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At 6/16/12 01:26 PM, tinytim12 wrote:

Your teacher is way too literal, son--not good for the imagination. Still, at the end of the day, s/he is right, though. The characters are words on the page, distinct from reality. Even if that person is based on someone real, I think people feel attachment because they are reminded of said individual, not because the character is alive. Some people claim that they feel or sympathize for characters, but, like you said, it seems more like a misguided (or even feigned) sentiment to give the impression that the writer can develop characters. It's important to visualize the characters talking so that when you transcribe their conversations, they sound natural and sincere, but that doesn't mean that the characters are "alive" or real. Even with the most profound books I've ever read, I'm eventually reminded that the characters, as of with "all of fiction" (I'm using that term loosely) are reflections of reality. They are creations by an author to teach me something or tell me a story; they are stories with a basis in reality that tell us something about the world we live in; that is why fiction is so important.

I have no idea why your teacher would tell you this, since it is incredibly staid and almost cynical. Also, it makes the guy/gal seem humorless and uncreative (but then again you never know). I'm inclined to agree with your professor. I would never call them caricatures, though, unless of course they were.

Well, I only got a few paragraphs into my story, and I guess I'm gonna call it quits, like most of my actions of late :( Man, I was gonna try so hard too, but it was my cuz's birthday today and also I have had no motivation for anything since the semester ended. I am excited to see what others have written, and I want to see the results too. I'll read them all, and have critiques/scores for them too. I think that each judge should rank the stories first through "n", and first gets "n" points, second gets "n-1" points and so on, and whoever has the highest cumulative score wins; this is the standard I think.

Oh well/ Good luck everybody -__-

To Richie and memoryexplosion,

Nice meeting you guys. There is competition at the Writing Forum that is about to end. It's a great way to test your writing mettle, as well as maybe earn some prizes. You can find out about it here. There's about 48 hours left. I have to freaking finish my story as well; I've been so lazy, ha ha. I'm only a few paragraphs in >.>

Peace!

At 4/29/12 03:44 PM, 4urentertainment wrote:

I think you should consider moving the deadline to May 31st. Also, I think that the top 5 should be decided by the panel of judges, but submitters can vote for their favorite, and that story could win a bonus prize.

Thank fricking God finals are over for me. I will start on this tomorrow and hopefully finish Monday. I have an NBA playoff game to attend to on Saturday, so maybe I'll write about that :D

At 5/16/12 08:55 PM, starwarsjunkie wrote: How do you post twice in a row? Every time I try to it tells me I have to wait. Is there a way around this?

What? You can post four times in one thread in one hour.

At 5/9/12 02:22 PM, EKublai wrote:

I got a slightly Poe vibe from this, at least early on,

Yes, I was going for that. The character's original name was Allan, but that's too obvious, lol.

Comparing the language of the second half of the story to the first, i thought the story sort of sputtered out.

True. I relied too much on florid description and had to cut back. I thought it was too prosaic.

I assume procuring another one wouldn't be much of a hassle.

Ha, that was such an issue in my class. The exercise called for an "insignificant" item, but if the item was truly insignificant, no person would react greatly to its loss. I guess the exercise was meant to create interesting and overemotional, if not crazy, characters.

If that's the case, then it's about his paranoia over his brother, which isn't conveyed with enough force i think. Maybe your character starts ranting not just about this event, but all the unconnected threads of sibling rivalry that lead up to this point.

Hm, good point. It wasn't about sibling rivalry, though. The brother was a scapegoat. It was about writer's block, inspiration, and obsession. This was my first attempt at metafiction. From what I understand (besides the obvious: fiction about fiction) is that it is supposed to evaluate the process of writing, and not necessarily evaluate characters or the universe.

The point that I was trying to propose was that Alan was actually able to write, despite the fact that he kept saying he was a struggling writer. Also, I was trying to reveal that his situation was actually a good short story filled with drama and mystery (inspiration is everywhere; the best fiction comes from non-fiction etc.); this is why his language is so flowery. Also, the character that he is writing about ("wonderfully insane") is him; I wanted him and his experience to symbolize the struggle that many writers go through, even though inspiration is aplenty.

I still don't really get metafiction. The only metafiction I've read is a ton of Borges, but his writing is about fiction andthe craft of writing, but also about the universe. I think I need to find a balance.

Thanks for the input.

