Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

I'm tired of people talking about this God-like Santa Claus. All the flaws of the story.

1. Can get through a roof even though he's fat.
2. Can deliver presents to every good girl and every good boy on earth in a single night.
3. Additionally, can actually eat all of the cookies and milk left out for him on Christmas.
4. Flies by the pull of reindeer on his sleigh.
5. Keeps tabs on whose naughty and who's nice.
6. Santa has been doing this for hundreds of years.
7. His workshop is run by hundreds of little elves in the northpole
8. His elves can build stuff like PS3's, Ipods, and live ponies.
9. He is an infinitely merry and altruistic person.
10. He is at war with satan

1. The fact is, is that no man can physically accomplish making himself smaller than he really is, you cannot change shoulder width, waist depth, and to a limited fashion, size of an enormous belly.
Santa must in fact be a very skinny man that actually must be able fit through such tight quarters.
And what if there's no chimney at all? Never thought of that did you? In fact, Santa Claus is an expert hacker and deactivates alarm system before surreptitiously picking the lock and delievering the presents to the corner of the room.

2. There is no realistically possible way for one man to do all this in a single night. Therefore, we must conclude that there are many Santas. 100's of Thousands, possibly millions using the approximately 7 or 8 hours afforded to them to deliver gifts to children locally.

3. This problem is solved by simple observation. Most likely milk and cookies have fallen out of practice in some households. But more importantly I note that when I wake up, the milk and cookies have onlyu been about half consumed. Obviously Santa must pace himself in order to signify his presence at every household equally.

4. Reindeers don't fly. Just getting that our of the way. As for the transportation preference of Santa, take your pick. Car, Public Transportation. Since there are many santas they only have to deliver locally, if it is necessary to travel long distances, Santa will take a private Jet. If this true, that particular Santa must be exceedingly rich.

5. Actually this is definitely possible and probably true, tho of course he has no Crystal ball to see through, there is a little something called wire-tapping. But don't worry, the invasion of privacy is only done to see if you've done something bad... Santas probably work for the feds or hold a powerful political position.

6. The oldest person to ever live was 122 (documented cases) Again this man cannot be immortal. So we can only conclude sinc ethe title of Santa has been passed on so secretly that it is being passed as a title of Nobility or more likely the case, Santa Claus itself is a Federal Occupation, which explain all the government tie-ins such as the postoffice delivering mail to santa. This means that the memorable film, "Miracle on 34th street" is Government propaganda, attempting to erase such a connection. The shall thus be treated as said propaganda.

7. There is nothing in the North Pole, no electricity, no sunshine (so no solar power except i the summer, though wind energy is probably invaluable) and no source of oil or other resources that could help in the building. For the toys that are actually manufactured, they need to be made somewhere where production costs are cheap, workers even cheaper, and resources available in excess. My thought is that this is centered in Malaysia and the fabled "elves" are non-paid slave children kidnapped from their homes.

8. While this might be true for a Chinese Santa Claus, we cannot expect the workshops of these Claus' to be so extravagant and advanced. How about we say then, that these are company CEO who will gladly give away a few of their PS3's to spread the word of its greatness around. Very lucrative ideology Santa has. Also, live ponies can't be built as funding for clone construction is extremely limited in most countries.

9. I daresay he is happy when the profits roll in, but how could someone who treats children in Malaysia as slaves been considered altruistic? Same with lying to the little children about the true intentions of CEO Santa. What?!

10. Sadly this is true.

At 11/10/07 04:01 PM, Afro-Ninja wrote: When I got CS3 I was pumped because it promised 'advanced video export, including nested movieclips and actionscript'

That doesn't seem to be the case though from my experiments...I think you can do this if you have your file set as a flash 5 document, but what's the chances of that being compatible. So maybe you can help me in one of three areas:

2. Recommending a good swf -> video converter (just tried one and it didn't work)

hugs and kisses

moyea software is probably the best converter (Flawless actually), but it ain't free, you get a watermark with the trial

At 11/10/07 02:53 PM, citricsquid wrote: crapload of words

looking for a single line. How about,

"Do you still remember December's foggy freeze when the ice that clings on to your beard is screaming agony?" Aqualung- Jethro Tull

"We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl, year after year"

Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here

"You met me at a very strange time in my life" End of Fight Club

I'm hearing a lot of back and forth. So are we basically saying we're just trying to get info right now? how many parts are stil missing? I've seen the list, who don't you have?

At 11/8/07 10:07 PM, Superawesomeness wrote: This could be good for the main menu

I was thinking this would be good for credits, the voice isn't that good though...

Still looking for something to use for the actual movie part...

course you could always go with 2:50-4:40 on this baby for the menu

It's Our Time to Burn

Yay self-promotion!

At 11/5/07 09:52 AM, ApothicFlash wrote: I'm so close to getting done, you gus are just gonna have to wait just a little bit longer plz ! >_<

YAY! Weekend!

