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Sorry guys! I'm still reviewing the stories. I'm sure 4 is done, although I haven't really communicated with him. There were 100 combined pages 12 size font. In a way, I'm glad to see all the writing. But holy crap! I'll be done by tomorrow, at the latest.

Too simulated and unrealistic. Too specific in places it shouldn't be. Too chimeric, almost vicarious. Finally, too personal, if you are going to present her to the reader.

What is this for?

Sorry for disappearing but I'm back now. Hm, seems like nothing has changed, however. Anyway, let's keep going.

I've been busy as heck. I will be free to read the stories this weekend, so if a judge is needed, I will volunteer.

Fanfiction should be reserved for fanfiction sites. Unless you have something creative and worthwhile to display, which I doubt you do (you are posting Fallout fanfic, after all), I suggest you don't post it here. Not really being mean, but you should try to write something original. If you're doing it for fun, that's fine, but I the writing should be its own reward.

In other words: no.

At 1/11/13 10:49 AM, mhzinski wrote: I'm out.

Peace.

>:(

Well, I don't start my New Year's Resolutions until the 14th (just so I feel a little bit more motivated and not forced) but I'm thinking about writing more (I wrote every day in a journal for about 8 months); eating better (I stopped eating red meat for 1 year; I'm thinking about going vegetarian); working out more/dunk a basketball (I got close last time but I hurt my leg); and maybe going to sleep earlier. We remember what good ol' Ben Franklin said, right?

Anyway, take it easy fellas.

At 12/29/12 09:53 PM, Sun-Wukong wrote: I had a few paragraphs the other day, but I came back and wasn't satisfied, so I did some revising. Progress has been made, though, and I'm pretty excited.

I usually just play around with an idea in my head, and wait until the last day to write my story. Anyway, I don't know who is going to judge, but I will volunteer again. Hopefully, we can get the ball rolling because it seems like it will be another low turnout.

I was thinking about a jam, except we get people to commit, and we don't start until we have like 15 people commit. In addition to bumps from Tom (and we have had a good amount of people streaming in; same problem, though: they never stay). I was also thinking about pm'ing people that visit the Writing Forum.

Man... this is tough.

At 12/27/12 03:18 PM, MaQuasi wrote: It's better to leave the writing portal to DeviantArt or a site dedicated to writing of some kind.

That would seem like a good idea if DeviantArt (and Fanfiction) weren't intellectual wastelands. I've only been on DeviantArt once, but the senseless poetic dribble and poorly developed excuses for prose have convinced me never to go back (same thing with Fanfiction). I'd rather read about a cock joke because at least there's a chance of laughter. You're right; there seems to be more regulation on those sites (since they are dedicated to writing, after all), but I would never go there if I were serious about writing (which I am, so I don't).

The NG Writing Forum is the place to be. Unfortunately, the immature (in every sense of the word: people who are young; people who are childish; people who have not developed the craft; people that make cock jokes 24/7) members of NG have driven my buddy Deathcon away. He was one smart dude.

Fortunately, people like mh, 4, starwars, Ekublai, and now tinytim (and myself) remain. I hope that list grows, but I doubt it ever will. Until it does, you will have to be satisfied with what we have. Also, until then, I'll be singing the same old fucking song.

http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/jessepants/birdy

This one piqued my interest. What is it? A visual, environmental essay; or a weird green dude floating about spouting aphorisms? Hm....

Esoteric allegory comin' right up!

At 12/25/12 06:06 PM, beakerboy wrote: Eh fuck that I am using this now

The rigid snow crisps under my feet as I walk towards the log cabin. I begin to feel weak; the barren expanse of icy ground implores me to drop the kindling. Krrrkkkkk! The snow under my feet suddenly collapses, and I tumble into slush. As I lay dormant in the slush, one chill after another sweeps through my body. But the taste of bitter cold demands that I move, and I then lift myself up to appreciate the snowflakes that have lead me here.

