Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

A vain attempt to be edgy. My teenage decisions were invariably driven by this or sex.

Lose the device in the chaotic maze I call a dorm room, then accidentally trigger it two weeks later while looking for the remote.

"..."
Zelda, Grand Theft Auto III, Half Life 1 & 2, and countless others.

At 8/29/08 11:21 AM, solardave wrote: Frankie Boyle

May his angry, angry corpse rest in peace.

At 8/5/08 09:13 AM, mickmcq wrote: does anybody know when the halo movie is coming out

Theoretically '09, but it is currently in production limbo so I wouldn't hold them to that.

Astounding.

It's as if 2 minutes of video was designed by an expert team of psychiatrists for the sole purpose of pissing me off. People pay money for this. Real people. With brain stems.

I pray to the thousand nameless gods of the pit that this tanks.

First minute I come back, and it's a Ptbrock thread. I see we still maintain a policy of feeding the trolls.

Sometimes. After all, the voices are the only ones that ever really laugh.

I wouldn't get my hopes up. The "(blank) movie" movement seems to have forgotten the difference between satire and adding celebrities to references to far better films. It's a tad depressing, really.

What did the locust do in the storehouse?
It flew in, took a single grain of food, and flew out. Then flew back in, took another grain of food, and flew out. etc.

Imagine this extrapolated for about an hour, in a contest to create the longest story.

Things I'm not: Allowed within a 50 foot radius of certain people. Allowed back in MIT. Crazy, you'll all see.
Things I am: Bored. Perpetually hungry. Hiding in an undisclosed location in Mexico.

At 2/2/08 10:40 PM, ZackTheZombie wrote: Who fucking smack their lips togather when they chew bubble gum >:(

If it makes you feel any better, the chewing of gum still causes the release of digestive acids, despite the lack of actual food being swallowed. Their's a chance that these people slowly driving you mad will develop some nasty medical complications.

Enjoy this semi-worthless knowledge.

They would place a perfectly alphebatized bookshelf in the room, with the exception of a single George Orwell novel placed between two George Carlin books.

I'd take about 20 before I decided a swift kick to the groin was in order.

Clearly, the only solution to your problem is unprotected sex with multiple partners.

I killed Tupac.

If you're into martial arts films, I reccomend that you check out "Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior" or "Kill Bill: Volume One".

I'd have Tarantino's babies.

Meh. I never found Don Imus that entertaining in any case. Though I must say, the backlash on this seems to be a bit much. A few of my relatives are up in arms about the whole bit.

At 4/12/07 06:13 PM, Vegeton wrote: Plus I heard his comments were more sexist than racist.

Is that really any better?

Your system is a bit too Code of Hammurabi-esque for my taste. However, public executions in your world would probably be infinitely more amusing.

At 4/9/07 07:18 PM, Raguel wrote: Who will I be damned to?

Satan?

In Marvel hell, Magneto pulls on your fillings for all eternity.

At 4/9/07 07:11 PM, Xtesh wrote: But seriously, this seems more like an attempt at starting trouble in school than anything else.

Sometimes you have to make your own fun. Or get yourself lynced. Depends on which side of the Mason-dixon line you're on.

At 4/9/07 07:16 PM, Masculine wrote: Who the hell is Ryan Drummond?

Ryan Drummond is every child crying out for his mother. He is everyone that has ever felt the bitter sting of injustice. He is every one that still has hope for this little sphere we call Earth, and is willing to fight for it 'till the end. He is the true spirit of humanity. Ryan Drummond is you, and he is me.

I have no idea.

I've recently taken to using my own version of the pledge of allegiance. In light of recent controversy, I've decided any omnipotent construct is as valid as the monotheistic Abrahmic God.

So for the past few weeks, I've said "Under Galactus".

This has not been taken lightly by my compatriots. I've been called everything from "pretentious secularite" to "fag-ass Muslim terrorist"(???).

To acknowledge the awesome, Stan Lee inspired, planet-eating wrath of Galactus should be just as acceptable as an acknowledgement of God in the pledge of allegiance. If we are going to ignore the concept of seperation between Church and State, it should extend to all deities, wether Bible-inspired or oddly-drawn Fantastic Four villain.

As a comic reader, I am saddened.

As an Iron Man proponent, I shall dance a jig on his grave.

After learning of mathematical proofs, I decided it would be amusing to apply them to everyday situations. Little did I know where this would lead.

Proof 1: Pastries?

Home Economics: a class made obsolete by the invention of the automatic dish dryer and washing machine. Yet, we still must go in order to learn cooking skills. A particularly artistic student in the class made a cake with a unicorn upon it. Being extremely bored, I decided to see how mathematical proofs could apply to this:

Statement 1: Unicorns do not exist.
Statement 2: Therefore, the cake with the unicorn on it does not exist.
Statement 3: I stole a piece of cake when nobody was looking.
Statement 4: Thusly, I do not exist.
Statement 5: If I don't exist, everything I percieved as real can be logically concluded as unreal.
Statement 6: Thusly, neither Earth or the human race exists.

Most people in the room had a tiny bit of trouble coping with the fact that they technically where not real. Luckilly for me, I was already legally insane and remained unaffected.

Proof 2: Deity?

Two of my friends bicker constantly: One is a far-right Evangelist, the other a militant atheist. I'm occaissionally pressured to take a side, but I've always felt conflicted. Little did I know: math had the answer to my problem!

Statement 1: My religion claims that God is the first and last "Alpha and Omega".
Statement 2: The first and last can also be interpreted as the best and worst.
Statement 3: I created the worst joke in the universe.
Statement 4: As an idea of mine, it is part of me, making me the worst, or "Omega", and thusly Alpha as well.
Therefore: Either I am god, or my religion is false.

The evangelist immediately began bowing down and kissing my feet, while the other individual fell asleep due to the boredom of watching me do a math problem. Two weeks later, I'm the leader of a massive, worldwide cult. I expect to be handing out Kool-Aid soon.

Learn by my mildly disturbing example NG, and apply math to your everyday lives too! I promise that it will only destroy your social life.

Note: Any or allof the above content may be completely false and/or illogical.

Well, money can get you girls, but girls can't get you lucky. Therefore, you should go with the carrier that gets you the cash.

Then again, I'm a greedy bastard so you may want to seek advice elsewhere.

At 2/11/07 02:27 AM, Shawtey wrote: well with my idea we wouldn't need women for child bearing because we can use their eggs for cloning... as for sex they are always there in pods waiting for us ... also this would solve many issues as i pointed out above

Pods. You want to keep all women in pods. Either you're the most subtly sarcastic person on this planet, or you've overloaded on science fiction to the point of psychosis.

Out of curiosity, what has embittered you so much against women?

Hmm, a game so entertaining that you have crackhead-like withdrawl. I should look into this.

At 2/10/07 11:39 PM, RyanKajito wrote: Best. Story. Ever.

Actually, the best story ever was written by an 4-year old girl in a hidden monestary in Northern China. But I'd like to think this was close.

After spending a few years with two models of Dell's Inspiron line, I have one simple statement.

Damn Dell and it's pathetic excuse for a machine. I've owned more functional Etch-A-Sketches. After putting out assassination contracts on every member of their customer service department, I will track down Michael Dell, tear out his heart, and offer it to dark spirits long forgotten.

After their deaths, I will slay myself. This is so that, in the event that there is an afterlife, I can wander the ether until I find Michael Dell's soul and destroy it, sending him into final, permanent destruction. Then I shall do the same for his assassinated lackeys.

I'm a tad dissasatisfied.

I'm afraid there's no other choice. He's sacrificed his right to live.