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A bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest when they met a magical golden frog. The frog told them that he would grant them three wishes each.

The bear proceeded to tell the frog his first request. He said, "I wish that all the bears in this forest were female, except for me." POOF! His wish was granted.

Then it was the rabbit's turn and he said, "I wish for a racing bike helmet." POOF! His wish was granted.

The bear hesitated, thought for a moment and then said, "I wish all the bears in the neighboring forests were female too, except for me." POOF! His wish was granted.

The rabbit already knew what he wanted, and uttered, "I wish for a motorcycle." POOF! His wish was granted.

The frog broke in and said, "Now hurry up, I must be on my way. And, may I add, choose your last wish carefully!!"

The bear said, "Alright, I know my last wish. I wish all the bears in the world were female, except for me." POOF! His wish was granted.

The rabbit thought for a while, put on his helmet, and got on his motorcycle. A smirk appeared on his face as he revved the motor and shouted, "I wish the bear was gay."

There's a priest, a minister and a rabbi. They're out playing golf and they're trying to decide how much to give to charity.

So the priest says, we'll draw a circle on the ground, we'll throw the money way up in the air and whatever lands inside the circle, we give to charity.

The minister says "no", we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air and whatever lands outside, that's what we give to charity.

The rabbi says "no, no, no", we'll throw the money way up in the air and whatever God wants, He keeps.

At 3/12/11 01:05 PM, vultron-omega wrote: *AHEM*
this is for jokes not random crap

DONT POST IF YOU AINT GOT A JOKE

Not sure if that was addressed to me, but if so, click the link... it's a topic with 17 pages of jokes that was going for years.

That's what this topic was for:
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/4296 2/17

But someone shut it down yesterday when I added one. Thanks, whoever that was.

Happily I found it on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhFQGfTv-
xk

Still strange though.

WHAT? I haven't been on here much lately, but I came looking for this old video to show my bf and instead found this http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/53 647

WHY? HOW? How can something with a rating of 4.09/5.00 be blammed, 6 years after it's submission?

Sad...

At 5/4/10 10:10 PM, Peaceblossom wrote:

At 5/4/10 09:51 PM, Peaceblossom wrote: There's a phenomenon known as "the gap". It doesn't occur in all women, but when it does, it's the sexiest thing in the world. I can't find any pictures, so I drew it best I could. Observe:

Here's a somewhat decent example.

Basically you like stick-thin girls? If there is an increase in the phenomenon, it's probably due to anorexia.

At 6/21/10 11:06 PM, Konosko wrote: Shit guys my girlfriend keeps asking me what names I would want if I had a baby, can you list me some options to say to her?

Do you even want to have a child with her? Do you care what you name it? You'll figure it out when the time comes.

Have you had your thyroid hormones checked? If you're gaining weight and don't really think you're doing anything to cause it (since you exercise a lot and seem to eat fairly well, minus the high fat), maybe that is the problem.

Aw well, I will always remember him as Stuporman :o)

I didn't realize he was a Greek God

Happy Happy B-day in any case!

C'mon everybody! Wish a Happy B-day to "StephanosGnomon," the artist formerly known as Stuporman!

Vegetarian is definitely a healthy way to go. Vegan is harder for sure, to get the right nutrients. Hopefully you take a vitamin.

You should get most of your calories from carbs... something like 40% carbs, 30% protein, and 30% fat I think. I don't care what those low carb diets preach, it's bad for your liver... and the excess fat is bad for the heart. Mainly saturated fat. Some fat is good, and needed. But carbs are the true fuel of the body, fat is just for storage, and protein is the building block (though it has as many calories as carbs).

Do you eat whole grains though or do you eat a lot of white bread and white rice? That would make a difference in how much you eat, since with whole grain you would get full faster.

What is a typical day's food for you?

Happy b-day! Keep it up with that skewed view!!

You may notice from the post I bumped "Happy Birthday Stuporman" that it is also Steve, the Guzz's b-day today!!

Mine is tomorrow. But who cares? I am a nobody around here! Ah well.

