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At 10/28/11 08:49 AM, 23i wrote: When is the deadline?

Halloween, yo! (Usually around midnight, Eastern Time)

What?

This is the Writing Forum. Why would writers want to pay you to write? Also, there's nothing impressive about your resume (check out your deviantart? no, thank you).

Also, there are plenty of writers here who would work for free.

At 10/25/11 06:44 PM, ShredRed wrote: Hi Deft,
If you don't mind, I love the way you critique the submissions and was wondering if you could take a gander at my own. By the way, good luck on your story. Sounds like it's going to be a top contender!

I'm actually busy playing Battlefield at the moment, lol. But, send it my way; I'll look at it while I'm in class :D

At 10/24/11 09:26 PM, Farore02 wrote:

thanks for telling me but I sort of knew that would happen since I'm so bad at grammar,but thanks for telling me the problems now I can revise and edit it and make it better so next time this contest might come around I can probably post a much better story . but if you read the story could you tell me which parts were good so then I can just keep those parts in the story?

Keep in mind I only read about 3/4 of the first post, so I couldn't give you a thorough critique.

On a side note, I've been working hard on my story. I am aiming for about 2.5 k words, but I am probably gonna go past 3k >.>

I've got a crazy bio test tomorrow and also BF3 comes out tomorrow. I have no idea when I am going to finish the story; there's only a week to go :O

At 10/24/11 09:26 PM, Farore02 wrote:

thanks for telling me but I sort of knew that would happen since I'm so bad at grammar,but thanks for telling me the problems now I can revise and edit it and make it better so next time this contest might come around I can probably post a much better story . but if you read the story could you tell me which parts were good so then I can just keep those parts in the story?

Well, from what I've read, the narrative seems very interesting, but it is terribly fractured and the narration is composed entirely of telling.

For example, the majority of the story goes like this: "Once upon a time, there was this. This happened. Then that. I thought this, so I did this, that, and this." This and the several egregious errors in grammar/spelling were very distracting and took a lot from the frame narrative, which I thought was really cool.

The story within the story about Alice Gray was a great idea, and that should have been developed and should have been more focused. The frame narrative is interrupted over and over again by the narrator.

At 10/24/11 01:40 AM, Cordyceps wrote:

A pan of hot water was delicately poured over the aromatic grounds, greeting the vicinity with warm cheer and diplomatic reason - all that one could possibly ask from a cup of coffee. To Howard, it was the only reprieve from his work. His damnable, contemptible work. The tin cup was too quick to heat up, and he couldn't hold it for very long. He allowed a solitary biscuit to soak between sips.

Not a very exciting hook, but I do like your style. I like the word choice and use of language. Very nice.

Leaning against the workbench, he took a look at his surroundings out of habit rather than interest. The dim room left little to the imagination, bare concrete walls and water pipes showed definite purpose and rugged practicality. Another sip relieved him from his cynicism for a moment.

Beware the telling in the first sentence; the very clean description you give us is enough to let the reader know he is bored out of his mind. Aside from that and the comma splice, you are developing the atmosphere and character pretty nicely.

The equipment behind him was running predictably, working in their calculated and expected precision. He had no need to check on them, but habit urged him to do so. Satisfied, without really looking, he brought his drink to a chair in the corner. By now it was cool enough to drink, and the biscuit was soft enough to eat. The delicacy of eating had thus been lost, and it became a mechanical process rather than a gourmet appreciation. The hair on his chin scraped against the cup, and Howard wished for a moment for an opportunity to shave, before his mind snapped back to his work, as it is wont to do. The forced, mechanical process of his work held little appeal to him. His mind worked in predictable ways. He moved in a predictable pattern. There was no joy in this work. The calculations were worked out in his head before he found the words to describe them, and the outcome of the tests were fully known to him before he showed them.

