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feeling a bit better... in cognitive faculties

*Title in progress
**Idea in progress

Well, I've been mulling over this project for a while. After watching The Godfather and The Untouchables
I've been re-inspired to continue a story I have been working on. It's a Los Angeles-based gangster story involving four different factions. (Like The Godfather [The 5 Families] or Crackdown [I have no idea how, I assume it does].

Quentin Tarantino is my favorite director/screenplay writer so I wanted to write the story like Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction, in medias res starting with an all-out war between the factions, going back and covering each faction in detail (e.g. showing the bank robbery from one the perspective of one faction then going back later and showing how a different faction was involved in the mayhem)

I already have a good idea of the final/intro battle (pretty much everyone dies)

However, the story plays along like this:
The 3 Gang Factions arrive at an empty warehouse in territory that belongs to the first Faction: The Guerrero Family, a group of middle-class Mexican-American drug-dealers that include several other Latin-American members. The other two factions: The Douglass Gang T(he "Marcellus Wallace" Gang), The Marxists (the more reasonable gang that includes any type of member), and the LAPD Special Forces/S.W.A.T.is the last one.

This is how the story would play out:

In order, there is a brief background history of the gang and its leader/don.
Present Day: The President is in town, the police are having an extreme crackdown on organized crime. The Douglass-Marxists, agree to join forces in a bank-robbery on Guerrero turf. The robbery is uneasy and does not go as planned but is successful. The police chief arranges a quick meeting wit the Guerrero gang. They agree to unnamed terms. US secret service forces the LAPD to settle the gang business or else they would step in and re-from the LAPD Spec Ops with new members and fire all the old guys. The LAPD arrange the meeting in the warehouse mentioned above. And we are back to the beginning and the final scene continues...

Now, thats just the planned plot but depending how this project goes more charcters may be introduced in addition to more factions/families and more events between the backgrounds and the presidents parade.

As for the project, I was inspired by stick's zombie survival story but was actually thinking about more of a add to the story. Anyone can post and, depending if their post is not garbage like "then he turned super saiyan and killed all the zombie strippers with a lightsaber" I'll incorporate it into the story. If i could get people willing to invest some time, I could hand over an entire faction and they could write the background, establish characters etc.

I WILL NOT ABANDON THIS PROJECT, if no one wants to help I'll do it alone! Expect the Guerrero, Marxist, Douglass, and LAPD opening encounter by Thursday, maybe Friday if someone wants to join as we need some direction/organization. If you want to add to the story or have some good ideas, post or pm me. Ill try to update daily the progress of this project (try to make the story gritty and realistic (watch The Departed or Reservoir Dogs) and keep the story unexpected and exciting but no weird twists ("it was all a dream"))

Let me know what's up :O

Also, why is editing/deleting a post, and indentation not allowed? I did not know this until a few days ago...

At 10/5/10 10:45 AM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: The entries really need to redo their entries with some proper paragraph spacing. Right now the thread just looks like a jumbled mess of words. :'(

Well I blame myself about 90% and NewGrounds forums the other 10%. It was my fault for not exploring the NG forum format earlier, and I assume most people used a word processor (I used MS Word 2007). I wrote my entry in a screenplay format.
So, most of the dialogue was preceded by the character's name in bold. The actions and mood of the character were also in bold (actions with an *asterisk). The character's names were not indented, but the plot and extended thoughts were. The story was divided into 7 parts, each parts mostly dialogue except for part 3, which was 3 paragraphs, each properly indented. Also, there was a 1.5 space between each character line and each enter. On MS 2007 it was incredibly spaced out, ~12 pages long in 12 Times New Roman.
The transfer to the NG forum was horrible. All the bold and italics were gone, needing manual reentry. The 1.5 spaces were also gone and the indentations were all gone also. The whole story was stripped of format. And to make it worse, I could not fit two parts (except for the first post and last post) in one post. That led to 5 posts. I was too lazy (my bad) to highlight each character's name, action, and mood and bold it. To highlight each thought and italicize it. Instead I put an * in each mood and action and put he thought or she thought after every thought, hoping it would make sense to the reader. Here are some roguht-draft examples:
For example, this is how a story would look on MS word:

Edward: angry: "It's too bad..."lifts .45 "...it really is, I... I... love you." *gunshot.

Jasmine's head exploded from the sheer force of a .45 magnum round entering the crown of her head and proceeding trough the back of her skull, her brain already mush before spraying through the large gap. Her lifeless body dropped and Edward couldn't be happier.

The police arrived shortly thereafter.

Police Chief: not buying Edward's lie: "So she killed herself?"

