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Response to: A poem I wrote on a McDonalds cup Posted November 25th, 2011 in Writing

At 11/24/11 01:20 AM, TrevorW wrote: I'm a bird, mother tweet.
"Take a seat and eat, my sweet.
Be beguiled by the swaying heat.
Enjoy its taste: like spoiled meat.
And grip tightly to that seat,
you're licking at feathered meat."

I liked this. Very charming. I would switch the fourth and fifth lines and would change the wording of the last line so its not so overtly sinister.

Response to: werdz Posted November 25th, 2011 in Writing

At 11/24/11 12:06 PM, thewholestretches wrote: All I've known along the road
seeds of though I've wrought and sown
as the road begins to wind
the roots of these are all that bind

My reaction is mixed.

You obviously didn't try very hard, you're misspelling of "thought" tells me that much.

Then again, the singular image you conjure up is rather nice.

I'd take out "wrought and".

Response to: "Flash" plot- looking for Criticism Posted November 25th, 2011 in Writing

At 11/22/11 02:20 AM, HollowedPumkinz wrote:

Questions:

Does this plot feel cliched or used to you? If so, than what could you compare it to to justify that statment?

In terms of the most recent thing that comes to mind, this plot is sort of sounds like the plot of the videogame Infamous 2, which is of course influenced by other superhero plots.

But more broadly, if you're going for originality, then I'd watch out for the comparisons to X-Men. The major difference here is that the government uses mutated humans as their weapon in the drug war. The explanation for being used in drug busts seems so flimsy that the viewer or reader will no doubt suspect the government is up to something more insidious.


Does the plot feel like it's flat or are you interested in it? What parts are interesting?

What really separates this premise from the typical superhero canon is that the "gifted" are given the choice to be "gifted", a trait more often associated with super-villains. But since Jack is basically a government -sponsored, albeit murderous superhero, it's really interesting to know what kind of a person he is and how he views himself.


Does the main character feel cliched? If so, in what ways?

I don't know if I like the description of him as an "assassin". That seems cliched.

If he is an ex-serviceman, this transformation is always a change of allegiance. From the president to the shadow of the government.


I'd really like feed back for this. I've been sitting on this for a while, I was going for a bit of a graphic novel script but might consider going for a full story.

I would be aware that this sounds a lot like X-men with some changes. Watch out for the huge "cast of strangely named characters" you've got going there. What separates Phantom from Wolverine?

hope this helps.

Response to: Rayman Origins Posted November 16th, 2011 in Video Games

At 11/16/11 06:27 PM, Dean wrote: Still want to give this game a shot but I'm a little disappointed that it's selling for the regular retail price of the average game. £40 for a game similar to the first Rayman? Maybe they'll surprise me, but games like that surly require way less effort than something like Skyrim. I know the two aren't comparable, but in terms of value for money, it makes Rayman Origins look crap.

I still think it will be a fun game, but I wont be buying it until the price drops significantly or I find out that there's more to this game than I'm expecting there to be.

Skyrim and Rayman are definitely not comparable experiences, but from the demo, Rayman is definitely worth full retail price (though one should note $60 means that videogames are cheaper than they've ever been so Skyrim is probably worth over $100 value for gameplay wise.)

What's important to note is that this is definitely the most beautiful 2d platformer to come out in at least the last decade. The animation is absolutely astounding, a quality even a big budget game like Skyrim can't boast about.

I just don't agree that 2d platformers are worth less inherently. You can really only tell the worth of the game experience by playing it.

Response to: Percentage Review Scores are Dumb. Posted November 16th, 2011 in Video Games

If you ask any good reviewer, he or she will say that they would prefer not to assign a number to what their reviewing. They want you to actually read what they have to say about a game.

And frankly, that's what the reader should want to.

Response to: Seperation and Right to Religion Posted November 14th, 2011 in Politics

This is pretty ridiculous. Religious practices are (or should be permissible) as long as they are not done in an attempt to influence the religious behaviors of someone else.

Response to: The Newgrounds Writing Anthology Posted November 7th, 2011 in Writing

Sorry just posting because I keep thinking someone replied to the thread but they actually had their post deleted so.... yeah.

Response to: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception Posted October 29th, 2011 in Video Games

At 10/24/11 04:58 PM, Makeshift wrote:
At 10/24/11 04:55 PM, EKublai wrote: Unlike Naughty Dog, DICE doesn't care if their product is rushed.
Really?

I'm not saying BF3 isn't a game worth playing and doesn't make a legitimate case for itself over other shooters, but the slap-together that is its single-player campaign would have benefited immensely from a delay.

Response to: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception Posted October 24th, 2011 in Video Games

At 10/24/11 04:13 PM, Makeshift wrote: I don't understand why the reviews are out a week early. A lot of sites don't even have their Battlefield 3 reviews up yet.