Another solid paragraph. I like the variation in sentence structure, although when describing Howard, short and sweet is very fitting. Howard is definitely an interesting character although there is a mild contradiction: his mind wanders a lot but you say that he is very mechanical. Also it seems like he is a perfect fit for his job. Also, using the word "predictable" 3 times in one sentence is too much. Repeating it in the middle would be fine ("His mind worked in predictable ways. He moved in a predictable pattern") if you hadn't use it in the beginning.

Once again, he became dimly aware of this. Closing his eyes for a minute, he felt a taught, developed tiredness in his being. He sighed, slowly and forcefully, and sat on the floor in front of his workbench. Several boxes lay behind him, and he shoved some aside. Leaning back, the underside of the bench was revealed to him.

Etched and carved into the wood was a world of pictographs and drawings. A landscape of Howard's own imagination was presented before him, stretching beyond where the light reached. The cedar was filled almost entirely with flourishes and geometric patterns, filling out the board with a not-quite-predictable pattern, though a pattern nonetheless, if one were to take careful attention.

Again, I have to say I admire your style. Watch the word "predictable." Also, some of the phrasing is a bit superfluous, that is "almost entirely," (just say entirely or virtually entirely) and "not-quite ... attention" (just say an unclear pattern, or obfuscated or intricate. "Though ... attention" is redundant).

From his belt, Howard pulled a simple, standard issue multitool. With a deft flick of the wrist, a small knife was produced. With hand more precise than any act of science could have determined, he began to shave away small amount of wood. From the small amount of light that entered this space, he carved carefully and effectively to produce lighting differences - a virtue of the arts that was clearly under appreciated. With what would resemble a crude chopping motion to the untrained eye, large chunks of wood were peeled away, and a landscape began to take form before the eyes of Howard, though he hardly noticed the sight of it. A butte was formed first, which was followed by river valleys and a narrow lake; the Fibonacci sequence was at work here, in one of the most subtle ways possible. The river valleys merged into a snaking delta. This delta, in turn, began to form the hair of a bear, which stood on its hind legs, clutching a salmon in its might maw.

I like the very, very sharp juxtaposition of science/mechanics/math and art/nature. Again, stuff like "to the untrained eye" is redundant; we know there's a deeper meaning.

This all happened, it seemed, to Howard as he were simply observing it. The expert movements of his hand and his calculating mind allowed his perception to slow. Several more flecks of wood were removed and his most recent sketch was merged with his last, in an unapparent but seamless way. His carving began to wander, and so he was unaware of the person approaching him.

Man, I'll just stop gushing about how nice your style and use of language is. The first sentence contradicts the sentence where you said Howard was not aware of his creation. The way you describe it, not only is he aware, but completely absorbed. I would just remove "and so ... him."

"Howard, what are you doing down there?"

Quickly sliding out from under the workbench, he stood to face who had addressed him.
"Uh, the water pressure is kind of low." Howard kept his voice even. He wasn't expecting anyone to enter his workspace. "The problem doesn't seem to be here, could you have Gord take a look at the tanks?"

"Yeah, sure," the other said. "I was just sent down to check on your progress."

Without glancing at his equipment, Howard replied, "16 millilitres to go before this one's complete."

"Right, then, I'll be seeing you around," the other said, and with that, he strolled out of the workspace.

Hm, I assume that Howard is a supergenius and that people trust his calculations, but why did that person just come in and completely trust Howard? The person seems really naive and subordinate. Clearly the higer-ups don't trust Howard, or else they wouldn't have to check on him. I don't really buy this conversation.

Howard was never good at recognizing people - he got by just fine addressing others by their rank. It was unusual for many people in one department to have similar ranks.

One of his hands suddenly held a beaker of sulfuric acid, while the other felt for a strand of copper wire. Without much thought, he found his way back under the bench. Thick glasses protected him from any kind of spill that may have occurred, but he was far too careful with his work to allow such to happen. The copper wire, dipped in the acid, became Howard's charcoal. The fine lines and crevices of his recent carvings were filled in. The burnt, deep brown shade of the old carvings were caused by this action, but this was far more fine. It complied with the pattern.