Well, this is too short, and not enough to provide insight, but I'll try (sentence by sentence). First, you are trying too hard, and I think you aren't using the right words, or developing the right imagery. For example, take the second sentence. The words "barren," or "expanse" or both need to be removed. They are somewhat redundant since icy ground is never fertile or narrow. Also, "the ... ground implores me," just sounds awkward; "the ... ground begs me," still sounds weird, but it sounds much better. I like that you used tactile and kinesthetic imagery (although I suppose "crisp" goes under auditory/onomatopoeia). You want to be original.

Next, avoid unnecessary or egregious onomatopoeia. Shorten the "Krrrrrkkkkk!," remove the exclamation point, or better yet, omit it completely. Next next, never use the word "suddenly." Trust me: never. I have the same advice for the next sentence, too. The word "dormant," doesn't make sense in this context, since you are awake to feel the chills. Same thing with the next one, too. I think "forces" is a better word than "demand." The personification of the cold isn't really working, and is stilted. Also, the last part is all right, but it really should be two different sentences (you want the contrast).

It's rather ok, I suppose, but it's not really enough to get a comprehensive understanding of your style or talent. Also, there is no context (both in-text, and from yourself).

There's not much you need to do to give feedback. You don't have to give a full review, but it is important to support and encourage fellow writers and poets. This is especially true if you are a nascent writer/poet, since you need to be able to recognize what works and what doesn't, as well as familiarizing yourself with language and prosody.

At 12/22/12 09:07 PM, somethingtarnished wrote: ...

I wish we had more traffic (this is where a Lit Portal would be useful), but it seems like the Writing Forum will never expand; thus, no portal.

Anyway, here's something to get you thinking about voice:

At 12/22/12 09:07 PM, Deathcon7 wrote: Voice is a lie. I say that with a casual shrug and wave of the hand. Your voice is the way that you write. So long as you're not trying to sound like someone else, and you're writing uninhibited, you're using your voice. If you're talking about tone, that's something entirely different and will only develop as your story does. It's very close to theme in that sense. My advise is to get your head wrapped around the story. Discovery is nice, but big projects need equivalently sized planning.

The myth of voice cropped up somewhere; not sure where. I fell under its spell for a bit. Once you let it go, though, you'll notice you flow a lot better.

At 12/22/12 09:08 AM, Alina836 wrote: ...

Hey. Well, you're not the only person who enjoys poetry and focuses his or her efforts on poems rather than prose. As long as you spend time reading and commenting on other people's poetry, you'll be welcomed here.

If you have ever frequented Newgrounds within the last year, you would know that we've been asking for this for a couple years. You would also know that people are heavily divided, seeing as Newgrounds is filled with morons that could give a fuck about spelling, grammar, syntax, mechanics, prosody, or construction, much less literature. I think the Writing Forum is sufficient for posting work, and receiving criticism. The only advantage the Writing Portal has is that it might have a bigger draw for us writers. But then again, I'm not so sure that is an advantage.

Dude, this reeks of a scam. C'mon man, we're smarter than that.

As starwars pointed out, there is no development. This idea is very threadbare (you're clearly still developing it, so I'll cut you some slack). So, the entire passage is pretty boring. Again, as starwars said, there is no action and no discernible plot. The description and dialogue are pretty plain as well, so there is nothing to keep the reader interested. There is no theme, so I'm not getting anything from the text.

If you want to go through with this idea, there is some advice I would give you. First, try to be more original. The characters seems trite, and so does the story. Second: development, development, development.

At 12/11/12 07:26 PM, 11linda wrote: I only brought up I was dyslexic to explain issues ...

The method of response and counter-response I'm using is how you should reply. That is, if you want to reply to each point individually. I usually do this when going through a story paragraph by paragraph.

Anyway, the English language is evolving, but the rules for grammar and composition are pretty standard. But, I'd hate to discuss linguistics. You already write with more intellect, cohesiveness, style and passion than everyone in General, so it's not that big of a deal. I don't know much about dyslexia except that it is a learning disorder usually affecting reading, and the cognitive and neurological processes associated with reading. Sometimes your grammar and punctuation is off; fix that and your sentences become that much clearer. Also, you use incorrect words at times (malapropisms) and misspell them too (I'd be more forgiving, but sentences lose so much meaning!)