That's because Uncharted was ready to go gold before BF3. DICE held onto BF3 as long as they could while still making the release date. Unlike Naughty Dog, DICE doesn't care if their product is rushed.

Response to: The Newgrounds Writing Anthology Posted October 24th, 2011 in Writing

Sweet look forward to it.

Response to: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception Posted October 24th, 2011 in Video Games

Yeah.... the reviews are swell.

Swell Review

Response to: Day 1 Patch for Battlefield 3 Posted October 24th, 2011 in Video Games

At 10/24/11 05:44 AM, RightWingGamer wrote: Holy Jesus! We need to take a few minutes to download a free patch before playing the game!? Call the police, call the army, call Superman! This is a crime against humanitaherpaderpaderp!!!!

It's really about the patch. It's what the existence of the patch reveals about the game as a whole. The first reviews coming are in support of my prediction. You have two different experiences between multiplayer and singleplayer. One that is worthwhile and one that seems like a whole bunch of stuff just thrown in together. Maybe you don't care about the single-player, and that's fine, because neither did DICE.

Oh and I hope you're getting Battlefield 3 on PC. Because I wouldn't be surprised if the PS3 version was dysfunctional, and the 360 version was fundamentally broken. I have more faith in the PS3 version because the 360 version is a port. However, both are in trouble, evidenced by the fact that what little gameplay shown on consoles has not been anywhere near as good as the PC version.

Response to: The Newgrounds Writing Anthology Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Writing

At 10/23/11 11:15 PM, Farore02 wrote: so can we send our own versions of fairy tales like making a story where red riding hood is actually The wolf or a man or something ( I havn't written a spoof of red riding hood I'm only using it as an example)

Sorry , we're no longer accepting submissions.

Response to: Animation Practice!? Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

At 10/20/11 05:15 AM, psychicpebble wrote: Actually here's another thing I did that has no use.

I did this for "Sanity Not Included".

It's only in there for like ten seconds, but it's in there.

haha. For obvious reasons, Superjail comes to mind.

Response to: walking cycle help Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

At 10/23/11 11:09 PM, fluffkomix wrote:
At 10/23/11 10:53 PM, EKublai wrote: Rotoscope people walking frame-by-frame. It really helps.
you shouldn't have to rotoscope to make a good walk cycle or learn how to make a good walk cycle

Maybe I should have clarified. You don't rotoscope in order to make walk cycles, you do it to establish the connection between walking style and drawing.

For people who encounter problems when they want to move beyond simple walk cycles shot in profile or want to go for distinctive gaits (like happy-go-lucky vs sullen), watching video and even tracing walking can really help point out key techniques like body parts appearing and disappearing and foreshortening and weight distribution.

Response to: Critique my animation please Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

I liked it.

However, the compositing wasn't so great. As in, it was very obvious where you used flash and where you used After Effects. For example, all those filters really make every element seem like a cut-out layered on a background when what you want is a seamless transition between the elements, so that everything seems to be apart of the same world. It's not even the hills rising in the background that is the problem but the characters and their walking. They just don't seem to belong there.

Hope that helps.

Response to: cheap animation program plx? Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

Thread about Free Animation Programs

Also, check out MindChamber's reply. He recommends a non-free alternative to flash and well... he's mindchamber.

Response to: Oh Shoot Nooooo! Help! Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

It's a very depressing process, but I'd create a new project file and do a combination of the above suggestions. Then I'd decompile the latest .swf you've got. Then I would transfer major elements like movieclips or unreconciliable audio from the decompiled .fla to the new one. Under no circumstance should you use the the new .fla as the new project file.

Also, decompiling can do some annoying things, like changing the color fills and the shapes so watch out for that.

Response to: walking cycle help Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

Rotoscope people walking frame-by-frame. It really helps.

Response to: I made a cartoon... any suggestions Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

I liked it. In fact, part of the appeal of it is the limited animation. Reminds me of something on Adult Swim. Which is why I disagree with some of the first responder's comments.

The voice-acting is nothing to call home about but it helps in making each character distinctive. Each character has a reason for being there and has something unique to contribute. The hick character is probably the weakest, but I like the narrator and the... um... nerd? Josh, whatever.

You have pretty good direction, but there's nothing that really makes this stand out besides the writing and character design and this makes the flaws stand out.

Take the line "I always wanted to be a registered nurse." Followed by the pause and then the "What it's my dream."

Besides being a cliched joke structure, its also ineffective because there's no visual reaction. There's nothing to emphasize the awkwardness.

Just a few pointers. Also, I discourage the use of sound effects like that cat sound just because the sound quality doesn't match that of the voice acting. The added static stands out.