I like the addition of chemistry / using it to make something beautiful. You could use a bit more chemistry jargon (something that the reader might not be familiar with but can figure out what is happening).

Last paragraph

Hm, a bit of an anticlimax. It shows the extremely tedious monotony of working in chemistry, but the ending came way too fast. Howard hasn't changed, and telling us that he once was excited for chemistry doesn't really work because you spent the whole story revealing how tedious and monotonous chemistry is.

Anyway, that was a pleasure to read. Also, I'm out of space. Peace.

At 10/23/11 10:57 PM, Farore02 wrote:

I think my story is more creepy then scary but heck its a first try at a horror story so yeah first tries normally dont go as well as hoped but I hope you guys liked my story called Once Upon a Time!

No one likes a wall of text man ... put a space between paragraphs! Also, please proofread before posting. No offense, man, but your story isn't easy on the eyes. Do our judges a favor :O !

At 10/23/11 01:40 PM, HumanitysManatees wrote: Just submitted mine! It's a dark reimagining of the "Pokémon (creepy) black" creepypasta.
I think I outdid myself... it turned out way better than expected. Thoughts?

It was actually pretty solid, except I could not take the Pokemon theme seriously >.>

Thank you for proving my point by being a whiny douche.

Btw, a wall of text is with no indentations or separations (that is, you should separate your paragraphs by double spacing. Don't copy/paste; the NG BBS won't recognize your post. If you look at your post, you will see it is very poorly formatted).

I don't know where you got the preconception that the Writing Forum hates newcomers, but I've seen some good stories from newcomers and regulars alike, spanning from very short vignettes, to multipost short stories. The Writing Forum is slow, and if you are impatient (which I see you are) then you definitely should think about not posting anymore. If you want critique or opinions you can be mannerly and politely ask someone to read your story, or try to not be self-important and read someone else's story and give feedback, and hope (or ask) for reciprocity. I did not read your story because of the awkward format (wall of text). I do check in several times a day and like to read what NG has to offer and I try to provide honest (but more importantly, useful/constructive, feedback). God knows the Writing Forum needs more readers, and many posts go without response, something I try to make up for.

Good luck finding a reader.

At 10/23/11 07:32 PM, Jomillex wrote:

( that was mean. just trying too be happy.

By insulting us and making a joke of the Writing Forum? Not a good way to go about that, if you ask me.

At 10/23/11 07:19 PM, Jomillex wrote:

this is my first time on the writing thread I bet none of you are chill and are Grammar Nazi's so I'll wait and see how this goes.

Yeah, this is the Writing Forum. If you want to talk about actual writing, be my guest, and let's get to it. Otherwise, take your asinine attitude back to General plz.

At 10/23/11 06:52 PM, Morph94 wrote:

At 10/23/11 05:43 AM, Rahmemhotep wrote: Medicare, out the ASS!

What I love is how the only person who responded to this made absolutely no fucking sense.

Your whiny attitude isn't going to attract readers. Also, it's a wall of text, which is frowned upon here.

At 10/21/11 09:55 PM, badwolfpup wrote: Ight lets go.
Back to the same show its getin fuckin old.
It's goin to be hard to let go.
ohh no.

Well, take out the improv from a posted rap. "Ight let's go," "ohh no" has no significance to the piece as a whole. For raps, it is really up to the rapper to make the rhythm and flow, but since I haven't heard you rhyme, the flow has to be intrinsic. "Back to the same show its getin fuckin old" is really choppy. Mind your spelling and grammar; I won't mention it again.

I'll always remember what i was told.
said you'd never lieve me.
But now I cant believe.
because there ya go out the door.
fall to my knees and hit the floor.

