Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

OHMYGODIWONTHIRDPLACEI'MSOEXCITED *swoon*

And I wasn't expecting to win anything! I'm so happy! By the way, congrats to the first two before me, and thanks for participating, everybody else. Lots of great submissions to the lit contest.

I would rather post a link to my story on DA than post it here, if that's alright with you all.

Nightmares One: The Knife

It's about a game show called Spin the Knife. Yeah.

You should put some featured art on the front page, like you do with the Audio Portal.

Bah, he's not a nuclear threat. He probably has one little fire cracker compared to our billions of tons of C-4, and is only trying to get attention. He knows if he nukes anybody, his country gets turned into a crater. Hey, then we could turn it into a huge swimming pool and resort! Awesome! Jokes aside, he's not stupid. He won't try anything with nukes.
If you want to be afraid of North Korea, be afraid of the rest of her military. Fifth largest in the world, and they seem to be pretty patriotic. Or, you know, brainwashed, anyways. So any war with them won't end very quickly. Don't be afraid of her nuclear capabilities.

I want to know three things: what country do you live in, do you have universal health care, and do you feel your health care is adequate? I want to know the answer to the last one, even if you don't have universal health care.

14hour: I'm not sure what happened, but your post doesn't seem complete...

People who point me to an online translator: I tried them. They don't. Fucking. Work. Well. ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For god's sakes, people, read the entire post! Please!

I need these translated before April 22, 2009! And I want them translated well, dammit! Also, no comments of "c0mmun15t ba5tard", "fucking commie", or the like. I offer no pay for this, but you'd be doing me a glorious favor.
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If you translate them, I want you to either PM me or post it in this forum, though I'd prefer you post it here, so we know what's already translated. Also, I already tried Google Translator, and the translation isn't good enough for my purposes. So please don't just tell me to do so, and don't hand me something as translated by Google, please. Thank you!

People of NG! I have a confession to make! I don't wear deoderant. Don't you dare say a word against that! However, I promise you, if you make a deoderant that smells like victory, I will wear it forever! What does victory smell like? Blood, sweat, tears, and gun powder, of course! And not that worthless smokeless powder, I mean black powder. Nice, smoky, pleasant-smelling black powder. Or, if you make a deoderant that smells like gun powder alone, I will wear that, too.

Hey, guys! I wanted to submit a bill to Congress, but I have a few problems, namely:
*How should I structure it?
*Who do I send it to?
*Is there any sort of fee?
Could you please answer these questions, or point me to a reliable source? Thank you!

Hello, everybody! I want to ask you all one thing: Have you ever had a confrontation with the law because of a rediculous policy, or been accused of doing something that was not actually illegal, in school? I ask that you refrain from telling us where you live, though. Me? Oh, I once told a teacher in a written assignment about a fatal security flaw, and drew a diagram for emphasis. Keep in mind, I was supposed to turn this in for her to read and knew that while writing it, and all I had happen was the officer in our school interrogated me, though had I really done anything illegal, I know I would have walked out of there in handcuffs.

At 8/25/08 02:44 AM, Dookiemaister wrote:

At 8/25/08 02:41 AM, evil-roda wrote:

At 8/25/08 02:33 AM, Dookiemaister wrote: i just stopped reading halfway and here's what i have to say: you sir are a dumbass.

WHAT?! Oh, so you think I'm a moron, eh? Well, you, sir, are the true moron, you Stalinist Nazi! And that's not a contradictory statement, as Russia almost fought for the Axis, but then Hitler attacked Russia. Therefore, you worship Hitler because you're stupid! I'm just insane.

where are you getting your facts from. russia had a pact with germany agreeing that they wouldn't attack russia but the nazis broke it. that's more neutrality. the US could have possibly been on the axis side if england didn't cut off communication with germany.

Alright, but still, when translated from Insanity to English, that means I think your comments were completely unwarranted. I don't really care if you say it's not funny, but did you have to INSULT me?!

At 8/25/08 02:33 AM, Dookiemaister wrote: i just stopped reading halfway and here's what i have to say: you sir are a dumbass.

WHAT?! Oh, so you think I'm a moron, eh? Well, you, sir, are the true moron, you Stalinist Nazi! And that's not a contradictory statement, as Russia almost fought for the Axis, but then Hitler attacked Russia. Therefore, you worship Hitler because you're stupid! I'm just insane.