Response to: Storyboards how many use them? Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Animation

Your flash submissions are storyboards.

Day 1 Patch for Battlefield 3 Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Video Games

I was inspired to write this based on this sort of comment I hear.

"Day 1 Patch FTW"

This is a very troubling comment because it is tolerant of publishers that say "It doesn't work now, but it will work then" a very short time before release of a game.

Through its PR, Electronic Arts maintains that this Day 1 patch is the result of feedback from the beta. But what I'm saying is: Don't play Battlefield 3 singleplayer without the patch. And here's why.

I am a pretty avid follower of gaming news and a fairly analytical one even though I don't play FPS' generally, I have watched all the gameplay videos of BF3 available, which are surprisingly scarce for a game just a few days from retail. This is one more cause for concern about the game, and the past year of marketing for Battlefield 3 has revealed a very troubled and rushed production.

Some Notes:

Battlefield 3 showed very little gameplay to the public in the months before its release. What's more, it showed very little gameplay to the PRESS behind closed doors. This means that very little of the game was prepared to be shown that was not shown to the public.

A Public Beta came out one month before the release of the game. While it was no doubt fun (I have a roommate who played it all day so I got to see quite a bit of it.) it was also fundamentally broken. This should not happen in betas one month before release. Take the multiplayer offerings of Uncharted 3 and Gears of War one month ahead of time, which were polished experiences needing minor tweaking and server load testing.

Real beta testing is supposed to occur months before the disc is printed. Battlefield 3 did not have this beta, one can reasonably assume, because it was not ready to have a beta.

Next, EA did not send out review copies to magazines before other gaming news outlets. This is likely again because the review copy was not ready.

Why am I telling you this?

There is no reason to assume, based on this evidence, that the retail game will be ready to be played either online or offline, without a Day 1 patch. Even then, EA has not delivered anything else on time regarding this game, so why should we even expect the Day 1 patch to solve problems.

I am not trying to discourage anyone from buying this game (the truth is that you have probably already decided whether you are getting it or not), but I'm really trying to highlight a problem with Day 1 patches and why they arise. They arise because of greed and narcissism. A game not being ready is a problem that becomes apparent early in production. Battlefield 3 will not be ready when you put it in the first time, and may not be ready when you've downloaded what I suspect will be a 500mb+ patch.

Perhaps that doesn't matter to you. But when someone is so obsessed with releasing their game before a game like Modern Warfare 3 that they would sacrifice the convenience and enjoyment of those they've convinced into pre-ordering their game. Well, that's not the kind of man I want to support.

Response to: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception Posted October 23rd, 2011 in Video Games

I'm cutting myself off from anything that has potential spoilers for this game now. I never doubted that this game would be great, but I have to be careful not to ruin this game's story, which I hear is chock-full of surprises.

Response to: Official Ng Trophy Leaderboard Posted October 18th, 2011 in Video Games

Played all five Monkey Island Tales. They were fun and had really easy trophies. It's best played with your friends.

Response to: This forum needs more expertise Posted October 17th, 2011 in Animation

Part of this may be due to the splitting of the old Flash forum into the current Flash and Animation Forums. I personally know very little actionscript but I always liked having coding guys nearby. Sometimes I would get ideas from actionscript threads (weather effects, filters, etc) to use for my animation.

Looking at the Flash forum now, the discussion there is embarassingly more advanced. Every post that requests help is very specific and thought out.

Response to: Voice Acting: The End Of An Era? Posted October 16th, 2011 in Video Games

The Uncharted really set the new standard for voice acting. Granted, it's not an RPG, but Uncharted's method of capturing vocal performance (actors being in the same room during motion capture) is so important for games, especially RPGS where most of the dialogue is talking between two people. So you need actors playing off one another.

Response to: Need Some Feedback Posted October 16th, 2011 in Writing

At 10/16/11 06:10 AM, AnarchistOverman wrote: Had to write a micro story for school. I based it on this painting by Gustave Dore called The Destruction of Leviathan which is what I also named the story. Basically its a companion.

THE DESTRUCTION OF LEVIATHAN

The beast was as enormous as it was in the beginning of time when it was created.

First, there's a verb tense issue. it's "The beast was as enormous as it HAD BEEN in the beginning.."

Also, I would avoid the passive voice ("it was created") here, opting instead for something like. "The beast was as enormous as it had been since its creation in the beginning of time." Think of it as "pushing the reader into the story" whereas later it is more appropriate to "pull" with the passive voice.

A great serpent of the seas. A monster no man could best or stand against. Its teeth sharp and shining, its scales its armour,

awkward. Also, watch sentence flow here. Your first clause is a noun (set of teeth) with descriptors, but here you describe a noun as another noun. It's not technically improper, but its inconsistent.

glinting and augmented

glinting is a good word to describe it and augmented is good because it adds another dimension.

in the moonlight and sea. No man was brave enough to face him, and none could if they dared, for god himself had created him invincible to any of man's creations.

