Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

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At 4/4/09 02:19 PM, Piss wrote: Your mother should know.

Know her? I hardly know her!

Somewhere, something went horribly wrong...

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Silly people, we're in an economical crisis. Banks don't have money any more. The robber won't have any money. And half of nothing still is nothing.

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We're all travelling in time. We move at a rate of 1 second per second. Time travel to the future is just a matter of going really fast. Time seems to slow down for those going really fast, as looked upon by 'unmoving' bystanders. So for those standing 'still' here on Earth, people who are travelling at , say, 99.5% the speed of light, age slower than those down here. However, the same thing applies for the guy in the spaceship. He is standing still and he sees time going slower for those on Earth. These effects are so because time is based on the only 'real' constant in the universe: the speed of light.

Now, as I just said, time goes slower and slower when you approach c (speed of light). So, logically, when your velocity is c, time will seem to halt. And some weird things will happen: when you turn on a light, you will see that light as photons. They will go next to you, just like you are riding next to a train with the same velocity. It will look like a train, not a blur. Another thing, is that when somebody else turns on the light behind you, you won't be able to see it: those photons and you have the same velocity. Again, a parallel between trains: you're riding on train A a mile before train B. Both trains are going in the same direction on the same track at the same constant speed. train B will never be able to catch up with train A. And so the photons from turning on the light will never be able to catch up with you. Another weird effect, is that you'll be shrouded in complete darkness. This is mostly due to the previous example: whatever photons are rebounded, will never be able to reach you, because you have the same velocity.

Now, travelling back in time, is basically going faster than c. This can be achieved. A first way also has an important condition: the string theory must be correct. When this should be so, there are enormous strings of super-dense material that warp timespace around them. When you have two of them, they can be located in such a way and move in such a manner that when you move in between or around them, I don't exactly recall which one, so that a beam of light takes longer to reach the same destination as you. So, when you look back from your destination to your starting point, you'll be able to see yourself leave. Another way, is to go through a wormhole, but send the beam of light around. That way, the same effect would be achieved. The traditional way of going faster and faster, is impossible: the faster you go, the bigger your mass becomes, the harder it gets to accelerate even further.

TL;DR-version: time travel to the future is possible by going really fast, time travel to the past is nigh-impossible, because you'll need to go faster than light.

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At 4/3/09 12:33 PM, Shakyjake wrote: I believe we have Jade for that...

In order to be a Ban-She, you firstly have to be a She. Same with the Banshee.

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How about a Ban-She?

Get it? Banshee, Ban-She...

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Go to the police, they'll give you a replacement-ID kind of paper. Next stop, the civil registry office (burgerlijke stand) with said paper to get another ID. Next go and get a replacement for your SIS-card. Those are your priorities, actually.

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Damn Belgian youth of today... Always listening to their 'MNM', nothing but bad will happen!

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Die!

SPOILER WARNING
Seriously, get all of the achievements of all of the other weapons, but die in the same match as you achieved your last one. Then you have Artifact 19 in an extra weapons slot. It cannot be discarded like other weapons and uses a charge instead of ammo. Then, go rampaging.
END SPOILER

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1. Kill

Death

2. Two

Three

3. Rape

Humiliation

4. Cock

Rooster

5. Pen

Writing

6. Screen

Monitor

7. Hate

Love

8. Newgrounds

Tom

9. Torture

Pain

10. China

Great Wall

11. Japan

Pearl Harbour

12. Twilight

Dusk

13. Jonas Brothers

NBB

14. EbaumsWorld.com

Blue

15. Whatever else NG unanimously hates

You

16. Tom Fulp

Newgrounds

17. April Fulp

Tom

18. *insert son's name here* Fulp

Child

19. Joust

Knight

20. Genocide

Death

21. Bush

George

22. Gore

Al

23. Obama

Barack

24. McCain

John

25. Invasion

Martians

26. Apple

Pear

27. Microsoft

Windows

28. Mac

iMac

29. PC

Black

30. iPod

Music

31. Zune

Orange

32.

Just to say, I mostly think in pictures, not in words. So most of the time I mentioned a colour, it's because I see it as that colour. Also: sometimes, my choice was influenced by what came right before it.

