Got the Rosetta Stone and quickly made my way to Lufenia. Unfortunately it's not that simple. I have to find some dude in some town to help me translate this shit. After an hour of wandering around the world I finally find him and he is able to instantly become fluent in a forgotten language just by looking at it for a few seconds. He further demonstrates his brilliance by teaching my the language in the same amount of time. Shit, if this guys so fucking great he might as well go take on Tiamat.

In any case I went up a tower, warped to some sort of flying fortress, kill a dragon, and now I have to wander the world some more because I can't remember in which town those goddamn sages are loafing around. You'd think after fighting monsters all over the world they could schlep their asses over to me.

I wouldn't be too worried about this. The only reason anyone goes to that camp is because they have a wicked awesome paintball field. One team dresses up as heathens and the other gets to be the righteous Christians and then they just go at it. Plus, they serve some fucking fantastic french toast every morning. They might not be able to get you into heaven, but they sure taste like it.

Finally back on track with this, should have the first FF beaten within the week.

Finally figured out how to obtain and where to bring the magical macguffin that gets me into the underwater sanctuary. Oddly enough the woman that was blocking my path decided to vaporize into an ethereal mist as I brought the item to her. Either she was a ghost the whole time or my party's awesomeness was so overwhelming that her physical body was obliterated.

The underwater sanctuary was interesting for two reasons. First off it breaks the laws of physics. No matter which level you're at the water level is always as high as that floor. You'd think that going down a floor would engulf you in water and going up would move you away from it completely, but no.

Secondly, the big boss is a giant tentacle-rape monster. Of course, he's titles Kraken, but I know a tentacle-rape monster when I see one and that dude's forced his seed into many a fair and virtuous maiden. My team fucked him up while being squirted with a minimal amount of monster goo and trekked their merry way back to the surface.

But wait, wasn't there supposed to be something else down there that I should have been looking for? Some kind of tablet that one of the NPCs may have briefly mentioned in passing.

Motherfucker.

Oh yeah, also, I want Doviculus back for the sequel purely because Tim Curry did such a fucking fantastic job and was completely underused. Hell, the whole S&M freak demon army was completely underused. When I'd finished the penultimate battle I had really thought that I was only two thirds of the way through and that I'd be marching into the demon's home turf towards the final battle, but no, it just happened right there completely out of the blue. The story as a whole just felt undertold, it was great compared to most games, but it ended up feeling like it downplayed it's own epicness.

I know that particular aspect of the game was very love it or hate it, but I though the RTS battles were the best part of the game. The hacking and slashing was pretty generic, the open world was probably the most lovingly crafted that's a breath of fresh air and in terms of pure visual design far excels Fallout 3, but where it completely failed was in immersing the player in the world. There's the straight line of story-missions that's fun. but short-lived and everything else is busywork. In Fallout 3 you find quests that have some deep meaningful impact on the world around you. In Brutal Legend you spend twelve seconds fighting some guys. There were just one or two side-mission that had their own unique introductions. The legends you find give some cool backstory, but I think that information should have been delivered through gameplay not just through finding doo-dads randomly placed on the map.

The only time I was having real fun was when I was in the stage battles and unfortunately the story line really only had two real stage battles. Everything else felt like it was a tutorial leading up to the stage battles or the last battle which was sort of a twist on the formula which wasn't as exciting as a straight up stage battle.

It was still a really good game, it was just disappointing in the face of all the massive potential it had. So yeah, I'd really love to see a sequel that eally gets it right.

At 11/8/09 11:42 PM, yurgenburgen wrote: Seventeen.

Daddy says you're too young, but you're old enough for me.

Maybe I don't get around enough, but I'm fairly certain that you're the only person who likes the Zelda series. It seems like a poor business plan for Nintendo to keep producing new Zelda games when you're the only person who ever picks up a copy. I mean, loyalty to your fans is great, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Pl0x comes from getting intimate with women of questionable virtue. A few weeks of penicillin should clear it right up.

At 11/7/09 12:26 AM, LynchedJohNNY wrote: Fuck Turner Networks and the lawyers employed by them.

The worst part is that you just know Ted Turner rubbed out a fat load to Frankie Foster before assembling his crack team of lawyers.

Fido is great if you want a good zombie-comedy. The Dead Next Door is really cool if you like cheesy B flicks. If you haven't seen Zombieland I recommend it even if it kind of bastardizes the genre for mass-market consumption. Also, Rec is a must-see if you haven't had the pleasure.

I don't care how tired I am, if there's a Nerf fight going on I'm joining in. It's a matter of principle.

The letters of my full name can spell out Racist Perjury Retching, which, I think is just fantastic.

I've spent a lot of time researching the reptilian new world order and as nefarious as their schemes to get into power are, I must say I'm quite impressed with the progressive policies they plan to bring with them. Their plan for bringing free health care to the masses is really quite ingenious and doesn't run the risk of degrading the top tiers of health care. They have a clear cut plan to watch over big business and help the economy expand without putting more money into it. Their dedication to education is quite commendable.

I'm not so keen on their liberal view on farming humans for our nutritious blood, but some sacrifices are inevitable.

At 11/4/09 10:13 PM, knuxrouge wrote: I heard the sequel was gonna be a movie.
But since I don't recall where I heard that, 'grain of salt' that statement.

Could you be referring to Dead Space: Downfall? It was an animated prequel that was released shortly after the game.

When I was thirteen I got a stiff fucking courtesy of the Water Temple. I got caught with a bad case of the "where's that last fucking key-itis." I came back a few years later and it was pretty much a cakewalk. I guess it all depends on the mindset you come into it with. Sometimes the puzzles just click when you could have just as easily busted a blood vessel over it.