Edward: somberly: "Yes."

Chief: sternly: "The gunshot wound is at an awkward angle, you do realize that son?"

Yes I do. Edward felt the extra .38 snub nose under his armpit; the police barely searched him. I shot her. He took off his coat. It was her fault. He took off his shirt. She killed herself!

Police Chief: shocked and confused "What are you doing!?" *reaches for his 9 mm.

Edward would make sure he could make it back to San Diego.
And this is how i posted it on NG:

Edward: angry: "It's too bad..." *lifts .45"...it really is, I... I... love you." *gunshot.
Jasmine's head exploded from the sheer force of a .45 magnum round entering the crown of her head and proceeding trough the back of her skull, her brain already mush before spraying through the large gap. Her lifeless body dropped and Edward couldn't be happier.
The police arrived shortly thereafter.
Police Chief: *not buying Edward's lie: "So she killed herself?"
Edgar: *somberly: "Yes."
Chief: *sternly: "The gunshot wound is at an awkward angle, you do realize that son?"
Yes I do he thought. Edward felt the extra .38 snub nose under his armpit; the police barely searched. I shot her. He took off his coat. It was her fault. He took off his shirt. She killed herself!
Police Chief: shocked and confused "What are you doing!?" *reaching for his 9mm.
Edward would make sure he could make it back to San Diego.

It really is a big difference. Change that to 70-30. Editing that short bit was like 5 minutes.

If there is no length then write to your heart's content my friend. But do not aim to write lengthy for the sake of a long story. Remember this line: "brevity is the soul of the wit"? It was written by the premier playwright Shakespeare. The beauty of a poem is that in its concise lyrics and rhythm there lies a simple beauty unmarred by explanation and description. Some of the best poems take a minute or less to read. And often, you lose focus trying to keep rhyme and use cliched rhymes (be-see-he, tower-hour, reason-season, world-girl, you get me). Although for a scary story, a poem would often work against you as atmosphere is much easier to attain through description of the setting and mood, whereas if you try this through poetry, you end up losing much of the haunting lyricism in attempt to keep the rhythm. If you try a poem, make each line haunting, like Edgar Allan Poe (my favorite poet). I read The Raven and did not feel anything until the last line "And my sould shall be lifted- Nevermore!" and I was like damn!

just my advice, hope it helped, stay true to your style.

uh i accidentally posted a comment in the actual submission thread, i didnt bother to read tom's post until after i submitted my story after that... my bad
i assume one of you guys can delete it?