This sentence is repeated information and adds nothing new. In a micro-story, every word counts.
He laughed at hooks and harpoons, swords and arrows, all of man's weapons of war meant nothing to him. It wreaked destruction upon

I wouldn't use "upon" here. Upon has very limited use. I would go with "on".

countless vessels of merchants and soldiers, and those who knew its presence knew complete fear and the helpless foreboding

The foreboding isn't helpless. The people are. Change to "the helplessness, the foreboding"

of the inevitability of death. He was a demon whom

who, not whom

Satan himself had crowned a prince of the fires in his kingdom and the guardian of the gates of hell. His legs were strong and he was able to stand upon two feet and when he rose and towered above all, proud and mighty, none on earth would have believed he could ever be conquered.

First, the first "his" is correct because it refers to Satan, but the rest of them are incorrect because they refer to the leviathan, which you have referred as an "it" thus far. Change those instances of "his" and "he" to "its" and "it".

Also, incorrect use of the subjunctive. It should be "none on earth believed it could ever be conquered."

It was Leviathan, one of the greatest of god's

Capitalize "God".

ancient creations turned against him and standing in guard of the Hellmouth.

rewrite as "ancient creations, that turned against Him and stood in guarding the Hellmouth."

I wasn't sure whether you meant "stood in guarding the Hellmouth" or "stood guard at the Hellmouth".

. But since the beginning as god had ordained would come the time Leviathan would be slain in the end of days.

Capitalize "God"

Delete "since the beginning as"

Rewrite as "But God had ordained that at the end of days, Leviathan would be slain." It's simpler and more concise. And less awkward.

All wicked men and on earth and Satan and his kingdom would be destroyed and the righteous would join his place in heaven.

Rewrite as "All wicked men on Earth and Satan and his kingdom would be destroyed and the righteous would join Him in heaven."

Note that usually "him" would be an ambiguous pronoun, and we would not know who you are talking about. But because God's pronoun is capitalized automatically, it's okay. So just capitalize "Him".

So it was that he

Rewrite as "So it was He who"

descended upon the seas and sought out the serpent that bought destruction and death into the world. He confronted the monster and spoke softly to him and Leviathan shook with terror at the sound.

Good.

The once mighty and prideful prince of hell now a victim,

rewrite as "prince of Hell was then a victim."

something neither man nor he

He.

would ever believed possible.

Tense. "believe."

The lord cast his sword upon the creature whose cries shook the ocean and his body writhed and coiled in pain.

"its body writhed"

:The world's proud and mightiest

I'd take this out. Too repetitive.

beast unconquerable by man was dead.

In fact, I'd delete this whole sentence.

The behemoth of the seas sank to the bottom and disappeared in the abyss and god lamented such a wondrous creation of his resigned to such a fate.

First, capitalize Behemoth. Then "in the abyss" should be "into the abyss". And it should be "and God lamented that such a wondrous creation of His had been resigned to such a fate."

Overall: This is a good description of the Leviathan, but it is not a story. You stick so closely to the passage in Job that if I were to write something like this, I would not feel very comfortable calling it my own. For this reason, there's very little positive that I can give you beyond some good word choices like "glinting" and "augmented".

Next time, consider deviating from this well-worn take on Leviathan. Consider other aspects of the Leviathan. What about the Leviathan's fear when he realizes his arrogance got him in deep? A Father killing his child? What might Satan have been thinking as he watched one of his princes dethroned, knowing that he was next?

What I'm saying is that you should never settle for someone else's idea. You have a unique mind that can form unique ideas. Let your imagination take over because, and I mean this in a non-religious sense, nothing is sacred in story-writing. The only thing that should be avoided is the familiar.

This forum needs more expertise Posted October 15th, 2011 in Animation

Just looking at the topics that have been posted recently, I would say there is a lack of expertise, a lack of experienced animators on this forum. Perhaps there are just more inexperienced animators nowadays, but so many of the threads here are "help me" threads and "how do I animate" threads. Also, most the replies these posts get are either very tentative or naive.

It's really nice seeing what is perhaps a new generation of animators starting to emerge, but animation is knowledge that needs to be passed down.

I hope someone with a good background in animation sees this and becomes motivated to mentor this forum.

Response to: Halloween 2011 Lit Discussion Posted October 15th, 2011 in Writing

Are we restricted to posting the full story in the thread or can we link to a google doc that has proper formatting?

Response to: Official Ng Trophy Leaderboard Posted October 13th, 2011 in Video Games

Once I get Ico Collection and U3, I will get the trophies I seek.