Not long ago, while at a friend's house playing some Gears 2 online I got a call from his parents in the other room. They said their computer was "acting weird" and they thought I'd be able to fix it. (It's come up before that I'm slightly more computer savvy then the white trash in my neighborhood.) Turns out they just had a case of the spyware that needed removal. I showed them how to download a malware removal tool and how to run it.
They must have mentioned this to THEIR friends because the next time I was over, they asked me to check out their desktop (which they brought to the house with them) because it was "also acting weird". They had the same problem, so I gave them the same solution. I removed the spyware, told them how to do it themselves, and went on with my day.
A few days later I got a call from the friend. Goes as follows.
Me: Hey.
Friend's dad: Hey, (people's names) are having a problem with their computer again. Do you mind helping?
Me: (Thinking" What, again already?") I guess so. I was probably gonna come over anyway.
Same problem, only this time there was porn all over the place. I ran the program, once again told them in great detail how to fix it themselves, and even put the spyware removal tool's icon smack dab in the center of the desktop so they wouldn't miss it.
This went on for a while until I got tired of wiping their ass and told them next time they're on their own and not to ask me to fix it again. Sure enough, a week later I got a call.
Apparently they had bought some kind of disc at the flea market and by some miracle of God they got a virus. I told them it's their problem and hung up.
They didn't like that, because for some reason or another that made the police and child services think I'm a drug dealer, my mother sits on the porch and smokes crack all day, my dad beats my crack head mother, my sister has sex with every guy in the universe, and her 4 ear-old daughter runs around the neighborhood alone, and naked.
5-0 found out the whole story was complete bullshit and now they're on trial for filing multiple false reports to police and child services and whatnot. That's the last time I help a fucking redneck.