I just finished this. I was going to post it in politics, but it's a joke, so it belongs here.
________________________________________
_______________________________________
The Declaration of Sovereignty and Great Constitution of the Sovereign Nation of Google

When a nation is ruled by manipulative morons and rich people with nothing but oppression for profit on their mind, smart people move away to Canada, Russia, or, best of all, Ireland, but people with high intelligence and no common sense, such as myself, will break away from the US and make their own nation.
Our reasons for breaking away are to escape the flaming, sinking ship that is the United States of America. Corruption, greed, failing economy, job loss of all types, including the inellectual ones, and blatant lies from media and politicians all contributed to it. The main reason, however,would be to evade nuclear war with anyody.
The new nation will be called the Sovereign Nation of Google (no affiliation with Google Corp. is implied), or SNG, and shall be allies with Russia, the US, Canada, Switzerland, the UK, Ireland, Germany, China, Iran, Israel, Venezuela, Cuba, Morroco, Luxembourg, Japan, and pretty much every nation that isn't in an international organization other than the UN.
Our military will consist of one unmanned stealth plane for all purposes, one unmanned ship in an artificial pond, one AAA piece for purposes of keeping our air space devoid of all carbon-based life and artificial objects, and one soldier, me. I shall be equipped with a gatling gun that fires incendiary shotgun shells, and a sawn-off shotty. My uniform will be a white trenchcoat, gas mask, jeans painted with camouflage, dress shirt and tie, fedora, gloves, boots, and sunglasses. Yes, it's rediculous looking, but it distracts the enemy, so that I can shoot them to prevent a slow, painful death at the hand of oxygen starvation brought on by excessive laughing. Yay, I get to justify killing people by saying it's humane!
Our government will be a communist monarchie, out of necessity. One person can't run the alternatives, people!
Instead of currency, our foreign trade deals shall use poisonous mushrooms. We won't need it internally, so the only place to use them shall be outside the country. All nations must accept these as currency. NO EXCEPTIONS. One ounce of any poisonous mushroom species will be worth US $1,000. We are not responsible for any misfortunes that may fall upon those who handle poisonous mushrooms.
Electricity will be created by solar panels and other renewable energies, which shall be produced domestically.
Communications fees will be paid directly to the CEOs of Verizon. All payments shall be in little containers with a chemical to accelerate spore growth. They will also be packed with random amounts of lead, to ensure they take the payment out and weigh it to see how much I paid.
Aside from our property here, we will also take the remainmder of unclaimed Antarctic land.
Our official language will be English, and will also include French, German, and Russian, as soon as I can speak it fluently. There will be no official religion, but de facto is Christianity.
I give myself the right to pardon all my citizens and myself of any crime.
All will recognize that the SNG will have no part in any war or military conflict. Other than diplomacy.
We at the SNG will maintain one nuclear warhead for defense purposes. We will also have other biological weaponry to take care of the very serious threat of the little rats and mousies, not to mention the insects.
In conclusion, it is evident that I am so awesome, I must be the second appearance of Jesus H. Christ, and you will all bow down to me! Bow down to me, mortals!

At 8/15/08 07:47 PM, Phantom wrote: Whether you got this yet or not, Putin will still make the calls for Russia even from his bathroom at home, as a local janitor.

Er, you mean he's still going to call the shots? Even so, he's only doing that with advising Medvedev, and Medvedev would still be the one who we needed to adress. After all, Cheney runs the country, but Bush is the one who does everything needed in the light of day.
If you didn't mean that, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying.

He left the position of President of the Russian Federation in May. Dmitri Medvedev is the current president. Now, Putin's the Prime Minister of the Russian Federation, which is not like the UK prime minister. The Russian Prime Minister is nothing more than the president's secretary. I'm tired of the media talking about him as if he's still in charge. He's not. Also, why would they side with Georgia, without even mentioning Russia's claims of genocide in South Ossetia? They all cheered on Bush for humanitarianism, but they'll be buggered if they do the same with Russia. Ugh.

Alright, then... I guess I've been mostly defeated... Except... What do we do when we can't make plastic anymore, because there's no more oil? We make synthetics. America could be completely off of the fossil feul addiction, like, right now, but we aren't. You know why? I don't. Also, the GM Metro got 55 MPG, and I know they worked, my mom drove one for five years with no problems, and they took it off the market. Yes, I'm suggesting what you think I'm suggesting.

