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A Quick Note:

Feel free to add music and/or sound effects to suit your animation. You may also break up the dialogue if you need a bit more time between statements. But, you must use the recording from the link above for the voices, use all the dialogue given, no adding new voices and no altering the voices, or your entry will not be accepted!

Enjoy!

I've uploaded a comedy short (~40 sec) in the audio section and think it would make a good short animation. In order to make this a little more interesting I'm making a contest out of it.

Rules:
Download the Audio from the link here (it's called 'Or Else')
Make an original animation and post it in the movies section and post a link under this topic.
At the end of November any entries not blammed will be judged and the animator of the best one will receive $20 from me as a prize. Sorry it's not more but I am poor!
(Please credit me as the voices when submitting)
Deadline 11:59 pm November 30th.

What I'm looking for:
Lipsync: 20 pts
Consistency of Characters (this means they need to look the same from frame to frame): 20 pts
Originality/Imagination (try to have more than just two static characters with moving mouths): 30 pts
Clean Animation (no one walking through walls or arms stuck at weird angles etc): 20 pts
Judges' Discretion (This is up to how awesome the judges think the video turned out): 10 pts
Best out of 100 pts gets the $20 prize.

Prize paid through Paypal

If anyone is interested in helping judge pm me and we'll get it set up. Judges are not eligible for the prize.
Each entry will get a critique and their scores.

If this contest turns out to be popular I may do it every month.

Hi,

Sorry to hear that you had to go to the hospital, hope your feeling better!

If you're still looking for voice actors I'm interested! I'd like to audition for:

Grimalkin
The Wanderer
Pladius
Swindle
And any minor male roles you need.

Thanks!

At 10/31/13 03:55 AM, JaShinYa wrote:

At 10/31/13 03:03 AM, elreybon wrote: Here's my submission:
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/554968
I think I may need to be scouted... I'm not really familiar with everything NG yet but I'm jumping in with both feet. Let me know if I need to do something else!

You're good to go! I added you to the list

Here's my submission:

• 
  Pet Store Calls by elreybon

  A series of customer calls to a pet store

  Score

  0 / 5.00

  Type

  Voice

  Genre

  Miscellaneous

  Popularity

  2 Views

• Loading...

I think I may need to be scouted... I'm not really familiar with everything NG yet but I'm jumping in with both feet. Let me know if I need to do something else!

I've had the idea to make the nursery rhyme 'Old Mother Hubbard' into a blues type song for a long time. I can't write sheet music, and I'm not good creating instrumentation either but I have the tune in my head. Now before you start groaning please listen to the track below, it's me singing the song (as well as some of the more important instrumentation.)

Listen to Old Mother Hubbard Blues

Musicians: I'm envisioning a drum kit and guitar as back up, (played by mice)and a trumpet for solos (played by the dog singing the song). Musicians you can get a good feel for the song from the link above. If you would like to make the instrument tracks let me know. Singers, if you think you have a better voice for the part than me and can record some clean audio let me know! (I think I might at least reserve mother hubbard for myself unless someone a million times better comes along!)

Artists: I'm envisioning three backgrounds: Old mother hubbard's house, inside the bare cubbard, and a blues club where we will cut to with the dog singing and two mice playing.

Animators: Let me just map out the story for you. There are four 'actors': Mother Hubbard, The Dog, and two mice. Story: Mother Hubbard goes to cubbard, opens it, and two mice are inside playing cards. When 'my lady done did me wrong' starts we cut to the club with the dog singing and the mice playing a guitar and drum kit. Cut back to Old mother Hubbard putting on a coat and getting her purse and leaving. Cut back to club for 'My lady'. Trumpet solo cuts between the club and the dog barking at Mother Hubbard's door (the trumpet sound becomes his bark!) Mother Hubbard reenters house for her solo. Etc.

This has no budget, and I'm sorry but there will be profit share (if it makes anything) I'm thinking 35% to split among Musicians/Vocalists, 50% to split among artists/animators and 15% to myself for the idea and leading the project. Let me know if that is wrong or if it needs to change.

I have a lot more ideas (at least as fully formed as this one) and am looking to make up a team of friends for multiple projects!

Let me know if you are interested, send me some samples of your work and we can make something AMAZING together!

