Wake up bare assed, knee high in sulfuric acid. The only way to escape is to hack off your fingers with a dull butter knife in my left hand to recover a safe combo. Then you need to plunge your hands into the sulfuric acid to roll the safe combo to drain the vent. Once you get out, you must walk through a hallway full of traps. Nothing better than waking up in my ex girlfriend's house.

The simple solution to do is to douche your ear. Do it with a parent or a sibling. Do it over the sink or over a bowl. If you don't have a douche use anything that is like a hose. or just simply use a pitcher. You want the water warm and soapy. Let it sit for 30 seconds with the ear facing up so it doesn't spill. Then drain the ear, and repeat until you can hear like normal again.

Aww yeah, that recliner is a fucking hot bitch.

At 7/3/09 06:40 PM, Stretchysumo wrote:

At 7/3/09 06:38 PM, TheCrook wrote: Montana, home of affordable prostitution.

Montana, 15 bucks for a damn good fuck.

brb, Montana.

Ponzi scam V2

That's terrible, we have lost so many good users here (sike). But anyways, I hope they replace the testicles in his forehead.

"Hurf Derp, let's try to rob a ban with a tommy gun!" After the heist and they are fighting their way to the car. "Oh shit, I can't reach them with the accuracy if this damn gun!"

No, but I have been in a baby cave...

The ending with Eddy's brother. Jesus Christ, he's an asshole.

Sweat bees or gnats. Fuck them to hell, whenever I sweat they like to come up to me and bite/sting me to annoyance.

At 7/1/09 06:26 PM, Sensationalism wrote:

I loved that one!! I also loved those animated ones Willi had.

Sig below was funny too, or I thought so. Uberbarista had it.

Haha, I remember when we KY fucked lordbling. I also thought hoboporn had the best sig.

At 7/1/09 06:13 PM, Cybersief wrote: Hmmm... I Can't Believe It's Not Butter... Hold on... I'm sure we can make an amazing joke with that...

Anyone? I'm clueless.

Sure... I have one. When they serve him to kids to make buttered toast, he can be inside a little boy again.

ok so today me and my gf were makin out and kissin neck 'n' shit etc.
to be honest i like a bit of skin melting but today she literally transfered skin off of my neck
i didn't say anything and we made our business, but now i dont know if i should be scared.
is my gf gonna transplant me alive? what do you think ng?

heres a pic of her

Gay sex?

At 6/30/09 07:16 PM, jewgrounds wrote:

At 6/30/09 07:12 PM, Ronald-McDonald-LoL wrote: Elvis is still King of Rock, so therefore Micheal stays King of Pop.

Nah dog, Kanye has taken the crown of King of Pop.

THE VOICE OF A GENERATION!

Kayne West is nothing but a fucking slimy gay fish.

At 6/30/09 09:14 PM, ngman7 wrote: I think people don't like them because they are the largest country in the world, and they out power the US. We aren't the only superpower in the world-people don't fear the US anymore.

It's not really that, Americans don't like the chinese because we are in a huge fucking debt to them. I don't mind the chinese but their language really pisses me off, it's like a lot of ping sounds mixed with someone banging their spoons on a metal pot.

I hope it's you from lack of oxygen flowing to your brain.

At 6/29/09 01:42 AM, Hellian00 wrote: You are a fucking disgusting wussy. Grow up. Show her your dick in an impressive and humorous way. Might I suggest by placing it in a hotdog bun and covering it with ketchup?

Or you could... drill a hole in a stick of butter and stick it in there. You know, a stick of butter. I'm such a unfunny faggot at night time.

Wow, you're a pussy and a sick fuck. Show her your dick in a comedic fashion, like in a box.

At 6/29/09 01:31 AM, Aryk wrote: Tom has other things he needs to do at the moment like living his life the way he wants to.

And teaching his prophet son how to run Nerwgrounds.

When i was growing up, my way of getting up was simple. Mom would yell at me to get up, I'd ignore it and then Dad would yell at me to FUCKING get up. I was like, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck and I got up. We need alarm clocks with our parent's voices to get the fuck up and do something productive.

Why don't you pm him or something, son?

Well, it's better than my imploding dildo idea.

At 6/28/09 11:18 PM, RandomExploit wrote: "Pimp my bed"

HOLY SHIT THOSE ARE SUM' PIMPIN' HYDRAULICS, DAWG

yo dawg i herd you like head trauma so i put hydraulics on 'yo hydraulics so you can get violently shaken while you get violently shaken.

At 6/29/09 12:52 AM, HandsomePete wrote: I used to like it when she forgot she was "Jamaican"

lol, those were the days. now we have such wonderful con artists like Peter Popoff.

I have a feeling that tightrope is part of Westburo Baptist church.

At 6/28/09 11:19 PM, DudeGoofyGuy wrote: This is why I'm proud to not have alcoholics in my house. :)

oh you, oh you.

Simple. Go to your modem and take all the wires and plug it into your anus then quietly fart. All the .zip files then will extract itself.

Before I get into detail, it's not my birthday, but this jewish kid's birthday.

You see, it was this kid's birthday, and he is now 12, I didn't pay attentio because they has a endless supply of manischewitz wine and cheese. So I go over and get a full glass and some matza bread (so fuckin' gangsta yo) and I sit down and I stare at the party. If I was a neo-nazi I would of threw up and brought a SAW rifle. Instead, I drank the pain away because I knew what was going to happen, this kid's self indulgence will piss me off. All right, I get some BLAND AS FUCK soup. It needed fucking salt, not even that it needed a fucking salt ore in the soup. I must of dumped like 2 tablespoons of salt and a long pour of soy sauce. Regardless, I'm still drinking this wine and it doesn't taste like wine and I'm getting fucking wasted because it so cleverly snuck into my veins and it got me so fucking wasted. After the 4th cup, I want to fucking throw up, I stumble to the toilet and blew a fucking load out of my mouth. It smelled like Ohio when I was done. Still drunk, my suit is tight and I'm so agitated by the sodium I need a smoke and some real macho booze. I stumble in the house to see a frail looking man. He has a yurmkle and I'm looking for a open flame to light this damn cigarette. I stumble in the basement to see a Golem. It was shiny and black. I was surprised when it buzzed at me. Normally I took this as a challenge to fight. I found a tire iron and it did nothing except it's eye turn red to green. I rushed at it and smashed the tire iron in it's head. After a while it sparked electricity and a fire emerged from it from the grey ashes and glasses in it. I lit my cig and I shimmied through their basement window, then I ran home. When I sobered up, I got a phone call about a broken PS3.

I fucking laughed. Seriously, this is Zone Sama's best work yet. It wasn't even rape, it was just surprise buttsecks.