At 11/8/09 05:44 PM, Abuelodigital17 wrote:

I read yours. Personally I love the idea of a prison in a black ocean with endless mazes of glass chambers and strange "wardens" with blades and glowing blue eyes and weird movements. Its all very creepy. I loved the description of the man sitting next to the main character with his belley button ripped out, good description. In other wrods, your main good point is the way you develop your atmosphere.

As for the bad side, it was a very confusing story. The ending was a bit strange and didnt make all that much sense. You could have made it clearer about what that place was. It could have been a scientific test or a prison.

I'm glad you liked it. It's my first horror story and I wasn't sure if it was scary or not. I understand why you think it's confusing. Some things were obvious to me because I'm the one who is writing it... Besides, I like leaving things unexplained so that the reader has to tie the loose ends by himself.

I also thought that it would be impossible for the man to survive more than a minute in the ocean because the waves were moving so quickly that the blood would have been rushed out of his body very quickly.

I don't know... salty water makes blood clot faster but maybe you're right.

I was just confused by many of the things that happened.

Hint: the main character is female, not male... re-read the ending and you will understand what happened.
I can explain everything , just ask me and I'll answer your questions ;) I have some questions about your story as well, if you're willing to explain the things I didn't understand let me know.

I give you a 6.8/10

Wonderful atmosphere, confusing plot, strange and exotic characters, poor design, overall preety good job man.

What do you mean when you say 'poor design'? (I want to improve).
Thanks for the feedback!

the design is the main thing that brought down your score. It was too chaotic. I understand that sometimes in punk genre the story tries to make things seem chaotic and clautophobic and tries to make the reader feel what che character is feeling, but this was just to chaotic. I realize that we have a 5000 word limit which means you sometimes have to skip straight to the point of each paragraph, but you still had a good amount of words that you could have written. I suggest switching each scene eith a bit more organization. For example, you made the long wait of going on the lift just two seconds for the reader. Then all of a sudden he was outside and in the ocean in the next sentence. Use your good description skills to set up some things before jumping from one thought to the next.

Please pay in mind that just because I think your story is disorganized does not mean that others will as well. Others might take it to be organized because it is supposed to be disorganized, as in the classic chaotic feeling the story should give, but I felt that you should have been a bit more organized in plot so that I would understand clearly what was going on.

And remember, I still enjoyed your ideas! You were very creative man and truly have potential as a writer. Good luck in your future writing and I hope my jib jabbering will be able to help in some way.

At 11/7/09 11:30 AM, Abuelodigital17 wrote:

At 11/6/09 06:48 PM, TheReno wrote: I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

Cool. Please review my story. I want to improve.

I read yours. Personally I love the idea of a prison in a black ocean with endless mazes of glass chambers and strange "wardens" with blades and glowing blue eyes and weird movements. Its all very creepy. I loved the description of the man sitting next to the main character with his belley button ripped out, good description. In other wrods, your main good point is the way you develop your atmosphere.

As for the bad side, it was a very confusing story. The ending was a bit strange and didnt make all that much sense. You could have made it clearer about what that place was. It could have been a scientific test or a prison. I also thought that it would be impossible for the man to survive more than a minute in the ocean because the waves were moving so quickly that the blood would have been rushed out of his body very quickly. I was just confused by many of the things that happened.

I give you a 6.8/10

Wonderful atmosphere, confusing plot, strange and exotic characters, poor design, overall preety good job man.

Alright im about to review a couple of stories, to make this fair I will review the first two who respond to this post. I would also enjoy it if someone were to review mine as well, its my first one so dont be like THIS SUCKED lol. ;)

This was my first monoprint ever. Very simple, yet very nice. i drew the heart first and then added black around it, it is just one layer because i didnt understand the process of layering at the time.

Time: 2 days

___Fruit___

if you like this i could make it much longer.

Just One, by FatKidWitAJetPak Type: SongGenre: Classical

or heres this.

Waves of Diamond, by FatKidWitAJetPak Type: SongGenre: Ambient

Well thats my two entries :)

Good luck.

At 11/6/09 07:05 AM, flyingmonkey456 wrote:

At 11/4/09 09:29 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: I am about to do my first lithograph where I carve some designs into a wooden type material and use it to make a crazy cool textureized background.