Username: Ekublai
Animation Experience: 3 years (Flash)
DOB: I'm too young for you... But let's do it anyway.
Titles of previous portal submissions: THE Family Guy Soundboard (1 & 2), The Ink pt. 1, Fun with Paper, Still Crying my Heart Out, Wishbone (ch. 1, 2, & 3)

At 11/6/07 03:03 PM, aquaticmole wrote:

At 11/6/07 12:58 PM, essal wrote: sure i'll do something

no more people. Sorry.

but you got mine right?

the answer's pretty ingenius actually. since the face is where all emotion comes from, animators and artists tend to draw heads out of proportion to make sure you are focusing on the face the most.

If you love everything to INFINITY!!!! WHY NOT?!!

At 11/4/07 10:23 PM, hobakinte wrote:

At 11/4/07 10:19 PM, PyroflameProductions wrote: Level 2 was too hard and discouraged me... lol. Pretty good idea, but just improve script and graphics.

ya, thats what im told...
i guess it will have to be a later level...

i've always said never make a game u can't beat. Have you beaten level 2 cuz it feels like i can't stop the guy from sliding up.

At 11/4/07 09:19 PM, Superawesomeness wrote: Okay, I took your advice:

Part 1 with Sun in background.

If you look under the catapult you'll see some blue, don't worry, I'm fixing that up.

Part 2 with Sun in background.

So does the sun look good in the background??

try making it more vibrant and not in the center of everything. Right now, it doesn't even look much like a sun. More like a glow. Maybe gradient sun in your case.

Hey how do you stop create boundaries for the scrolling. I don't make someone to be able to scroll into infinity.

oh god, I hope I don't get a... CITATION!!!

Did you get mine? There's a link of page 3.

At 11/1/07 09:30 PM, Cigolini55 wrote:

At 11/1/07 09:19 PM, sixonenine wrote: Everyone downs the PS3 because of "lack of games". Just you all wait. When this one kick ass game comes out and it's only for the PS3, you'll come back. You'll come crawling back.......

Can you plz tell us the "Kick Ass Game" i'd like to hear it

Afrika!

i know im sending mixed signlals in regards to my patience, but do you think youll be done this weekend or next?

At 11/3/07 07:47 AM, SG3 wrote: ok, first i spend ALL NIGHT looking for how to blur on flash without actionscript or another program. Then, after searching ALL NIGHT i export my movie and for some moronic reason (like the frame takes ages to load) it freezes for about a second when it plays a frame where the the blur effect was used! What do i do?

Before you go photoshopping away. Here are some things to think about

How BIG is the movie clip that is being blurred and how many clips are being blurred? (one big blur is better than many mini blurs)
Are they all grouped in one symbol or in separate symbols?
Is the movie clip that is being blurred have fbf or tweened animation in it or being done to it? (Tweened animation will lag the heck out of a blurred clip)
What is the quality of the blur? (high of course will cause it to lag more)
Is their actionscript right before/during the blurring effect?
Any sound during that time?
Any filters besides blur on the clip?

Ekublai's .FLA (Right-click and save as)

At 8/30/07 06:08 AM, nirvelyar wrote: Here's Mine, It's a zombie cartoon named after my town "Greenford".

looks really nice. cool firth-style you got going there.

At 11/2/07 11:29 PM, EKublai wrote: oi pricks! 'eres mine.

Ekublai's Part

dahm, ngup's acin like a fogue, rather paste it up on ere swfup cha?

Ekublai's Better Part

oi pricks! 'eres mine.

Ekublai's Part

i do somethin....

don't the eagles scouts say "you must believe in a higher being" ?

At 11/1/07 12:54 AM, TommyGun wrote: Women should not be allowed to have a choice in whether or not they should be able to eliminate a potential child in the world.

The only logical reasons to abort a child is when it is a case of rape or incest or if the mother's life is at hand. All other reasons are fallible.

Women should not be allowed to choose to wipe out potential children based solely on whether they are fianicially unable to cope, are a single parent or it interferes with their study or career.

Adoption solves all of these and maternity leave does exist.

Name me one other rightful reason why a women should be able to abort a child other than the reasons I stated above.

How about the fact that you listed incest as a cause for abortion. Unless we are talking about in-breeding, one time incest does not lead to ill effects for the child. That is religion talking. You are letting religion decide for the woman.

Go ahead.

At 11/2/07 06:44 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 11/2/07 06:40 PM, Slick-Rob wrote:

This is completly meaningless as it comes from a source well known to be insanly biased and backed up by a wiki article written by people who beleived them. You're useing propaganda and you're not even doing it well.

he's sounds like one of those writers.

k. I can kind of see where the house and senate are coming from.

Though this does have a lot of controversy concerning the separation between church and state, I think this measure is made more to establish peace in the classroom before the day begins. From chicago myself, i see this benefiting the shattered public school system we have. A lot of kids don't even get to have an opportunity for silence in the city even at night. Does anyone know any studies that show reactions to loud environments as opposed to quiet ones? Is silence therapeutic at all?

At 11/1/07 09:37 AM, ApothicFlash wrote: I couldn't do it I had it almost done by halloween, but the animation felt so sloppy I'm going to redo some parts so I promise it will be out soon!!

the last thing we want is for it to be sloppy man. Deadline means zip in the amateur world.