PART VI:
Lex: "You motherfucker!"
Lex saw Madeline on the ground not moving. He took out the handgun from his hip holster. The expression on Sammy's face was extreme fear; however, it was not the handgun that frightened him. It was Lex's piercing red eyes, not noticeable to everyone else due to the pulsing club lights. Screams were heard as Lex shot several rounds into Sammy's face, obliterating it completely, his neck smoking. Several club-goers hit the deck and sought cover while others ran. The whores on stage scrambled for safety in their high heels and wet costumes. The rest, the gangsters, all pulled out their weapons and aimed at Lex. Lex's back was smoking. Jimmy was in the VIP room penetrating Jillian while Katherine sat between them kissing Jimmy passionately and Jimmy feeling Katherine's wet pussy. Goddamn it! What the fuck could that be! He thought. Jimmy pushed Katherine aside and left Jillian's drunken body. He quickly put on his pants and pulled his gun out from an armpit holster. Jimmy raced into the club. The time was 11:57.
The Boss: *looks at Madeline, realizes Lex's connection to her: "Shoot him!"
The bullets hit Lex but each bullet was absorbed into his body, flames where blood splatters would be. The gangsters were immobile, stupefied, they began to run, some worried about police, others praying to God. Madeline was on the ground. The other headless body belonged to Sammy. In addition to Lex, the boss, and the arriving Jimmy, the bar was empty. The music and lights continued to rage.
The time was 11:58
Lex approached the boss, who returned from the bar, holding a shotgun, shaking, immobile. Lex's eyes were fire and blood began spurting out of his brow as two bloody, burning holes materialized.
The police sirens rang. Shortly after fire sirens pierced the surrounding chaos. The police were prepared for mayhem, but not for this.
The back of Lex's shirt had been completely burned by now and dropped to the ground, still lit. Madeline was regaining consciousness. Lex was standing in front of the boss now, flaming axe in hand. The time was 11:59:00.
Lex: *demonic voice: "Your time is through, you belong to me now."
Lex drove the axe clean through The Boss's forehead, down to his neck, at an angle. There was a splatter of blood and a gurgle and his body dropped, half of his head missing. Lex continued swiping at his body on the ground. Again and again and again and again and again.
Jimmy ran towards Madeline who was rising to her feet, still dazed and disoriented.
Jimmy: *yelling: "C'mon, we have to get the fuck outta here!"
Madeline: *confused: "Where's Lex?"
Lex turned towards Jimmy, blocking Madeline and Jimmy from their salvation.
Lex: *demonic voice: "I'll have your soul, too, James."
Jimmy: "Lex, it's me! Jimmy! Your best friend!"
Lex laughed darkly.
Jimmy: "Run Madeline!"
Lex focused his attention on Jimmy as Madeline stood motionless, clasping Jimmy's hand.
Lex approached them slowly. The time was 11:59:25.
Jimmy aimed his pistol at Lex.
Lex laughed again, his voice dark and deep.
As Lex continued approaching them, Jimmy shoved Madeline towards the door around Lex. Lex kept his attention on Jimmy. The time was 11:59:30.
Madeline ran to the door. Lex kept his attention on Jimmy and was finally face to face with him. His nostrils emitting smoke, his eyes burning with evil. Madeline turned back to look at Jimmy and saw Lex. She let out a blood-curdling shriek. Lex turned towards her and the door closed magically then ignited. At that moment Jimmy saw what made Madeline scream. It all made sense to him. On Lex's back were two words, bloody and scorched: LUCIFER'S AXE. Good God! Jimmy thought. He knew what it meant; it made sense to him. He instantly made the connection; he knew what happened to Eddie. LUCIFER'S AXE. LEX FIRE CUSA. Lex was possessed by the Devil himself.
The time was 11:59:40. Madeline struggled to push the door open, her hands burning, to no avail. Jimmy raised his gun to Lex's face and shot him, unloading his pistol and screaming.
Lex smiled ominously, horns growing from his forehead. The first axe went straight down to his throat, emitting blood and embers. The second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth went into his lifeless body. The time was 11:59:48.
Lex walked quickly towards a frozen Madeline.
Lucifer: evilly: "God can't save you now, you are mine. You belong to me. I will desecrate your soul!"
Madeline: *as Lex nears "No! God, no! Lex! God!"
11:59:54... The first axe swipe went through her skull down to her chin.
11:59:55... The second struck her chest sending a dirty splatter of blood onto Lex's face.
11:59:56... The third went through her chest again, this time cutting through her rib cage, splitting her heart in two.
11:59:57... The fourth went down her torso, cutting her intestines, pieces of flesh, bone, and fire exploding from the carnage.
11:59:58... The fifth went through her spine, at an angle, cutting her unrecognizable body into two, dropping a large chunk of red meat and two arms to the ground.
11:59:59... The sixth and final axe went through her legs, cleanly, smoking and scorching. She was in pieces now. A large pool of blood collected on the ground. Her body was gone now; all that remained was pure carnage.
Lucifer: thundering, and booming evilly: "See you again next year!" The voice echoed throughout Lenore St.
12:00
EPILOGUE:
It was November 1st. The police were just arriving at The Pendulum. The fire department arrived shortly thereafter. The door was jammed and the club was in smoke. The firemen knocked down the door and were the first to witness the scene. From the back a beautiful nurse with tussled hair stepped out, followed by a beautiful young devil staggering behind her, holding her hand. The police entered and surveyed the scene: a man dressed as Superman, shot in the back and neck, caught in the crossfire, lay in a pool of his own blood. A tall, large man missing his head with six .45 bullet casings near him. A medium-sized male, in a bloody mess his head and torso unrecognizable. A man wearing strange white pants, splattered in red, large chunks of his body beside him. Near the entrance was the most unimaginable horror. Two female legs, completely severed, wearing white high heels with blood on the toes. Pieces of her dark burning hair remained attached to her skull, which was in two. Her torso was nonexistent, only two arms remained and fake, white wings, now red, drenched in her blood. Next to her remains was a male body on its side. The man was shirtless. His entire back was scorched. Several bullet holes went through his body, but he was not bleeding. They turned him over; his face was also riddled with bullet wounds left by the pistol on the ground several feet away. No blood. The paramedics discovered two extra holes that seemed too large to be made by a handgun bullet on the unidentified man as they picked him up. The holes were near his hairline above each eye. A charred bloody axe lay beside him.

END

*Author's Note: Sorry for the extreme length of this story. The screenplay style makes it appear alot longer than it actually is, although it still is a 8-10 minute reading. The story is more of a dark thriller with a black, horrific ending than a scary story. It was originally 3 parts + epilogue. I intended Lex's thoughts to be black but they were extremely sexual, sorry if I offended/disgusted anyone. If screenplay seems rather long skip parts 1,4 and some of 5.