Oh yes, the most important change you can probably make in your diet (as you will read in the tips on the website I mentioned), is eating more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. They contain fiber, which fills you up with NO calories because you can't digest it. Plus, they're good for you! Don't scarf down the meat and potatoes all the time. Don't eat fried food. Well, at least, don't do these things all the time! Don't cut out so many of the foods you love that you can't handle being on a diet. Don't even make it a diet, make it a lifestyle change that you can live with.

I think I'm done now haha.

So: Important question: Clearly, I shouldn't cut TOO many calories and take up exercise at the same time, just one or the other. I've tried, and I crash, get tired all the time, feel like shit, and can't do my school worl
Should I prioritize diet over exercise or the other way around?

From what I've read, diet is the more important part, it should be like 70% diet and 30% exercise. That's the hard part for me. But you need to find your own balance. If you're working out hard, don't cut back so much on food that you crash. Eating too little can also make your body protect itself against starvation. You need to find your basal metabolic rate (how many calories you need to maintain your weight) and then cut that by just 500 calories each day to burn 1 pound per week, or 1500 calories per day to burn 3 pounds per week. This can be in a combination of eating less and increasing exercise. They don't recommend burning more than 3 lbs per week on purpose, you need to get proper nutrition too.

Here is a helpful website: caloriesperhour.com You can find info about weight loss in general, nutrition, how many calories are in foods, how many calories you burn doing activities... just a good tool to get you started. Read the tips section http://www.caloriesperhour.com/tips.php

You just have to make the time. I know it's hard, but what good is a developed mind without a healthy body to carry it around in? When I was in college, I definitely struggled with the same... buffet of delicious food (plus I eat fast so when I was sitting around waiting for my friends to finish, I got seconds) and lack of time to exercise. I had to schedule it in, taking aerobics classes with some of my credits. You can always walk on the treadmill while you read and stuff like that to multitask.

In any case, even without much time, what you REALLY need to do mostly is watch what you eat. If the food doesn't go in, you don't need to spend the time burning it off. Be more careful there and you can easily see some results. But make it a priority to get more exercise a couple days a week too... walk more when you could drive, etc. Take the stairs. The little things add up.

I'm no expert, I make my own mistakes. But I'm getting better at staying in shape all the time. It just has to be a priority, and the little healthy choices you make here and there will add up.

Dunno what to tell you about your gf, figure out what physical activities she likes? Go for a hike? Bring a healthy picnic along? You don't have to sweat to get exercise, though obviously those workouts are more productive.

Happy Birthday Stuporman... err the guzz... er... whatever that strange name you seem to have now is ;op.

26? I remember those days... oh wait... I still have one more day!! :o)

At 9/14/08 08:38 PM, XaosLegend wrote: I'm writing in Noam Chomsky or maybe I'll convince myself to vote obama... not too happy about it if I do though, besides me voting for a candidate is a jinx clearly demonstated by the last 2 elections.

I hear that (voting for the last 2 losers). But that doesn't mean you shouldn't vote. Just makes it more likely that the person you like less will win.

Anyway guess which comedian I stole this off :)

Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are un-aware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

Who?

At 6/7/06 03:22 PM, MoonCraft wrote: Holy moly, uber bump from the past.

And... again...

Nothing ever came of your idea for a new club?

Ah well. I haven't even posted on Newgrounds in the last 2 years, until today...

The biggest joke to me these days is Sarah Palin running as VP.

Quotes from: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarah palin/a/palin-top-10.htm

1. "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008 (Watch video clip)

2. "I've been so focused on state government, I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq." -Sarah Palin, interview with Alaska Business Monthly, March 2007

3. "Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." -Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008 (Watch video clip)

4. "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that." -Sarah Palin, on the $30 billion national gas pipeline project that she wanted built in the state, speaking to students the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008 (Watch video clip)

5. "I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to Nowhere." -Sarah Palin, who was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it, multiple

6. "We need to come to the defense of Southeast Alaska when proposals are on the table like the bridge and not allow the spinmeisters to turn this project or any other into something that's so negative." -Sarah Palin, on the Bridge to Nowhere, interview with the Ketchikan Daily News, Oct. 2006

7. "And our congressional delegation, God bless 'em. They do a great job for us," Palin said at the forum hosted by the Alaska Professional Design Council. "Representative Don Young, especially God bless him, with transportation -- Alaska did so well under the very basic provisions of the transportation act that he wrote just a couple of years ago. We had a nice bump there. We're very, very fortunate to receive the largesse that Don Young was able to put together for Alaska." -Sarah Palin, on federal pork and earmarks secured by Rep. Don Young (R-AK) Watch video clip)