I am still looking for something to write about, since I don't want to "cheat" and make something up. I want to actually write about something that happened and make myself the central character/protagonist, which is something I don't usually do. But, I think I have some good ideas that I can transcribe into good stories.

Anyway, if anybody wants to exchange stories for peer-review before submitting, you can post here or send me a pm. Either way, I heavily suggest that you get your work reviewed by someone before submitting. Good luck, yo!

I don't really have a useful comment, but this sounds a lot like the kids' movie Megamind.

At 5/2/12 11:22 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote: Goddammit. I forgot apostrophes don't translate into the post. Here's a clean version:

Mother,

Words cannot describe how unfathomably inconsolable I am because of my insolent brother's discourteous act. He stole my pen! Alas, I am forced to type-write upon a typewriter, like some inane accountant.

I had just begun writing a great short story, a story filled with drama and mystery, and I was developing a wonderfully insane character when I could not find my pen (which you know I always leave on my desk, next to my lamp). Undoubtedly, my brother is the primary and sole culprit.

The day was bright, despite the early hour, and the grisly fog from last night had cleared. The birds sang in a sprightly tune and I marched with pep from my bed to my desk. I decided to skip breakfast, as I was full of confidence and creativity. But, I instantly noticed my pen, my instrument, was missing. I searched and searched, and I rifled through the drawers and utterly ransacked the apartment, to no avail. The repetitive tintinnabulations of the unknown tweeting canary hurt my ears.

My brother walked in, smiling in his usual, boorish way.

"Good morning, brother! It's awfully early; your commotion brought me up. Breakfast?" I smirked ever so politely, but he straddled his tousled hair and turned around, and began cooking breakfast. While he sizzled and fizzled his toast and coffee, I continued my fruitless endeavor. My manuscript sat lonely and empty on my desk, beckoning for a soul, crying for meaning! But how could I continue?

As I sat at the kitchen table with your son, the room began to fade, and I wondered about life; I wondered whether writing fiction was worthwhile. I was this upset over the physicality of my work; what about the emotional and musical prose that was demanded of me? I struggle with words, and I struggle searching for a story to write, that one pearl in a violent sea of ink.

When I lifted my head, my brother had already finished his breakfast, without the decency to make breakfast for two. Now, I was worried AND insatiably hungry. Thank goodness for my brother's indolence; the materials were still strewn about the kitchen and I prepared for breakfast. The bread's smoked wheat aroma of future toast, and the deep, bouquet of boysenberry marmalade was inviting and I devoured the breakfast, although in a gentlemanly fashion. Meanwhile, my brother was dressed and ready to trod off to his tedious job. He stepped with eager and bustling charisma, and his brown suit and now-greased hair gave him the appearance of a semi-professional. It was a start.

As he departed, he opened the door, spun in a fluid motion and spoke, "Until later, my brother. Good luck with your story!" and slammed the door concisely, giving his statement a definitive vim. What I took as a sincere wish of luck quickly developed into a left-handed insult. That fiend!

It made sense. I calculated the whereabouts of my brother last night. Of course he was home when I took leave from my work the night before. I came back home, tired and dead, and wanted nothing more than to fall into the soft, patchy embrace of my mattress. I had observed some interesting characters at a bar and maybe had an idea for that story. I do not remember much, just that I was taking notes about a girl as her petty drabness would fit perfectly into my story; and I remember that when I came home, my brother was still awake.

What to do? I was racking my brain and perspired deeply. My shirt was heavy and constraining. Not to mention that the apartment was disheveled and untidy. I decided that revenge was appropriate. If I could not write since my brother stole my singular pen, he could not type his pointless forms and receipts.

The very typewriter with which I wrote this letter now lays at the bottom of the river, cold and lifeless, sunken in everlasting despair, with only the trickles of coins and rocks ever greeting it.

I really need to write that story, mother. It is due soon.

With regards, your loving and astute son,

Alan

Hey guys. Well, it's been far too long since I've posted a story on the Writing Forum. Here's one I wrote for my Intro to Fiction class. The reason I posted it is because I can't remember the last time I had this much fun writing, and it reminded me that I actually enjoy it.

The assignment was basically a character losing something and basically reacting to it (such that the reaction was disproportional to the loss). This is a letter about a guy losing his pen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother,

Words cannot describe how unfathomably inconsolable I am because of my insolent brotherâEUTMs discourteous act. He stole my pen! Alas, I am forced to type-write upon a typewriter, like some inane accountant.