PART V:
Setting: The Pendulum. 11 o'clock.
Loud music can be heard through the walls and throughout Lenore Street. The night is dark but that's expected. What's not expected is the storm coming in. The forecast was clear skies; same for the night before. There is thunder and lightning, but no rain.
Lex and Madeline approach The Pendulum. Madeline has both arms around Lex and he is holding her close. The date went well.
Lex: "The club is right here."
Lex cut past the line pulling Madeline by her hand, her angel costume surprisingly rather revealing. She had a fake halo and fake angel wings. Her short white skirt hugged her perfect ass, accentuating her goddess-like curves. Her top was the same, tight on her perfect shape and delicately small breasts, her belly exposed. To top it off, she wore white high heels that almost made Lex come in his pants. God I want to fuck her violently and painfully Lex thought when she put it on after their date. It's a nice change of pace to all the slutty devil costumes though. Lex was dressed in a World War 2 Spanish Soldier Uniform; his hair neatly combed and a pocket watch dangled from his breast pocket. The costume was perfect except for the M1911 .45 he carried in his hip holster. "Pan's Labyrinth!" Madeline exclaimed, Lex surprised at her movie knowledge. The truth was, in his costume, like his movie counter-part, Lex felt violent, evil, violent, vicious, violent, hateful, violent. After I kill her I'll destroy her perfect body. He ran his hand through her hair caringly and she smiled sweetly at him. Help me, God! he thought.
Gordon: "What's up, Lex my man? And who's this fine lady?"
Lex: "This is Madeline, my... date"
Gordon was stunned. He knew who Madeline was. Impossible! He thought.
Lex: "Don't worry" *Lex leans in towards Gordon, enough so Madeline cannot hear him: "I'll take care of business; orders from the boss, relax."
Despite his involvement with the gang, he was a rather religious man. He felt satanic forces tonight. He felt them every Halloween. He felt a foreboding sense of doom and evil. He wondered how Lex would kill Madeline.
Gordon: "All right, my brother, take it easy" Gordon eyed Madeline's perfect shape as she walked by. Damn, he thought, forgive me God but I'd like to tear that ass up! He smiled and eased up.
Inside the club there is loud music and the air reeks of alcohol and smoke, most of it from the cigarettes and joints; the rest from the smoke machine. There are plenty of seizure-inducing lights and Newgrounds Drum n' Bass is shaking the club. Lex held Madeline's shoulders and guided her through the gyrating crowd to a table reserved for the gang. Jimmy was sitting there dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange and he had a drunken devil resting on his left arm and a naughty nurse on his right, kissing his neck.
Lex: "Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Hey, man. Madeline. How's it going? On my left Jillian, on my right, her twin, Katherine"
Goddamn, Lex thought. I shoulda killed Madeline fucked her then gotten two new whores and fucked and defiled one of them, making the other watch. Then I'd come on her slashed and bloody face and laughed as I fucked the second one, watching her squirm as she knew her fate would come when I did.
Madeline: *she pulls on Lex's shoulder, waking him from his violent fantasy: "Lex, let's dance!" Madeline was holding a drink.
Where the fuck she'd get that from? He thought.
Lex: "All right."
Lex was a good dancer; he was classically trained and knew many forms of dance. When he was in the club, he was different though. And always got his way with the girl he was dancing with. Madeline was an even better dancer. Madeline was grinding on Lex rather hard and Lex was enjoying it, not bothering to hide his erection. He fantasized his recent violent fantasies and the closer the clock got to midnight the redder his eyes got. The higher this body temperature rose. The hotter his blood boiled. The harder he grabbed Madeline by the waist and slammed her body against his dick. She did not mind and inserted her hand in his pocket, pulling his hips closer to hers. She kissed him and grabbed his penis through his trouser pocket and squeezed it hard. Lex grabbed her by the neck and was going to strangle there on the dance floor but the look of fear and shock on her face did not excite him anymore. He let go. Thank God, I'm saved.
He pulled her hand and led her to the back exit. The time was 11:50. As they exited, he heard the DJ announce: "Ladies please approach the DJ booth to enter the wet-shirt contest where the prize is one thousand bucks!"
Madeline: concerned but scared: "Lex, what's the matter?"
Lex: "I have to tell you the truth. You know me and Jimmy" Madeline was confused.
Lex: "Me and Jimmy are gangsters, we work for the boss. We know your relationship to him..." Madeline collapsed. Lex dropped and caught her and kneeled setting her on his knee holding her tight.
Madeline: *shocked at Lex's betrayal: "You and Jimmy were sent to kill me and recover the meth right? I threw it away!" *sobbing: "I'm done with that shit! Fuck you, Lex and fuck Jimmy and your fucking stupid boss!" she yelled furiously.
Lex: somber: "Madeline." *Lex grabs her chin softly and pulls her face towards his "Madeline, I love you. I want you to run away with me. The boss will hunt us both. He thinks you will be dead. By the time he finds out you ran away with me we'll be far from Los Angeles! Madeline, I love you. Please leave with me."
Several minutes passed
Madeline: *calming herself "Wow. Wow... OK Lex, I love you too." *Crying: "When should we leave?"
Lex felt invigorated. His urges left, his violence ceded. A light within compelled him to save her.
Lex: "Immediately, I have a getaway car, 10 large and an M-16." Madeline knew he was lying. That was Lex's regular car.
Madeline: "Ok, let's go"
Madeline grabbed his hand and they re-entered the club, heading for the entrance.
Lex moved through the club slowly. Several gangsters saw him with Madeline, holding his hand tightly. Then Lex saw something that made his heart drop. Fear took over his body. He knew he had to get out as soon as possible. Sitting where Jimmy was: The Boss.
DJ: "Ladies! The Wet-Shirt contest will begin immediately! Any last-minute entries are welcomed. Approach the center stage please!"
Thank God, Lex thought. The boss's favorite event, he would not miss this even for Madeline. The time was 11:54.
Lex: *almost yelling in Madeline's ear: "It's the boss, this way! C'mon!"
He pulled Madeline hard by the hand and she stumbled and struggled to keep up in her heels. Then, he pulled again and bumped into a large man named Manuel, knocking him over and Manuel stumbled on his date, a red-head with large breasts, not in the contest for whatever reason. Goddamn it! Lex thought. The motherfucking Bull!
The Bull: "What the fuck Lex?! You got a problem?"
Lex looked back at the boss, he was engrossed with a supermodel-like blonde: tall, skinny, large round breasts with her hard nipples piercing through the soft fabric of her fairy princess costume, acting like most models got their jobs: on her knees surrounded by men pouring things on her face and breasts.
Lex: "No, I'm sorry Sammy. Please I got to go!"
Lex attempted to move past him but Sammy grabbed Madeline and shoved her, knocking her over. Madeline hit her head on a stool and bled.
The Bull: *mean laugh as he pushes her: "Take that bitch!" The whole club stopped and turned to the drama unfolding in the center of the club.

