread of interpretation is meant for a piece - i know i try to do that all the time.

I wouldn't dwell too much on this piece. It's mostly just for fun. It's about as deep a puddle, seriously.

At 5/5/05 03:45 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Well i am glad, if you ever have any critisizm (spell?) i love hearing it, because you seem to really have a great vision for poetry. I hope one day i can read some of your poetry (i am assuming you write poetry?).

I'm glad I can be such a help to you (and anyone else). I write some poetry, but they usualyy wind up turning into lyrics for a song of some kind. If I can manage to keep one in a decent state of completion, I'll be sure to post it.

I've been enjoying a lot of free-writing lately. Most of the shit just doesn't make sense, and only sounds cool. But the coolness is only a mask that hides the truth. That it probably blows. I guess we'll see.

Razorblades in the Arboretum

When you've got nothing else to do
no way to occupy your time
when you're down and feeling blue
sing this song and you'll be fine...

And it goes like...

SLASH AND BURN! The arboretum.
KILL THE TREES! We don't need 'em.
WHAT THE HELL! They don't do nothing.
BURN IT DOWN! 'Round the fire we're singing...

We'll start the riot in the trees
bring the forest to it's knees
razorblades in the arboretum
the signal for our new rebellion

SMASH THE GLASS! In front of stores.
MOLOTOV! They're so hardcore.
FIRE FIRE FIRE! It lights the night.
OWN THE TOWN! It's ours tonight...

So after all is said and done
what have we accomplished?
Black eyes, tear gas
riot shields, the night has passed.

A couple of weeks, a sigh I heave
while walking down the way
I see those razorblades amoung the leaves
looks like trouble starts today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have no fucking clue what that was all about, but I had fun writing it.

At 5/5/05 02:56 PM, Kirkus wrote: Walk With Me

looking ahead
just to see what you become
dont look back
you'll only dwell on the past

look into my eyes
you'll see the sorrow inside
I love you more now than I ever did
but I cant have you and I never will

take a look
at what we could be
hold my hand
and walk home with me....

not a day goes by
that you don't cross my mind
as we lay on the grass
and stare up at the stars
I'll put your head up on my chest
so you can hear my heart skip a beat

look into my eyes
you'll see the sorrow inside
I love you more now than I ever did
but I cant have you and I never will

take a look
at what we could be
hold my hand
and walk home with me....

This isn't a bad piece. It has a nice young feel to it, but I think you could have worked it into a longer poem. It's essentially only 2 stanzas, the first and the third ones. The others are only the chorus it seems, and while they are very important, it isn't good for the chorus to be longer than the actual song. Also, the first and third stanzas don't match up in length or metre, and it makes the poem kind of clunky. This hurts it a lot, especially if you were going for a song type style. Nothing really rhymes either, but you probably knew that. Again, it hurts the lyrical style it seems you were going for. I would suggest a couple of rewrites on this one, because I like the idea.

At 5/5/05 02:49 PM, LV13Light wrote:

At 5/5/05 02:15 PM, -Manman- wrote: Oh, maybe I can be made a member.

assuming this is a request to join; why do you think you should become a member?

Personally, I think I would be a great member. You might say I get off on being helpful. I can be compassionate to those who deserve it and, in my opinion, know enough about Newgrounds to be a great help to anyone who asks.

Even if I'm not accepted now, I'd probably hang around and try to help out anyway. There's nothing you can do! Muahaha!

*Takes pills*

It looks like this crew is the one that needs help. In taking off that is. It's doing alright, 4 pages in three days? Decent. It just has to get more members and more regulars. You don't want to sign up a bunch of people, experienced or not, and then have a whole slew of members who either can't or don't post here. I'd just say give it some time for now, and start worrying later. Things might start perking up as soon as DP gets back. But if someone gets a message from him saying he won't be in for a while, maybe pick a stand-in till he can get back, or at least keep the thread up front on the C&C board.

Oh, maybe I can be made a member.

At 5/5/05 01:46 PM, CyMistue wrote: Did you know our generation (if you are i think 16 or younger) will die before their parents.
Or at least some of us. Thats what the scientists say...although they sumtimes tell lies lol.

That is complete and utter bullshit. I'm not going to get cancer, and I'm not going to get diabetes. And just because a few kids will doesn't mean that their parents will outlive them. This had to be the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time. Go fuck an RV toilet dump.