Again, line 2 and line 3 don't flow, mostly because of the caesura, that is, taking off the periods so that the lines flow into each other would make it better. There is a bit of forced rhyme, which is a problem because the theme and material begins to revolve around the rhyme scheme, instead of the other way around. Door/floor is a cliched rhyme, thus, there is no substance in the last two lines, since they revolve around that rhyme, if you get what I mean.

you said I was your one.
and now your all done.
but I dont understand.
thought you wanted me to yo man.

Hm. That's two cliched couplets in a row, man: one and done, man/understand. As you can see, this stanza is really empty.

standin here tryin to figure out why.
to turn time just to rewind.
help it feels like im diein.
tell the truth was ya liein.

the words from yo lips had me think you was mine.
I was high flyin never thought about cryin.
thinkin I was always on yo mind.
but I'm always blind.

could never open up my eyes.
I just hope you realize.
No matter how time goes bye.
That I'll love you to the end.
even if ya jus wanna be friends.
You'll always hold my heart in yo hands.

End/friend is a really cliched rhyme, btw.

Again, I think you aren't really developing anything. As far as I'm concerned, this is just another breakup poem. I feel that throughout the poem (I guess) you didn't go anywhere. Most of it is spent being depressed and angry and it abruptly ends with complacency. There is a nice little thematic idea of blindness, but it is never developed nor realized.

For raps, I think that flow/rhythm should take over theme/material etc., so I think you are better off cleaning the poem. Meter and rap don't usually mix, but it might be a good idea to study some prosody.

At 10/14/11 02:12 PM, TomaO2 wrote:

As the person with th most massive post. let tell you that every one I added was a "Gem".
I spent all year on this list. I looked at at least 90% of every flashmovie that has a score of 3.00 or higher and added them to a gigantic list. I then comed through that list and took everything with 10k views. ONLY the 10k views (with 6 exceptions due to their oustanding quality) and put them up

This is hurting your argument. If this is true, then you are going for quantity, not quality. 3.00+/10k views is not the sole criteria for a "gem." I do assume you actually watched these flashes, or played those games, and spent time deliberating the worth of the game and whether it was truly underrated, instead of just separating them by numbers and adding them to your list regardless? As far as I can tell, much less than a third of your list has an actual opinion tied to it; rather, most of them just have synopses, but it is a ridiculous list, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you ran out of space/time.

At 10/14/11 04:14 AM, HelloMota5 wrote: Are you fucking retarded? he just copyed this from the TV show "Prince of Bel-Air"

If you watched the show and actually read his post you would know that. I laughed when he joked about the absurd premise of a street youth going to Bel-air for the sole purpose of comedy, also about how the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th stanzas were "superfluous" because these parts were usually omitted from TV, except in the pilot. If the last two sentences didn't clue you in, then I don't think you got the joke.

At 10/14/11 11:50 AM, Magik-Waffle wrote:

Ha. I'll stick around, see what this forum has to offer. Anyone doing NaNoWriMo?

Usually, someone makes a post for that.

At 10/13/11 11:59 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote:

At 10/13/11 07:05 PM, Magik-Waffle wrote:

I do plan on checking it out more regularly, however I see it's pretty dead.

Which is why we need more writers!

Erm, more readers. Many people just show up, post a story, and are never heard from again.

At 10/13/11 07:05 PM, Magik-Waffle wrote:

I do plan on checking it out more regularly, however I see it's pretty dead.

Which is why we need more writers!

No one on Newgrounds loves us :*(

Congrats. Maybe you should hang out in the Writing Forum more often?

Well, this is the Writing Forum, as in it's filled with writers. Animators sometimes come here, so you might want to build your resume and stick around til one comes.

At 10/9/11 01:16 PM, Lugen wrote:

I was planning to give it to some girl but I'm nervous. I need help before I recite out loud in front of her.

Hm, I just saw a thread like this :O So, I'll give very similar advice.