Also there is an issue with the NG BBS, and for whatever reason, it doesn't recognize "curly quotes." You need to disable this on your word processor or else every time you copy-paste, it will get messed up. You can disable curly quotes by doing this:

"Tools" > "Autocorrect" > un-check curly quotes

I wasnâEUTMt trying to advertise ...

Ok, context.

Anyway, animators / film makers rarely drop by, so there is no point in telling us in the future.

Your only remembrance...

Rhythm and prosody (not so much poetics--well, maybe) are perfectly fine in a narrative. Also, poetry and prose are art, so they will always be subjective. That being said, the "poetics" was not the problem. It was a problem, but not the problem.

The language was me trying to make...

I understand if you are trying something new, but it sounds like you're making excuses. Please don't make excuses. Development is important. If you choose to eschew it, then at least provide something worthwhile for the reader. If you want to write a poem, you can write a poem, you know?

As for your third-person to first-person...

Ok, so some things:

"Learned" is the right word (it's pronounced learn-ed; it sounds too formal, but it is used correctly). Also, plot is not a rule; it is a narrative element. Every narrative has one and needs a good one for the narrative to be, well, good (I suppose this may not be applicable to all narratives, but it is applicable here). You need to advance the plot in a good way, or else the story will be boring, or worse, muddled and weak. There's no problem using in medias res, but the narrative structure is fundamental to story-telling (expo to denouement). Also, you don't have to formulaically describe the setting, but it is important to inform the reader so that you can get to the good stuff. The reader should never be lost with the text (only lost in the text! Sorry, literary humor).

Plus, there's nothing wrong with changing a story, especially if it's for the better. If this was an exercise, as long as you've learned your, lesson you're fine. Otherwise, the fundamental flaws will remain, and the story will never be as effectual as it should.

This seems more like a vignette, so plot does not play an important role. But (and I don't mean to be condescending) I sense your understanding of plot is nascent, so it's important to keep what I said in mind. For this particular piece, style, language, voice, conflict, setting, characterization, theme, and imagery etc. take precedence over plot. But, they are never employed in a manner that is effective.

I am glad you at least...

You should go ahead and edit a piece to your best ability before publishing (in a sense). I'm not sure what your purpose is in the Writing Forum, but I will ask you (and recommend) to read other people's stories and provide commentary. Reading and understanding others' work is a great way to learn and become a better writer. There's no formula to it, but it's nice being knowledgeable.

Also, how many novels have you written? Is it difficult, and what of the style? I read the second story, and it suffers from the same problems. What is more concerning is this over-focus on angst, and morbid themes and thematic ideas (emo...). It seems that many young writers confuse this for quality. A comedy or fairy tale can be just as good, or even more so. It really depends on the writing.

At 11/27/12 04:29 PM, mhzinski wrote: It's very vague and indirect using a lot of light imagery to project moralism I don't believe the author fully understands. There are also a few grammatical issues (in front of me ARE shadows).

Trying to be sweeping in one's assumption of humanity makes most things look and read like bible verse rejects. The point isn't that you can't rewrite the way people are viewed, but you cant condense all of the necessary ideas into so small an argument without being vague enough to obscure the meaning of it anyway.

The author should re-examine the goal of the writing. What is the destination they want to reader to reach and how to get them there. Presently it is much to self-satisfied in it's ambiguity. So wrapped up in how wise it thinks it is it ends up out of touch.

Did you read this? It's sensible and applicable to your work. Self- assessment can only help you (especially in the long run).
There are clearly issues in this story that must be addressed. I suppose that if you want help, I will help. But it seems that your story seems very ... long-winded. The very least you could to is fix the grammar in the passages you've provided.

I feel like I say this all the time but I will yet again agree to pay $10 to the winner via Paypal. It really depends on participation, so I may pay more or not at all (I really hope there are at least 10 non-"regular" entries). Please, get to it!

Good luck, my friends.