PART IV:
Jimmy left with his iced coffee and Lex returned to Madeline.
The Pendulum was the best club Lex and Jimmy knew. Hard beats and hard drinks, mixed with fine girls and fine drugs. It always ended well for Lex and Jimmy. Every Halloween they held a costume contest. And the sexiest women, or, the women with the biggest busts, entered the pour-drinks-on-near-naked-drunk-chicks-w ho-make-bad-decisions competition. The prize was a cool grand. Entrance for Lex and Jimmy was easy; their boss owned the joint. Lex told Madeline to wear a cute outfit, intimating that she should go buy a slutty costume. Madeline got the hint and realized the type of costume party it was and felt comfortable with him and decided to go, feeling Lex was a sweet and smooth guy and he would protect her and not expect anything sexual from her. He told her that she did not need to dress like a whore and he knew no matter what she wore, she would be beautiful and incredibly attractive. She looked at him sweetly and he firmly held her hand. He leaned in and she leaned in too and kissed Lex. His grip tightened. Goddamn, I will strangle her 'till she passes out and beat her face to a bloody pulp with my fists and throw her around my apartment violently. I'll stick my cock down her bloody throat and come inside. I'll fuck her while she's unconscious and slam her head against the wall while I defile her tight pussy. When she wakes up-- *his grip tightened further. Madeline moaned softly.* --I'll make her scream and squeal while I sodomize her and choke her, letting her breathe just so she can keep suffering at my hand. I'll put my .45 in her throat while I tit-fuck her and shoot her while I come on her small perfect breasts and shoot her in her tight ass as well and then sodomize her again and again until I come. I'll get an axe and put it through her pretty little legs and burn her body and fuck her again before burying her! He pulled back and looked at her and was taken immediately by her beauty. Her face was incredibly soft and she shone radiantly. She offered a warm angelic smile. His grip softened and she laughed. What's wrong with me?! She's a sweet girl. An angel! I should take her with me. She was incredibly beautiful, almost heavenly. Lex wanted her, but not physically anymore, not carnally. He was falling for her. God, help me! Lex thought over his situation. The boss would definitely track me down and kill us both. We can't hide in Los Angeles. If I kill her, me and Jimmy can go to one of our safe-houses and chill till it blows over. No, he thought, she's an angel. I need to save her. No! She's not pure. She's involved in this fucking meth and coke business. Why Madeline? Please God, help me!
She was 22 but looked 18. She was the scholarly type and liked smooth guys who could take care of her. She lived with her parents while attending the university. The Tom Hanks-looking boss was 35 but looked 50. She fell for the boss. He was pretty smooth for an old guy and treated her politely. She had slept with the boss and learned of their gang-related activities. She did coke with the boss and was peddling meth. The boss got violent and she left him. Now, he wanted her dead. Lex was 25 and looked it: healthy, handsome, in his prime. He decided to take her dancing and let the night play out and decide later. He took her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. She was definitely not the promiscuous type. She dated men for weeks before letting them have her. She was going to give herself to Lex tonight.
She kissed Lex goodbye and gave him her number. He was to pick her up and drive her there. "Six O'clock" he said. He was taking her to dinner and then a movie; a scary movie.
Madeline: "I don't like scary movies"
Lex: "Me either, we can hold each other when we get scared" he joked.
As Lex walked away, she admired his physique. He and Jimmy are both hot she thought. But Lex, wow he's so attractive. I bet he works out a lot. God I feel so slutty. I want him inside me though. Oh, she giggled to herself, I'm acting like a horny sorority girl. But I do want Lex, he'll treat me right. He's gonna get lucky.