I had just begun writing a great short story, a story filled with drama and mystery, and I was developing a wonderfully insane character when I could not find my pen (which you know I always leave on my desk, next to my lamp). Undoubtedly, my brother is the primary and sole culprit.

The day was bright, despite the early hour, and the grisly fog from last night had cleared. The birds sang in a sprightly tune and I marched with pep from my bed to my desk. I decided to skip breakfast, as I was full of confidence and creativity. But, I instantly noticed my pen, my instrument, was missing. I searched and searched, and I rifled through the drawers and utterly ransacked the apartment, to no avail. The repetitive tintinnabulations of the unknown tweeting canary hurt my ears.

My brother walked in, smiling in his usual, boorish way.

"Good morning, brother! ItâEUTMs awfully early; your commotion brought me up. Breakfast?" I smirked ever so politely, but he straddled his tousled hair and turned around, and began cooking breakfast. While he sizzled and fizzled his toast and coffee, I continued my fruitless endeavor. My manuscript sat lonely and empty on my desk, beckoning for a soul, crying for meaning! But how could I continue?

As I sat at the kitchen table with your son, the room began to fade, and I wondered about life; I wondered whether writing fiction was worthwhile. I was this upset over the physicality of my work; what about the emotional and musical prose that was demanded of me? I struggle with words, and I struggle searching for a story to write, that one pearl in a violent sea of ink.

When I lifted my head, my brother had already finished his breakfast, without the decency to make breakfast for two. Now, I was worried AND insatiably hungry. Thank goodness for my brother's indolence; the materials were still strewn about the kitchen and I prepared for breakfast. The breadâEUTMs smoked wheat aroma of future toast, and the deep, bouquet of boysenberry marmalade was inviting and I devoured the breakfast, although in a gentlemanly fashion. Meanwhile, my brother was dressed and ready to trod off to his tedious job. He stepped with eager and bustling charisma, and his brown suit and now-greased hair gave him the appearance of a semi-professional. It was a start.

As he departed, he opened the door, spun in a fluid motion and spoke, "Until later, my brother. Good luck with your story!" and slammed the door concisely, giving his statement a definitive vim. What I took as a sincere wish of luck quickly developed into a left-handed insult. That fiend!

It made sense. I calculated the whereabouts of my brother last night. Of course he was home when I took leave from my work the night before. I came back home, tired and dead, and wanted nothing more than to fall into the soft, patchy embrace of my mattress. I had observed some interesting characters at a bar and maybe had an idea for that story. I do not remember much, just that I was taking notes about a girl as her petty drabness would fit perfectly into my story; and I remember that when I came home, my brother was still awake.

What to do? I was racking my brain and perspired deeply. My shirt was heavy and constraining. Not to mention that the apartment was disheveled and untidy. I decided that revenge was appropriate. If I could not write since my brother stole my singular pen, he could not type his pointless forms and receipts.

The very typewriter with which I wrote this letter now lays at the bottom of the river, cold and lifeless, sunken in everlasting despair, with only the trickles of coins and rocks ever greeting it.

I really need to write that story, mother. It is due soon.

With regards, your loving and astute son,

Alan

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I actually tried to incorporate metafiction, and the piece itself was an exercise in metafiction. I tried hard to develop Alan's "astuteness" to give a strong sense of irony and call to attention his ability to write. However, the language ends up feeling forced and prosaic (which was not the intention). Also I tried to draw parallel between his life and creating fiction.

However, my main concern is the metafiction. Did I do a good job on it? Does it feel forced (is it noticeable without being egregious)?

Any criticism is appreciated. Also, I have no idea why this guy wrote to his mother; please go with it.

At 4/28/12 01:10 AM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: Nobody else wants to comment? Ok.

Not really. I mean, you can't just come in here and expect a bunch of (mostly undeserved) attention. You should read other peoples' work and comment on it. Besides making you a better writer/reader, this will help the forum, and might convince others to read your work (reciprocity).

At 4/26/12 09:27 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:
I was just arguing for arguments sake.

Likewise.

It's a story that has helped me broaden my expectations of modern fiction and should be a seminal example of what story telling should be right now.

I was honestly poking fun at you, but I knew that you were serious about it. I've never read it, and don't have any plans to, but I understand what it is, and respect it as a serious work of fiction.

P.S. I like Rachel McAdams. But, I realize that the quality of a movie does not reflect the quality of a book.

