I'm a real man.
I'm huge... in all areas. But it sucks because my muscles are so large that I have to walk around sucking them in all the time. I dare not flex or show anyone my true size for fear of bursting forth from my clothes... much like the Hulk... except, unlike the hulk, my pants won't grow with me thus I'll expose my massive cock to the masses.
That, normally wouldn't be a bad thing, but my cock is so large that when it's unexpectadly released from it's cage it may squash a small baby... penis touching babies is not good... cops will try to accuse me of being a pedophile and I'll have to fight for my freedom... resulting in a massive shoot out in front of my local Wal-Mart where the bullets ricocheting off my rock-hard abs and bulging pecks will kill innocent civilians... usually old women too slow and stupid to get out of the way.
Being this much man is difficult, so I often have to feed my manly hunger by lighting my face on fire while I devoure the souls of the recently deceased. These are hard to come by so I'll be unable to control myself when I watch an old womans brains fall out of her ears after a spend casing rattles around inside her skull turning her thoughts into soup.
Uncontrolably I'll engulf myself in flames and begin eating the bodies... bones and all. this usually causes me to cry, cause real men are sensative.
That's the problem... I'll be crying in public. Real men don't cry in public.
Thus, me crying in public will make me not a real man, which is something I can't be because I already am a Real man. This paradox of manlyness will inadveratantly causing me to implode out of existance. Since the entire universe was created to spring forth the evolutionary steps required to breed a super-human like me, when I cease to exist the universe itself will no longer have a purpose and it too will vanish from existance... taking all of you with it.
The only thing that will remain is my massive moustache of greatness... that I'll spawn forth from my own face by sheer will power alone milliseconds before poping out of existance all together. It'll be a great site to see... it'll be the last thing you see.
After which the only thing that will exist is an infinite void of nothing, some dieties, and my moustache. The Gods will be distracted by the magnifigance of my mighty stash and will do nothing but stare in awe of it's greatness for all eternity... thus forget to ever create a new universe... meaning life will cease to exist for all eternity.