Hey man, don't worry so much about what you can and can't do. With writing it's all about practice! If you feel like your character building and dialogue is a little weak, write a character or dialogue heavy story and post it here in the writing forum for feedback so you can improve. Do the same thing for comedy or whatever else you want to work on.

Also, read and critique other stories posted in the forum. That way you help other writers out and you can see what styles you like and what works so you can use it in your own writing. It's win-win!

Try to write or critique something every day... that's right EVERY day! Writing is tough and writing well takes tons of practice. But the nice thing is the more you practice the easier it will become.

As you write, post and critique you will be building up a portfolio of stories and such that you can show animators when they ask for writers for their animations. An animator might even stumble upon one of your stories and ask to animate it.

If you ever need any help let me know!

Is anyone doing Nanowrimo this year?

NANOWRIMO Website

I think I might try it, anyone want to throw out some ideas? I will write a story based on your prompts (I'm not promising to use all the ideas. I'm looking at you, yeah you about to say "My little ponies meet Sonic's penis" or something similar.). Give me something general like Modern or super powers or aliens. Something like that. If people are interested I'll post the story as I write it in all it's unedited glory on new grounds.

So to sum up:
Anyone what to do NANOWRIMO?
Have any ideas you'd like me to write about?
Would you like me to post the work in progress as it is written?

Comments?

I would be interested in the answer to this question as well...
I think the best approach would be for a lot of people to chime in with what makes a quote or poem stick in their head.

For me, it's when an author takes something simple/boring and makes it surprising, funny or beautiful. It also helps when the poem or quote is short enough to be easily remembered and shared.

Beautiful story man. The dialogue is really nice, very believable. Also a believable third person perspective for an autobiographical (even if only semi autobiographical) is sometimes hard to do well, but you pulled if off admirably. Kudos!
There was one point you slipped into a first person perspective for a moment 'I...I don't want him to ever let go...' which was a little jarring and maybe a little extraneous since the character says "Don't let go..." a second later. Was there a specific reason we get a fleeting glimpse into Chloe's brain?
Also you may want to consider paring down the description at the beginning some. The line 'His chin rested on his hand, which rested on his knee, he was bored and cold.' was where the story really began for me (great image by the way) and there was so much description to slog through before that I almost gave up and would have missed out on a splendid piece of writing!

Most Recent Provided Critique - A short story: Mother Nature

Piece to be Reviewed -Story(A Short Poem at the end of the news feed)

Objective/Focus of Review - Flow and Rhythm. Does the meter work? I've revised so many times that I can't tell any more ;). Also I want to breathe some life into this thread. I think it is a worthwhile effort and the writing forum needs this kind of structure!

Nice start to a longer story. Some of the imagery you use is excellent,
'"Sir, are you alright?" Her eyes were an electric, unnatural green. Her father was an Alchemist.'
That's a great way to introduce the idea that Alchemy can alter appearance and that it must be costly because the only way a working girl would be about to afford it is if a parent was an alchemist.
The premise is solid and interesting as well.

I think you may be relying a little too heavily on curse words to convey meaning. I think it would be more interesting to use imagery...

An example:
' whores danced in their underwear, hoping for money.'
Could be...
Young girls wearing little more than two strings and a patch of cloth undulated to the music; their limber bodies promising cheap ecstasy.

Anyway, this is just what I think. I look forward to more...

Great story! I don't think you need the background info, the story stands well enough on its own. Great premise and some of the imagery you use is wonderful!

A couple of suggestions:
First, have you considered writing the story in present tense? I think it would punch up the intensity, and make the ending more scary. Having it in past tense leads me to believe the narrator survived and gives an unwanted sense of security.
Second, and this is just a personal preference, the story is written in a predominately matter of fact tone. I would like a little more feeling of panic on the narrator's part.

Hope this helps!

Tip the Web looks like a pretty good alternative to the Paypal donate button. It doesn't take a cut of any tips which is a plus, but the payouts are through Paypal so that's a minus, but it's still something worth looking into...

Lovely, just lovely.

Hi please read this script and let me know what you think!

For Reals? Sasquatch Script

Good job. I love your use of imagery and playfulness with words.

Just like the other poem you posted recently, you may want to work on your meter. Rhyming is part of the meter but not necessarily the most important part. Try reading your poems out loud, any sections that are hard to read through smoothly need to be looked at and maybe revised.