P.P.S. I have never seen the Time Traveler's Wife.

At 1/22/12 12:57 AM, TrevorW wrote: Father figure: "Would you care for some eggs son?"

I adapted this into a one-page short story for my fiction writing class/workshop. I was behind and I wrote two other stories, and the third story had to have a refrain, which I wanted something to be original and seemingly random. The refrain was "would you like some eggs, son?" and I used the same punchline.

I hope that was alright!

I agree with Aci that the sentences need to be edited so that they read better.

But, what strikes me most is the lack of substance, and lack of narrative. You start with the idea that Decemeber changes everyone in this godforsaken town, but nothing ever really becomes of this notion. Also, this seemingly random event doesn't affect people. I'd be cool with that, but it should at least affect Ryan. What is the theme; what should we take away from this? Nothing?

The story feels complete by the time it's done, and it also feels empty. If you could strengthen the narrative structure, and put some more life into it (the "dead" setting works well; put more life into the tone and protagonist. I think a "holy fuck!" could do the trick). Otherwise, a solid story. It was fun to read, anyway.

At 4/26/12 12:09 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:

That's true. I forgot about mofos like Asimov (a man I really admire) and Heinlein. But I guess it depends on the story and presentation. You can write a science-fiction story on time travel without a working knowledge of quantum mechanics (I'm not really sure what quantum mechanics is, or how it is related to time-travel; I assume it is?) If you've graduated high school (and have taken at least bio, physics, and some form of astronomy) and watched stuff like Star Trek and Blade Runner, and read some sci-fi (Asimov, Heinlein, as well as Wells and Verne), you are more than set for most sci-fi.

You're right though: the line between fantasy and sci-fi has been blurred like, as you've mentioned, the Time Traveler's Wife. I swear you have brought that book up more than once.

Sweet.

Also, I would like to say that I am making good on my promise and I will award $10 (via Paypal) to the first place winner.

That should offer a little (but still nice) incentive to go for gold.

At 4/24/12 11:33 AM, Anabioo wrote: So, quick question: how much science do you think one must first know before writing science fiction?

None. That's the point, which is what I think is cool about sci-fi. There's not really a definition to sci-fi, though, so I think as long as you keep it realistic and don't blatantly disregard scientific laws, you're golden. It's much more about building the world, and describing how it can't exist now, but it might as science and technology advances.

(However, I guess you must know at least high school level science, especially physics and biology).

At 4/22/12 01:35 AM, ZeeAk wrote:

Oh, really? Does this one work, then?

No, I keep getting "Problem Loading Page."

At 4/21/12 06:44 PM, EyeTrauma wrote: @ DeftAndEvil
Your opinion on things is pathetic and you fail to understand at all what I'm saying. I'll underline, bold and emphasis in order for you to process what I'm trying to say.

For someone so defensive and bellicose, yet ostensibly logical, you seem to be lacking logic, reason, and basically any argument at all. I never said you suck at writing; I have never seen you write; I have never passed judgment on your writing. What I said was that people who can't write good non-fiction aren't good writers. I'd hate to get technical on your ass, but in logic, my statement was a deductive argument. Please look that up.

Why would I write something on a casual site, that I don't need to, or for that matter want to write. It's not that AGAIN (even put capitals on that one) I'm unable, it's that I don't and won't. I could make my rather boring life into something magical, but I would hate to do it and I wouldn't improve.

Wow. I'll give the same damn reason because, again, you didn't really read what I wrote. I know you don't want to (I'm not sure you "don't need to;" in fact, you may be quite able--don't know, don't care), but exercising in non-fiction (which I will assume you never do, since you are so averse to it) is the only way to improve in that area. Improving non-fiction will help you with any form of writing. But, from the sound of it, you are a master writer and have maxed out your non-fiction skill (you wouldn't improve? Sorry, I laughed there.)

However, I still doubt you will accept my opinion, and that isn't fine but I will let it be. As arguing with you is like picking an argument with a five year old wanting his favourite cereal. It's amazing how un-open minded you are and how you think this would improve my writing when again, you haven't seen any content from me to make that judgement

>.> Please underline where I said "You [specifically, eyetrauma] suck at nonfiction, and therefore, at writing and all your writing sucks" or anything to that effect. It's called a generalization (please look that up), which I am allowed to make.

(and even if you did, your opinion is just of that, a single person without any effect.)

Then why did you get so mad, bro?