At 12/10/12 09:38 PM, 11linda wrote: Before I get started I just want to say that some of these are a bit old...

Nothing like a good edit to get the juices flowing. Looking at an old story is always fun.

... that and I am dyslexic so I know what my errors are in writing and don't mind having editing help in the least, but it is hard for me to fix...

Hm. Well, I still believe in judging and grading my peers equally, but I'll try to accommodate (hopefully without being condescending). Still, stories really depend on how they are presented to the reader, so your dyslexia will not be relevant to the reader, rather the merit of your story will.

Also I would love to write for a series one day... so if you actually like my writing I maybe up to a collab

Sorry, but you are barking up the wrong tree. This is not the place to be looking for writing work; rather, this is the place to get feedback on your writing (and also to share feedback).

Your only remembrance
She finds herself glaring at the sight of that which she had loved. His mask no long hiding the truth, his heart not longer painted the dark crimson red. His face not sad, not hurt, no sorrow, but happiness. They stand in the cold whipping wind and stinging rain. The acid like substance just made her eyes fill like the rain did to the lake near by. The fire like tears streamed down her face like the rivers that rain through the forest.
...
Her clothing soaked to the bone, his laugh stuck in her mind. He was happy, joyful of the pain. He was insane, he was evil. His heart of blackness had no color but that of black matter just sucks it all in. Lifeit like a whorled pool, but never gives it back. She gave and gave and all it did was break her and leave her. Just like the ice cold winds that pulled her in.

All right, so, this is all I read, then I skipped to the end. There are a couple of issues, namely telling and not showing. You will hear this a million times as a writer, so this is not particularly great or helpful advice, but it is definitely pertinent. For example, you describe four emotions in a row. You could have just as easily shown that (he was not sniveling [sad], or crying [sorrow, which is the same], or wincing [pain]...).

The language really bothered me as well. I always give people the benefit of the doubt so I will assume this has to do with your dyslexia. But, I also like to be fair, so I will tell you what did not work. The pace and rhythm of the story is really choppy from all the mistakes; I can deal with that; I deal with typos all the time. However, there are parts where the narrative is too wordy and repetitive and redundant. For example, you use the word "rain" three sentences in a row, where once would have been sufficient. I see the potential, I see the love of language, and I see how it could work. But, it simply does not work. Remember that in short short stories (micro/flash fiction), word economy is just as important as poetry. You are not afforded all the luxuries of a novel, novella, or even a short story, namely development. You have to get to the point quicker. The characters and voice (my esteemed peer Deathcon said that voice is an illusion or something; I disagree) much more clearer and forceful. This story is lacking in all regards except maybe style. There is not really a theme or a reason to keep reading. Honestly, it seems you are writing vicariously.

I would recommend switching from third-person to first-person [haha, I just said you were writing vicariously; I have no idea how this would help :/]. This would make the story much more immediate and personal. Describe things that are important. I have no idea how learned you are in literary art (I consider myself pretty good, but definitely not the last word) but I think it would help if you followed a typical/classical plot structure. Start with the beginning and end with the end. There should be a reason for the story to get from start to end, and from what I've read, this doesn't seem to be the case. There is a conflict, but there seems to be no plot. Describe your setting first, and introduce your characters (only a couple of important traits; let the reader fill in the rest). You started with in medias res, but I do suggest starting at the beginning (ab ovo). If not, go back and explain what is happening (start with the middle, go to beginning, then end).

Sorry for not reading the entire story. People get offended by this, but I am writing honestly. If you can clean up the story (edit) and improve it (revise), I will gladly finish it. Until then, I see no reason why I should.

Swimming to the surface it was over, the storm was gone, the lake clean. She made her way home, he never existed to her. His very memory erased from all those he hurt. He was finished, through. His body never found, becoming one with the water, or eaten by fish. Either way not a trace was left, made her wonder had she dreamed the whole thing.

I like the short clauses. If you can clean it up a little, this paragraph is pretty good. I normally hate the "it was all a dream" ending, but here it works, because I assume the story is about doubt and fleeting emotions. Very postmodern.