When using a rhyming scheme if you break the rhymes it makes a person really stop and think about the part that doesn't rhyme. If the non rhyming part is more important than other parts then breaking the rhyme is an effective device to show importance. If you just couldn't get it to rhyme and it's not more important then it ends up looking sloppy.

One other thing, I feel like you may be using words incorrectly for the sake of rhyming, for example:
"Or one that intrigues my provocation"
Intrigue means to arouse curiosity or interest. Provocation is an action or statement that is meant to influence someone in a specific way. So your talking about a path that arouses curiosity in your action that is meant to influence someone. There are ways to make either word make sense, but they don't go together. I won't go through each instance I thought a word was misused because I think it will help you more to go back and really read your poem looking at the words you used and thinking about what you are really trying to say.

Hope this helps!

Hi,

I'm new to Newgrounds and am trying to be a productive part of the community. I have been reading and offering critiques in the writing forums and hope I have been helpful. But, I realized that offering critiques without offering up any of my own writing for critical review is somewhat hypocritical so I am changing that right now. Below is a short story I have written, please read and critique. (Oh and I hope you enjoy it as well).

<center>Consider Revising
by Lawrence Raybon</center>

I sit here alone in the middle of the night typing. Trying to start a story or poem. Just my computer and me and a handful of words in my head. Always helpful my computer uses its bright red and green to help me along or give its opinion. Red means stop, you don't know your words, you've made something up or used the wrong letters. Green means you lack a grasp of sentence structure you've forgotten a noun, verb or you've rambled on much to long. Helpful or annoying, red and green; it's up to you to decide.
I look up and see the red under my name. Half in jest I ask if the computer thinks I don't exist. I right click and look for suggestions but there are none, for now I'll ignore the stain on the story. Then thinking, I type a small sentence.
I exist.
And underneath a green line soon appears, but, that isn't right, in writing, that sentence is correct. Subject and verb is all that you need, no reason for the green to be there. Backspacing eight times soon erases the grass green smudge. Then thinking, I try again.
I exist.
Not only the green but, this time red too. Bright green under all and blood red under ‘I’. What does this mean? I ponder in silence. ‘I’ with red under, but ‘I’ is a word, a one letter word, not misspelled or mistaken. ‘I’ is ‘I’ is ‘I’, impossible to explain, but it is used every day. The ultimate expression of self and self-awareness. Right clicking the ‘I’ all it says is no suggestions, then right clicking the green it has a single simple sentence in response.
Consider Revising.
What does it mean? How can I rephrase such a simple statement in order that my program would agree that my existence is not in question? Sitting and thinking, thinking and sitting, I come to a conclusion. Why should I worry? It's only a computer after all; everything it knows; it knows because someone told it, so I decided to fix the first mistake I noticed. I right clicked my name and added it to the mythic dictionary so that I might indeed exist. It seemed to accept, everything seemed to go well, and then without warning my name disappeared. Again I typed it, there at the top, as always, and again it vanished upon completion.
I open a new document to get a new start, to see if the glitch could be bypassed. Deciding to forgo the usual name at the top, I contemplate my next words with extreme care. Something simple, something easy, something irrefutable is needed. No fancy words to misspell, no complicated structure to confuse, something straight forward on which all can agree. In a flash of brilliance I found the perfect words.
I am.
Simple and sweet and irrefutable, if I could type the words then the truth should be self-evident, and yet all I saw was kelly green with a splash of scarlet. Pain at the sight gives way to ranting and fuming and stomping. What kind of trick or joke or what?!? Why was this happening? What did it mean? Could it be true and I am nothing but a thought or dream? Some other presence made me up? I right click the words and again
Consider Revising.
Computers are smart, supposed to be smarter than people. Maybe it saw something that was before unseen. If the sentence proves incorrect then what can one think? Five backspaces and the colorful stains were gone, just a blank white slate, an inviting open palette waiting for artistic words. What would be right? Sweet and simple brought red and green, it was time for a different approach. Maybe the previous only insulted its intellect. But what could one do with such a problem? Thoughts of existence never came up before, and then an old adage came into mind and before second thoughts could arise the keys were pressed and the words appeared
I think, therefore I am!
The exclamation point may have been too much, but excitement overcame reason and there the punctuation was. Surely the computer in its infinite wisdom would agree with a statement that geniuses thought true! Pride at the wit and wisdom had no time to swell, because there were the enemies, those snakes red and green, saying and showing the sentence to be incorrect, false, mistaken and hollow; a delusion, a fake, dishonest, and untrue. And right clicking only brought the same frightful idiom.
Consider Revising.
Again and again and again one was bombarded. No longer enraged, but despairing at heart. Nothing is left, when one's self is taken. No life to live with no self to experience it; no worth to have with no self to hold it; no confidence to possess with no self to own it; no heart to take with no self to feel it. To thine own self be true, without self, loses all meaning. And then with a breath; a sigh; a sickly slight smile the mouse approached the words and the pigmented squiggles; one thing more and the nightmare would end. Right clicking, again brought up the same horrid response.
Consider Revising.
This time, by bypassing those horrible words, the pointer came to another option. Auto-correct, the computer would set the world right once again. All things would be as they should, and there would be no more Christmas hues to annoy. Auto-correct, the implications were profound, not only did the computer know more about everything, but if one would just let it, it could fix everything with no more than a simple click. No longer thinking, no longer caring, no longer angry, no longer despairing, one more click, left mouse button and then...