Lithograph means stone picture, lith meaning stone as in monolith or neolithic and graph meaning writing or picture as in graphic or telegraph. The phrase you're looking for is woodcut.

Drat! Ive never cared much for using the exact terms for art anyhow because I focus on the creative elements rather than going by the rule book. Well thanks for clearing that up.

At 11/6/09 06:57 AM, J-qb wrote:

At 11/5/09 10:36 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote:

At 11/5/09 08:03 AM, J-qb wrote: youve got some cool stuff in here... It would be nice to have the proportions of the works.

You mean the originals? I am selling them in an auction... you can bet a small amount if you want lmao.

I think I meant proportions as in size? How big are the originals?

The originals are usually about three times the size of a spread out hand. The girl one is 1200 by 1600 and the night at the church is 1200 by 1600 as well.

______________

For todays pic, I am posting an experimental one that took me three weeks to do. It is called an etching monoprint. First I sketched the picture on a piece of paper and put it behind a clear plastic plate. Then i got an etching tool and traced the sketch, embedding lines into the platstic. The I got a large amount of brown etching ink and rolled it all over the plastic plate. I removed the ink in a certain way to make it how I wanted it. Then I placed the plate on a press and forced everything onto a piece of monoprint paper. I repeated this process three times to make it light, dark, and then very dark. This was originally A JOKE because I knew I sucked at drawing these sort of things, but I laugh every time I look at it and think it actually looks kind of cool. So enjoy it :P

Time: 2 - 3 weeks.

___A Duck, A Turtle, And A Beaver___

At 11/5/09 08:34 PM, jmalouin7 wrote:

At 11/5/09 08:32 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: Ok man great! Ill check yours out as well as the other guys. This is fun.

For someone who was suppose to be leaving Newgrounds you sure are taking your sweet time doing so...

Hi Spock :)

Hey mind your own businees there boyyy. I got involved in this writing thing, my bad :/

Plus i still have tons of loose ends to tie like finish up the voice acting contest, whichi i just finished, compelte 2 collabs, and do some scripts. im just mainly limiting my time on ng right now.

SPPPOOCCKK

At 11/5/09 08:03 AM, J-qb wrote: youve got some cool stuff in here... It would be nice to have the proportions of the works.

You mean the originals? I am selling them in an auction... you can bet a small amount if you want lmao. I dont think you want to spend your money for noob made art though haha. i can take pictures of the full monoprint paper if you want, showing how deep the press dug into the paper and all those details.

Here is another one I made. This one took me a week. Its two layers of black night background, two layers of that moon, and one layer of the church with a photoshopped window. I am entering it into a logo contest for an art show. I need to type in some letters, ill do it in Flash probably.

___Night At The Church___

Ok man great! Ill check yours out as well as the other guys. This is fun.

At 11/4/09 10:14 PM, ornery wrote:

At 11/4/09 09:29 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: I am about to do my first lithograph where I carve some designs into a wooden type material and use it to make a crazy cool textureized background.

I think you mean woodcut, not lithograph. Also a great little trick I learned in the small amount of monoprinting I did was modeling glue, or really any glue for that matter, you can draw with it in big globs and it makes for some pretty nifty shapes and textures when you ink it (after it dries of course)

I have been trying to find a liquid that drops like blood does, a sort of nice splatter effect. I tried this with glue and got some surprising effects, but it was just an experiment. I thought i meant a lithograph, thats what our professor told us it was called err... hmm... lol.

I will experiment with more styles of background making. I am actually thinking of just getting some fake blood to try and make a nice blood drip effect for a monoprint i have been wanting to make of a girl standing in a field of flowers with blood dripped over her body. Dark yeah whatever ;)

Holy crap! You really are good with making different types of material like leather and cotton... your good at this!

Ok just one more, this one was done with a Silhouette. Instead, I added three layers of ink at complete random to create an abstract piece. It sort of looks like a japanese painting.

Time: 45 minutes *To try and achieve that random yet pretty style I was aiming for*

___The Shrine___

Well thats all for now! Hope you enjoy my art, im still a noob so please dont be to harsh x(

Next, I have my most recent one. I did it in two days. It is done like the Storm one, except I was really surprised at the outcome of how 3D it looks. This is my favorite one so far. Making the texture really determines the outcome of the piece.