At 12/8/12 06:08 PM, Roxxar wrote: So we just write an entry revolving around an art piece rather then a Christmas/Winter theme?

Yes.

Given all the drama in the forum, and with no sign of change, please forgive me if I seem rude, or harsh. I am a little distraught, but I am being completely honest:

I'm glad to see that you've stuck around, but I am somewhat saddened that you've made no progress as a writer. I've briefly glanced at your post and it remains as inane and undeveloped as like, 1 year ago. I don't know your life, and quite frankly, I don't care. There are many ways to learn how to be a better writer. You can take a class at your college (community college if you are out of school; if you are still in high school, I suggest reading your textbook, or checking a book out at the library).

I can see why you are shy about posting a story about a children's cartoon. But, the reason I ask you is why My Little Pony? If you are not going to put the work in to create your own world, and use your imagination, why pick that? Any serious (serious as in thoughtful, not stern) writer won't take you seriously. You're never gonna grow as a writer unless you understand what makes a story. It doesn't have to be good your first time, or your first hundred times, but I need to see that conscientious and artistic input of intellect and imagination. Otherwise, you'd only be wasting your time, my time, and this forum's time. In which case, I'd recommend fanfiction.net, as that place demands no skill or literary merit.

If you'd like, I'd be happy to share with you the basics that I've learned from books, classes, and hanging out with writers; you can ask other writers advice, too. I'd be less happy to give you an in-depth review of your story, but I am willing. I honestly want to help you. It's really up to you to decide whether you want to continue down this path or not.

At 12/4/12 10:56 AM, Deathcon7 wrote: ...

Man. It's been about 2 years since I joined NG. I too wanted to animate out of my love for animation but could never find the time or resources. That's the same thing that drew me to the Writing Forum. Love! (Lame, I know.)

I love literature and I love writing. I love reading too, but I feel like my attention span has diminished over time (the last book I read all the way was A Clockwork Orange, like 1 year ago. I've tried to read Candide, Walden, Cosmos, The Origins of Species, and even shorter works like Nightfall (the collection), and A Room of One's Own, but I keep putting them down...).

What's keeping me on the Writing Forum? I mean, my time is much better devoted to reading literature I know to be damn good. The main thing, I suppose, is ego. I feel that I am pretty good at recognizing weakness in a story, and I get a certain ego boost reviewing someone's story and telling them what worked and what didn't. I like being an "elite" regular, if you will. Then of course, there is respect for the craft and trying to educate others while also learning from others. There's loyalty to the Writing Forum (I have little-to-no loyalty to NG; I like Tom and respect him, but this place is an intellectual wasteland. Call me elitist, pompous, delusional, or whatever, but this place is full of intellectual inferiors). There's boredom. And, there's a chance to help others, which is probably the one I like best.

In regards to faith, I too find myself slipping. I pride myself in patience and rationality, but my mettle has been pretty weak as of late. I'm bitter and disillusioned and a bit smug. I've always had a bitter dislike of general and I'll never pass an opportunity to speak ill of them (if anyone would like to defend them, go ahead. I've got nothin' but time, baby). But, the Writing Forum has always been different, and will always be different. Even though some of the people who trickle operate under my standard of "intelligent" (which is extremely objective, but I still consider to be reasonable) they are more rounded and intelligent than most people on the Internet, and I respect them. And, I have a deep respect for characters such as yourself, mhzinski, starwars, 4, Ekublai, Coop, and Brian and ZeeAk. My faith in the Writing Forum resides in people such as ourselves. Without this strong core, this forum is just as inane and pointless as the rest.

Without that, my faith in this place is as good as dead as Dillinger. I'm not sure if staying here is worth it--you're right; it's more of a loose forum for us regulars. Without the Writing Forum, nothing really changes, especially if we stay in touch. But, you have been the one pillar since I've been here. I've grown as a writer and as a person, and I've grown wiser, too. I do consider myself another pillar of the Writing Forum (I think about 730 of my posts are in the Writing Forum, much more than anybody else). Really, the only two "regulars" are yourself and I. Without us, the Writing Forum would devolve into a waste.

