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At 7/27/09 06:53 PM, Lost-Chances wrote:

At 7/27/09 06:51 PM, JackPhantasm wrote:

At 7/27/09 06:41 PM, Lost-Chances wrote:
Considering there's mention of a lake about less than a paragraph later in same said place, it'd cause confusion. I just figured it'd be best to keep it simple.

Mention of a lake. Perfect opportunity for an extended metaphor.

Fewls.

Eh, didn't think about it and I probably wouldn't risk it anyway. Although if you want to review the entire story in it's current state on my userpage and mention the idea of a metaphor when you said, then I'll likely consider it. It's so I'm altering it in one big bang instead of trying to play with one area a lot.

I don't think you should reintroduce the creature into the story, just let it hang. That would be awesome. That's where you pump in the extended metaphor.

At 7/27/09 05:50 PM, JackPhantasm wrote: Why not say the sea. Why not say something besides an adjective. How does the color make you feel? What does it make the character think of?

There's essentially nothing wrong with replace a noun with an adjective as long as it does have meaning. Adjectives are for hanging a trait on a noun, and by replacing the noun with the adjective, you've asked the reader to ignore all the other traits of the object. A perfectly legit artistic tool.

Replacing sea with dark blue, at least to me, means that the author doesn't want you to look at the sea as water, but something opaque like dark blue paint.

The existence of god argument is not one that can be determined through evidence or logic. It is possible to put evidence against certain forms of a religion, but as long as a religion believes that there is evidence of a God that transcends what humans can perceive, then the religion cannot be logically debunked.

At 7/26/09 04:21 PM, Ironbolt wrote: Hey, im using NERO 8 to burn disc's, Im trying to burn a movie, A DVD rip, but when i do so, it all goes well. But when i play it, it looks like its skipping a few frames, so its kinda jumpy looking, get me?
How can i correct this? Would it be nero thats doing it, Or the disks? :/
Speed is 32X .
Quality is at max.
Thnx

Play it back on your computer the instant it burns. Personally, I hate Nero, but it's functional. I'd rather use DVD Flick which is a lot simpler.

At 7/26/09 02:58 AM, Xarnor wrote: I'm not sure if it has much to do with what you're talking about, but maybe this could help...

And in the end we realize, JohnnyUtah might actually be an artist.

At 7/26/09 02:49 AM, MemoryCard wrote: Make quicker lines. That should help.

I'd go with that. Then do clean up.

At 7/26/09 02:49 AM, MemoryCard wrote: Make quicker lines. That should help.

I'd go with that. Then do clean up.

I'm pretty sure you have to be an asshole. Seriously. I suppose Demetri Martin MIGHT be a nice guy but most of the famous ones are probably really into themselves and just like making fun of people.

Put lots of sugar in it!

Isn't that how actors and actresses cry? They flood the tears over their eyelids?

So wait.... I keep seeing this sentence about being on a boat. Is it a reference to the snl video?

When I saw the topic title, I thought this was about raging on the toilet. Trust me, it happens.

Newgrounds can't go around giving commoners their design secrets. Then ANYONE could do it.

To my horror and astonished curiosity, it was only then that I wondered why didn't I have my right leg amputated at birth.

An "A" for effort.

Podberrys:

You always hope that when someone fails in attempting to insult your work, that his opinion is at least off the mark enough to disregard the pretentious shell it came from. You haven't been lucky so far. Let's try to change that.

Firstly, I applaud for being bold in choosing this kind of song. Songs that do not have clear transitions are particularly challenging, and I think you've done the perhaps the best work on here with respect to caring about the song as much as your own words.
Also, if you won't accept the argument that jack was too lazy to read enough of the story to interpret it correctly, then I think the only semblance of truth I could find was that you maybe dwell a little too much on the minor characters. I love the idea of having several characters in the story because it really fits the meandering theme of the song, going from one character to the next and back. But I think the detail involving the minor characters slows the reader and so the story's "tempo" slows as well.
You seem to have a few major themes, and I'm not sure if they are all needed. The main difficulty you have is deciding what drives the story. I suggest adjusting some of the motifs and maybe creating briefer, more subtle minor characters.

At 7/1/09 09:31 AM, killerjeff wrote:

At 7/1/09 09:29 AM, AudioGmez wrote: Well, another anime buttraped.

The Avatar is a wannabe anime, made by two ugly weeaboos.

It's better than 99% of anime. Fantastic music, writing, and art direction.

At 7/25/09 01:53 AM, Crazyhobo51 wrote: Why is it that so many liberals cannot understand this? Poor people don't have poverty thrust upon them, they choose it for themselves. With such government "aids" as a welfare and public housing the government is giving people an incentive to be poor and commit crimes. Take for example the average negro, growing up in the "ghetto" (which they claim is theirs, strange considering how we, the whites made it for them, WITH OUR MONEY.)

Your lack of understanding is stupefying. Particular your ignorance of what a ghetto is and what capitalism is. A ghetto is a neighborhood where poverty is the norm. Poverty is, and has always been, a direct result of capitalism. In fact, capitalism requires that there be poverty so that the rich will always have someone to abuse and use to lift themselves up highter.