Time: 2 Days

___The Hole___

Here is one that i made in two days. I added one layer of a mixed color of ink onto a plastic plate as a normal monoprint is done, texturized it with my nifty dandy paintbrush, and then I added a silhouette of a boat. It sort of looks like it is on fire, I enjoyed the effect.

Time: 2 Days

___Storm___

My high school is lucky enough to have a monoprinting art class where we learn all of the types of monoprinting techniques and enter contests. I have always wondered what people thought of my art so I submitted some of my stuff to the art portal. I am a beginner artist, finding that I can only draw in the monoprinting enviroment because of the way you create everything. My favorite thing to do is ink a few layers of a dark and texturized background, then do a silhouette of an object or person ontop of it. I have been monoprinting now for 10 weeks. I am about to do my first lithograph where I carve some designs into a wooden type material and use it to make a crazy cool textureized background. I am using this technique to make an island floating in space. It will take some time, but I hope to finish it in a maximum of three weeks. It usually takes me 2 days to a week to complete a monoprint.

Well anyway, I hope i can use this thread to show my prints, but I was also hoping to use it to show others as well. If there is anyone who does monoprinting, feel free to post your stuff here! Just take a picture of it, crop it with a simple photo editor, and upload it here! I hope to see some nice comments... and bad ones heheh. Hope you enjoy!

To start off, I will show one of my favorites. The girl is a fan art of a design done by a graffitti artist named Banksy. I redrew the girl to the best of my abilities, although I originally planned to put an elephant with balloons hehe. This was made by cutting out squares of cardboard, and adding a second layer of cardboard where those green blocks are. I then put on some strings and pieces of hair to make the scratched texture. This way it adds depth to the picture. Then I inked it with a full layer of blackish brown ink, let it dry, and inked with a a blue and green to make the color you see now. Then I added a layer of clear spraypaint that would allow the ink to stay fresh and lift off of the cardboard easier, and added a final layer of some whitepaint stuff that mixes with all the colors to make them pop out clearer. After it all mixed I put it through a printing press and made the background. Then I did silhouette of the girl with balloons.

TIME: 2 weeks

__The Wall__

Wow i forgot all about this! im gonna work on my piece now. im doing a monoprint. Check some of my crappy art if you want an example of what i can do lol.

I was talking to denzel, we are wodnering when this thing is gonna come out.

WOO. Hey guys thanks for your help! I will PM Tom Fulp after we finalize this. I feel kind of sad having to let go *sniff* they grow up so fast!!! Ill pm you both the info and we can converse words and stuff.

Update on this soon!

That's why i love working for Denzel. He is such an awesome animator. I mean just LOOK AT THAT. I am putting in special effects for him using fuse coding. These effects will be used to give sparkles and things to the character. Youll see.

in the meantime, I will need to really focus on my voice. Harvest, would you mind telling me what I need to do? Should I PM all of the animators and tell them I am giving the voice acting a shot? If there is already a voice actor I completely understand. Ooohhh im getting excited though heh.

I wish I could give feedback, but sadly I do not find myself a very creditable reviewer on these stories. I do not have the experience of writing as many of you great legends such as WritersBlock do. However, I do know if I personally enjoy a story or not so I can give some feedback for whoever needs it. Anyone wish for me to give that a shot?

Hey guys, some people have been asking me if i could voice act for this and sure I would be happy to. So does this mean i will be voicing all the parts so the voice sounds the same? Sorry about posting that silly punk sotry earlier, i didnt realize we were choosing to do Lady Noir.

Thanks guys! I hope people will accept me as a voice actor for this hehe

At 11/3/09 10:24 PM, BankingOntheEnemy wrote:

At 11/3/09 10:03 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: i posted my first story ever so i dont know what people are going to think.

I'll review it for you. I already read a bit of it but I haven't read the whole thing yet.

Wow dude, that would be fantastic! Are you sure man? Its kind of long hehe.

i posted my first story ever so i dont know what people are going to think.

Will someone PLEASE explain to me why there hasnt been a random picture posted yet!