At 5/4/05 07:12 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: -MANMAN-

You rang?

Anyway, there is no rush, but if you can find the time i would really appreciate comments on these 3 poems. : )

I've got a minute. I'd be more than happy to.

Simple Sounds

Now this is an awesome work. This is what I like to see out of other writers. I got a real sense of conflict out of this poem, and what I liked about it was that the antagonist could be represented by almost anything. Every fight has certain sounds to it, and this is shown to me very clearly. It also looks like a poem about escape or freedom, especially with all the "rising star" references. I can pull out so many war symbols out of this one this time. And the young man sounds like a total hero. Good job.

Breath a Distant

Your work is really hard to decipher, but that's what makes it so damn good! But at the same time, I'm always afraid I'm going to misinterpret the message. To me, this is clearly about missing a loved one. Whether they are simply spacially distant, or the lover has gone the greatest distance and actually died, I'm not to sure. The second half of the poem seems to suggest the latter, with mentions of hope and moving on with your life. But at the very end, you get the sense that you will never forget, as your previous lover was the one who taught you how to love in the first place. Again, your stuff can be taken is so many different ways.

100-Lined Personal Prayer

Holy crap. Now, the best thing about this poem is its transitions. It starts off with you being humble, and almost awed by the presence of God, and having him invited into your home. You them seem to sit him down like a normal person and say "we need to talk." Then the poems goes on like a personal conversation, and you almost forget who you're talking to! The two of you go on to discuss the besis of your faith, the state of the world and God's presence in it, and...tea and crumpets. Awesome. But that's the best thing about this work. It's not really a prayer, or a plea, or anything passive if the sort. You're just telling God straight-up what you think and what you want. It's like having a conversation with the kid on the other side of the counter at Wendy's. Really good, and I snickered a couple of times too, especially when you told God to "Keep up! For my tongue is quick!"

Don't worry. I'll be around more and more as the time goes on I think. At least for the next few months.

At 5/4/05 05:54 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I think you misunderstood the first one because it was a comentary on life, war and morality.

Really? I didn't get any war references out of that poem at all. Life and morality I can see myself missing. But war? I think your expectations of this poem are a bit high. It's only eight lines, and it can only say so much.

Also the title is like a wierd way of saying the poem... the dash at the end of the poem is a quick reference back to the title. Try reading it again with the title as the last line. I did that more for fun and to entertain myself. : P

Ah. That makes the poem that much better. Not everyone was going to catch onto that though.

Well the second is kind of cheesy yes, but it is meant more to express the love of an older couple, when they were young. Kind of like a reflection piece. In fact, it is genuine, but not to me (as in - to someone i am sure).

Again I say, "ah."

They do go somewhere. The first expresses the pains of war and the moral contrast of it, while maintaining love for life and any companion that might have been waiting at home.

I'm still not feeling any war aspect from it though. Maybe it's just me.

And the second really doesnt have to go anywhere because the love in it is eternal...

I can agree with this. Love is very difficult ot write about, and you did a good job here.

i guess a play on words, but i understand what you mean. And yes, they are quick little scribbles, but i always learn from them and i always improve from them.

Everything starts out as scribbles like this for me. It's where all my better ideas come from. Just keep going.

At 5/4/05 05:15 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Two quickies i actually came up with at the same time in less than 5 minutes. : P

Heh. Quickies are my favorite.

Please comment...

Maybe if you're lucky...

We Do Not Know

We walk along the coastal side --
Of right and wrong within our eyes,
And though we walk without our pride,
We walk along and dream to fly.
Our scars and tears we do disown,
For life is right and life is wrong,
We hold our fears and carry on.
How it feel to be free to roam ?

This is a good poem. It has a nice warm feel to it, more hopeful than anything it seems. It's like all those things you want to say to someone, but can't because you think it's too cheesy or corny or wrong. But this poem is totally right. The title is a little wrong for it, but that can be changed.

Eternal Love

To live and love and be the one
To hold each moment deep inside
To yearn to please and yet to be
To mourn the love until one dies
To love the cute and love the con
To wish as life but nothing more
To cherish on, forever on -
Is what we call eternal love

Again, totally sweet poem. I can't imagine anyone coming up with this in less than five minutes. Which makes you a liar! Just kidding...

