Well I am bored today so I figure I'd tell you a true story from my life, I was in the park today thinking about it, and I kind of found it pretty amusing. So here is an excerpt from my auto-biography that will be released once I become rich and famous. Or if I actually decide to release all the scraps of paper of thoughts upon my life. Reminder it is a true story.
It happen going on like 6 months ago, I manage a fast food restaurant, and being stressed out after work I decided to go to the liquor store and purchase a delicious bottle of their finest vodka. I went to the train, it was taking for ever to come and I wanted to go home, so being bored I went ahead and cracked my bottle and started drinking at the train station. It was still brisk outside so I was wearing a pretty heavy leather jacket, where there was a pocket where I could easily conceal my pint. Well as the case seems to always happen, Burlington County's finest (NJ Police) just happen to drive by after me taking a nice swig. Well the cop going at least 40 miles a hour somehow sees my evil doing and backs up, hops out his car and over the train tracks, and finally onto the platform. I get a nice hefty ticket of $150 (US) for having an open container. But the fun doesn't end there. After a nice I.D. check, it turns out that have a few unpaid traffic tickets. HORRAY FOR ME... I'm off to jail.
Well after being locked up for like 3 days, I started to go through systems of alcohol withdrawal, anyone on this site who knows me, knows me being a pretty avid drinker. No biggie though, I'm due to be bailed out the next day. Well after getting out of "lockdown" (kind of like a delousing , detox, what ever stage after processing before you actually go to real jail) and being transferred to what ever jail they were going to put me in. I get told my charges, what my bail is, where court is, and to what kind of jail I'm going to. I got sentenced to Pemberton Township, a minimal security prison. Well everything was going to be sweet after that, (last time I was there all I did was play cards and eat, seriously it was more of a vacation than jail, and I had my own key to my own cell)
Anyways, I remember the guy in the cell across from me was like the giant black guy from The Green Mile. Every time he talked his voice kind of like boomed. Then there was this sort of song of all the inmates talking all at once, it all blended together. To this day I am really not sure whether they were really singing or if it was all in my head. I couldn't take the booming of his voice it was driving me crazy, (it really wasn't his voice but a symptom of my withdrawal) I had gone out to ask a guard to see the doctor or to put me in solitary. It was time for morning chow; it was a pretty decent breakfast, if I could get it down. My body was shaking so bad that I couldn't even get the fork up to my face, or the glass of well- watered down fruit punch. Well all of the other inmates saw this, and it was a great show for them but a horrible embarrassment for me.
After breakfast I went to the guard post. From this point my memory kind of fades, because I apparently just dropped onto the floor and started to have a seizure, repeatedly banging my head on the concrete floor. When I came too I had no idea I was any idea I was in jail. I awoke to a beautiful black woman saying something to me. I was in the town's hospitle; apparently I had fallen off of my stretcher and on to their hard concrete floor whilst having another seizure. Not knowing where I was and seeing this beautiful woman I sat there and tried to talk slick to her as blood gushed out of my head. She kept asking me if I knew where I was, and still trying to sweet talk her I mentioned something about heaven and her being an angel. She finally got tired of my lame sexual advances smacked my on the face and told me to concentrate, she notified me she was a nurse and that I was in the hospital, and I had apparently busted my head open, and asked me if I could remember anything. I could not I went through the whole process in the hospital, and the hooked me up to a IV bag that for some reason made me have to pee like every 15 minutes, leaving me barely able to make it to the restroom half the time. I got out of the hospital 2 days later and was put on some type of anxiety medication for like a month.
Lesson of the day Excessive drinking is bad.... Unless you want to see hot nurses and feed horribly bad pick up lines to them.
OK now for the time of truth, comments, questions, but most likely trolling, and flaming. Just wanted to share a story or maybe a lesson. I still drink but I moderate my self so something like this will never happen again. I have learned... sort of... that moderation in anything really is the key.
-- Joe "DjPlayboi"