In the end, that's sort of my final reason. I have a somewhat misplaced obligation or duty to keep this place alive, to make sure that the standard here never drops to that of General. If you leave, it will be a grand shame. But, I will always be here, parting wisdom and injecting intellect wherever I can. The Writing Forum is a safe haven for me to be smart and speak honestly and somewhat loftily. I'm sure many of you can sympathize with me: we are too smart for our own good. I'm used to being the smartest person in the room. When someone says something stupid, or incorrect, I want to yell in their face to pick up a fucking book and study; if you want to watch television, watch something educational or worthwhile; same thing with music. Again, it may be ego, or delusion, but I guess it's the truth.

That's my rant. I have feeling that this isn't the end, though. If it is, good luck, my friend, and peace.

At 11/13/12 10:18 PM, CosmicDeath wrote:

At 11/13/12 08:17 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:

That's a depressing take on things. This undermines fairness in competition and will only make these contests less popular in future if we give prizes to those who run and judge it. Why would anyone come back if the contests are open to manipulation? It doesn't matter whether this particular contest was manipulated or not, it opens the door to it and puts people off a contest that has already fallen out of favour.

Oh man. Just because it's depressing doesn't mean it's a lie. I'm not sure who you are, or why you chose to donate money to a Writing Forum contest orchestrated by frequenters, but those who are intimate with the Writing Forum will tell you that this place suffers from a lack of quality and contribution. I don't remember who judged the last official 3 NG Writing Contest but I remember that the results were pretty skewed--meaning that the judges were not reading like writers. Anyway, this has been the first real attempt at a big writing contest, and, if you remove 4, starwars, and myself from the contest, you have 10 entries (half of which are below 1k words) and with only 3 real contenders. The Halloween Writing Contest has always been the biggest one, and this one went with a whimper. Aside from the inadequate judging I mentioned earlier (I voiced this opinion, to no avail), there were no grievances with the contests; so, the decline in popularity is a result of an external factor/s not because judges can win. Also, I remember Fro won in a Halloween contest 2 years ago even though he was a judges (and his story wasn't that good, either. No offense if you read this, although I highly doubt it).

Like I said, I'm still willing to donate the money I promised. But I am not going to give it to one of the judges or host of the competition, that is just ridiculous. I'm genuinely distressed by the outcome of this contest and what it means for future contests.

Dude. If giving money to a good story stresses you out, how about giving money to people with stories that should've been disqualified (because of the general lack in quality). We've been stressing out about the future of the Writing Forum forever, so we can sympathize with you--but! your distress will only fall on our ears. 4, starwars, Deathcon, Ekublai, mhzinksi, and myself are the only people who give a damn around this place anyway.

As for suggesting I stick to participating, I believe contributing to donations is a form of participating in order to encourage more members to get involved. There were over a dozen entries and three of the five prize placing spots were given to people either judging or running the contest. Please do not give me some excuse about there not being enough entries that "deserve it" so the prizes have to be given out to judges, that is insulting to the members who posted their work but never placed (for whatever reason).

They did not place because their stories were weak. It happens. I remember one contest was full of fantastic stories, with a lot of development, great imagery, and dense, expert language. I have never seen anything close to that in any of the other contests.

I personally did not enter under this (or any alt) account because I felt it would be unfair to donate and enter. I would pose this suggestion to you - don't judge if you'd like to win.

We tried to put together a contest last time (sponsored by only 4 and myself; the prize pool was $100 store credit and $10 cash). If you take out all the judges who entered, guess how many people entered? 1. 1 person, and although his story was genuinely emotional, it was poorly constructed and difficult to follow (and lacked general literary merit).

So far, I think the best course of action would be to withhold all prizes until next time. Rapemuffin has also declined a prize. Rapemuffin was the sole contender if you take out the judges' entries.