First, you have to think about why you want to give her this poem; is the intent strictly platonic or not, so to speak. The poem carries a very ballad-like quality, especially with the aabb rhyme scheme (instead of abcb). So, you want to make the poem seem very romantic, but not cheesy. Frankly, most people think of guys who write poems for girls as nerds or douches or wussies (for lack of a better word lol), so it is important to be romantic, but also original, and a bit terse. I don't think a girl who is not used to poetry will want to sit through an 8 stanza narrative poem.

That brings me to the second point: how do you think she'll react? Will she love the poem no matter what?; are you intimate with her and do you know what kind of poetry she likes? Or, do you have no clue, but she seems "artsy" and you think she'll enjoy a poem? What are you aiming for with the poem? Romance? Or something fun and amusing to make her laugh?

Either way, it's not a bad idea to refine the poem:

Lovely Smile: A Meeting by Chance
------------------------------------
Once upon a time, there was a girl
Sitting on a chair, fixing her curl
And thinking how she could use her loom
While gazing on the sky from her room

"Once upon a time" is an old fairy tale intro, and I don't think it's a good choice to start a poem. Anyway, notice how the "And" breaks apart the single flow from the first to second couplet. "...fixing her curl / thinking how she could use her loom" (what's a loom? It's a verb, not often used as a noun, which doesn't make sense here) flows better and no meaning is lost in the process. Then, to continue the parallel structure, the "While" can be removed. I think it should be "gazing at," gazing on means she's been gazing for a while.

Lovely she is in her rosy cheeks.
A man would stand still looking for weeks
Wishing that he could able to kiss
Afar from a window view that is

I don't like the inversion. "She is lovely in [or, with] her rosy cheeks" feels more natural to say. The second line is ok, but, especially with the following lines, is a bit creepy. It makes you look like a stalker :O
"He could able to kiss" is too wordy and awkward.

At the same day, there was a young man
Sitting on a bear, loading his gun
And wondering what's next on his list
While dreaming his odd ideal beast

Wtf...I'm not sure the hunting imagery is appropriate for a love poem, especially one you plan on giving to a girl (unless she's into that, I don't know). "At the same day" could easily be "Meanwhile." Why is the man loading his gun?; has he not killed the bear? What's next >.>? The last line makes no sense to me either. I like the near rhyme in this stanza, however.

Scary he is in his utter glare.
A girl would start trembling in his stare
Wishing that she could get rid his vibe,
Because none would dare stand by his side

Again, the inversion is very awkward. "He is scary in his glare [utter glare doesn't make sense" works just as fine. I think you are missing an "of" in the third line. I think you are trying too hard to rhyme because the lines begin to lose meaning. For example, lines 3 and 4 mean that the girl likes the man but she wants to get rid of his vibe because no one likes him, and that's what matters to her.

One day, the young man passed by her house
While walking along the road in drowse
Leaving a trail of anxiety,
He's searching for such tranquility

What? The first line flows better if you remove the word "young." Drowse is a state so it would be "in a drowse." The third line is good, but remove the word "such," because you have never described the tranquility, so it is ambiguous at the moment.

He collapsed on the very hot ground
Lying for hours not making a sound.
The girl saw him from a window pane
She concluded that he is in pain

Um...a regular person would realize that a person just lying in the middle of the street on a hot day needs help. The last line should be "was in pain." You know, verb tense.

She went to her room from the attic
And yelled at him asking if he's sick
From her open window high above
Where no man can climb with just mere love.

Please, change the rhyme in the last couplet; love/above is one of the most cliched rhymes ever. Yelling connotes conflict, so I'd take that out. "And beckoned him if he's sick" works just as fine. Again, this poem takes place "once upon a time" as in the past. In attempt to keep it consistent, the last line should be "Where no man could...."

Curious of where does that voice come from,
He stood up like a dull gruesome bum
And looked high above where there he sees
Her looking with a smile filled with bliss.

Ok, the last line is not only awkward, but it also also has conflicting verb tense. The second line simile does not work at all; do you want her to think you are a gruesome bum lol? The third line has the same: verb tense issues. I guess the girl is smiling that he's alright, but that really isn't a satisfying ending. Since I am not the person you will be reading this to, I have no reason care or believe that the girl has a blissful smile since you haven't developed it; but, I think whomever you do read this to will appreciate it more.