I wish you luck on participating or judging or whatever you choose to do.

I know that I pissed you off, but I don't need your left-handed compliments, or your petty name-calling. Let's be gentlemen here.

P.S. What you underlined is not an opinion. The only opinion I presented was that bad writers write bad nonfiction.

At 4/21/12 10:39 PM, RiotFlash wrote: i think this a good theme personally. id like a few more guidelines and ill be starting my entry :P

Good! Start early, and make sure you get a peer-review before you submit. However, 4urentertainment has yet to announce the prompt, although the guidelines will probably be the same as the monthly writing contests (due date is 30 days after contest opens; about 500-3000 words; and for this contest, must be non-fiction).

At 4/17/12 03:56 AM, ZeeAk wrote:

A personal look at editing.

Hm, the link isn't working for me :( I think there might be a problem with the link, not the address itself?

At 4/20/12 11:45 PM, EyeTrauma wrote:

Why would I do something I'm not interested in?

Cuz it's good for you and will help you write better. Why practice? Why train? Why eat vegetables? Not for fun!

It's not that I can't do it. It's that the request to me is a lot more boring than I would enjoy.

It's such an open-ended prompt that you the possibilities are virtually endless. A good writer can take a "boring" prompt and turn it into an "interesting" story.

Classifying me as a bad writer when I haven't even written anything as of yet is arrogant, sir.

If you can't write any interesting or substantial non-fiction, then you aren't a good writer, in my humble opinion. It's really up to you to decide whether or not you belong in that category. Assuming my first statement is true (which I believe it is), this is a perfectly sound argument, yo.

I don't see why anyone wouldn't do this, unless you are a master of non-fiction or if you are too busy. The latter is understandable.

Anyway, 4urentertainment, I really think that you should start this on May 1, and end it on May 31. The judges should be judging along the way so that the results are ready by June 1 or so.

At 4/19/12 10:33 PM, EyeTrauma wrote: ...Even King stepped into fantasy due to the actual drabness of such things as 'non-fiction.'

Did he? The whole point of fiction is to mimic reality (except maybe escapist fiction). If you can't make non-fiction exciting, then you should be doing this, because you aren't a good writer and this will definitely help you.

Anyway, I am willing to contribute $10 to the first place winner (must have a paypal account! I think paypal will take some of the money as part of a fee, so first prize is actually like $9.70 or so).

Hey, man. Well, I don't think there will be any contest up soon. Deathcon was working on his, but I don't know when that will happen.

If you need a judge, I'll be happy to judge. I'll participate if there aren't that many entries.

At 4/10/12 05:13 PM, yuirick wrote:

Let me tell you a little story, which is the reason for my curiosity. Scientists put 5 monkeys in a cage. They put a ladder, and hung a banana in the roof, which could be reached by the ladder. Every-time somebody climbed the ladder, there would be rain. So the monkeys started beating up those who tried to go up the ladder. Then, they swapped every monkey out, but one at a time. So a monkey would be transfered out once every couple of days. Then, in the end, none of the monkeys knew why they were beating up each-other up when they went up the stairs, only that it was what they did.

"Cus' that's how we do it around here"
What I want to know, is if it's an actual literary rule, or just something you guys came up with. This is not meant as an offense, just an act of curiosity.

Once upon a time there was a curious barnacle who saw something on the internet and could never let it go. He was so curious that everyone died. The end.

Anyway, there haven't been any real attempts at creative writing in the forum lately. I think people are just practicing, though.

Also anyway, wasn't there a Pico Day writing contest? I know that there wouldn't be any cash prizes, but Pico Day is coming up and I haven't seen the Pico Day Writing thread.

At 4/7/12 01:15 AM, Exgesis wrote:

There seems to be a black rock that is cut to a rectangular block the size of a textbook.

First of all, try not to be so wordy; avoid repetition. For example, here you say "rock" then "block." You can say rectangular rock or a black rock cut into a box. Avoid phrases such as "the size of;" it is too technical and pretty boring. Try using a simile: "as big as a textbook." It is pretty much the same, but reads better.

It has a rather alien, yet pristine shine to it that can catch the eye of those who stroll by.

This is better. Description is not about facts, but rather highlighting important aspects and presenting them to reader. Here, you note how it is mysterious yet pleasant.

The rectangular rock's dark color is so alluring that one can't help but pick it up to observe just what makes it stand out so.