I need to get someone to continue these contests for me. ForNoReason offered to do it, anyone else care to continue these?

Congrats guys, seriously.

Yeah I am a bit confused on what you mean by lady noir. is each colored assigned a specefic part like the birth or the death?

___EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS___

Rucklo for front paging the winners! The winners will be front paged for at least one week each. Two at a time will be front paged.

TomFulp for providing the STORE CREDIT for the winners!

Excuse me now while I go take a very large nap... oh... oh wait... I cant. i have HOMEWORK. FFFFFF

Woh guys GUYS!!!!

CHECK OUT THIS HOT HENTAI!!! I mean look at her... and that THING!!!

you know what to do

WELL ABOUT GOD DAMN TIME RIGHT? >:U

HEY HEY HEY, HERE ARE THE FINAL RESULTS FROM THE FOURTH VOICE ACTING CONTEST!

We had some really great entries in this contest, and we had some bad entries *cough* It took forever to judge and im sorry for taking so long, I just had a lot of college preparation stuff to do. Well anyway, after 5000 years of waiting in extensive hypersleep, here are

___THE WINNERS___

1st Place

(gaia) va4C 2nd muffin, by rednikaiaG Type: LoopGenre: Voice Acting

40$ in store Credit + Orgasmic Front Page

2nd Place

Snively's Dirty Duty, by AMTRAX91 Type: SongGenre: Voice Acting

30$ in store Credit +Marvelous Front Page

3rd Place

Computer repair, by MW10T Type: SongGenre: Voice Acting

20$ in store Credit + Happy Happy Front Page

4th Place

Juio's Folly (cps Va-reel 1), by CartoonplanetStudios Type: SongGenre: Voice Acting

00$ in store Credit + Front Page WOOT

These entries were just hilarious and fantastic. All of you guys get some store credit and front page! *4th place only gets front page sorry. If you want to fight me send me a pm* Well guys, feel free to check out

__THE ENTRIES__

Here are all of the entries in this contest with their final scores next to them.

Computer repair - 78
Childrens book writer- 46
In a Cartoonist's Mind - 61
Beta Unit - 30 *Disqualified*
Juio's Folly (cps Va-reel 1) - 74
The beaver king - 41
Out Of Control TV Programmes - 75 *Disqualified*
Keepers Of Hell - 63
Jones Family VA Contest Entry - 71
Bacon Beans Jason's VA - 37
Snively's Dirty Duty - 85
(gaia) va4C 2nd muffin- 88
***Tingtonger's submission was deleted for some odd reason. It received a score of 71.***

And of course, there is something I would like to give called

__SPECIAL THANKS__

I would like to thank the following people for going above and beyond in helping with this contest:

rednikaiag

I would like to thank you for reviewing every single submission. You were detailed in each review, you stayed positive, and even gave a ten to support them. You also have helped keep this thread active so thank you very much for putting your time into doing a bit of side judging!

Stalagmite

I would like to thank you for reviewing each entry by yourself AND judging in three contests! You have judged and reviewed more than anyone else and we always love your crazy and random jokes. Thanks man, its appreciated.

Eddache
Stalagmite
ForNoReason

Of course thank you three guys for judging!!!

Well, that's it! I don't think there will be another contest because now that im going to college I don't have time to make these anymore grrrr. THANKS EVERYONE FOR ENTERING!!! It was fun. See you whenever.

THANKS FOR ENTERING GUYS THIS WAS AWESOME! Spread the word about the results!

At 11/1/09 08:25 PM, MW10T wrote: Well today was SUPPOSE to be the day.

I AM DONE JUDGING! Now i just need to get together all of the math and stuff, talley up the scores, and post the results tommorow!

I also need to post 4 reviews i wrote on 4 of the songs.

Wohohoho... So this has to be Lady Noir? LOL NO WONDER! i wasnt trying to be lady noir at all. Sorry about that and thank you for your detailed review.

ill get started on a much better and less confusing story then that is actually LADY NOIR. Dear oh dear how stupid I am!

You don't have to, Im most likely going to use it unless the collab owner says otherwise. It is more poetic and needs to be animated in order to understand it fully. But thanks for you opinion.