At 7/11/08 09:09 PM, TheMason wrote:

At 7/10/08 10:53 PM, evil-roda wrote: ... The whole reason prices have been going through the elastic coating of the universe is because as demand goes down, production is cut, and the whole reason for doing this is so that supply is below demand! This way, they hope to charge as much as possible. ...

Your underlying assumption is actually wrong. The reality is that world demand is increasing at a pace that supply is unable to keep up with. See while US demand may be going down China and India's demand is going up. These countries (each with potential drivers numbering in the hundreds of MILLIONS) are developing cheap cars that a good many of their peasants will be able to own them.

Therefore the US could totally transition to cars that run on pixie dust...and (in about 5-15 years) it won't make a noticable dent in demand for oil.

Furthermore, between 2012-2020 we are going to hit something called Peak Oil. Basically, the amount of oil we will be able to pull out of the Earth will start to decline. The major problem with this is that demand is projected to increase.

What this all comes down to is that your assumption that demand is going down...when in reality it is going up. Meanwhile our ability to create a supply for this demand is slowing to a trickle.

Alright, but still, won't China and India get oil from Russia and the Middle East, not to mention China's coal being able to be converted to oil, thus having not as much effect on our economy as you think? We get most of our oil from Canada, and so Middle Eastern oil doesn't really have to be our only source. Also, did I mention the Alaskan Pipeline, and the places that oil companies are allowed to drill, are currently being underused? I think I did. Also, if we did make cars that run off pixie dust, none of this would matter.

CIX: True, true. But then again, the Alaskan Pipeline is underused, and oil companies have plenty of land to drill on. On C-SPAN, just a month or two ago, they said Exxon had a huge amount of land that they spent loads of money on. And some people said that a lot of that land might not have oil. Others said that Exxon wouldn't have bought the land for so much money if they weren't sure it had oil. Unless, of course, they were building offices, highly unlikely, considering cost and size of land. I'm ashamed to say I don't have the specifics, but it's true.

At 7/11/08 04:19 PM, RadioactiveRabbit wrote: Or maybe it's because we have a insane environmental congress which puts a shitload of red tape on oil refineries and offshore drilling, which causes us to rely om foreign oil and bottlenecks our own production in refineries.

You realize that's another reason why they're doing this, right? They want the general public to support that, and then they have unlimited power. What they do is get what they want, lower prices a bit for a little while, then raise them to get something else.

Very true, man. US government has been bought and paid for by companies like Exxon, BP, General Electric, and so on. But that means we can declare them illegal, shoot them, and take office ourselves. Just joking. But we really need to do something about it. Therefore, if there's somebody on the ballot you've never heard of, vote for them.

CIX, it's not a monopoly in the traditional sense of the word, but a sort of 'corporate alliance', if you will. It's almost like NATO, where all member states retain their soveirgn status, and also help each other out. Except, you know, it's not an international military alliance, and it's not really official, or it's under wraps.

Crap, AI6200! I can't find an edit button! Anyways, it is a monopoly, sort of. The large oil companies have probably made some sort of agreement, because recently, the gas prices all over a single area are usually the same, except when they change prices, because some stations change faster than others.

Wow, can't believe people replied so quickly. I know it's a large forum, but considering the time frame... Anyways, the reason food costs are going up is most likely so that those companies can maintain their profits. That, or they just saw that it worked for the oil companies, and they followed suit. Also, I'd like to say that what I said earlier about nobody being able to afford anything is not the only possible outccome, just worst case scenario. More than likely, the oil companies will keep us in their little trap so that we are paying just as much as we can afford.

My fellow Newgrounders, I am surprised that I did not realize this earlier! The whole reason prices have been going through the elastic coating of the universe is because as demand goes down, production is cut, and the whole reason for doing this is so that supply is below demand! This way, they hope to charge as much as possible. Hopefully, their workers won't be able to afford to go to work, like the rest of us. Yeah, that's right, Exxon, what happens when everybody is fired because they can't go to work? What happens when nobody can afford anything anymore?! Idiots. Your thoughts, everybody?

Oh, ok, I didn't know that-sorry 'bout that! thanks for telling me, anyways.

I think we should have the option to report author comments as abusive. The reason I think we should do this is because of these reviews. Seriously, he replied to almost all of the reviews, including the ones voting 10, with cussing and insults. He needs to be banned from reviews. Thoughts?