----------------------------------------
---------

I was planning to give it to some girl but I'm nervous. I need help before I recite out loud in front of her.

Well, the narrative in this poem is original but it doesn't have much romance or appeal. You could develop the connection between the man and girl or continue the story to when they actually meet. Or, keep talking about the girl. Don't worry about the rhyme scheme so much. It's ok to go abcc or aabc. The strict rhyme in the first half causes the near rhyme in the second half to have a dissonant effect. So, you got an issue there. Mind your verb tense and try to refine the lines os they flow much more freely and naturally, reading almost like a 2 line stanza with internal rhyme (aa/bb instead of a/b/a/b).

At 10/7/11 10:58 PM, TheSixthCell wrote:

At 10/7/11 07:45 PM, Retrochique wrote: Expressions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I 'am a tool, a tool without a purpose.

Good paradox, as a tool is defined as something with a purpose. But, the denotation and connotation of tool here is someone who is can't think for himself or someone who is dumb. So, the second part is redundant.

I am fulfilling my use: to be useless.

Nice paradox again.

Living my life up to expectations.

Why are the stanzas only one line long? There seems to be no point to it, which, becomes an issue in the next stanza.

Always unable to find words and speak my mind,
Therefore writing this rhyme.

This is a contradiction. How are you writing this if you can't find the words? The form seems to serve no purpose; this does not promote theme. Poetry is supposed to be your purpose in a purposeless world (that's what I get anyway).

I still hope to find whatever I seek, but past failures blinded me with hate. For example religion I find madness but I still luster faith.

The first sentence is too ambiguous/redundant. We all seek to find purpose/meaning. Past failures blinded you with hate--now, I interpreted this line to mean that you tried something, failed, and got angry. This is what is preventing your from future endeavors. But it could also mean that fof (fear of failure) is holding you back. The second sentence is not an example of the two things I just mentioned. I assume you meant lust (luster is not a verb).

Faith that one day, I may and will find my purpose and use.

Ok, however, make it "I will find...." The "may" makes you sound weak and unassertive, as if you don't really believe that.

You might think, this seems a rhyme without reason,

No, I don't think that. Be careful using rhyme/reason, it is a bit of a cliche that doesn't captivate the reader

like a body without a soul. But it expresses my mind and that is its goal.

...But that is a really nice simile. A poem is the body and the meaning is the soul, very nice. However, it doesn't really give a nice conclusion to the poem. It leaves the reader with a big "so what?" Why do we care if you write a poem about your problems, especially if nothing has changed (which contrasts the hopeful shift of mood/tone of the penultimate stanza). The purpose needs to be stronger and more developed, and that kick should deliver the poem pretty good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me what you think.

Fixed the grammar. I liked it, just fixed the mistakes. They didn't bug me, but I figured I would fix it for you.

At this point i'm just trying to make this postable.

Yeah, in the Writing Forum, we are trying to move beyond grammar and spelling. It should be a place where we talk about writing prose and poetry, that is, technique, style, theme, development etc. That is why it's critical to proofread your poem (and writing in general) before posting, so we can move on to what's important, and increase our abilities as writers (and readers).

At 10/6/11 08:25 PM, Coop wrote: Congratulations to our winners, please feel free to discuss the pieces in more detail and offer feedback for mine, I'd love to hear what anyone thought.

Technically, I thought yours was the best :O

I tried to stray away from technical prowess for this one and focused on pure Madness and style (no dialogue, disjunctive storyline, nonsensical plot, focus on violence, one-dimensional characters (except Hank, who becomes Mad)). Technically, mine wasn't a very good story, but I guess I made up for it.

Congrats to all who participated.

The Halloween Lit contest looks like it will have a bunch of submissions, but they are also pretty good, and the bar will be set pretty high this time 'round.