*SIGH*......................................................
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If anyone has any questions or concerns you can post them here and we'll address them. This is how the judging process went:

We read all the stories and gave them a score from 1 to 10 (judges weren't allowed to score their own work). Stories were graded on general literary merit, structure, development, language, and varied narrative elements. Halloween and Horror were thematic ideas (not "themes"), so stories were not graded on how "scary" they were. Results were given to 4 (who was not a judge) and the scores were averaged. The top 5 were selected and--well, here we are.

Also, I would like to give back the supporter badge and have Deathcon reimbursed (so he can give the badge to whoever wins it next time). I'm sure if I contact NG they will understand.

*SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I don't want any of the prizes! When I signed up to be a judge, I thought that I automatically forfeited any stakes, as did all judges. Seriously, if there is any way to apportion any of the winnings to the remainder of the entrants, I want to do it. I don't speak for the rest of the judges (seeing as starwars and 4 also placed) but, well, I thought we were under the same stipulation. So...

Anyway, congrats to all the winners, and hopefully, next month, we can have a Christmas / Pagan Southern Solstice / Holiday / Winter themed contest.

At 11/6/12 11:15 AM, RapeMuffin wrote:

I'm disappointed that you didn't enjoy the story. Now that you mention it, my story is way too similar to "I Am Legend", with the scientist living in a zombie-filled world trying to find a cure. It obviously wasn't my intention to copy the story, but in hindsight it seems rather clear that it influenced me in some way. Now I'm disappointed in my unoriginality :/

Also, you mentioned a lack of narrative in everyone's stories - may I ask what specifically you are looking for as to narrative?

A narrative is just another word for story, pretty much; no one lacked story, so no one lacked narrative. A narrative has certain elements (plot, setting, character etc.) which "develop" the narrative, so it is strong, effectual, and most important (imo) a pleasure to read. Without a strong plot (I don't mind if you don't have the "expo-rising action-climax- falling action-denouement" but I do recommend every story having a clear beginning-middle-end) it's difficult to make the story strong (duh) or interesting. Without narrative structure (I generally meant plot and conflict for this one), it is impossible to develop the narrative. Without good characters, it's hard to make me care, and also difficult to move the plot, etc. And then there's theme and style; the theme was horror, so the stories had to have a lot of suspense and tension (from conflict and plot etc.).

There wasn't a story (like I said, including mine) that had solid aspects in all of these categories. All of the stories could have used much more development to make them stronger. What that development is, exactly, I can't say, or my story would have been the best short story of all time.

Most (I think all, including mine) of the stories suffered from lack of development and narrative structure. A lot of them had great writing and strong language, but I felt no one capitalized on it.

MWC'12 October: Horrorween

1. XXxFIRELORDzXz: "DAKOTA"

Very weak and undeveloped. Lacking in almost all areas with ineffective narration. The entire story is told to the readerâEU¦

2. Celx-Requin: "Petite Mort"

Very strong, descriptive, cringe-worthy language (compliment). Suffers from undeveloped narrative structure and pacing issues. Little characterization and plot .

3. nbomb: "Forsaken hopes: The City of the Dead"

Development, development, development. Too short and undeveloped to the point where it lacks any literary merit.

4. jennaskook: "White Doves"

A lot of imagery and colorful language. Unfortunately there is very little action and pacing to advance the plot. Nothing too bad, or good.

5. HiryuGouki: "The House that Belongs to Him"
Score: 5

I'm not a fan of creepy pasta. That being said, there are no complaints on my end. It's unnerving at times but mostly it is silly and even inane. Consistent in its mediocre quality, but I think that's a result of creepy pasta as a genre.

6. depes7448: Untitled

Very strong language, and very descriptive. But, it is never put to use. What's the point of everything? There is a dark atmosphere throughout, with a feeling of helplessness, but you never capitalize on the tension or suspense. This is called torture porn, I think. Porn can be artistic, but I've never seen one that was. Ha ha?