PART III:
Lex and Jimmy approach the scene. All the bystanders were not gone but at a distance, many of them vomited and screamed, in the distance sirens are heard.
Lex: "Damn... Goddamn..."
Just then, a girl walks up behind them. She's pretty. About 5'5" and slender. Perfect physique to complement her beautiful features. Dark hair that lightens up near her bangs that she has pushed to one side.
Girl: "Ugh... what happened? People are throwing up. Oh my god... that's blood?"
Jimmy: *turns to face the sweet voice, coolly: "Someone got hacked to death. You don't want-"
Jimmy is stupefied
Jimmy: *in a loud whisper: "Lex! Lex!"
He gets his attention and Lex returns to him. Jimmy is stunned by something
Lex: "Hey Jimmy, who's your-"
Panic rushed Lex. He knew the girl. Madeline.
Madeline: "You're right I don't want to look" *She is facing Jimmy, turns to Lex: "You guys look familiar do I know you?"
Both of them are shocked.
Madeline: *in a sweet voice: "My name's Madeline, you can call me Maddy"
Jimmy: *still stunned: "I'm-I'm James, Jimmy" he tries his best to make his smile look genuine. He succeeds "This is my friend."
Lex: *holding his head, then looks at Madeline: "I'm Lex. It's a pleasure"
Madeline: "Pleasure to meet you Lex, Jimmy, you all right Lex?"
Lex smiles like Jimmy. Apparently Madeline does not detect the situation. Both men are handsome gentlemen. Lex is rather charming.
Lex: "Listen Maddy, we're gonna get a cup of coffee, and, you know, straighten ourselves, maybe you'd like to join us." *flashes an easy smile, feeling the $2,500 in his pocket: "I'll buy"
Madeline: "Yeah, um... Ok Lex. Where are you guys going? Is it near?"
Lex: "The coffee house is down the block, it's like three minutes walking, maybe less."
Madeline: "Ok" *flashes a quick, cute smile at Lex.
There was something suave about Lex. Enigmatic.
Jimmy: "I'll catch up, I need to use the bathroom" *heads towards The Pit and quietly whispers to Lex: "I'll call Eddie again, I'll catch up; don't lose her"
As he leaves he smiles at Madeline.
Lex: "Don't worry 'bout him. He's real queasy; a big softie"
Madeline: "I wanna look, but I feel it's too much"
The police are only a block away, the sirens get louder.
Lex: "Don't look; it's too much for me too."
He's taken in by her beauty and he wants her. He needs her. He wants to choke her. He wants to cut her. He wants-
Lex stops. A tune is coming from under the dumpster. It's almost inaudible under all the noise.
Madeline: puzzled: "What's that? Is that a phone?"
It was a phone. Eddie's phone. Jimmy was calling. The body was Eddie's
A second panic hit Lex. He holds his head again, this time anguish is more obvious.
Madeline: *concerned: "You okay, Lex?"
Lex: *hurried, anxious: "I'm fine; the smell is getting to me, enough waiting for Jimmy, let's go."
Madeline follows. Lex is walking rather fast but just slow enough the Madeline does not become suspicious.
The patrol cars scream past the two. Madeline covers her ears and but Lex is too panicked.
Lex: "Damn, Jimmy is taking forever!"
A large dog starts barking viciously at Lex, the owner is struggling to hold him by the leash. Madeline is startled and moves towards Lex by reflex, half-expecting him to hold her and protect her. She is terrified of dogs. Lex does, holding her shoulder, guiding her around the dog. Lex felt his .45 with his free hand. Fucking mutt, I should fucking kill you right now, he thought.
Madeline: *shy but flirtatiously: "Thank you Lex. I'm terrified of dogs. Let's wait for Jimmy at the coffee store." She felt strangely drawn to him. She knew he was special.
Lex: *smiles comfortingly "Yeah and order too. I see the shop up ahead. Try the latte."
Inside the store. Lex and Madeline have their drinks. Lex does not like coffee but drinks it anyway, to encourage Madeline to do the same. He likes the burn in his throat.
Madeline: "It's too hot, Lex..."
Lex takes her latte, gently. He blows on it and stirs it. He can feel the heat.
Lex: "Better?"
Madeline: *sweetly, but pouting: "No, it feels... hotter. Thanks though Lex. Thanks for the latte, too."
Jimmy enters a minute later. His face is pale. He is still stunned but the caffeine in the air is settling him down.
Madeline: "It's Jimmy, I don't think he's better."
Lex calls him. Jimmy comes over and sits.
Lex: *trying not to sound suspicious: "Hey Jimmy, I called Eddie earlier, he's not here. He's gone on vacation. So don't call him."
Jimmy understood somewhat. Jimmy is sweating.
Jimmy: "I'm gonna get a cold drink. I'll be right back."
Lex gets up with him.
Lex: *sweetly: "You need anything else Maddy? I'm gonna get another coffee."
Madeline smiled coyly and shook her head. She looked gorgeous. Lex wanted to throw the scalding coffee on her face and defile her. He felt a strange urge. He felt violent. He wanted to bash her head in with the heavy porcelain cup he was holding and rape her massacred body. He would rip her skirt off and stab her in her pussy and violently drive his dick in. He quickly turned and put his hand in his pocket to hide his erection. He took Jimmy aside with his free hand.
Lex: *looks around without looking suspicious: "Jimmy, Eddie had the... 'pack'. His phone is under the dumpster. That was his body."
Jimmy is completely shocked yet again.
Jimmy: *tries to whisper "F-f-fuck!" Jimmy is trembling now. People including Madeline stare at him. He looks at Lex.
Jimmy: "Lex, I gotta tell you something. Above the body. There's a message on the brick wall in ashes..."
Lex: confused: "I didn't see anything. What's it say?"
Jimmy: uneasy: "Lex 'Fire' Cusa"
What?! He thought. Who would write his name on the wall?! Lex Cusa was what he was known by. No one called him "fire." The police will be looking for me, he thought. Fuck! Goddamn it!
Lex: *motions towards Jimmy to get closer, away from the cashier, *quietly: "We gotta get outta Los Angeles. I invited Madeline to The Pendulum tonight. You tell the boss about Eddie. We'll leave before midnight. I'm gonna kill her tonight."