What does this tell you of me?

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Yes, you heard it a random recipe. Where all the ingredients and way of cooking are chosen completely random! Available right here

For example:

Cod Liver Oil Mini Roasties
Serves 1
You will need:

* 1 chillis
* 150ml cod liver oil
* 1 cabbages

Instructions:

1. pre-heat the oven to 230 C
2. put the cabbages in the saucepan
3. saute the cabbages
4. put the cabbages in the fridge for 2 minutes
5. put the chillis in the saucepan
6. microwave the cod liver oil
7. bake for 30 minutes and serve hot

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At 3/30/09 01:42 PM, Halvgoeden wrote: hey guys, where can I buy some petrol?

Go ask sirtom93.

Too soon?

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It's just God trying to send you a message. It's: "Don't do drugs, dumbass."

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At 3/27/09 12:28 PM, HeartbreakHoldout wrote: That doesn't make any goddamn sense. "Most" people can't have something that is above average. Learn maths you fucking spiritualist morons!

I think he meant that the thing is twice the size of an average man.

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Cherries... They're yummy!

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How about computers? It's even easier than the army or the police. I mean, the names are mostly the same. However, you might lose some points on the originality issue. But then again, army and police aren't such original themes either. The best bet, might be economy, but I think it's also the hardest of the suggestions.

Also: haha, AIDS

Sorry.

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At 3/22/09 01:30 AM, Electric-Bla wrote: Binary code, no spoilers here.

What would be awesomely hot, is that if she understood!

You just made me upgrade from floppy disk to external hard-drive...

How about I Turing-test you...

Hey, you want to ');DROP TABLE Pants;-- ?

We're a terrible match. But if we sleep together, it'll make the local hook-up network a symmetric graph.

Who can argue with that?

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At 3/19/09 05:51 AM, JarrodK wrote: We'll be like Tom Cruise in Minority Report before the end of this decade.

My thoughts exactly. Especially when seeing the promo clip. The only thing needed, is a bit of styling and they're ready to go completely mainstream.

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Hmm... This graph seems oddly familiar...

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At 3/10/09 04:42 PM, Master117chief wrote: I have just calculated that I approximately played 24,000 minutes on halo3 online.

How many hours is that?

You wasted time calculating how long you played the game in minutes, but thought it would be too much of a hassle to simply divide by 60?

Also: 400 hours, or 16 days and 16 hours, or two weeks, two days and 16 hours.

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Hedgeclipper.

I will say it every time this topic pops up...

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Freaky ass-weather?

And well, at least you get snow. I get, if I'm lucky, a couple of days of sleet in December and that's it.

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Kill his parents and feed them to him during a chili contest.

Seriously, it was only a matter of time before this came up...

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Rosebud!

Verbal Kint is Kaiser Söze!

Seriously, when I first saw this film I was like: HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT FREAKING AWESOME!!!!

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The thread title implies Poozy is a man.

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At 3/7/09 12:50 PM, Gagsy wrote: I thought you were talking about me for a second.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who read 'Lady Gagsy's Tits Are Saggy'

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At 12/4/08 05:10 PM, HolyTomato wrote: It's scary that information like that is available to any psychopath with internet access. I love the internet, but I think its really affected the youth and their minds...we can only hope they grow up okay and don't do stuff like this

There is information available on how to build a nuke on the internet. I don't think a flamethrower is your biggest worry...

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Wow! Not only did Nostradamus predict something while he was long, long dead. He also did it in the future!

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Text-only games. Or one of those very early games you had to assemble yourself.

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At 2/25/09 03:50 PM, Kidiri wrote: I've got a good one! It actually involves some thought. I just can't find it at the moment...

Seriously, mods! Check my posts if you don't believe me.

I told you guys, I had a good one.

Also: fucking long. If you don't like to read, fuck off.
Also also: copy-pasta from here.

First of all, don't ask about it on the internet. Make sure you have everything planned.