7. RapeMuffin: Untitled

Easily the most "finished" and presentable of the entries. However, it is horribly cliched. I don't consider myself a huge fan of zombie narratives, but I've seen everything here; it's very "28 Days Later" and "I Am Legend." I've always been a stalwart against cliches, so I am being a little unfair, but the rest comes down to the rest of the narrative, which I felt I had to dig to find. There is an attempt at a romance, but it is never explained, other than they are both researchers (I am a fan of refrains, and "Honey..." worked quite well). I feel that too much time was divvied towards the exposition/flashback, and the rest of the narrative feels incomplete, despite the pretty solid description and action.

8. starwarsjunkie: Untitled

Again, a lot of good description and imagery. Also, a very creative depiction of the Reaper. Again, not much capitalization. It's not really my cup of tea, so it felt like it was dragging on; I felt like the Reaper was lecturing Oswyn. Does he really have time to explain all of that to Oswyn? Also, I think he made the Reaper too badass and overplayed the fatalistic thematic idea, because it doesn't leave any more room for plot to advance. Other than that, super solid throughout.

9. Labaraxadores: "Long live the Klan!"

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that the lack of development was because of time factors. I think you know what you need to work on.

10. 4urentertainment: "Kitty"

Again, solid throughout. Very nice description and good pacing. I thought this story had the most suspense, but I felt the ending was too abrupt, like part 2 was going to follow immediately. So, I felt like not all of the suspense was cashed in at the end; I think because the narration is too casual. Also, where did he run? Was it not completely dark?

11. Zombie445: "Ornithophobia"

Why did I enjoy this story so much? Too much clumsy dialogue that really interrupted the narrative, as well as too much telling. The plot doesn't really make sense but I liked the absurdity. I did not like the characters; they felt too one-dimensional, although they were pretty funny. Part 3, I thought, was pretty damn good. If only the entire story was written like that.

12. Roxxar: "Untitled"

Again, I will give him the benefit of the doubt regarding the word count as to why this story was so haphazard. The three main problems are narrative structure, presentation, and plot. You have to give reasons for the plot to continue. You have the MacGuffin, I guess (cop+case) but there was no exposition or development. Then again, you have to deal with characterization and conflict, but again, I will give the benefit of the doubt. Also, the part when that guy's chest exploded was so crazy! If you could have made it significant, that would have been sweet.

At 11/3/12 11:13 AM, starwarsjunkie wrote:

Obscured by DeftandEvil

A very well written story here. I especially liked the little details given to show how the character functioned. I was left wanting more from the ending however, a bit more of an explanation as to why the character felt that they needed to gouge out their eye in order to get rid of the figures. But, maybe that was just how the character saw the people around them? I don't know, and sometimes its fun to leave things up to the reader. Some things which occurred, such as not being able to find the alarm and the dead phone, also left me wondering as to their significance. There were a few mistakes, but you said you submitted it at the last second, so it makes sense. :P

I didn't really get a chance to explain it, but the whole point of the story was that darkness is a physical entity, and that it was torturing the blind guy every Halloween (darkness was moving his alarm and was pushing the receiver on the phone). That's why he was afraid of the dark when he was a child and that's why he is blind (this was in the exposition, which I left out). Also, he regains vision when the darkness enters his eyes, which is why he feels pain and bleeds from his eyes, which also explains why he tried to gouge out his eyes. The first paragraph doesn't really make sense without the exposition but I decided to leave it in because it somewhat explains the entire premise. Thanks for reading, yo!

At 11/1/12 06:41 AM, Labraxadores wrote: \

Don't talk about procrastination. I actually had a much longer plotline for my story, how the man lived that much, why Tommy was alive at the end, why he was burning, what the Klan was up to...
Ah well. I'l try to make something better next year. I'l surely keep the characters though.

"Obscured" was my work in progress title, not my final title; I left out the entire exposition for my story--the exposition developed the protagonist's fear of the dark, relationship to his mother, background to his blindness, and the fact that he was actually blind; I left out all references to Halloween except for 2, but those don't really have any significance in the plot line or setting; the final product was an untouched, unedited rough copy and about 500 words short of my original goal; I didn't even get to reedit it or get someone else to look at it (I posted at 11:59 pm).

... so I win. Ha ha! Ha ha. Ha ha...