LUCIFER'S AXE
PART I:
Setting: Bar. "The Pit". Inside. Obviously nighttime. Bar table. Three lights are on, one overhead to two seedy gentlemen, and two on the cigarettes they are smoking. Over-the-shoulder-view of the first man putting down a bottle of whiskey, half-empty, next to his .45 revolver. A second man is sitting across from him even in limited light we see he is handsome, with straight, yet edgy and enigmatic features. The handsome man picks up the bottle and pours his third, maybe fourth drink. He pulls out an envelope marked Axe Devil in black and slides it across the table.
Man 1: *Sighs, blows smoke* "So this money's mine right?"
Handsome Man: "Well, yes..."
*Man 1 looks inside*
Man 1: *eyes his .45 revolver* "It's fuckin' short, man. The deal's five large. Don't play me Jimmy"
Jimmy: *putting his drink down "The deal... is YOU kill the girl. The deal is YOU hide the body. The deal is YOU fucking make sure the parents don't know OUR involvement; MY involvement. Two and a half is there, you get the rest when you get rid of the parents."
Man 1, getting irritated: "The setup was clean, the execution was clean; the fucking cleanup was clean! There's no trace of me! Or you, for that matter"
Jimmy, putting his cigarette butt out: "The parents said they saw Demon stalking the bitch."
Man 1, confused, slightly amused: "A demon? Ha, you're worried 'cuz the parents are fuckin' dipping in the meth?
Jimmy: "Not a demon, you fuckin' idiot: Demon, you're fucking partner, that's what we call him."
Man 1: "Eddie? Ha, what the fuck? Why?"
Jimmy: reaching inside his coat and gets a second cigarette, the table lights on fire: "'Cuz he's a creepy fuckjob..." *lights his cigarette on the burning money. Immediately his eyes turn red, pulls gun out, Man 1 goes for his .45. *Satanic voice: "...Who belongs in hell!" *Gunshot
Man 1 wakes up, sweating. He's leaning against his dresser in his small apartment; some sun is shining through his blinds. He's confused. His back feels funny, as if he got injured, maybe burned, but it does not hurt. He can see blood on his greasy white shirt. Not mine. He stands up slowly and looks on his dresser and sees his .45 and an envelope: Axe Devil. He breathes in his hand and smells it.
Man 1: "Whiskey..."