Again, a bit too wordy. "The rocks dark color is so alluring, one can't help but pick it up." The rest is implied since a stranger picked up a rock for no reason, and therefore, is not worth telling the reader.

And if one does, he can further observe that when flipped to the other side, the black rock seems to be a rectangular bowl containing a rock that is a few cubic centimeters smaller;

Don't use metric measurements! Just say "slightly smaller." Again, try to refine as much as possible. "If one does, he can flip it and note the rock is a bowl containing a slightly smaller rock."

it is glued to the inside of the bowl and has been sanded so the white rock looks like a screen inside the black rock.

Well, description isn't necessarily good because it is mysterious or confusing. I'd think you'd be wise to remember that. Try to give your reader what needs to be known. Sometimes saying "there is a strange but attractive box, as big as a textbook, with a slightly smaller rock inside" can be better than writing a decent-sized paragraph.

Also, if you want to develop your descriptive skills, try to use more imagery (please be original!) and figurative language. That's a start.

At 4/2/12 07:00 AM, yuirick wrote:

Captain obvious strikes again!
I've never seen the +0 been used on any other forum than Newgrounds, and I've visited a few. It simply doesn't make any rational or logical sense, since you could just as well say 0.

If it's so obvious, why can't you grasp that +0 is read "plus zero" which is not the semantic equivalent of "zero" (if you wanna get technical). This is a Writing Forum, not a math forum; you would say the sentence "All you boys/girls" as "all you boys slash girls" not "all you boys over girls" or "all you boys divided by girls."

At 4/2/12 02:24 PM, Coop wrote:

You're both relatively new here, with only a handful of posts to your name, so I'll ask you both politely to pack it in. I'm enjoying the discussion here, as it is.

Well, I've never seen yuirick in the Writing Forum save for this little repartee. But, I will say that Sharu has been here for a while, and I consider him an almost-regular. I'm pretty sure I've seen him in the Writing Contests, and I definitely remember him from both Weekly Writing Exercises, and the Anthology. He's one of us, and I think he should not be treated so condescendingly (although I feel weird for defending him).

I'll admit that saying +0 posts could have been written as 0 replies, but, I'll also admit that +0 posts is an acceptable way of writing it (lol). I don't think it got out of hand until we resorted to insults. Eh, I don't find the discussion of teachers and self-publishing particularly stimulating, but I am feeling pretty chippy since no one has posted a serious attempt at writing in a while.

WRITING FORUM SON! FTW!!!!!11!!11!

At 4/2/12 05:46 AM, Coop wrote:

At 4/2/12 04:10 AM, Supersteph54 wrote: Well, my friend told me that he gets graded down for these corrections, and to me they look more like what rolls off more nicely in the teacher's tongue, not actual corrections of mistakes.

Ah, but the main problem here seems to be that the teacher takes the view that they are right, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Sadly, this is a common delusion, shared by many teachers.

Luckily, I've never had a teacher like this. All my English teachers/professors valued critical analysis for analytical essays, and development/style for narrative essays. Unless you had a bunch of bullshit typos, they never marked down stuff like this (although they usually circled it).

At 4/1/12 11:06 AM, Supersteph54 wrote: Hey guys, I've got a bit of a problem. My Dutch friend has an English teacher (who is also Dutch) and occasionally my friend shows me some of his assignments with the corrections of his teacher. Now, a lot of these corrections feel unnecessary to me and others just sound all-out wrong, making me doubt the legitimacy of his teacher. Mind checking to see which of these corrections don't make any sense or are unnecessary?

These corrections seem way too pedantic, but they are all pretty much "right." The teacher seems to refining your friends word choice, that is, reducing the amount of words. Each sentence has one or two less words, words that are really quite unnecessary (like "really" and "quite" :D). Also, the corrections just emend each sentences into proper English. However, some, like number nine, are technically correct, but unclear (#9 has a dangling modifier). Some, like #3, are too correct (I doubt a character would talk like that).

At 3/28/12 05:30 PM, yuirick wrote:

At 3/23/12 10:43 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote:

At 2 days ago, yuirick wrote: Ah, it's always saddening to see how little that happens on writing forums. :/

There's always plenty of people seeking reviews! If you can, just scroll down and post into a thread with +0 posts.

A thread with 0 or more posts?

Well, it's read "plus zero" posts not "zero plus" posts. That is, there are 0 posts added to the OP. The Writing Forum is really as busy as its members. It's not just about writing; it's about about reading also.