"Man, I just gonna do some mo bangin since I got da crackaz wrapped round mah fingah, I got dem givin me a house, monah and food stamps, why do I got to do anytin else?"

You've obviously never even been within 1000 ft of a public housing complex. They're pieces of shit. I been to places where the city gave "housing" to 40,000 people. IN ONE BUILDING! That's like having a college campus living in your building. Except of course, these people don't have the money or the resources to have a chance to get into college.

not let an over-hyped, communist, Muslim make decisions for us and take away OUR MONEY and give it to the undeserving. Only then can we have true freedom.

So I guess you're just mad about the election huh? I really hope you're just a stupid troll, because if those were your actual views. Well let's just say that in ten years you would be among those who you think should be enslaved.

At 7/23/09 10:37 PM, HandsomePete wrote: The college you go to isn't important, it's who you know after college. What Harvard and them alls is good for is meeting rich people.

So in that case, the college is important, since that's where you meet the connections.

shoot this is what I get for thinking I can write my own rules.

At 5/12/09 07:01 AM, Penboy wrote: What are your opinions on saying "Fail" - or any other internet words such as "lol" or "epic win" - in real life?

It makes me raeg. Fuck.

I was actually just thinking the same thing yesterday. I mainly have a problem with either "epic" and "win" "fail" I even get slightly agitated when someone just says, that was epic.

I keep saying saying that 1.9--1.99 should be the new minimum (at least).

At 7/23/09 02:02 AM, Koji98 wrote: Don't mind me. I'm just testing to see if tabs work for when I submit my story.
tab

Ha, I was just as disappointed two nights ago as I'm sure you are right now.

At 7/22/09 06:35 PM, lunaful wrote:

At 7/22/09 06:27 PM, Lost-Chances wrote:

At 7/22/09 06:21 PM, lunaful wrote: i have moderate to severe dyslexia , will any minor grammar errors that spell / grammar check doesn't pick up on be looked over ?

much help will be needed

(this is my enter , feel free to scrutinize )

[POINT OUT MY DYSLEXIC FUCK UPS PLEASE]

okay. I will put what words I think you mean in triple parentheses ((( ))). I will do this for correct spelling and punctuation (like periods instead of commas). Also, YOU put spaces after your commas. You may keep it if you like how it makes the story look, but usually there is no small between a comma and the word before it. Please change this on your own. (Cap) means you should capitalize the next word. (Del) means you should delete the next word. Also, I do not know how severe your dyslexia is, so I hope I am both being helpful, but also not treating you like a child. You have written a lovely story.

story

As the sea (((gently))) caressed the shore , the turquoise (((stroked))) the (((pearl-white))) sand tenderly(((.))) I exited my apartment (((.))) (Cap)the sun rays bounced and danced off the glass of the office blocks which were stacked in neat little rows against the old city's winding and bending streets , the arteries and veins of the metropolis bulging with people.

(I just wanted to say that I love the imagery of the metropolis.)

I strolled at a leisurely pace, my mind was full of the sights, sounds(((,))) and smells of the (Del)of (Del)the early morning(((.)))) (Cap)bakers (((wafting))) the sweet aroma of buns, young women with baskets full of flowers and other bits and pieces, preparing for the festival later in the day, my heart overzealous with joys of the moment and the joys of life. I proceeded to make my way to a cafe; I ordered a coffee and sat in the shade of the (((canopy))). I scanned the sights before me, the (((tourists))) looking banal and gawking at everything and the (((adolescents))) on their brightly coloured mopeds.

There she was , sitting across from me , her long auburn hair which draped her shoulders , her olive brown skin stood against the pallor of the (((sun's))) light (((.))) (Cap)she wore a beautiful floral patterned dress which seem to elegantly grace her skin(((.))) (Cap)time seemed to (((have))) stagnated (((.))) (Cap)gazes were exchanged numerous times like a game of who could catch the other out. The coffee came and was paid for but I barely took a sip. For a second I took a mouthful of the now cold coffee, and my gaze returned to her, but she was gone the only thing which denoted any presence was the dainty hand bag he had.

(I think you might want to change the last sentence of this paragraph because it's a little confusing. Maybe "Minutes passed before I finally took a mouthful of the now-cold coffee, but when my gaze returned to her a second later, she was gone. The only thing which denoted her presence was the dainty handbag she had." Or something like that. I'll try not to make too many style changes.)

I clutched her (((handbag))) and set off at a blistering pace(((.))) I caught a glimpse in the peripheral of my eye of the train of her dress and followed in hot pursuit(((.))) the crowds lethargic flow hindered my efforts (((as))) I waded through and chased her (((throughout))) the meandering streets of the old city, a haze of constant colours from banners and posters (((gleaming))) my eyes. In one way or another I was constantly impeded (Del)me, either a crowd thickened the lane or a fluke but she was always within sight.

(work out the last sentence. I don't know what you mean.)