First step is to choose your victim, preferably someone from another state and someone who cannot be traced back to you. A complete stranger. Someone without a girlfriend or wife and with not that many friends is a perfect target, he'll be missed later than a popular and successful man. Learn his habits. See what he does every day. See what he eats, what he drinks, what he wears, what he faps to, make sure you know him better than he knows himself. But while you're stalking him, make sure you do some tourist things. Visit a museum when he's at work or go somewhere with a lot of tourists... But be sure to make a schedule. Make sure you have every day of the week scheduled as a stalking day, but in different weeks. Wear inconspicuous clothing, if you're planning on going to a place with a lot of offices, don't go galloping about in a tourist's outfit and vice versa.

Secondly, you rent a cabin or something in the forests. Before you commence your plan, dig a hole of 216 cubic feet. Next you put a metal plate (nothing too heavy) of about 36 square feet on the bottom of the pit. You've also got to place a knife, some things to put in a bag (it doesn't matter what, you'll find out later), the bag obviously and a new set of clothes. The clothes are important because you don't want to go running about in an outfit that's covered in blood, do you? Also get plenty of gasoline, a shovel, a bucket, a license plate to put on your car instead of your own - just in case the neighbours might be watching - and a packet of matches.

Next, go buy the same clothes and shoes he has. That way, no fibres from other clothing -which could lead to you- can be found. And wear gloves. It doesn't matter what kind. They are a necessity. If you don't wear them, you'll leave fingerprints all over the place. My suggestion is to strike when it's winter. To find out where they have bought their clothes, pay some random people - not hobos, they'll ignore those - to ask him. Shave yourself, make sure you're bald. Everywhere. There can't be any hair left on your body.

Then find a way inside, a way without breaking any windows or picking any locks, any way in without leaving an obvious trace. So you'll most likely want to stage some sort of car trouble or so. But nothing to difficult. Get inside, use their phone to call 'someone'. But what your victim doesn't know, is that you've called your own cellphone. So obviously, switch it off or put it on silent mode. When he offers you a drink, don't accept it. You'll leave prints on the glass. Don't take of your gloves, but if you do - and I strongly advice against it - come back later to wipe off your fingerprints. Ask your victim if he can have a look at your car. When he fixes your not so big problem, tell him you want to buy him a drink. Say it's at a bar no that far out of town, that way he won't be suspicious when you go on the motorway. Keep his attention focused on you. So he won't see where you're taking him. Take him to a cabin in the woods, when he asks what you're doing there, say you've still got to do something. Obviously, make sure it's a big forest or a place where you are likely to meet no people.

And now for the killing part. Make sure he leaves the car, you don't want your vehicle covered in bloodstains. Go inside the cabin and take the knife you've already placed there. Hide it under your sweater, in your belt. This way, you'll have easy acces. Then do some things and come out with a bag or something, so he won't be suspicious. When he turns around to go to the car, silently take out the knife and grab him. Make sure he can't yell or hit you. For the actual killing there are a couple of options. You could stab him in the lungs, kidneys, stomach... or you can slit his throat, wrists or basically any other artery. He'll bleed to death that way. Another way is to poison the knife and let the poison do it's work. Whatever you do, don't use a gun. It leaves traces. The gun itself can be traced back to you and it's way too loud to use, even in a forest.

Now, disposal of the body. You would want to leave no trace, this is where the gasoline and shovel come in handy. You've already dug the hole and put the metal plate in. Proceed by throwing him and your schedule in, pouring the gasoline all over him and covering him with branches, also soaked in gasoline. Next, you light a match and throw it in. It will most likely smell like shit, but remember, you don't want to get caught. When the fire has died, go watch if the body is burnt to ashes. If it isn't repeat the process. I f it is, take out the bucket and the shovel and scoop up the ashes into the bucket. At this point you can two things: You can spread the ashes all over the state/country or you can buy an urn and put them in there.

And now comes the hardest part. Laying low. Don't leave the state immediately, but follow your planning. Use the stalking days to do anything you like, but be consequent and don't save the tickets. You can - and must! - however keep the tickets from the museums and stuff you've visited. When you think you've had enough, you can calmly go home again. If however you've done anything wrong and get caught by the police, stay calm. Deny everything. Remember: you have NO motive, if you've done everything right, you will have left NO evidence of you ever being there.

Sometimes, I even scare myself.

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I've got a good one! It actually involves some thought. I just can't find it at the moment...

Seriously, mods! Check my posts if you don't believe me.