At 11/4/09 10:06 PM, Deadly-Shadow wrote:

At 11/4/09 10:03 PM, Jercurpac wrote: I think that's actually a prequel of sorts and it's actually an on-rails shooter that was released to fairly mediocre reviews.

It actually got some decent scores, but nowhere near as high as the original Dead Space.

Yeah, I jumped over to metacritic after i posted that and it seemed like it recieved a well above average reception. I retract that previous statement.

I think that's actually a prequel of sorts and it's actually an on-rails shooter that was released to fairly mediocre reviews. If you're looking for a real sequel there is one in the works and I'm sure it'll be hitting every non-monosyllabic console.

At 10/20/09 08:01 PM, 6r0undZ3r0 wrote: I can never see why gambling is so addicting to some people.

Gee, I wonder why some people find the concept of possibly winning large amounts of money appealing? It's a total mystery.

So when does Condemned 2 start to go down the crapper? I'm in the middle of the third stage and I'm really enjoying it. The combat's vastly improved while still maintaining the feeling that anyone can bust your ass in if you make a wrong move. The graphics are pretty damn good and deliver some brutally ugly faces to bust in. The investigation scenes are a lot more in depth and captue the feeling of actually investigating. Granted it's not as scary, but the tension's remained at an acceptable level and it's even gotten me to jump a little with one or two of the shock moments. I don't really like that Ethan Thomas got the Prince of Persia: Warrior Within treatment, but that's been my only complaint so far.

At 11/4/09 12:29 AM, wedgeman wrote: Kirby is a girl's name.

I don't know about you but I've never met a girl named Kirby and if I ever do I can guarantee you she'll be unfuckable. Not that that has anything to do with the video game character's gender. I'm just sure it's like Mildred or Gertrude or Ida, the name can't possibly be attached to something worth sticking your dick into.

Oh god, online, I can't fucking read for shit at 1:30 in the morning. Some crappy MMORPG off of AOL back in the days when I had no clue what the internet really was. I can't fucking believe that there was a time when I thought that main AOL space used to be what the internet really was. When I realized that there were different websites that you could go to I wasn't even impressed. I thought all that jazz was a waste of time compared to the great features and chatrooms that AOL offered. That would be like someone today starting up Internet Explorer and never leaving MSN.com.

There may have been another one but the first time I can clearly remember playing a multiplayer game was Vindicators on the NES. Me and my sister used to play it all the time, but the controls were so hard to wrap my head around that I'd always lose focus after a few minutes and get bored. I still have some fond memories of it even if it didn't draw me to games as much as Megaman 2 did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rrKbDiWF _I&NR=1

At 11/3/09 03:40 PM, Canas wrote:

At 11/3/09 03:21 PM, Jercurpac wrote: Fun game, and it does a better job of keeping the scariness levels up throughout than the F.E.A.R games do. The plot just seems like it was shat out in five minutes.

I liked the original F.E.A.R a lot, and I just recently finished the second one after it collected dust on my shelf for a while. I suppose Condemned attempts to be scary more consistently throughout the game since you don't really get to stop and shoot anybody along the way

Condemned's overall aesthetics did it for me. Monolith games tend not to startle me with their individual moments. Maybe I'm just too much of a horror junkie, but they telegraph all their scares. For example there's the one scene in Condemned where you photograph a body and then you're prompted to get a close-up on it's face and it come off as a "Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen here?" moment. They're not always that obvious but I do lose that fear of getting scared.

What's scary about Condemned to me is that you're dopped into this filthy world of savages and I really felt like I had to become just as brutal and bloodthirsty to survive. It was one of the most unsettling games I've ever played through. F.E.A.R suffered because its industrial corridors and generic soldiers just weren't all that compelling. Of course even without the occasional creepy-crawly jumping out to go boogedy-boogedy they're still fantastic shooters and that's really their main focus so I can't knock them too much for not being to scary. Plus, F.E.A.R 2's ending ranks as maybe the most fucked up moment in gaming I've ever witnessed so I will give it credit for that.

So what the fuck is going on with Condemned's plot? You hunt down a serial killer and then you get to kill some manifestation of your own inner rage except you didn't really kill it. Oh, and all those people going crazy, maybe that has something to do with some cult.

That's pretty much all I got out of it. Fun game, and it does a better job of keeping the scariness levels up throughout than the F.E.A.R games do. The plot just seems like it was shat out in five minutes.

Dirt lips are nasty, you don't want to be the kid with a dirt lip. if you've got any kind hair growing on your face, be it peach fuzz or a light dusting of coarse darker hairs you should start shaving it. Until you can grow an actual beard you'll just look like more of the pubescent teen you are.

Find the bring it on home spell for your guitar. If I recall correctly it's somewhere in the mountains near the gothic area. It drops a zeppelin onto the field which pretty much annihilates any basic enemies and weakens the stronger ones considerably. Plus it makes evey ambush mission a cake walk.

At 11/2/09 09:10 PM, Rude-Awakening wrote: I think it looks like Frank Butcher crying out for Pat.

Second

Second

I like to sign ridiculous internet petitions with phony names and poorly written comments in an attempt to discredit them. Although it's not like "Nintendo plz put geno in Samsh Bros" really need my assistance in losing its power of persuasion.

Doesn't most of Europe consist of villagers huddled together for warmth in a tiny thatched roof cottage chanting in unison to their chosen diety that they don't get assaulted by vikings or huns? Why would Sony waste time putting out games to them? They can barely afford the to potatoes a year they subsist on.