Both of these seem like poems you leave in some girl's locker in high school, and then you hope she reads them. Whether you put your name on the poem or not is what really counts. You can really feel something coming from these works, and whether it's genuine or faked really well doesn't make a difference.

The only thing I didn't like about them is that they really don't go anywhere. It does really seem like high school crush poetry, albeit much better than the stuff I wrote back them. They are just quick little scribbles, and they're only good for a day or two. A week, tops. These poems are like the yogurt of writing. I'm more about reading canned beans man. They never go bad.

Overall, I liked them. I would have felt more about them if I was fifteen again though.

At 5/3/05 04:59 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote: If I had free time, then I would actually write more. It has been ages since I last posted here... but what the hell, I typed this out in a couple of minutes over lunch while I was bored, so don't expect a work of genius.

That's sometimes where rockin' ideas start. Lord knows most of mine just pop up and I'm lucky if I can get them down in time.

For the most part, I really liked this snippet. It lead to me ask a lot of questions about what was going on, and made we want to read more. That's what most people look for. It also had a really raw style, and was very quick and to the point. It's like, fi the two of us were observing that parking lot and I was asking what was going on, you would be the one barking out "He's getting shot. He's lying there dying. He was chasing goons." Pretty precise. It's a good style if you can keep it up throughout the whole story.

The part that I actually really enjoyed was the little dictionary definition that flashed through the cop's mind. It just added that little bit more to the writing, and almost a...well it looked like you could translate that element easily into a movie. Or at least I thought so. You see Stanley, motionless, doing his mental notes to himself just before he dies. Suddenly, the dictionary definition of gun flashes across the inside of his eyelids, and one more piece of the puzzle falls into place. But is it too late?

I was wondering if I should continue.

I think you should. Hell, I want to read more.

That's pretty much what happens to all child stars. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

At 5/3/05 02:48 PM, dave4554 wrote: Hello my friends im gonna talk about myself today.

So far you don't sound very interesting.

I have bad luck. I always loose what i have. People tell on me at school cuz they're
jealous they cant do what i can. I always get in trouble man i dont know what the hell to do.

Stop losing things, stop doing things that make people feel the need to bust you for, and generally try and stay out of trouble. Or at least stop getting caught.

I dont even know how to make one topic that akmost everyone respond's to it.
My longest topic that i made were only about 70 poeple that came and solved my problem but there is no way that i hae good luck mann it sucks like this.

Making popular topics takes time and effort. It also helps if people know you a little bit, which also takes some time. Fuck, I still rarely make a 30+ reply topic anymore.

I have bad luck becasue i dont even think you understand what the hell im talking about.

You don't have bad luck. You're just using "luck" as a way to deny the fact that you get in trouble because you get caught, and you aren't that good of a poster yet. To me, both those problems are easily fixed.

At 5/2/05 05:00 PM, OneEyedJack wrote: multiple meanings: cyclops, playing card, or pirate.

Or penis.

There was a couple of characters in an episode of The Ripping Friends called Manman and Boyboy. My username used to be Manman_and_Boyboy, but I found it cumbersome and stupid. Manman was already taken, so -Manman- it is.

Attention, usually.

At 5/2/05 04:29 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I enjoyed the poem. Good job and welcome back. We are glad to have you whenever you find time.

Thanks for that. I've got lots of spare time these days. Maybe I'll become more of a regular help around here and leave some reviews as well. But for now, LUNCH GET.

If you haven't had one on there all your life it's not a problem. If it suddenly got ripped off in the last couple of days, then just bandage it up.

It sounds like you're both just fucking each other up. If you're the reason she's drinking and smoking and cutting herself, just fucking leave.

If one or more people in a relationship are cutting themselves on purpose, it should probably end, because something is messed up.

At 5/2/05 04:09 PM, JohnnyWang wrote:

At 5/2/05 04:07 PM, -Manman- wrote: You might as well just become a rasta.

You know, rastafarism has ideas, some good, some bad. It's like any other religion, exept they have weed.

I wasn't trying to knock rasta, albeit that's what it looks like. It's just that if he's looking for religion, and wants to get high, there's one out there like that.

Rasta is kinda FWP, few white people.

I don't think they take kindly to white folks. It might be one of those religions where you have to have lived the life.

Act natural, and don't be a suck up. Don't wear street clothes, dress semi-formal to formal, depending on the job, you're going for. Answer all questions truthfully and with minimal hesitation.