She headed in the direction of the town square, the focal point (((of))) the festival, to honour the old saint native to these parts(((,))) The square was pulsing with life, from the native dancers in their outlandish local costume to the statue of the saint which was draped in a cacophony of colours, the thick crimson (((of))) a rose as well as (((the))) African (((tulip's))) glossy orange scarlet.

I looked around but she (((had))) vanished, while in the commotion she had stealthily disappeared from sight. Through the hullabaloo of the event she had gone(((.))) I sighed heavily and sat on one of the square benches and watched the crowds and the street (((merchants))) converse while looking for her.

(It may be intentional, but you say the same sentence in three different ways in that paragraph. Just letting you know.)

"This is pointless, there's just too many people "I thought as the square brimmed to capacity. I picked myself up and started to walk back to my apartment(((.))) (Cap)the sky was now turning to a hue of orange as the blue slowly became diluted. People were still on their way to the town square where the festivities were now in full swing.

My apartment bordered on were the old met ((((the))) new, the skyscrapers met the Renaissance. It was contemporary and (((pristine))) giving (Del)it you the false impression of a hospital. I sat down on my sofa and sank deep into thought, "(Cap)how could you have lost her?(No quotations) She was right there in (((front))) of your face (period before quotation)". As the thoughts in my head started to congeal and then slither again(((,))) I realised her bag was still in my hand , the small dainty little piece of cloth with tiny white leather straps(((.))) (Cap)after observing it for a moment I placed it on my coffee table . Without (((thinking,))) I opened it, (((and saw that there wasn't any lipstick any of the sort of things you would find in a woman's bag.))) (Cap)only a sliver of paper with the words "Call me" and a phone number.

I was bemused(((.))) I rang the number and was greeted with "Took you a while didn't you" ( New Speaker, New Paragraph)
"Only because you turn our little staring match into a (((sprint)))" I replied. (((New Paragraph)))
"Well I hope you can run faster than you did (((earlier.))) I'll meet you (((at))) the city centre arch in ten minutes(((.)))" (Cap)she hung up. This was starting to (((border))) on the absurd. The orange hue was starting to be cloaked by (((a))) blanket of lavender night.
I bolted out of my apartment and ran as fast as my legs would carry me, dodging taxis and other obstacles and leaving annoyed motorists in my wake. The city was alive with the thumping of base and the dazzling glow of neon. Clubs and bars were busy with the insane amount of punters from the gala in the town square. I was reaching ever closer to the arch, it was (((lit))) up with lights at its base(((, which))) cast large shadows in every direction.

She was there , still in her floral gown. (Cap)she spotted me and with a smirk and a grin I approached. "You made it" (Cap)her smirk grew ever more present(((.))) "(Cap)to be honest I thought you'd packed it in" (New Paragraph)
"Me? Never, the (((thrill))) is in the chase(((,)))" I replied with a smile. We continued with pointless chit chat until, (New paragraph)
"I would like my bag back if you have it?" (New paragraph)
"Ow I left it on my coffee table(((,))) but I have my wallet(((.)))" I waved the tanned leather pouch in her face, "and if you don't mind , I'd like to buy you a drink and later on you can come back to my apartment and get it." (new paragraph)
"(Cap)okay , that sounds nice (period before quotation)".(space)We set off down the street , strolling and talking about ourselves and each other , all the while in the distance the sea was still gently pampering the shore , stroking it back and for with tender care.

Hope that helped.

At 7/21/09 06:24 PM, nunnet wrote: Im making a flash where your a fbi agent sneaking into a launch base for a nuke. u got to stop if from launtching and go. ive made a short test of the first scean. and want some comment on how to improve or possible story's insted of a nuke launch. =]
LINK TO GAME: http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/210709/8 3699_Quick_click_1.php
rember its not finished so ive paused it when u just dodge the bullet and are crawling away.
credit to the music and sounds used will go in the finished flash.
thanks, nunnet (mark bletcher)

Awesome concept if that's how the whole game plays. I think you should really build up the story than at the end have him burst through an air vent, put some quarters into a vending machine and buy a klondike bar.

What would you do for a klondike bar?

Wait are we supposed to request a voice actor now or do we just wait for the results and then choose?

At 7/21/09 04:30 PM, emotarius wrote: What's the longest time you've gone without taking a shower?
For me, it'd probably have to be three weeks and two days.

/

5 days, but it might as well be counted as 2 weeks since it was at basketball camp. It was at a Robert Morris campus and the bathroom was just unsanitary. I felt soooo dirty.

At 7/21/09 03:57 PM, Aleque wrote: http://www.toonhaze.com/music_mp3.mp3 <-- here is a piece from a movie.. what is the name of this track?

To you who knows this - you rock

what are you talking about the music in the background?

It's greensleeves.

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At 7/21/09 02:56 AM, flamingninja777 wrote: Anyone else look back at the first few posts they made and thought: "My god, I can't believe I would say something so stupid.". I'm not going to post mine, but go ahead and look if your interested...I now understand why I was banned so frequently in the past.

We can all come clean

First few posts. My god, I had Tom personally erase my first 2000 posts. I was that ashamed.