Nice job. You used some really good imagery in this poem. I also liked the playfulness of phrasing in some of the lines like, "For memory is to some and most," is a great way to say "a lot of people" that sticks in the mind!

You may want to consider revising though, the meter is very weak, it seems that you tried to focus more on rhyming than on the flow of the poem. Also be careful when using rhyming, if you haphazardly stop rhyming without clear logic it jars a reader out of the poem because they try to make it rhyme when it doesn't, for example:

A simple memory may hold the key
To the fate of man, but you see
The memory itself is effervescent
A quaint yet boisterous notion that when

"Effervescent" doesn't rhyme with "when" and it's jarring when you tried so hard to rhyme the other lines.

I hope this helps! Keep at it!

Hey there fellow driver
cell phone in your hand,
at first I thought that you were drunk
but now I understand!
It isn't beer that holds
the culpability.
Now I see it is in fact
your own stupidity!
-------------------------------

The previous poem fell fully formed right into my noggin.
You can guess the circumstances.
I suppose it's better than cursing ;)

What do you all think?

It’s 2 am.
We’re standing outside her parents' house.
I can’t stay.
She doesn't want me to leave.
She grabs my hand, a gentle warmth.
She pulls me in for a goodnight kiss and the bitter night recedes.
It ends with a yawn, not my best moment.
We both laugh.
It subsides
We stand in the chill night air gazing at one another willing the moment to linger on forever.
The moths plink against the porch light, keeping an irregular beat, but thankfully it’s too cold for mosquitoes.
*Tink...Tink, Tink...Tink*
Another yawn. Another smile. Another kiss.
The door closes and I am alone.
I get in my car and it takes three tries but it finally catches and I start my hour commute home.
I desperately hope my parents are asleep, but the city flashes by as I prepare my story in case they aren't.
Two turns, three lights and I’m on the highway, the comforting yellow street lamps of the city fall behind and are gone.
Alone on a dark highway, my only company the white crosses of those who will pass this way no more.
I turn on the radio. Static. I switch it off.
A rest stop ahead. An oasis of light in the sea of blackness. My half way point.
Should I stop?
No, keep going.
Cruise control set to 70.
Lights fade in the rear-view.
*Tap, tap, tap*
Shit, is that the engine?
*Tap, tap… Tap, tap*
No, not the engine, but what?
*Tap, tap, tap*
A translucent hand, barely visible outside the passenger window.
*Tap, tap, tap, tap*
And attached to the hand is an arm and a body….
*Tap, tap*
And a face, almost visible.
*Tap*
What could this early morning runner want?
I slow to 50.
Wait, I’m going 50!
*Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap*
The face presses up against the window, smudging the glass with dirt and grime.
*Tap…Tap…Tap*
I speed up to 70, my foot heavy on the accelerator.
*Tap, tap, tap*
The face presses harder and slime oozes out the empty eye sockets.
I floor it, jumping to 85.
*Tap, tap, crack, tap, crack…”
Hairline cracks start to form on the window as the gruesome face tries to force its way in…
90
*Tap, crack, tap, tap…
95
Tap, tap….
100
Tap, tap, crack
110
Tap, tap, tap…CRACK
I take my exit at 115 mph, praying to god that I die before it gets me.
I wake up.
Light in my eyes.
Glass in my lap.
My car is totaled but I don’t much feel like driving anyway.