This doesn't sound like a good religion. It just sounds like a bunch of stoner kids looking for an excuse to use their mothers' basements to smoke up, under the guise of a "religious thing." You might as well just become a rasta.

Oh nostalgia. Wait, I'm not even that old.

It's great to see that they were as hyped-up about their graphics are they are now. Play old video games!

616? That is going to mess up a lot of little goth kids. It doesn't even look as scary.

Oh man, do I suck, or what?

In any case, I'm going to consider this my long-awaited return to the writer's guild. Maybe just my return. I'm just fucking coming back, okay? God.

I've been out of the loop with my writing lately, concentrating almost all my efforts into my music and pretty ladies. Neither endevour has gone far. Now writing might be the way to break out of my rut, as I might think of some more half-decent songs to put music to. Or maybe I won't. Either way, Mom thinks I'm cool.

I wonder if I can make up for months of not posting here with one long-assed post? Probably not, so I'm just going to put up a couple of pieces, along with the stories behind them. Maybe I'll be welcomed back into the guild with open arms. And maybe I'll get it on with a porn star. Hmm...

This piece came out of my instinctive need to simply fuck around and see what I can get away with before I get reprimanded for it. Let's see how she rides...

Is it December yet?

I wasn't looking for you
but I'm sure you were for me
I didn't know we were together
not until it was to late for you

Self-destruction was your first name
but everyone called you June
for some stupid reason
you never answer to any name

You knew I was going to want to help you
everyone did, but you blew them all off
I don't even know why I went looking for you
when you ran off into the night, wasted

You find me that night
pushed all my right buttons
making me care for you
you're really fucking sick, you know that?

In my house, it all went to Hell
but I guess you've been there before
either that, or you want to go there
I couldn't take that whiskey from your hands

You drank booze instead of water
like being sober was physically painful for you
maybe it was, with all those bruises you had
even though you put them all there yourself

You said you were going to leave in the winter
because you couldn't stand the cold
I couldn't wait for the snow now
but you made me hate it, as usual

I never understood why you...
fuck it, there's no point now
I might as well just put up with you
until you finally have to leave

God only knows how many times
to kick you out, but you just stayed
I wanted to kill you sometimes
but it would always pass

Then I had the chance, when you came home
you had that gun, remember? Probably not
you told me to pull the trigger
you said, "I'll be better when I wake up"

I had no idea what that meant
I just asked if it was December yet
You nodded, and I fucking hate you
you made me do it, do it all

I actually enjoyed writing that. It was one of the few times I could use "fuck" and still keep the mood the way I wanted it. Or at least, that's what I thought anyway. It doesn't rhyme or anything, so there's no way I could make it into a song. I don't think I want to anyway. It's good enough just the way it is.

This next one...well it's pretty fucked up. While my girlfriend was away in Germany, I was really frustrated with pretty much everything around me, and would slip into all these different moods I'd never been in before. It was pretty weird, and I sound like a total pussy for letting that kind of shit get to me. But I ramble. This isn't actually a writing, but just a quick example of what I wrote while she was gone.

101 Stupid words
Sorry sorry sorr sorry...

And then it just goes on like that, repeating the word "sorry" 101 times. It was so stupid. The situation I wrote it under is actually kind of funny now that I think about it. I came home drunk one night, and went right to bed. I woke up about an hour later, and saw this girl in my bed. I freaked out. I thought we had sex, but I couldn't really remember. I didn't even know at the time that we both had our clothes on, and it was one of my closest girl friends. She was always at my house, and knew where the spare key was. She was even at the same party, and needed a place to crash. So she essentially broke into my house. I went right to my desk in my drunken anxiety and hammered out the above piece. As soon as I was done (it was really hard to count to 101 drunk), I got back into bed, because there was nothing more I could do. When I woke up, she was gone, and explained it all to me a couple of days later. I felt pretty fucking stupid, but I was more relieved than anything.

Well, I think I'm done. Lets see if I post again.

I think he streches his face out with bulldog clips. His eyes are so fuckin' far apart.

At 4/30/05 01:29 AM, Grade-A wrote: Umm, this isn't a game site. This is a flash site. The majority of the flash here are movies.

While he did get that wrong, I'm sure that the majority of the users here play video games at home or on their computer.

Too bad I hate surveys.