8. "A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made." -Sarah Palin, dismissing global warming as influenced by human activity, Newsmax interview; August 29, 2008

9. "When I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think, 'Man, that doesn't do us any good, women in politics, or women in general, trying to progress this country." -Sarah Palin, on complaints from Hillary Clinton's campaign about sexist coverage, Spring 2008

10. "It's great to see another part of the country." --Sarah Palin, campaigning in Pennsylvania, Aug. 2008

At 9/7/08 07:32 PM, hawkkid777 wrote: This thread is dedicated to telling your choice for the presidential election and why.
If your first choice has been knocked out (Hilary, Tompson,etc..) put them and why, then (if you're voting at all) put either McCain or Obama.

I voted for Hillary in the primary. Why? Every single issue. I agree with her 100%. Healthcare was a big one.

Now I'm voting for Obama. Why? Because he's the next best thing. He is VERY similar to her in the issues. She did have more experience, but he is MUCH better than McCain. I guess that is mostly because I have liberal views, though I'm registered independent.

It pisses me off that McCain picked Palin JUST to get the women's vote (ok, also to get the ultraconservatives on his side but...). I'm a woman. Palin is NOT a replacement for Hillary. She has no experience and she is a religious extremist. Looks like her abstinence only sex ed worked well for her own pregnant teenage daughter huh? Palin is evil. I can't stand listening to her and, although I don't think McCain is nearly as bad as Bush, I think Palin is in many ways worse than Bush.

At 9/10/08 11:00 PM, T-N-T wrote: Both candidates are good. I am barley for McCain though on only TWO reasons though.

Oil drilling (I think of it important for becoming energy independent)
Lower Taxes

Other than that they make both make good points on either topic.

Do you realize that Obama is not completely against oil drilling? He just wants it to be done CAREFULLY to prevent hurting the environment, and he wants to put money towards alternative energy also so we can get away from oil in the future.

And unless you are rich, McCain isn't the one who is going to significantly lower your taxes. Check this one out:

http://money.cnn.com/2008/06/11/news/eco nomy/candidates_taxproposals_tpc/index.h tm

Hopefully now you are at least "barely for" Obama instead.

I think that Palin is too conservative, unqualified, and was only chosen because Obama didn't choose Hillary. Unfortunately, even though she is SO different from Hillary Clinton, the Palin pick is swaying a lot of women voters. It makes me sad. I can't stand Palin. I voted for Clinton, now I'm for Obama (he was always a close second anyways).

http://money.cnn.com/2008/06/11/news/eco nomy/candidates_taxproposals_tpc/index.h tm

One of the many reasons I am for Obama.

At 9/14/06 12:45 AM, vibes wrote: Any Scissor Sisters fans on NG? Their new album has been leaked out onto the internet - and its goooood. Some very catchy songs about fucking and sucking and the like :-D

I'm waiting for the proper release so I can buy the CD with bonus disc which has a song about aborted fetuses.

I love them! And that is hilarious :o)

I'm going to their concert in Boston on October 22nd.

Thanks for the info :o). I'll consider it. There are a couple of other things I'm looking into also... though I'm just starting out so any suggestions are welcome.

Heeeeeeeeeeello everybody!

Haven't been here in a while...

For all of you'z who are talented with flash animation... and need a female to read (or even some freaky little kid sounding character or something)... I just want to say that once I get a microphone (which should be soon) I would love to be a part of someone's cartoon. It may be strange but I like doing voices and I've always wanted to do a cartoon and I'm taking it more seriously these days. Sooooo... let me know :o)

Yeah I suppose you're right... I'll be off then haha!

Heeeeeeeeeeello everybody!

Haven't been here in a while...

For all of you'z who are talented with flash animation... and need a female to read (or even some freaky little kid sounding character or something)... I just want to say that once I get a microphone (which should be soon) I would love to be a part of someone's cartoon. It may be strange but I like doing voices and I've always wanted to do a cartoon and I'm taking it more seriously these days. Sooooo... let me know :o)