At 10/6/11 07:13 PM, RedVector wrote:

However I can´t find the rules for this contest. When is the deadline, and what is the maximum limit of words?

The deadline is Halloween (the 31st). There has never been a clear word limit, but you have to mind your readers. They will be reading many submissions (and from the looks of it, there are gonna be some pretty lengthy ones later), and if yours is 10,000 words, they won't take to you too kindly. I think 5k words may be too much; about 3k seems like a perfect number to me.

At 10/4/11 07:20 PM, TheSixthCell wrote:

1) EVERY story like this has a happy ending of sorts, make this one end with death and despair.

Really? Most modern crime stories that involve murder don't end on a positive note. Ending with death (usually the redemption a protagonist) is the path most people take.

2) It won't be expected if you do it right

Well, that's redundant.

3) It will kill off chances for a sequel right? Wrong. Let Kimberly live, and make a sequel with her and her living with the pain, but of course have similair things happen.

Yeah, that's true.

At 10/5/11 07:28 AM, RandomRoarness wrote:

pretty much if i find a way to do it without it being expected and still be good would be great.

Is there another audience who will be reading this? Because, we already know what to expect :O

Sudden surprise is not really an element you necessarily should focus on (unless this is a thriller). It will feel cheap and contrived, rather, I think that focusing on character development (and mood or atmosphere) and subtle foreshadowing is the way to go. If you do end up killing off the protagonist, you have to end the story quickly, because the denouement will have no point. I think killing off Kimberly suddenly (in a classy, yet gritty way) will have a better effect (especially since she is innocent). Killing off Levii will also be a good ending if you make him repentant, or else no one will care that he died. The problem is that when he has his epiphany, you have to kill him off at the perfect time and tension, because most of us will see his death coming.

At 10/5/11 12:23 AM, OptimisticOctopus wrote: By any chance would horror-themed song lyrics be accepted? Or maybe that should just be a seperate contest...

Yes, but they will pale in comparison to the more developed and robust stories (it's hard to develop tension in lyric form, unless you write a very long song, which will probably become more annoying than scary to read).

I'm glad to say that the stories submitted thus far are actually solid :) Keep it up, dudes.

At 10/3/11 12:05 AM, RandomRoarness wrote:

wakes up to find hes aok and the events he just wittness to be fake. but whats fake and whats really isnt? Thats what i got so far. i was thinking in the end the world he woke up in was just a dream where he finds out hes bout to die to where Levii actually wakes up and dies.

Please don't end it like this. This is such a derivative ending that the reader will most likely end up feeling cheated.

The characters seem like they could be interesting, especially the girl, but if you do write the story, you gotta give convincing details as to why Levii would turn to crime and eventually murder to support the girl.

Finally, no one is going to bust you on your grammar in regular posts, but when you present your story, please make sure it is properly proofread (not necessarily edited/revised) or else no one will take your writing seriously.

Good luck :)

Well, we need more details and info.

For example, what is the quiz game about (anything? themed?), what do you want the writers to do (write the questions + answers to their liking, write q+a from info you give, take q+a you have written and rephrase them and proofread them, etc). Also, other important info (timeline, paid/unpaid, teammates) is helpful.

The more information you provide, the more responses you'll get.

This may seem like redundant advice but when you want to start a story, just start a story.

It's important to have a strong foundation and develop the intro, but don't worry if you don't have the greatest hook in the world when you begin. Just write something very basic so that you canstart and write the entire story, then, you can go back and edit the intro to your liking. I've heard of authors who write the first paragraph last, because it definitely is one of the harder paragraphs to write.

If you are asking about a hook, here are some typical hooks:

in media res - start in the middle of the action. Try a cliff hanger. This is cool because you don't start at the beginning :)

rhetorical question - if you have a good question, this can be a cool hook (how would you kill a man whose missing both his arms?). You can also start with a mysterious/enigmatic opening that you explain later.