PART II:
Setting: Halloween Day 2010, 9 am. Lenore Street, Los Angeles, California.
Lenore St. is obviously getting ready for a Halloween bash: drinking, drugs, partying. Evidently, Lenore's citizens started early. Barkeeps and Club employees clean the vomit, alcohol and other bodily fluids outside, ready for a more reckless, and blood-thirsty crowd. The rain washed away most of the filth the night before. However, as a man from one of the bars goes to the alley to throw away his garbage he sees a large puddle of diluted blood going down from behind the dumpster. Curious he gets closer. It smelled like wet dog and rotten meat. He sees a hand. And two fancy black shoes. He gets closer, there are feet in the shoes; the hand is detached as well. The rest is the bloody remain of the victim, apparently hacked to death. Violently. No features, the head is basically missing and in pieces. The man immediately vomits at the sight of nothing but mashed and hacked organs and crimson and flesh and bone.
Man 1's apartment
*His cell phone rings. He looks at his phone to see who is calling. Jimmy, 6 missed calls.
Man 1: groggy: "Fire."
Jimmy: "What?! Lex! Where ya been?! We're fucked man!"
Lex: *suddenly awake and sober "What? Wait what happened man? I don't remember everything from last night."
Jimmy: hushed: "The girl! Fuck! Look out your window man! Down Lenore, near The Pit. Fuck. Fuck! What the fuck did you do?! This wasn't the plan! Damn it Lex!"
Lex: "Fuck... fuck! Ok, ok take it easy. Lemme look outside"
He looks outside. A crowd gathered outside his favorite bar The Pit. Several people turned away in horror, disgusted.
Lex: "What's with the crowd? Hold on, I think I see you... Wow what the fuck are you doing there! If we're fucked why are you so close to The Pit!?"
Jimmy: "Shh. Take it easy, there's no evidence. Thank God. The rain must've washed it away. Whoo, they can't track us. Hold on, I'm going to your place. At least you got Madeline."
Jimmy and Lex hang up.
Jimmy: "Goddamn, the motherfucker is crazy..."

Lex's apartment a few minutes later:

Jimmy: "So you don't remember anything? You were hitting the whiskey pretty hard."
Lex: "Yeah my back feels funny. Fire and look at this shirt" *hands him the shirt "...the blood ain't mine"
Jimmy: "Huh?" *takes the shirt "Fuck. Damn it, where's your partner, Eddie?"
Lex: "Demon?"
Jimmy: "What? What did you say? Cut your fucking psycho-bullshit Lex and let's think." *Jimmy dials a number "I called him, he doesn't answer..."
Jimmy: "Fuck. Nothing. Do you fuckers ever answer your phones?"
Lex: "Huh? Lemme see The Pit; see if I can remember anything."
Jimmy: *uneasy: "...Right."

yeah i had some dark songs that i was writing because I was inspired reading some Edgar Allan Poe, this is a good opportunity

well why would'nt i? i make music i like. although i always wondered: do people like justin bieber listen to their own music? pretty much if a guy listens to justin bieber or has his songs, he would be considered a homo right? So does he listen to his own songs because what kind of guy in this day and age listens to justin bieber? mostly little girls like his songs, you know?

i am new to NG and i have been looking for something like this to promote my guitar skills haha, but i wonder if its too late and i think there are too many people waiting

cool, i am trying the adobe flash cs5 trial, i cant find a student version of it though, is it called the student/teacher version now? its like 400 bucks wow

thanks for the suggestions ive been using audacity for a while i just needed beats not an audio editing/recording program

preferably free. My songs are lacking in percussion and drums and I don't know anyone who plays drums to cover them for me.